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Archive for the ‘Louisiana Monroe’ Category

The Tide is High

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 25, 2008

Little Saint Nicky is having a bad off-season at Alabama.

In February Saban said:

“I’ve said enough is enough and we’re trying to fix it.”

Now with the arrests totaling ten Saban might be heard saying:

“Those dang Shula recruits ruining my regime. The Saban Regime shall have no other coke heads or players packing heat. Hey secretary, call Mal Moore and tell him to get Shula in here, I am going to kick his little gravy training ass back to his Pa. I’m going to Dick’s to buy some more straw hats. Mal you little weasel, I want another million to put up with this crap.”

The reason? Just a little coke dealer on the team that’s all. Ken Stabler might have a new roommate in rehab.

And they say it never snows in Alabama.

Jimmy Johns (not the sandwich franchise) a linebacker, was arrested Tuesday in Tuscaloosa and charged with five felony counts of distributing cocaine.

To add insult to injury a sixth charge of possession was also tacked on after police officers searched his off-campus residence and found cocaine and Ecstasy pills.

Saban knowing a super secret double probation punishment wouldn’t cut it this time, kicked JJ off the team.

“This type of behavior obviously will not be tolerated, and he is no longer a part of our program,” Saban said in a statement.

Capt. Jeff Snyder, who heads up the West Alabama Narcotics Task Force, said the Po Po received information about two months ago that Johns was involved in the selling of drugs.

“Once we were able to get our investigation in place, we were able to buy from him five different times over the last week and a half and were then able to obtain a search warrant for his residence,” Snyder said. “He was popular. A lot of people knew him.”

Records did not indicate whether Johns had hired a lawyer. He was held at the metro jail with bond set at $120,000.

I’m no Johnnie Cochran, especially since I am not dead or in hell, but it looks like Mr. Johns is in some major trouble. Certainly more trouble than normal players who had the various drinking charges a few months back. $120,000 bond, it’d take Saban a couple of hours to earn that kind of money with his contract.

Saban+Alabama+3 years=Sanctions.

You stay classy Bama! I’d be doing drugs to if I lost to Louisiana Monroe!

To bad this police officer wasn’t the one investigating the matter…maybe JJ would still be on the team.


Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, cheaters, cocaine, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, Louisiana Monroe, Nick Saban, Roll Tide, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

I Freaking Hate Louisiana Monroe!

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on March 31, 2008

So I was driving towards Monroe, Louisiana cause none of the blood banks in good ole Bama will buy my blood after that little Hepatitis C incident, when I came across this God forsaken billboard! I almost wrecked my 72 Ford pickup. That truck is priceless cause Jimbo tells me the Bear peed on the drivers side fender once. Those bastards! Look at this! I’ll never sell my Hepatitis C infected blood in this state again!

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama'zoids, Bear is Dead, Louisiana Monroe | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

The Revelations After a Saturdays Worth of Football Week 13

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 25, 2007

What a weekend, what a season, I’ll sad when it’s over.

What I’m not sad about is that God Spurrier is on his first five game losing streak. To be a South Carolina fan you have to enjoy and understand the song “Little Lies” by Fleetwood Mac. Here for your virtual listening pleasure is the key verse.

“Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies”

How does one go from #6 in the country to a probable no bowl season? Smoke & mirrors my friends. Of course that Spurrier to A&M rumor is still there…by the way A&M hasn’t contacted the AD at Auburn, yet.

How is that Vandy can give Tennessee and Georgia all that they want at home, and then roll over and play dead for Wake Forest?

Tennessee makes it to the SEC championship game, who would have thunk it? Especially playing prevent defense that allowed a sizable lead to shrink and force OT…Chavis you’re an idiot.

UCLA actually become bowl eligible by beating Oregon…oh how the mighty have fallen.

It took OT for North Carolina to beat Duke? WTF?

Four straight loses for Bama. Six straight loses to arch rival Auburn. Will bricks be thrown though Saban’s windows?

Speaking of Bama…remember the textbook 5 and how the Bammers said it would only be a one game suspension? Well, they finally played yesterday. One game turned into four games. Why? What’s being covered up? Tide Druid you must account for this. Enlighten us all. Please.

If Mark Mangino was a smurf, he would be “High Cholesterol Fatty Smurf”

Chase Daniel showed why he’s a Heisman candidate.

Louisiana-Monroe became bowl eligible yesterday…they should Bama a thank you card.

So I profess on this day 11/25/07



Posted in ACC Football, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Big Twelve Football, Clemson Tigers, Duke Blue Devils, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks, Georgia Bulldogs, kansas jayhawks, Kentucky Wildcats, Louisiana Monroe, Mark Mangino, Missouri Tigers, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Oregon Ducks, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, UCLA, UT vols, Vanderbilt, vandy, Wake Forest | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

This Weekends Games Could Be the End All Be All For Some.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 22, 2007

This college football season has been the craziest and the best ever!!! This weekends games are bountiful. Here are the ones you should be paying attention to and why.


No. 11 USC at No. 6 Arizona State (ESPN, 8 p.m. ET)

If USC beats Arizona State, then it’s bye-bye to any BCS dreams for the Sun Devils. I for one will be pulling for USC just for the Gridiron Goddess’s sake & I think the ASU coach is a douche bag.


Nebraska at Colorado (ABC, noon ET)

This game used to mean something something now it’s irrelevant…or is it? This is pretty much Callahan’s last stand, that’s evident, but on the other side of the ball Dan Hawkins has a chance to take Colorado to a bowl game in his second year. Let’s face it, Colorado was mess of stripper allegations and recruiting violations when he took over. He’s has done a great job. I’ll admit I’m somewhat a Nebraska fan, but Callahan is a dick who should have been fired weeks ago.. Let’s go Buffs!

Ole Miss at Miss. State (JP “Jesus Christ We Suck” Sports, 12:30 p.m. ET)

Sly Croom already has my SEC coach of the year vote. Before the season started the Croom coffin was already built, only the undertaker needed to be called. Now Miss State is bowl eligible with wins over Auburn & Bama, thus proving they are the best program in Alabama. 🙂 Coach 0 and his 20 thieves can end the season on a high note with a win. If he does that he’ll be yaw yawing to another top 10 recruiting class.

Arkansas at No. 1 LSU (CBS, 2:30 p.m. ET)

Bottom line if LSU slips here no national title and you’ll see signs like below pop up all over Cajun country.

Too fucking funny….

If Arkansas wins & maybe more importantly D. Mac has a good game then his name is back in the Heisman race. Even though Coach Nutt claims those only “rumors” about his stepping down…everyone know he’s gone. Maybe…just maybe…he could stay with a win.

No. 13 Texas at Texas A&M (ABC, 3:30 p.m. ET)

Coach Fran’s last game before the new coach (more about that later) is possibly announced. Coach Fran has already shown he loves money more than the confidence of his players. Why is he even still there is beyond me. A win could be good for Fran and any high school coaching jobs he might be inline for in the future.


No. 18 Tennessee at Kentucky (CBS, 1:30 p.m. ET)

Coach Fulmer and Tennessee fans such as myself have experienced a roller coaster year. A win here sends the Vols to the SEC championship game to be slaughtered by LSU. A loss here means that maybe Tennessee is looking for another coach next season.

No. 7 Georgia at Georgia Tech (ABC, 3:30 p.m. ET)

The only thing that is hotter than Georgia’s playing right now, is Chan’s ass on the Tech hot seat. A win could knock Georgia out of a BCS bowl birth. A lose could knock Chan out of a job.

Florida State at No. 12 Florida (CBS, 5 p.m. ET)

Even though Matt Stafford was quoted as saying

“Let me say somebody so you guys won’t say I just won’t vote for Tebow,” he said. “Let’s say Darren McFadden. He’s been doing it a long time, and he deserves it.”

A win could give Tebow a Heisman as a true sophomore. A win also could have people wondering is time to replace Bobby as coach. A FSU win will send the Gators spiraling down the polls, and no trophy for Teabag Tebow.

No. 22 Clemson at South Carolina (ESPN2, 7 p.m. ET)

I live in Columbia SC, but I grew up in Greenville SC. So I’ve been around both fan bases for an extended time. These people hate each other. The Tigers were a dropped TD pass away from the ACC championship game, God Spurrier’s Gamecock squad was ranked 6th in the country, that was before four straight losses. A win for Clemson, whose fan base is the ACC’s version of Bama’s fan base meaning delusional, will keep Tommy Bowden around for another year.

A loss for USC could mean God Spurrier jets to take the A&M job. According to’s “sources”

There’s no doubt there’s serious interest on both sides. As I said yesterday, the USC admin is very wary of Spurrier possibly leaving due to his dissatisfaction over the disposition of two high priority recruits that had passed the NCAA Clearinghouse yet hit some hurdle in getting admitted by the university.

There is a ton of smoke surrounding Spurrier and that’s where many early signs are pointing to, but at this late hour at night I can’t confirm that it’s a done deal or near done deal.”

