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A Peek Inside of Billy Clyde’s World

Posted by Joel on November 17, 2008

Inside the Kentucky Wildcat Locker Room After Friday’s Loss To VMI

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Wow!!! You fucktards really did it now. I cannot believe it. You are not about to embarrass me again. Wait, too late. You guys are really a group of fine individuals. 2 years in a row. I go to Sew Fine Tailors on Euclid Avenue & tell them to hook me up with the finest suit they have, so ol’ Billy Clyde can look sharp as a tack on opening night, and this is how you sissy merries repay me??? Jeremy, bring me my special Gardner-Webb flask…

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(Billy Clyde takes a swig)

You 22 mother fuckers are making me the fucking laughingstock of college basketball. You hear that??? That is ol’ Billy Donovon laughing his ass off. He turned down this job because their wasn’t enough hair gel in this barren wasteland of a state to last a year. He’s got his own personal Soul Glo guy just to style his hair. But not ol’ Billy Clyde. I don’t need gallons of Royal Crown Pomade in my contract. All I need is some of that Kentucky bourbon and some hot poon. Glynn, show these boys the action I got lined up after I leave here. Where’s that fancy iPhone??? Pass it around the locker room and show these sorry ass losers what they almost ruined for Billy Clyde.

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This here is Becky. She is a Miller Lite girl. Now I don’t waste time on beer because it gets in the way. Now you boys might think ol’ Billy Clyde would be in hog heaven, with a hot piece of tail & massive quantities of beer. But that is why you boys are losers. You don’t think. See, ol’ Billy Clyde is warming up.

(Takes 3 more huge swigs out of G-W gas can flask)

Billy Clyde wants it all. That white suit wearing asshole in Louisville is laughing his ass off at ol’ Billy Clyde. I want it all. That piss ant is getting all the glory in this state. I want one of those fancy banners in the rooftops too, so I can use it as a blanket when I am bedding trim in my off time. Tracy, I need 3 tonight.

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Damn Tracy, times must be hard. The economy is in the tank but I get a 4, 7, and 5??? I thought this was Lexington, not Morgantown??? What about the douchebag guys in the background??? Oh well. Bring them too. First time for everything, like you dipshits losing to a 6 win team. See boys, this is how ol’ Billy Clyde is rolling tonight, since you just ruined my season. Thanks. Career high my ass. There’s a reason I left College Station. That cow town had 3 hot chicks, and all of them were horrible in bed. If you are ever driving through Texas & wanna find College Station, let ol’ Billy Clyde tell you how to find it. You will know you are getting close when you start seeing the sheep back ass up to the fences.

Well, you sorry sacks of shit are excused. I will deal with you tomorrow after I give this poon some of Big Billy Clyde. Towelboy, I am taking some towels home. Gonna need that flask too.

Posted in A&E's Intervention, Adolph Rupp, Billy Clyde, Billy Donovan, Billy Gillispie, College Basketball, Condoms, Dead Drunk, Douche Bag, drunk, DUI, gardner webb, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, Sports, Texas A&M, whiners | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised…But It Will Be On Sale

Posted by Joel on November 11, 2008

It is good to be back in God’s country, Tennessee. I am in Nashville for a conference (coincidentally, the same week as the Country Music Awards, Carrie Underwood in particular). Everything is so familiar: great food spots, Jack Daniel’s and related products readily available, LP Field sparkling bright along the banks of the Cumberland River, the history of Jefferson Street. Even driving here from Houston, the leg of I-40 between Memphis & Nashville is absolutely amazing this time of year, with the trees bright with fall colors as you start going up the hills into town. This is something that I do not get to see at my Houston location due to its four seasons: Cool, Warm, Hot, and Hot As Hell.

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So as I go to visit Rivergate Mall just right outside Nashville, I saw something disturbing. I saw a 25% sign on Volunteer merchandise. Hats, rugs, Christmas ornaments, shirts, even dog dishes with Smokey’s face and orange & white checkerboard on the side. Now I should say that Sports Seasons, the store that I saw this, is notorious for hard to find sports apparel and at ridiculously high prices. When they have a sale, the prices are usually where either they should have been at first, or the competition has caught up with their chain and now they need to drop the price and advertise as a “sale”. They did not allow people to take pics inside the store, but clearance items were even 25% off the lowest marked price. Guess which coach had a whole table full of things with his name and/or likeness on it??? While I was there, I ran into a Bammer that said to me “Don’t worry. We have these things happen every few years since Bear died. In a couple of years after Saban leaves we will do the same to him too”. That made me feel a little better, I guess.

As I went through the mall, Champs, Foot Locker, and other stores all had Vol merchandise on sale. Basketball season is coming up and Vol merchandise is on sale everywhere??? Is this going on throughout the state??? As I was thinking about it, maybe this is because retail sales are in the toilet everywhere and they are using the Vols as a ploy to get people to buy $149.99 LenDale White jerseys while they are shopping. But that is spin, and if I am gonna spin things that way then I am no better than a member of the Red Elephant Club.

It could be worse though. Anything with Vince Young’s name, face, or jersey # has been on clearance for months according to the assistant manager, and they still haven’t sold much of it…

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Posted in College Football, Go Vols, LenDale White, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, Vince Young | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

My Memory Of Fulmer

Posted by Joel on November 3, 2008

So Fulmer is gone. Wow. This is the breakup that you knew would happen, but when it does happen you are still shocked. Watching the press conference, I saw a man with a fire and passion still for Tennessee football, but was also sad that his time was gone. Seeing him tear up was touching, although a $6 million buyout along with his legendary status in the state & Vol fans nationwide will dry his tears.

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I wanna travel back in time and share a memory that I had of Coach Fulmer. I went to Knoxville in the spring of 1997. I had a childhood friend that was getting scholarship offers from a ton of schools, including Tennessee. Since I was in college in Nashville, I agreed to meet my friend in Knoxville. You know, like I really needed an excuse to go to Knoxville. Anyway, we go there with his mom and stepdad & tour the campus then meet with the football staff. After catching a shuttle to Neyland, we meet some of the players there along with Coach Fulmer.

A lot has been said about his weight. I can’t think of another coach that has been photoshopped with love (and hatred) than Coach Fulmer. With that said, meeting him I could see that he generally doesn’t skip a meal with plenty of carbs and sugar. In other words, he’s a big guy. But when meeting him, he was gentle. I can remember Fulmer telling my buddy & I to meet him in the tunnel, along with some of the other recruits. I can remember him giving us a pep talk then telling us “Will you give your all for Tennessee today?!?!” Of course we said yes and ran out of the tunnel like we were about to line up. He made me feel like I was actually a player, even though I was far from it.

A few years later, I visited my friend & two of his linemen buddies in their apartment. They had to go to study hall on Sunday & as we get on campus, we see Fulmer pull up. After speaking, he tells me that someone on his staff needs to be fired to have a skinny runt on his team. I shoot back that they recruited me so I could be his personal Krispy Kreme guy. He laughs, puts his massive hands on my shoulder, and says “Well if that is the case, your hands are empty & you’re fired”. He was a good sport about things.

Whatever happens, I will always remember Coach Fulmer for a lot of things, but these are my two favorite memories of the man. Work like heck.

Big John Henderson is scary…

Posted in College Football, football, Fulmer, Go Vols, NCAA, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols, vols | Leave a Comment »

It Could Be Worse…At Least We Aren’t…

Posted by Joel on September 30, 2008

Obviously, this year’s edition of Volunteer has officially gone down the crapper. Visiting any number of Volunteer blogs will do nothing more than depress you. Well I am here to cheer up fans of Rocky Top. Even though the days of acutally competing with Top 10 teams and being considered the upper crust of the SEC are gone, and Fulmer’s coaching career have gone down quicker than a 50 cent stripper on 2 for 1 night, things could be worse. The hard working folks at Losers With Socks asked a very intriguing question, “What is worse than the Tennessee Offense?”  Well that got me to thinking, what if Tennessee football was meant to suck??? Since I am a glass is half full type of person, and we here at YMSWWC consider ourselves “Solutions Oriented”, I have decided to cheer up the fans by saying that it could be worse…at least we aren’t…

I cannot tell if these guys are entering the practice field stadium for the next loss or leaving because they wanna hit the internet and read about the next 8 year old that Billy Clyde just signed. See, the school thinks football is that sport that gets in the way of basketball. So let us examine some of the “fine points” of Kentucky football, and Wildcat fans, you should be ashamed.

  • They can’t get Ashley Judd to show up there. Who could blame her.
  • When Bear Bryant coached there, he was smoking Lucky Strikes & had no houndstooth.
  • You had to get Jeff Sagarin & his iMac to declare you National Champions in 1950 (before integration).
  • Your cheerleading squad has won more titles than you, a fact your school proudly declares on your website.
  • You keep asking at games “When are they gonna put up basketball goals”
  • You have only gone to 12 bowl games in history.
  • Hal Mumme brought offense and probation with him.
  • Can’t beat Tennessee.
  • George Blanda is the last All-Pro your school has produced.
  • Tim Couch.

So you see, it could be worse Vols. Oh, and don’t worry Kentucky. Midnight Madness is on October 10th, Patrick Patterson is returning, and Ashton “I’m Rick James Bitch” Cobb is no longer on the team. Good times by all…

Oh and I know Kentucky is 4-0 so far, but beating such powerhouses like Middle Tennessee St., Western Kentucky, and Louisville only makes you champions of I-65…

Posted in College Football, Crime & Punishment, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers, Tim Couch | Tagged: , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Howdy Doody Has A Doozy Deal

Posted by Joel on September 24, 2008

For the 2 regular readers of this blog (and the thousands of trolls), you may or may not know that West By God Virginia holds a special place in our hearts and minds. By no stretch are we Mountaineer fans. Our beloved orange warriors win championships (although none in football thanks to that fat, stubborn…sorry, wrong subject). All one has to do is type West Virginia in the search box to see plenty of Mountaineer fodder.

So whenever this fine institute of higher learning makes the news, we take special notice. I mean, why wouldn’t we??? The writers at The Young & The Restless couldn’t write more drama in the past year. Just Rich Rodriguez alone would be Victor Newman, and Michigan would be the new young and beautiful chick that stolls into Genoa City that he would bang instantly.

In Coach Bill Stewart’s contract, the signed deal includes 1 extra year that wasn’t on the original offer sheet. Also, if he is fired before January 3, 2009, the school must pay him $4.125 million. Former embattled school president Mike Garrison can’t be blamed for this one though, because he was gone by the time the contract was finalized and signed, which was on Sept. 10. The big deal was that a flat $1 million buyout clause was negotiated and agreed upon in the original offer sheet. In other words, now West Virginia can’t fire this guy until Jan. 4. By then, the Mountaineers could easily be 6-6. There is hope though, 6-6 could be good enough to win the Big East.

West Virginia is it’s own worst enemy. Shame too. The school could be great. Wait, let me re-phrase that. The school could be better than mediocre. Whenever the administration and athletics department decide to join 2008 and get out of 1972, please let me know. For all I know, they could still be playing John Denver in Mountaineer Field on an 8 track. Mountain momma, take me home…

Posted in BCS, Big East, bongs, boo birds, boosters, College Football, Couch Burning, Crack, NCAA, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, WVU | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Resume Watch: After Hurricane Ike Edition

Posted by Joel on September 22, 2008

On a serious note, those less fortunate along the Texas coast can use whatever help you can give. You can donate money to the Red Cross by clicking here. Large amounts of products, such as diapers, toothbrushes, water, etc. can be made by clicking here.

Anyway, it is time for the following coach to update his resume. No, not a certain coach in Knoxville. I am sure plenty of fellow Vols are busy writing his resume for him. I am talking about mi amigo, and possibly the absolute worst hire at a major D-1A program this side of Coach O…

MY good buddy, Bill Stewart. The man who is supposed the lead the Mountaineers to the promise land. The guy who was supposed to lead the Mountaineer program to a national title. The genius that would turn Pat White into the pocket passer that Rodriguez couldn’t develop. The master of all things West By God Virginia.

Hey Thomas, remember all of those many comments from the Mountaineer faithful that came to the site the days leading to the Fiesta Bowl, and when Team Turmoil beat Oklahoma??? Where the hell are they now??? I said back then that the school decided to go with the one night stand instead of the sure thing. And now they sit 1-2. Looking at the remainder of the schedule, I see losses to Auburn and South Florida. I can see a possible upset to Louisville and UConn (man I can’t believe I said that). Howdy Doody.

So, Coach Bill Stewart, you are a nice guy. You are in over your head, but a nice guy. Unfortunately, all of those lonely couches in Morgantown are missing the warm embrace of kerosene and matches. They cannot burn themselves, and with you at the helm, I am afraid that instead of the fall smell that normally encompasses the air in West Virginia won’t be the sweet mix of cotton/polyester blends and pressboard. Instead, it will be the usual scent of coal, sulphur, meth, and depression. And there is no one else to blame but the meddling governor, the outgoing school president, and the inept AD. Country roads…

Posted in Big East, Bill Stewart, boo birds, boosters, coach o, Coach Rich Rodriguez, College Football, Couch Burning, NCAA, Sports, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, WVU | 1 Comment »

Resume Watch Week 2

Posted by Joel on September 8, 2008

Two coaches that should probably schedule moving trucks:

Al Groh: I know that Frank Beamer has owned Virginia forever, so he or Va. Tech fans probably don’t want to see him leave. But for all of the NFL talent that has gone through the halls of Virginia, he really hasn’t done much. I am sure Virginia fans will say that he deserves to still be head coach, the fact remains that a beautiful campus and hot but underrated co-eds will not get the players to run a 3 yard out on 3rd & 18. That is a result of coaching.

USC throttled the Cavs. That is understood. I get that, because USC is about to dismantle Slowhio Statein a few days. But when you have to use a QB who is on probation for alcohol possession and he tells his probation officer THAT HE IS STILL DRINKING & SMOKING WEED just days before the game against mighty (1-AA) Richmond, that is not good. However, knowing that the school will let you smoke weed and drink to your hearts content as long as you can suit up for Saturday will be great for recruiting.Up next is a road trip against the powerhouse UConn.

Tommy West: During his tenure at Memphis, West has guided the Tigers from piss poor to somewhat mediocre. Yes, they have played 2 bowl games in the Superdome (New Orleans Bowls, let us not kid ourselves), but when you let Rice score 29 points in the 4th quarter of a game you had in hand, it is time to get a rack of Interstate ribs before you leave town. Maybe West is learning lessons from the John Chavis Mustang Package.

Not only is it time for West to go, but it is really time for Memphis to assess a few things. Mainly, the basketball is making money hand over fist. The football team has more red ink on its P&L’s than a Rambo movie. If Memphis is going to play football, they cannot treat the program like it is just a time killer until basketball season starts. I can’t ever seeing the football program worth a damn. Marquette and Georgetown do not play D-1A football and they are financially successful as an athletic department. My grandmother used to say it is time to either shit or get off of the pot. For years, the Tiger program has been floating. I say the school needs to flush. Next on the Tigers schedule is Marshall.

Posted in ACC, College Football, Conference USA, Memphis, Memphis Tigers, NCAA, NFL Draft, Sports, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

RIP Don Haskins

Posted by Joel on September 7, 2008

Don Haskins, longtime coach of Texas Western/UTEP, died at age 78. Due to the movie “Glory Road”, he and the Texas Western team received well overdue mainstream attention. God bless the Haskins family during this time…

Posted in NCAA, Sports | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Resume Watch

Posted by Joel on September 5, 2008

I know it is early in the college football landscape, but after this weekend’s orgy of football watching, there were two coaches who stood above the pile of horrible coaching. One of these guys should have been gone last year, and the other one will be gone due to a difficult schedule & young players.

Dave Wannstedt: Some say he should have been gone last year, even with the win against West Virginia. Some say he should not have been hired at all, especially if you look at his “success” with the Chicago Bears & Miami Dolphins. He has shown that he can recruit but cannot coach. Not a good combination, especially in the cream puff heavy Big East. At the very least, with the facilities and boosters that Pitt has, the Panthers should be just behind West Virginia and South Florida. Alas, they are busy pillow fighting with UConn for mediocrity. I would hire him as a defensive coach/recruiting coordinator when he gets fired but nothing more. He should not have gotten this head coaching job in the first place.

Ty Willingham: This one hurts to write. I think Ty Willingham is a good coach who got the shaft at that blasphemous school in South Bend. But he has a young team that got throttled in the second half of Saturday’s game vs. Oregon. Now the Pac-10 is a good conference. Besides USC, you have those tree hugging hippies at Cal, Uncle Phil’s Nike money at Oregon, hot chicks at Arizona St. (to entice recruits), and an up and coming UCLA team. In other words, Willingham can’t be bad. He has a good young QB in Jake Locker, but from what I saw Saturday, they need receivers that can catch more than staph infections. The team is young, and looking at the schedule for the rest of the year, I see 10 losses easily. No way the alums in Seattle go for that.

There are others that I could have put on here like Greg Robinson of Syracuse or Chuck Long of San Diego St. but these were 2 games that I saw glaring needs of regime change.

Posted in BCS, Big East, College Football, Dave Wannstedt, NCAA, Pitt Panthers, Sports, tyrone Willingham, Washington Huskies | Leave a Comment »

Uh Oh…

Posted by Joel on September 4, 2008

After watching the game against UCLA, I am sad. Not because Tennessee lost, but looking at the schedule, guess who’s coming to Knoxville on Sept. 20. I think I might call in to work that following Monday, because the Jack Daniel’s will flow like the river that day…

Posted in College Football, Go Vols, NCAA, SEC, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers | 2 Comments »