Have any questions, hate mail, private comments, cease and desist letters, story ideas, death threats (that will be published) or tips? Then drop us a line at
ymswwc@gmail.com
Writers Wanted
If you would like to be a writer for this blog, guest blogger or have an opposing view point in the form of a story to balance things out, e-mail it in. And yes you can make fun of Tennessee.
The University of Delaware’s top wide receiver was arrested for a stabbing, except he might have been the one that was stabbed. Unless he wasn’t the stabber. It’s confusing. Let’s chase this vortex of confusion a little further.
The Blue Hen’s best offensive player, Mark Duncan, might not be ready for the upcoming season due to getting stabbed and being charged with filing a false police report. Duncan was admitted to the hospital because of a stab wound on 05/30/09, and told the police he was attacked and victimized by some stranger while playing basketball. I’m sure things like this happen all the time in the state of Delaware so of course that version of the story is believable.
Then something happened to his story and it changed. Duncan then said he knew his attacker however he refused to give him or her up to the local Po Po. I believe something was whispering in his mind’s eye: Stab wound? That’s nothing. Only bitches get stitches.
A few days later the story changed again. In this version Duncan states he was out walking and four men jumped him.
Newark (Del.) police issued a warrant this week “after determining that he’d switched his story too many times,” which goes to show that three times is the charm to go from hapless victim to lying football player with a hole in him.
What still hasn’t been answered is: Who really stabbed Duncan? Did he stab himself as a way to get out of the state of Delaware a year early? Oh and he threw a ball at the cop in the National Championship game.
An athlete who played in Florida in trouble with the law? I can’t believe it. Then again I would smoke weed too if I had to look at that mug in the mirror everyday….. Have you seen the suits this clown wears? Only a stoner would think they look good. He sucks anyway.
Gainesville police spokesman Sgt. Rick Roberts says Noah was arrested around 1:50 a.m. Sunday after an officer spotted him on a sidewalk holding a plastic cup containing an amber drink, a violation of city law. During a search at the station, officers found marijuana in his pocket which he was to stupid to dump before hand.
Noah was released after signing a notice to appear before a judge — standard procedure for such offenses. He could face up to 6 months in jail and a $500 fine for the Mary Jane charge.
Bulls spokesman Tim Hallam said general manager John Paxson “did express to Joakim his disappointment in his actions this weekend” and added: “Until we gather further information on this situation, we won’t be making any further comment.” And then added “Besides everyone knows Josh Howard is a toker and he’s man…we were all umm….worried about Noah’s ‘manhood’. And quite frankly so was his father.”
Click to enlarge
Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.
Although women’s basketball season ended two weeks ago with another title for Pat Summitt and the Lady Vols, it was open season on Pat Summitt and Tennessee Tuesday.
Connecticut women’s coach Geno “Horse Faced Bitch” Auriemma took aim and fired.
At a press conference in Storrs, Conn., to wrap up the Huskies’ season, Auriemma unleashed some lingering resentment toward the Lady Vols basketball coach over Tennessee’s decision last spring to end the regular-season series between the two schools.
“Pat knows,” he said. “I don’t have to say anything. Pat knows. She knows why we’re not playing. There’s nothing for me to say. I’m not the one that made the decision not to play. So she should just tell you why instead of saying, ‘Geno knows.’ I do know. I already told you. She accused us of cheating at recruiting. She doesn’t have the courage to say it publicly. So yeah, Geno does know. And I’ve said it.”
ESPN reported last month that Tennessee raised a complaint with the SEC office over an ESPN private tour the Huskies basketball office helped arrange in October 2005 for then-top recruit Maya Moore and her mother, Kathryn. Auriemma AKA Trigger said the tour amounted to a secondary rules violation.
However to use ESPN because it is in Connecticut was beyond cheating and it wasn’t minor as he likes to say. What he wasn’t saying out loud to the recruit was that he had ultimate influence with the premier sports television network on the world, and it was 60 miles from his campus.
When asked about the possibility of playing UT at the Maggie Dixon Classic in New York City, Auriemma said,
“If you’re not going to play here or there, you’re not going to play them at Madison Square Garden in a charity event that’s supposed to help a good cause. How could they be involved with that? That would be something that’s good for the game.”
Sounds like he’s singing his version of Taylor Swift’s song…”She’s the reason for the tear drops on my basketball”. What a cry baby.
While his comments indicate otherwise, Auriemma said the situation “doesn’t irk me.” Of course judging from these comments it does “irk” him and that makes him a liar as well as a horse faced crying bitch.
“With some people that’s just their style,” he said. “They’re passive-aggressive. They always want to have somebody to blame for what’s going on.”
When reached for comment Tuesday night, Summitt said “It’s absolutely not worth a comment.”
You got drilled by Stanford and Tennessee drilled them 2 days later. So, what’s left to say? Other than you’re the one being “passive-aggressive”. Coach Summitt won’t comment because she has class something you’ve lacked for a long time now.
So Pacman just went on Michael Irvin’s show today saying how he needed to watch who he hangs out with, and now this. Pacman, along with his trusty sidekick “Spoaty” are having a sockhop in “da ATL” on Sunday. So if anyone is in the Atlanta area on Sunday and need some way to kill off a Sunday night, here ya go. Ladies get in free and Grey Goose is on the house. I guess this means that Dana Jacobsen won’t be there since she’s a Belvedere chick. Don’t worry, they can afford all of the free Grey Goose because they got the flyers printed at Cheap Ass Flyers…
It was revealed that the tears of Terrell Owens cost him $769,120 yesterday. Shyam Das an arbitrator ruled against T.O. and the NFL Players Union.
The union disputed the Eagles’ effort to recover $1.725 million of the $2.3 million signing bonus the team paid the wide receiver when it signed him to a seven-year, $48.97 million deal in 2004.
When asked about the ruling Das said:
“I would have given the Eagles franchise the entire $1.725 million but that little bitch Owens starting balling like a baby. Just because I’m a court appointed arbitrator who holds two separate degrees, doesn’t mean I’m heartless.”
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said this month he plans to pay Owens a $3 million roster bonus, so the All-Pro should have some extra cash to pay the Eagles.
“The original roster bonus was $1.5 million but his whining and crying was giving me a headache”
Tony Romo was quoted as saying:
“Great just I need another bitch calling me in the middle of the night and crying on the phone.”
To sum things up:
T.O. says “Get your popcorn ready!”
The NFL says “Get your checkbook ready!”
Disclaimer: As if it were not completely obvious, this article is complete crap and is purely the result of the unbalanced mind of the author. It is a fictional parody, and is not intended to be taken as fact. Neither this posting, those who created it, nor this blog are in anyway affiliated with the Philadelphia Eagles, NFL & T.O.’s cried out tear ducts or any of their staff.
Disclaimer to the first disclaimer: I borrowed some most of the wording for the disclaimer from Lawvol at Gate 21. Since he’s a real lawyer I hope he doesn’t mind.
Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:
Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.
The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.
Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”
What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..
How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???
Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???
Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???
If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…
I have little respect for Terrell Owens. Don’t get me wrong he’s a great wide receiver and one hell of an athlete, but it’s his character that I have issues with. That’s why I was, and still am elated to see him cry for a 12 year old girl who just got dumped for the first time, on television.
“It is a loss that really hurts,” Owens said, his tears shielded by a pair of dark glasses.
All loses should hurt but this lose is how last season ended as well, with the ball coming out of quarterback Tony Romo’s hand and ending up where it didn’t do Dallas any good. And for the record Romo wasn’t throwing it to T.O. either.
T.O.’s tears can only be blamed on himself. He claims he bought the plane tickets to Cabo for Romo and Simpson, as an apology for calling Simpson “a distraction” when she attended the Eagles’ upset of the Cowboys in December.
“This wasn’t about Tony. You can talk about him, you can talk about the vacation, but it’s unfair. That’s my teammate. That’s my quarterback,” Owens said, breaking into prison bitch sobs and tenderly drawing out the word quarterback.
“It’s unfair because I know what it’s like,” T.O. said. “He’s the quarterback of this team, and win or loss, it’s going to fall on his head.”
Don’t you mean you know what’s it like to always blame the quarterback and everyone else as well? Last year T.O. claimed he wasn’t used enough in the offense even though he led the league in dropped passes.
It’s the next comment that made me do a double take.
“I’ve always had a good relationship with quarterbacks,” he said. “I know what type of person I am on the inside. I know who I am.”
Paging Drs. Garcia and McNabb. The patient is not responding normally.
If you’ve ever see the show South Park then you’re familiar with the famous way Kyle Broflovski’s mom reacts to something shocking. That’s exactly what I did when I heard this. I said “Wh Wh Wha What!!”
Is T.O. talking about high school or college quarterbacks? Everyone knows the Philadelphia story and I’m not to sure calling Jeff Garcia gay even though he was dating a Playboy playmate at the time is a “good relationship.”
In any event I’m glad the Cowboys lost, I freaking hate them. Their only redeeming quality is having Jason Whitton on the team.
Giants running back Brandon Jacobs, who is a developing young trash talker, left town making some back-handed compliments.
“The Cowboys are a great football team,” he said. “They might have had a chance to win if Patrick Crayton didn’t drop the two key passes. There was a lot of talk. But it’s over with. We won the game. They’re chillin’ and we’re going to Green Bay next week.”
As Giants defensive end Michael Strahan walked off the field, he said, “Hope everyone at home enjoyed the game. I hope you had your popcorn ready.”
Have any questions, hate mail, private comments, cease and desist letters, story ideas, death threats (that will be published) or tips? Then drop us a line at
ymswwc@gmail.com
ESPN reported last month that Tennessee raised a complaint with the SEC office over an ESPN private tour the Huskies basketball office helped arrange in October 2005 for then-top recruit Maya Moore and her mother, Kathryn. Auriemma AKA Trigger said the tour amounted to a secondary rules violation.
T.O.’s tears can only be blamed on himself. He claims he bought the plane tickets to Cabo for Romo and Simpson, as an apology for calling Simpson “a distraction” when she attended the Eagles’ upset of the Cowboys in December.