Now God Spurrier has said he plans on staying at USC. The last big name coach who said he is planning on staying somewhere was Saban, and we all know how that turned out. Spurrier has also been forced to admit he was wrong and regrets hyping up his team of felons. In fact this week has been a week of retractions all around for the Old Ball Sack Coach. In an press conference Tuesday, God Spurrier, stated:

“To me, attitude is everything, and right now, our attitude is sorry. We can’t worry about the winning or losing, we have to concern ourselves with playing football at a very high level — and obviously that’s something we haven’t done.”

But of course he pulled a “Saban” on Wednesday:

“I said our attitude stinks, but the attitude of our guys is pretty good … I said it wrong and I told our team that I was mistaken,”

My question is why would A&M even want him? The program is no better in his third year there, than it was when he took over. In Grannie Holtz’s third year at South Carolina he was taking them to back to back Outback Bowl victories. A loss here would mean a 6-6 record, and possibly no bowl game whatsoever.

No. 4 Missouri at No. 2 Kansas (ABC, 8 p.m. ET)

If Kansas wins they are one step closer to the unbelievable, if Missouri wins they have a chance to make it all the way, and their QB takes a step closer to the Heisman.

Alabama at Auburn (ESPN, 8 p.m. ET)

Bama has 3 straight loses. The liberal media have started to turn against Saban, referring to the Tide as the Tide’tanic. A win here might make the Bama faithful forget about getting Croomed back to back and losing to Oh La La. For Auburn I believe they are going for six in a row. (If I’m wrong please correct me) Tommy T. has also been linked to the A&M job, but he flatly as said he’s happy at Auburn and he wants to stay. A win here could insure a contract extension.

I hope you’re enjoying your Turkey day and remember:

So I profess on this day 11/22/07



Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas Razorbacks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Big Twelve Football, Bill Callahan, Clemson Tigers, coach o, Croom, Ed Orgeron, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Houston Nutt, kansas jayhawks, Kentucky Wildcats, Les Miles, Louisiana Monroe, LSU Tigers, mississippi state bulldogs, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nick Saban, Old Ball Sack Coach, ole miss rebels, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas A&M, Texas Longhorns, University of Southern Cal, USC, UT vols | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Alabama Might Want to Ask Saban for a Refund.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 18, 2007

Four million dollars can buy you a lot of things, but Alabama wasn’t counting on the fact that 4 million will buy them a lose to Louisiana Monroe. Sure Alabama destroyed my favorite team Tennessee, but then again so did Florida & Cal plus Tennessee nearly lost to South Carolina & Vandy, so it’s not saying that much.

Before the break of dawn tomorrow I’m sure some Alabama fans will sacrifice their first borns, short out the circuit board of the Psychic Hotline & and cry out to the one that bears the hounds tooth crown of thorns known as Paul Bear Bryant. After all Bear would have never been Croomed two times in a row. Then again Shula wouldn’t have lost to Ooh La La either.

“Quintez Secka had two interceptions and Louisiana-Monroe turned Alabama away three times on promising scoring drives in the fourth quarter to pull off a 21-14 upset Saturday and send the Crimson Tide to a third consecutive defeat.”

Word up Q-Dawg maybe you need to play for Tennessee, our defense made John Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson look like a Heisman candidate, then again you made Ainge look like one as well so umm never mind.

“James Truxillo batted away his final attempt, drawing a cascades of boos from Alabama fans who had been restless and mostly quiet the whole game, and drew chants of “U-L-M” from the tiny section of Louisiana-Monroe faithful.”

By tiny they mean like under 20. Bear is rolling in his grave right now. Bamazoids already booing their “Super Coach” Saban in his first year. Maybe they realized that they aren’t as good as they thought, or that deep down in his black soul he’s the greatest sports liar there was.

“It was a humbling loss for an Alabama team already coming off defeats to Mississippi State and No. 1 LSU, and a setback for a program that is paying Nick Saban $4 million a year to lead a turnaround.

The Tide had been expected to get a chance to use the game as a tuneup for the regular-season finale at Auburn. The WarHawks had other ideas. They forced three first-half turnovers to forge a 14-all tie and shut Alabama out in the second half.”

It wasn’t humbling, that was last week, it was humiliating. On the bright side maybe Saban will get a job offer from Texas A&M or Nebraska, then Hal can start the “Build a Bear” project for the second straight year.

A group of Bammers is already planning a smear campaign, in order to get a refund minus 20% handling fee from Saban. After three straight loses I’m sure somewhere in the distance Mike Price is laughing.

These Bammers don’t play around!

So I profess on this day 11/18/07



Posted in Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, Louisiana Monroe, Nick Saban, Rocky Top, Roll Tide, Saban, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, whiners, white trash | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »