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Archive for the ‘mary jane’ Category

Gamecock football player arrested signifies that spring is officially here

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 23, 2009

Toke toke pass

You know it’s been awhile since I’ve had the pleasure of to write anything negative about a Gamecock football player. To be totally honest I was beginning to get worried. I mean spring just isn’t the same around here in Columbia unless you have pollen, thunderstorms in the afternoons and a Gamecock arrest. Luckily for Mother Nature 2 out of 3 ain’t too bad.

Last Tuesday it was announced that defensive tackle Ladi Ajiboye was suspended indefinitely which of course in Steve God Spurrier terms means a couple of practices. It has now been revealed that Ajiboye was arrested in February for being a participant in a drug deal. Somehow the Spurrier regimen somehow kept this hidden from the Gamecock hating liberal media of Columbia. This reason I say that is because all the Gamecock fans complain how only negative things are written about their team.

Within the past two seasons Ajiboye has started in 22 games and is considered a key to the defensive line. Don’t worry Gamecock fans this boy is a producer on the field and you know as well as I do that if the starting QB can key a professor’s car, be arrested multiple times within a year and set of fire extinguishers in the dorms for fun then Ajiboye will be back on the field by next week.

According to the Columbia Po Po, on the February 21st, they witnessed Ajiboye engage in a “hand-to-hand transaction” with another person. Ajiboye at the time was driving Terrence Campbell’s car. Campbell is an offensive lineman for the Gamecocks. Ajiboye just wanted to get his Phelps on!

The Po Po staked out the car and after Campbell like a moron failed to signal for a turn, he was promptly pulled over. There the Po Po found evidence of the sweet sticky icky weed that Ajiboye confessed was his. I will give credit to Ajiboye for manning up there.

“Our narcotic agents witnessed a drug transaction,” sheriff’s department spokesman Chris Cowan said. “They saw him get into the car. They made the stop. He was arrested.”

Campbell, a redshirt junior who started nine games at guard last season, was not charged in the incident.

Never fear Gamecock fans you have Neal “Johnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Believe me he could have gotten OJ off the last charges. Then again if Lourie can’t work his magic then there’s always pumping gas.


Posted in bongs, Crime & Punishment, mary jane, Po Po, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Meet the Michael Phelps pot party participants

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 13, 2009

Yes now that Sheriff Lott is helping to save the word by rounding up party goers that were present during the infamous Michael Phelps bong hit that can mean one thing!


For the record smiling mug shots rule!

You would think that Sheriff Lott would have better thnigs to do. After all according to the Sheriff’s Department website there are 22 unsolved murders since 1996.

Maybe someday Phelps will appear on the Top 10 most wanted. 

As a residence of Richland County, I’m making it my mission to find the blond and nailing her.


Mug shot photographer to guy on right: Ummm, son, could you look at the cam...son, right, don't wander away...and for the last time, I don't have any Funyans!! Ahhh, to hell with it...(click)!


This dude looks like the illegitimate child of Robert Smith, lead singer of the Cure.


The first one looks like a serial killer and the second one will never survive in the pen




Posted in bongs, Leon Lott, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Phelps, South Carolina Gamecocks | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Michael Phelps will help Leon Lott save America!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 11, 2009

In case you didn’t know or maybe you did and you forgot, I live in the same flipping county that Michael Phelps took the everlasting bong hit back in November. I have great respect for the sheriff of this county, a Mr. Leon Lott. I’ve met Lott on numerous occasions (without being arrested or in handcuffs ass-hats) and I find him to be approachable and genuinely concerned about crime in this state.  However that being said I have no damn clue as to why he’s gone all “Barney Fife” about this Phelps took a hit thing. 

Even this party was way back in November its aftereffects are still ringing loudly in Lott’s ears today. Last week he publicly stated that he wanted to arrest Phelps but since it’s doubtful that will ever happen, Lott has chosen to save this fair county by locking up one college stoner at a time including the eight that were arrested yesterday.

“We’ve now learned that since investigators began trying to build a case, they’ve made eight arrests: seven for drug possession and one for distribution. These are arrests that resulted as the sheriff’s department served search warrants.

We’ve also learned that the department has located and confiscated that bong. Sources say the owner of the bong was trying to sell it on eBay for as much as $100,000. The owner, who wasn’t even at the party, is one of the eight now charged.”

Hurray for upcoming spring elections. I love grandstanding by law enforcement officials. 

Ok the idiot that was attempting to sell the bong on E-bay probably deserves to be arrested for being a complete moron. 

Don’t get me wrong folks I take great delight at poking fun of people who use illegal drugs and are busted but this as really gone to far. Right now I would think Lott should be more concerned with the recent rash of ATM robberies that are sill unsolved and other crimes such as car-jackings, murder and rape which I believe carry more importance than an Olympian who took a bong hit. 

The governor of this state stated on the Fox News Channel that he doesn’t see what good arresting Phelps would do at this point. 

So far we know that Phelps has lost sponsorship deals from Kellogs and Sub Way. He has been suspended by USA Swimming and he actually lost two grand in a game of beer pong. If all that isn’t punishment enough what is?

However this isn’t the lamest party in South Carolina history.

Now, I once stood next to Steve Tanneyhill’s glorious mullet while he got pulled out of a house party by Cola PD. Now that was lame.

Posted in Beer Pong, bongs, Leon Lott, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Phelps | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Inside the Michael Phelps party

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 9, 2009

One week later and the fallout from Michael Phelps and his bong hit continue to ring out. He has been suspended by USA swimming and he has also lost his Kellogs & Subway sponsorships. Don’t worry Subway fans Jared is still covered. As long as he still has the lucrative Rosetta Stone, he’ll be alright.

Now let’s go inside the infamous party that has seemly taken down the Water World Boy Wonder.

The State newspaper ran a story about the party that supposedly has quotes from the actual attendees and one thing is for sure…Phelps can’t play beer pong worth a shit.

“I saw Phelps pull out a roll, a bank-wrapped $2,000,” said Michael Whitworth, who had been invited to a house near Five Points after his band played a show at 5 Points Pub (now Sudworks Taphouse).

“He said, ‘I’ll match the $2,000,'” Whitworth continued, referring to Phelps. “Good ol’ Phelpsie lost it, too.”

The student that took the photo that ran world-wide of Phelps sucking on a bong, Carson Miller, claims he didn’t sell the photo but he “lost” his phone with the photo on it. RRRiiiiggghhhttttt……


Yes this is the house...everyone ooh and ahh....

The party apparently was at a house located at 2201 Blossom St. The house is described as having a wrap around porch that is full of discarded pizza boxes, pictures of nearly nude women taped to the door and two cameras over the porch that send a live stream to a flat-screen television located inside the house.


When Whitworth, a guitarist in Atlanta-based band Holiday Parade, arrived at the house shortly after midnight Nov. 4, two men asked him not to take pictures of Phelps.

“They were pretty strict about it at the door,” he said. “They were just asking people to be courteous.”

The front room was clogged with people – and marijuana smoke. A bong was being passed around the room, which held 15 to 20 people, Whitworth said.

“It was the aroma of the evening,” he said. “The scent of it filled the entire house.”

So there you have it. Phelps goes to a college party and does college student things. Let’s shoot him now. All he needs to do is call Amanda Beard his sloppy seconds. The sanctity of the sport of swimming will be irrevocably damaged forever.

Mark Spitz says he could probably smoke an even bigger bong and not get caught…

Posted in Amanda Beard, dumbass, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Phelps, Snitches | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Fourteen gold medals, banging a USC coed and smoking pot, just one day in the life of Michael Phelps

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 2, 2009

My question is was he smoking Mellow Gold or Spanish Trampoline?

Usually when I write about the University of South Carolina and smoking pot in involves the school’s football players. I have more than once referred to USC as the University of Smoking Cannabis. This time is different. This time I’m not writing about some Shamecock football player, I’m writing about 14 gold medal Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps.

It seems this past November Phelps was in this fair town of Columbia where he attended a football game and apparently got high Even though I’m opposed to illegal drugs and take pleasure in making fun of those who use them this really isn’t as a big of a deal as the traditional media outlets are making it out to be. If you had gigantism of the ears and neck, you’d smoke too. However sometime ago The US Olympics Committee, who have pledged to clamp down on drug use, did announce some laws that could force Phelps to sit out the 2012 games in London because he took drugs.

News of the World, a British newspaper was the first to break this story.

One party-goer who witnessed the star’s behaviour told the News of the World: “He was out of control from the moment he got there.

“If he continues to party like that I’d be amazed if he ever won any more medals again.”

Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.


Phelps apparently has been banging some USC chick named Jordan Matthews and decided to get wasted every night he was here in town. The source of the story states Phelps was rather obnoxious. With ears like his how can anyone be obnoxious?

“Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.”

Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.

Well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to smoke dope does it? The source also states Phelps spent a lot of time at Pavlov’s bar. In my humble opinion I think that place is a freaking dump. This isn’t the first time Phelps has been in trouble either. In 2004 he served an 18 month long probation for a DUI.

Since this story has broken Phelps has acknowledge that the photo is real and is sorry.

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said in the statement released by one of his agents. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Now we know how he consumed 12,000 calories a day. He’d eat cream and onion chips, with some dip, man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Some Hagen-Daz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and he would make some smores. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, two big pizzas, man, everything on ’em, water, a whole lotta water and…….Funyuns.

It’s always interesting how celebrities show remarkable self-awareness about their mistakes after they get caught … and usually when millions of dollars in endorsements are on the line.

The U.S. Olympic Committee said it was “disappointed in the behavior recently exhibited by Michael Phelps,” who was selected the group’s sportsman of the year. He also was honored as AP male athlete of the year, and his feat in Beijing — breaking Mark Spitz’s 36-year-old record for most gold medals in an Olympics — was chosen as the top story of 2008.

Posted in bongs, drugs, DUI, dumbass, mary jane, Michael Phelps, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Have you ever orchestrated a ten game turn-around…ON WEED?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 31, 2008

Ricky Williams didn’t like my Christmas gift I got for him this year. That bastard! You know I decided to get Ricky a gift this year because he has been an outstanding player this year and to help celebrate the Fins incredible turn around, only to have it returned to me with a note saying “Not funny dude.”

Maybe this will help Trent Green forget all about those concussions.

What if, like, the dolphin’s helmet had another dolphin wearing a helmet…and that dolphin’s helmet had a dolphin wearing a helmet…and so on, and so on. Man, I feel so insignificant.

It’s funny, I don’t remember using that bong and yet I have visions of hearing “Chad Pennington” and “NFL MVP” in the same sentence, and not as a joke.

Posted in bongs, Chad Pennington, drugs, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, NFL Football, pot, Ricky Williams | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Drugs found in the apartment of Penn State football players, I’m sure Joe Pa will have an aneurysm now

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 4, 2008

Not so long ago Penn State was the subject of Outside the Lines a television show produced and aired by ESPN. According to the research ESPN conducted since 2002, 46 Penn State football players have faced 163 criminal charges & 27 players have been convicted of or have pleaded guilty to a combined 45 counts.

This caused uproar among Penn State fans and blogs. Several Penn State fan that I know on a personal level stated that ESPN was picking on their football program and that there was a conspiracy to sullen the name of Penn State.

Let’s get one thing straight before we continue. Tennessee has the whole ESPN conspiracy angle locked up, it’s even copy written. Maybe since Tennessee sucks now ESPN has targeted Penn State with the case of yesterday’s discovery of a “small amount” of Mary Jane in the apartment of Penn State football players by planting the weed there.

Police said a small amount of marijuana was found in a Nittany Apartments residence whose most current residents, according to university housing records, are football players AJ Wallace, Andrew Quarless, Maurice Evans and Abe Koroma.

At eight o’clock the Po Po was responding was responding to a noise complaint and smell the sweet sticky icky weed reminding them of fun times they spend at a police seminar that was held at the university of Florida two summers ago.

Knowing that smell way to well the police asked to search the premises but were denied entrance by the players. So the Po Po obtained a warrant and returned at 11:00 PM where the cannabis was promptly found. I’m sure it was in a baggy that said “Property of Stu Scott” on it.

The warrant only listed Nova, Wallace and Quarless as being at the apartment Tuesday night. Neither Evans nor Koroma was listed as being at the apartment Tuesday night, with the warrant only listing them as two of the most current tenants.

Police could not provide details on the exact amount of marijuana found because it had yet to be officially tested because the official Penn State police bong was presently missing.

Penn State quarterback Daryll Clark said he was “shocked” when he found out about the incident.

“I don’t even know what happened,” he said. “All I know is police was out at someone’s apartment. I really don’t know why. … I really don’t know what’s going on right now. I have to look into it to see what’s going on right now.”

They had THREE hours to get rid of the weed and they couldn’t figure it out? Godspeed, Penn State, Godspeed.

It must be hard to make a good plan to get rid of your dope when you are all high and shit. See that’s what weed does to you. You are rendered unable to hide weed.

I can hear the conversation right now.

“What should we do?…do we flush it?”

“Man, I paid $50 for that! Hide it somewhere!”

“Under the couch cushion?”

“Great idea”

In the player’s defense, when Joe Pa told them to stay off the grass, they thought he meant his lawn.

Posted in big ten football, drugs, dumbass, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, mary jane, Penn State Nittany Lions | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Louisville suspends QB Simms For “Breaking Team Rules” I wonder what those rules could be…

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 21, 2008

Steve Garcia isn't impressed. Go Cocks! 🙂

Louisville quarterback Matt Simms was suspended for the team’s first four games of the season by Coach Steve Kragthorpe on Tuesday for the dreaded violation of team rules.

Simms is the son of former New York Giants quarterback Phil Simms and the brother of Tampa Bay Buccaneers whiny bitch quarterback Chris Simms.

Matt Simms will be eligible to return to the team when the Cardinals play at Memphis on Oct. 10.

Gee I wonder what those rules were. Maybe he overslept one morning due to spending majority of night in prayer.

Maybe he was late to a practice because he lost track of time while volunteering for the local D.A.R.E program.

It is possible that he was helping lead the on campus AA meeting and forget to break an appointment with his advisor.

Wait, I got it. He was cited for public disturbance because someone complained about him standing on the street corner preaching about the evils of drugs and alcohol.

Yeah the last one seems more plausible when you really think about it.

Posted in Big East, Dork, drugs, drunk, dumbass, Louisville Cardinals, Marijuana, mary jane, Matt Simms | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Where’s Perrilloux???

Posted by Joel Jackson on May 13, 2008

Ryan Perrilloux, he of the casino/weed smoking corndog sector of SEC country, is currently looking for a school to play ball since The Hat gave him the boot for inhaling some of the finest “Gator Green” or “Knoxville Recruiting Tool”. So far, Alabama A& M, Valdosta St., and Jacksonville St. are supposedly recruiting. Presumably Perrilloux will be attending a D-1AA or D-II school to play immediately.

Then I saw this story on ESPN about Jackson State University football coach Rick Comegy trying to recruit him. I then got a headache. Why???

Well being a proud alumnus of Tennessee State University, Jackson State is one of our biggest rivals. We are talking about a rivalry that goes back decades. Epic battles between beautiful Nashville and piss ant Jackson, MS have insured and now the rivalry game is held as the Southern Heritage Classic held in Memphis, one of the two times a year that the Liberty Bowl is actually full.

Tennessee State has been one of the top HBCU’s historically, both athletically and academically. The school has produced a 1st round pick in this year’s draft (Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie), can claim two guys that should be NFL Hall of Famers (Richard Dent and Ed “Too Tall” Jones), several Olympic gold medalists (Ralph Boston, Chandra Cheesborough, Wilma Rudolph), journalists (Carl Rowan, Tina Tyus-Shaw, niece of Wyomia Tyus, another TSU alum and 2 time gold medalist), and some lady named Oprah Winfrey. After Walter Payton and Morgan Freeman*, who are the rest of the famous alums from that hellhole???

Besides being part of a great tradition, Perrilloux will also benefit from playing in LP Field, an NFL stadium that is the home of the Tennessee Titans, and not some old crappy ass stadium in “glamorous” downtown Jackson. Perrilloux, if you are reading this (thank God you aren’t Jerrell Powe because I don’t want to get some neighborhood kids together to record a special “School House Rocks: Tennessee St. Edition”) check out the campus, check out the city, and come home.

Think of it this way: If Nashville was good enough for Pacman Jones then it is good enough for you…

*Editor’s Note: Upon further research, Morgan Freeman was offered a partial scholarship to Jackson State but turned it down to become an airplane mechanic.

Posted in Alabama State, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arizona Cardinals, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, College Football, College Gameday, Conspiracy Theory, Coonass, Corn Dogs, court tv, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, draft pick, drugs, ESPN, football, guilty, Internet Rumors, legal troubles, Les Miles, Liar, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL, NFL Draft, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pot, Ryan Perrilloux, Sports | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

“Da U” Is Back???

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 27, 2008


The University of Miami used to be a dominant force in college football. They were brash, cocky, arrogant, and flashy. They were called Miami’s other pro football team. All-Pro after All-Pro played football there. As dominant as they were on the field, they were just as dominant in the Miami-Dade County lockup, with arrests for assault, marijuana possession (intent to distribute and use), domestic violence, gun possession, DUI, and an armed robbery once.

Well new coach Randy Shannon said last year that he would restore Miami back to dominance. After a 5-6 season last year, Shannon, known as a great recruiter, had a top 5 recruiting class this year with some very promising players, including what seems like every starter from local powerhouse Miami Northwestern. It seems like he is on his way to leading the ‘Canes back on the field…and off the field. Of course, his staff is taking charge in an R. Kelly type of way…


This is Rick Korch. He is was the university’s football team’s spokesman. He was fired and a criminal investigation has begun on child pornography charges after “questionable” images were found on his university computer.

He complained to the IT department that his PC was running slow. So when a technician checked it out, several images of child porn were found. Every computer on the university’s campus (just like most businesses) require a username and password, so even if he said that he didn’t download the child porn, he must have given out his login info to someone else, which is Computer 101 no-no. Of course, he already has a lawyer on the case, William Barzee. Here’s his statement:

“Rick Korch was terminated at the University of Miami due to inappropriate pornography on his work computer. However, he is innocent of any criminal wrongdoing and looks forward to having the opportunity to clear his name in the appropriate forum at the appropriate time. This is a private matter and we wish it to remain so.”

I am no lawyer but I have seen enough “To Catch A Predator” shows to know that child porn is illegal. I think law guys call this “spinning for the potential jury”. Whatever. Korch has an impressive resume and is married with 4 kids. I am no psychic, but I am willing to guess that soon it will be used to be married.

A fine start back to the express train to Babylon for Miami. Perverseness is one clear sign of the path that they are taking, and not even school president Donna Shalala, former Secretary of Health & Human Services for President Clinton, can’t stop the rolling ball once it starts. As for Korch, he will be ok. I am sure he will run into a former player or booster in Cell Block M…


Posted in ACC, ACC Football, BCS, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, College Football, Marijuana, mary jane, Miami hurricanes | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »