Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Archive for the ‘nickelback sucks’ Category

Jigaboos vs. Wannabees

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 20, 2008

Jigaboos are smart, athletic, natural, and talented. Jigaboos are every woman. Wannabees are special. They take pride in their appearance. They are not afraid of perfection, even if it means more time spent on themselves and the others around them.

Jigaboos are led by a person who tries to look out for their own interests, yet is not afraid to capitalize on her own individual success. Wannabees have a fearless leader who would rather stay the course as opposed to jumping from one place to another.

Whenever Jigaboos and Wannabees play each other, the Wannabees win. Wannabees win championships, sometimes defeating Jigaboos if necessary. The Jigaboos are jealous of the Wannabees recent victory. Wannabees are not complaining at all. Jigaboos have enlisted the help of someone of ancient descent to complain to the higher powers that the last matchup was not fair. Wannabees shrug it off.

Jigaboos are just jealous that they are not proud winners like the Wannabees. Jigaboos, deep down inside, want to be pretty like Wannabees. Jigaboos should just shut up and play.

As you can tell, I am a Wannabee fan. Rocky Top Wannabee…

Posted in basketball, Big East, karma, mentally challenged, moral victories, NCAA, nickelback sucks, retarded, Rips Media, Rocky Top, Rutgers, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big East, ugly wives, UT vols | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 29, 2008

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Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Auburn, bad calls, bad drivers, bad newz kennels, Bammers, baseball, basketball, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, classless, College Basketball, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, DAvid Stern, Dawgs, Dead Drunk, Discipline, divorce court, dog fighting, drugs, DUI, dumbass, Ed Orgeron, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, football, FSU, Fulmer, gambling, Gamecocks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, God, Goodell, guilty, Herban, Herban Meyer, ho, hooker, Houston Nutt, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Judy, killer, Kobe, legal troubles, Little Bitch, LSU Tigers, Major League Baseball, marcus vick, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, mississippi state bulldogs, Mitchell Report, MLB, mobsters, moron, murderer, NBA, NCAA, New York Knicks, NFL, NFL Football, nickelback sucks, notre dame sucks, NRA, NWA, OJ, OJ Simpson, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, oliver stone, ookie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, refs, repo, Ricky Williams, riots, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Sports, Stephon Marbury, steroids, stupid, taser, taxes, team spirit, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Juice, Touchdown Jesus, trader, trailer trash, ugly wives, upsets, Vick, Vick Plea, VIP Connection, vols, walk-on, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, whore, WVU, zeke | 1 Comment »

My Sports Superstitions

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 24, 2007

With the my beloved Red Sox in the world series this year, I’m willing to freely admit I have sports superstitions that I regularly follow. I believe it’s scientific proof that superstition rituals work, just your superstition ritual has to greater than the superstition ritual of a fan on the opposing team. If your team is defeated 2 years in a row year, then it’s time to step your ritual.

I’ll break mine down by team and situation.

Red Sox vs. The (suck ass) Yankees: To ensure a victory for my Red Sox I like to find the direst, whiniest & most disgusting homeless person and throw unopened jars of baby food at them. If it isn’t Gerber then it ain’t shit.

Red Sox In The World Series: I throw a brick at every moron I find wearing a Nickelback t-shirt. I actually do that year around for good measure.


Pic courtesy of Outer-MonVOLia

Tennessee vs. Florida: I haven’t nailed this one down yet. Next year I believe if I fire a AK-47 at an impound lot at approximately at 4:30 AM while chanting “Tebo only scored 890 on the SAT” then that should do the trick.

Tennessee vs. Georgia: Right before each game I call my Ex to remind her of how much her mother resembles Uga. She moved and for awhile I couldn’t reach her, but damn that restraining order, for the past 2 years I’ve found her.

Tennessee vs. Alabama: For awhile it was reading from the memoirs of Mike DuBose, but now I’m stepping it up to text book burning.


Pic courtesy of LWS

Tennessee vs. South Carolina: Don’t have one, never have needed one.

Indy Colts vs. Anyone: Simple place a horses head in the bed of a fan from the opposing team.

That’s all the ones I currently do, but if you have any and would like to share feel free and post a comment. If you would like to try any of these for yourself feel free. I highly suggest throwing a brick at a Nickelback fan because I really really really hate that damn band.

So I profess on this day 10/24/07.

TtT

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Sucks, Boston Redsox, Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, Indy Colts, Major League Baseball, MLB, new york yankees, NFL, nickelback sucks, Peyton Manning, satire, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tebow, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »