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Archive for the ‘moron’ Category

Whoever said “Revenge is a dish served cold” never beat this high school basketball team

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 19, 2009

Everyone has heard the phrase “Revenge is a dish best served cold” well one high school basketball team in Illinois might disagree with that statement.

The Hiawatha High School boy’s basketball team lost a road game to Indian Creek back on January 30th, so boys being boys chose a method of revenge that was definitely not cold. Just like a screening of R. Kelly’s new music DVD, the boys of Hiawatha decided to urinate all over Indian Creek’s visitors locker room and spill two bags of popcorn around. Urine and popcorn: two great tastes, that goes great together.

This mess was photographed and presented to Hiawatha school officials. After being presented with the evidence the school officials asked for the urinating youngsters to step forward and admit their more than apparently wrong doing. There was only one man among the boys on that day and he stepped up a took responsibility however officials determined that the amount of urine “was too much for just one person,” and decided to cancel the remainder of Hiawatha’s season.

“They said there was too much urine to be one person,” said Webster, whose son is a senior on the varsity team. “They apparently, in the investigation, decided there was more than one person. I don’t know how you can determine what it was after it had dried.”

Webster said that the administration demanded that all of the members of both the varsity and freshman/sophomore teams write letters of apology to Indian Creek.”

Too much for one person why that sounds like a challenge to me! I smell an ABC After-school Special!!! No wait, it’s only urine. Which one of you guys ate asparagus?

Officials also objected to the Indian Creek janitorial staff referring to the locker room as a “Urine Soaked Hell-Hole”, when they could have just used “pee-pee stained heck hole”

Of course the Hiawatha players and parents are fighting back, trying to salvage the season. In my opinion I believe the proper punishment was doled out. Rumor is the school was thinking of changing its mascot to the Hiawatha “Fightin’ Kellys” before this incident took place.

Of course they can change the lyrics to the fight song as well.

Hiawatha High School, we hold you in our hearts
But really, we should hold our piss
Instead, we show no smarts

No word on if Indian Creek is planning to retaliate by leaving feces and pretzels all over the Hiawatha locker room.

Posted in High School Basketball, moron, pranks, Urination | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

The living corpse Al Davis has officially begun the process of replacing Kiffin

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 30, 2008

The rumors have been out there for weeks. The living corpse Al Davis is going to fire Kiffin to make sure the Raiders get that #1 draft pick again. The Raiders are like the North Korea of the NFL.  Owner Al Davis wants a puppet for a head coach and Kiffin isn’t it. There’s even a website devoted to tracking the firing of Kiffin.

Well the process of replacing Kiffin has officially begun. Al Davis scheduled one-hour meetings Monday evening with three members of the coaching staff — offensive coordinator Greg Knapp, offensive line coach Tom Cable and longtime NFL offensive coordinator and current Raiders consultant Paul Hackett.

Kiffin took the high road and declined to comment Monday evening when contacted. During his Monday news conference, he told the local press he was no longer going to discuss any of his conversations or meetings with Davis. It is believed Davis has not talked to him about a possible change.

“I just feel we’re going to open up too many things, and those are conversations that I do or do not have with him that should stay between him and I,” Kiffin said in his news conference.

“At times we’re playing as well as anybody in the league. I know that sounds strange for you guys to hear, but look at the numbers,” Kiffin said in his news conference. “Look at the way we’re playing in the first three quarters of the last three weeks in a row; we’re playing good enough to be on a three-game winning streak. All that being said, we’re 1-3.”

Kiffin seems to have the Raiders headed in the right direction. Too bad the owner is way out of touch with reality.

Davis has told Bay Area reporters he may speak to them at some point this week. Once he settles on a possible replacement, Davis could then inform Kiffin and make a change during the bye week.

This Raider team is losing BECAUSE of all the distractions that DAVIS IS CAUSING!!!! That has an effect on how a team practices during the week. I believe, as many people do, that this team could have had a 3-1 start and be tied with Denver.

Al Davis’ ego won’t allow him to let Kiffin coach without interference. He got rid of two good coaches, Gruden and Shanahan who have each won Super Bowls elsewhere, (and in Gruden’s case, at the expense of the Raiders!). Davis wants a guy he can manipulate, and Kiffin’s “disobedience” in disagreeing with Davis over personnel and coaches is looked upon as an act of defiance.

Once a respected football executive and shrewd football mind, Davis is now just a sad old man who can’t see he’s suffocating his own franchise.

UPDATE!!!

ESPN is reporting that the living corpse has canned Kiffin “without pay via the telephone”, I’m sure Kiffin’s attorneys will have something to say about that.

Stay classy Al!!!

Posted in Al Davis, Kiffin, moron, NFL Draft, NFL Football, Oakland Raiders | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Jimmy “Black Lung” Leyland has the last laugh on Gary Sheffield

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 13, 2008

Gary Sheffield and Jim “Black Lung” Leyland have been sparring in the media since Monday due to Sheffield’s comments he made to a reporter for the Boston Globe.

“I can be in the outfield and play every day. I don’t want to DH,” Sheffield told the Boston Globe. “I don’t feel like a baseball player when I DH. I don’t know how to be the leader that I am from the bench. I can’t be a vocal leader. I can’t talk to guys from the bench because I don’t feel right about it.”

“I come in some days and I don’t play and some days I play. That’s platooning to me,” Sheffield said. “You might think it’s different. It’s not a big deal, but that’s the way I feel.”

“I don’t know how to be the leader that I am from the bench.”

Who’s writing this guys material? This is the funniest thing I have ever read. Sheffield a leader? That’s a riot!

“I’m in a role now where I don’t know what to do, really. The guys are out there busting their butt for nine innings, they come in and they hit and they grind. I just sit down and hit. That’s all I do, so I can’t be in a leadership role from that position.”

Hey Gary guys that are batting .222 don’t get to complain about playing time!

When you are batting .222 and playing almost every day, you should be quiet and accept your role. Especially when last time you got a chance to play in the outfield everyday you went on the disabled list less than a week later. If you do not like your role, give the money you are due back to the team for the next year and a couple months and go find a new job.

Sheffield is upset because if he’s a DH, he can’t purposely throw the ball into the stands like he did when he was with the Brewers years ago when he was unhappy. Errr, ummmmm, when he was unhappy implies that he is happy sometimes, so let’s just leave it at when he was with the Brewers and didn’t want to be with the Brewers so he purposely cheated the game and threw the ball into the stands to get management upset and trade him. Why he was never suspended from baseball when he admitted that, I’ll never know.

Black Lung said he’s “flabbergasted” by Sheffield’s comments and fired back with nicotine filled vengeance:

“I told him that all I had here for him was a DH. If he did not want to accept that, do not accept the trade. I’m still confused by the article because it talks about ‘platoon doesn’t set well.’ Gary Sheffield never platooned here.

“Platoon is when you have a left-hand hitter and a right-hand hitter. One plays against right-hand pitching and one plays against left-hand pitching. That is a platoon.”

“Anybody that has a brain knows that’s not a platoon,” Leyland said, “I tried to play him in the outfield. It didn’t work; he couldn’t throw in from the outfield.”

What else is there to say? If there was no DH, he’d have been bothering his neighbors three years ago. Give me $12 million & I’ll be a DH. Hell I’ll even be the bat boy too!!

Well Black Lung Jimmy also will get the last laugh because yesterday Sheffield was placed on waivers.

Teams aren’t permitted to comment on the waiver process, so it’s possible the timing is coincidental. (wink wink nudge nuge)

So it seems likely that Sheffield’s latest remarks have prompted them to see if interest in him. Sheffield is a cancer so good luck with that.

Sheffield has always been a spoiled prima dona who will try to whine his way out of his current situation. He has done this from the beginning of his career at Milwaukee and has kept it up. The only reason people put up with him is because he used Barry’s clear and could hit like a monster! Good Riddance Gary!! You are just as much a product of the juice as Barry or Giambi and now that you aren’t on the juice you find yourself injured a lot…. Hmmm, connection?

Posted in Black Tar, Detroit Tigers, Gary Sheffield, Jim Leyland, Major League Baseball, MLB, moron | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Darrion Scott is Simply a Bastard

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 9, 2008

You know I like to have fun with this blog. I enjoy making fun of the world of sports, its teams and its players. However what Darrion Scott did isn’t a matter to be made fun of. In fact I find him to be lower than Michael Vick.

Former Vikings defensive lineman Darrion Scott was charged with assaulting his 2-year-old son last week by holding a plastic dry cleaning bag over the kicking and crying boy’s head in his Eden Prairie townhome.

Scott is charged with felony assault in the third degree, felony domestic assault by strangulation and misdemeanor endangerment of a child.

According to the criminal complaint: The boy’s mother heard the child’s muffled cries and found Scott, who is 6-3 and 290 pounds, holding the bag over the boy’s head on April 26. She said the boy was on his back on the floor, his legs kicking and that Scott was holding the bag tightly around the boy’s neck.

Lovely story. How else should a 290-lb man subdue a 25-lb kid? I’m sure the kid started it.

There’s really no facts needed to why you had a bag over the head of a 2 year old. Even is he thought this was “fun”, it’s still dangerous and sick. But maybe I’m different. Maybe because my parents didn’t put a bag over my head I don’t know what fun is anymore..

She told police she had evidence of previous injuries while the child was in Scott’s care. A doctor who examined the boy said there is a reasonable degree of medical certainty that marks on the boy’s arm and ear were intentionally inflicted and were consistent with either burning or being struck.

Scott, 26, told police the two were playing with the bag, and he wanted to see if the boy could get the bag off his head by himself. Scott was arrested last Wednesday and has been in custody at the Hennepin County jail.

A search of his townhome turned up a loaded .50-caliber handgun in an unlocked bedroom nightstand. The weapon would have been easily accessible to a 2-year-old, the complaint said.

Scott’s agent, Tim DiPiero, said the arrest “a mistake” and said Scott will seek a speedy trial to “prove his innocence.”

In the statement, DiPiero said Scott did not abuse the child involved in the case.

“Anyone who knows Darrion knows him to be a big ‘teddy bear’ type of guy, easygoing and never loud or abrasive,” DiPiero said. “We believe this nightmare is a terrible mistake and that the child has not been abused, at least not by Darrion.”

Scott was a third-round pick in the 2004 draft out of Ohio State & is from Charleston, W.Va., he was cited there for misdemeanor marijuana possession there in December following a traffic stop; Scott was on injured reserve at the time after breaking his foot in October.

If these allegations are proven to be found true I hope he rots in jail for a very long time. In my humble opinion children are this country’s greatest treasure and to harm one is to harm all.

There are so many that don’t deserve children in this world that have them and so many that do deserve them that don’t. A sad fact of life I suppose.

Posted in Child Abuse, Crime & Punishment, Darrion Scott, dumbass, Minnesota Vikings, moron, NFL | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Not A Good Time For Pro Sports in Tennessee

Posted by Joel Jackson on April 28, 2008

So how did ol’ Bud Adams and the Titans do in this year’s draft??? Do the letters WTF mean anything???

One glaring need for QB Vince Young and the Titans offense was a wide receiver. Everyone from Mel “Royal Crown” Kiper to Helen Keller could see that the Titans needed a receiver. So with the #24 pick in the 1st round, and every receiver still available, the Titans draft RB Chris Johnson from East Carolina. That’s right, a running back from that football factory of East Carolina is who GM Mike Reinfeldt chose. Typical. But don’t worry, Tennessee did draft a wideout, Lavelle Hawkins from Cal. Yes they could have had DeSean Jackson from Cal, but apparently this group of so-called NFL “personnel experts” decided not to. Plus, the reviews on all of their draft picks haven’t been stellar. This guy wasn’t even the dreaded “best player available”. Plus the Titans have decided to “Go Green”. No, they are not gonna add barf bags to the seats and recycle the puke from whenever the offense stalls again. They are putting grass in one of the parking lots in LP Field. At least my uncle, a season ticket holder, will be able to drink his beer and eat his ribs in the shade with the rest of his friends instead of pissing on the concrete.

But at least the Titans made the playoffs last year, something the Memphis Grizzlies won’t do for at least another 4 years, if then. They completed yet another year in the toilet. The offense wasn’t bad, but the defense was like Michael Vick using Chicken George as his lawyer. Probably, just like last year, the Grizzlies will get a lottery pick that they will do nothing with and trade away another player in-season (see Mike Miller) for a complete set of “Charles in Charge” on DVD, just so the player can be treated to Willie Aames’ perm daily.

On a lighter note, if you really want to call it that, I got a survey from the Memphis Grizzlies wanting to know how I feel about the sponsors of the team??? How do I feel??? I feel sorry for the sponsors of this poor excuse of a professional franchise. You have a coaching staff and front office that have no clue how to get out of its own way. If I were a ticket salesman for this team, I would quit my job than try to lie to potential season ticket holders about the “game day experience” of seeing the Memphis Grizzlies. Keep in mind, for some reason, I am still one of the 287 fans of this pathetic franchise. What is gonna be the next great Grizzlies game day promotion, redneck tractor pull???

***Note: I did not include the Nashville Predators in this post. The only time hockey matters is when a fight breaks out. Maybe is someone made the rink into an octagon (UFC style) it would be more interesting…

Posted in basketball, boo birds, Memphis Tigers, moral victories, moron, mullets, NBA, NFL, NFL Draft, NFL Football, Tennessee | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Yankee Fan = Classless + Fail

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 27, 2008

This video cracks me up. Notice the Yankee in typical classless fashion attack the Boston fan from behind only to get schooled in his teams ball park and arrested. Thus enters Fail. I’ll give him the MLB Fan Moral Victory Award.

Posted in Boston Redsox, MLB, moral victories, moron, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The PC Police Strike Again!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 21, 2008

A minor league baseball team has dropped plans to hold a welcome party for Michael Vick thanks to the PC police.

The Kansas City T-Bones of the Northern League had planned to have a Michael Vick “Welcome to the Neighborhood” night May 28, complete with prison uniforms, spotlights and escape sirens. Other events promoting caring for animals also were planned.

After receiving complaints about the promotion, the club announced Friday that it will drop the Vick-related events and will focus only on events that promote animal safety and adoptions.

Oh come on! Man up and have the event. it would make for a great laugh. I would pay to go to that for sure. Of course this could open the door for “No Means No!, Kobe” night.

“It was not our intent to be culturally insensitive,” T-Bones general manager Rick Muntean said. “We simply wanted to raise awareness for what we think are great causes. We recognize that the health and well-being of animals is a widely-supported cause of our fan base, so we’re going to keep that our only focus.”

The night will include a dog parade, pregame dog adoptions and entertainment by Rockin’ Ray and the Sky Dogs and some other nobody bands.

Why is it that the free country that we live in is also the most uptight country. Doesn’t anyone have a sense of humor? Anyone with a brain knows that what Vick did was horrible, and this baseball team is just making fun of Vick and not what he did. LOOSEN UP A LITTLE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in dog fighting, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, MLB, moron, Prison for Vick | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Logan Young: Sacrificial Lamb

Posted by Little Bear Cub on March 31, 2008

300young_bryant_2751.jpg

Look at Mr. Young. He looks so peaceful, stoic, determined, and defiant. Damned all of the legal troubles, he is a true sacrifice for the institution that we call Alabama football. I love this pic of Mr. Young. Hanging on the wall behind him is God in houndstooth, Coach Bryant. I dare not call Mr. Young by his first name, because he is too important in the annals of Alabama football.

Some of us members of the now “Saban Nation” have distanced ourselves from Mr. Young. Not me. I fully embrace Mr. Young for his efforts to make sure that ‘Bama Ball keeps its rightful place among the top of college football. USC, Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Michigan football be damned. Alabama IS college football and the sacrifice that Mr. Young has made should be a shining example of giving up yourself for the greater good of Alabama football. RTR…

I am getting almost misty eyed writing this, but if I can get at least one of my fellow ‘Bama brethern to see the light, then I will gladly dehydrate by ocular extraction for the greater good. After all, Mr. Young gave the ultimate gift in the name of Alabama football, so a few lost tears won’t hurt.

Last December, before I made my winter hunting trip to Shreveport, I was in the Bass Pro Shop in Prattville looking for a brand new Benelli Super Nova w/ Steady Grip. This gun is perfect for hunting the native nutria in Shreveport. As I was holding the piece, a vision came upon me. As I made my purchase, I decided to name this particular gun Mr. Young. This gun would be used to pierce the hearts and heads of any prey that may come before me, just as Mr. Young used his incredible finances to ensure recruits land at Alabama. Anyway, after we set up our nutria blind in Shreveport, I got my gear on and loaded Mr. Young. As I laid down cabbage leaves in the nutria kill zone, I raced back to the blind until the first critter came out. I grabbed Mr. Young, saw the creature through my Bushnell scope, and squeezed the trigger. I caught that nutria right between the eyes. Mr. Young was accurate and deadly, just like the original. We ate plenty of nutria that night in December, along with some Golden Flake chips and a Coke, just like Bear did. The next night, we watched the Tide roll over those pagans from Colorado.

Mr. Young, you are gone, but this Little Bear Cub will never forget you or the sacrifice that you made for the University of Alabama. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, armed robbery, Asphyxiation, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, BCS, Bear is Dead, boosters, cheaters, College Football, Crimson Tide, Dead Drunk, DUI, ESPN, fire philip fulmer, Florida Sucks, football, Football Poll, Fulmer, fulmer sucks, killer, legal troubles, Logan Young, Mascots, mentally challenged, mobsters, moral victories, moron, NCAA, Nick Saban, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, Po Po, poker, Police, repo, retarded, Rips Media, Roll Tide, Saban, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

Uh Oh, Pacman Is “Gon Make It Rain”

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 25, 2008

pacmanparty.jpg

So Pacman just went on Michael Irvin’s show today saying how he needed to watch who he hangs out with, and now this. Pacman, along with his trusty sidekick “Spoaty” are having a sockhop in “da ATL” on Sunday. So if anyone is in the Atlanta area on Sunday and need some way to kill off a Sunday night, here ya go. Ladies get in free and Grey Goose is on the house. I guess this means that Dana Jacobsen won’t be there since she’s a Belvedere chick. Don’t worry, they can afford all of the free Grey Goose because they got the flyers printed at Cheap Ass Flyers…

0124jacobson.jpg

Posted in alcoholics, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Big East, bongs, boo birds, classless, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Dead Drunk, Discipline, draft pick, drugs, DUI, dumbass, ESPN, football, guilty, Hip Hop, ho, Jerry Jones, legal troubles, Liar, Little Bitch, Marijuana, mary jane, moron, NFL, NFL Football, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Spoaty, Sports, stupid, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, WVU | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Academic Probation, Underage Drinking, Fire Extinguishers & the Amish, Yep Spring Practice has Begun for South Carolina

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 25, 2008


Yes he’s probably drunk & he’s a moron

A hippie, an Amish man & a dope smoker all walk into a bar together. No, this isn’t a joke they are all real people and they all play football for USC.

Stephen Garcia is the “future” of Gamecock football. So far his off the field resume of getting in trouble with the Po Po is rather impressive.

Garcia enrolled early at South Carolina to get a jump start on spring practice but was suspended from the team a year ago after two arrests. In February 2007, he was charged with drunkenness and failure to stop for a police officer. About a month later, he was charged with malicious injury to personal property after he keyed a professor’s car. Then Steve God Spurrier stated that one more slip up and Garcia will be history. At the time Garcia swore to the public that he had “learned” his lesson.

Hey Old Ball (sac) Coach here’s the other slip up and another is being investigated your boy hasn’t learned jackshit.

Last Saturday it seems Garcia, offensive lineman Heath Batchelor and walk-on quarterback Zac Brindise were having a mini-Mensa meeting outside the East Quad dormitory around 6:30 p.m.

After several complaints of loud noise in the courtyard between the East and South Quad dormitories, the Po Po was called. There they discover this meeting of young brilliant minds debating Einstein’s theory of Relativity, the writings of Nietzsche & whether it’s best to change the bong water daily or let it sit awhile. The Po Po also discovered coolers of beer which was supplied to them by Garcia’s older creepy brother.

All three USC football players were charged with underage drinking while Garcia’s brother was charged with transferring beer to a minor. Heath Batchelor parents are rather distraught considering his strict Amish upbringing. At least he looks Amish from the photo.


Let’s get drunk & churn us some Old Ball (sac) Coach butter!

Garcia paid a fine of $257.50 in Columbia magistrate’s court Monday on the underage drinking charge, according to his attorney, Neal “Johnnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Garcia’s license will be suspended for four months, but he will be able to drive his moped. At least Garcia didn’t embarrasse himself any further by asking for a jury trial.

But that’s not the end of story dear readers, some five hours later officers interviewed Garcia again after police and the Columbia fire department responded to a fire alarm at the dorm at 11 p.m. Authorities discovered an extinguisher had been discharged on the third floor of the dorm.

Garcia told police he discharged the extinguisher after noticing sparks coming from his electric bong stove, according to the incident report. Garcia is listed as a suspect on the report, but has not been charged. McKinney said the incident remains under investigation.

Under USC athletic department policy, athletes who are arrested face automatic suspensions that can last from 30 minutes or even a whole day. It is unclear whether the same discipline applies to athletes issued citations by police. Of course that doesn’t make a difference because Garcia wasn’t going to be able to practice anyway because he has already missed classes this semester.

Why he would miss classes is beyond me, after all he has been a student at South Carolina for over a year now and yet he’s still a freshman! Plus does this jeopardize his PTI (Pre Trial Intervention) status? The judge did warn him that one more slip up could mean trouble for him.

Instead of being a Cock of balls, Spurrier has elected to leave the fate of Garcia to school officials. Which is strange when he wants or needs something he’s usually the one to tell the school how to do things.

“Stephen Garcia’s fate is in the hands of the University of South Carolina,” Spurrier told reporters Monday night following practice. “He may be out here or he may not, we’ll just have to wait and see.

.

Asked to clarify, Spurrier said: “They’ve got a president. They’ve got an athletic director. They’ve got a dean. They’ve got a whole bunch of people over there. So if they say he’s here, he’ll be here, OK? His fate is out of my hands. Let’s put it that way.”

Wow, God Spurrier sounds testy. Maybe it’s because his lack of discipline is finally catching up with him or maybe it’s because he knows that a certain Florida coach is rubbing his foreskin vigorously at the thought of being able to pick up Garcia.

A timetable for when the university may make their decision is not yet known so with a little influence from Spurrier, punishment could happen in 2-3 years…depending if Garcia goes pro early.

To view Stephen Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Stephen Garcia’s incident report, click here.

To view Gary Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Zac Brandise’s ticket, click here.

To view Heath Batchelor’s ticket, click here.

 

Another unidentified USC football player getting harassed by “the man”.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Discipline, dumbass, Johnnie Cochran, moped, moral victories, moron, Po Po, PTI, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »