And now let’s break for something slightly, unintentionally inappropriate

So I am sitting there watching this bowl and I hear that line. Needless to say I had to contemplate what that guy was thinking or if perhaps it was me who was the fool, as if that was some sort of Hawaiian tradition or ceremony or something.

I stopped short of a Google search on golden shower fearing God would cancel my Christmas.

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YMSWWC’s Awesome F**cking Guide to the 2008 Bowl Season! (With pictures this year)

This would have been posted earlier but I kinda sorted screwed up and forgot to send Joel the bowl schedule. Yeah, my bad, I’m a dick. Whatever. Anywho let’s go over this year bowl schedule and mine and Joel’s picks and then you call your bookie.

This year there is a smorgasbord of crap-tastic games to choose from! Yay!

Non-BCS Bowls

EagleBank Bowl
When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN
Where: Washington
Who: Navy vs. Wake Forest

Joel says: Anchors aweigh. I really wish Navy would have beat Notre Dame again this year. Wait, this is a real bowl game???

Thomas says: I pick Navy because I’m sick and damn tired of hearing how the Wake Forest is so good. Blah blah blah. Is this bowl game being funded by any of the bailout money by the way?

College Football Week 14 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Yes folks I decided to take some time away from writing and enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend, I hope you had a pleasant and happy Thanksgiving.

I dub yesterday as disappointment day with the exception of Tennessee. I don’t mean to gloat, well…actually I do but this is the worst team that Tennessee has even placed on the field and yet Kentucky still couldn’t beat them. The streak lives on because Tennessee is Tennessee and Kentucky is Kentucky.

I’ll have a full write up on that game tomorrow.

Notre Dame put up a fight against USC at least until kickoff occurred. The Irish kept interrupting the Trojans’ pregame warmups which resulted in punches thrown and the Po Po intervening. Of course in the end Southern Cal proved what everyone knows and that is Notre Dame is a horrid team. Next stop on the Brian Kelly rumor-mill…why I’m betting Notre Dame.

Georgia seriously screws my picks up and loses to Georgia Tech.

Same old South Carolina, they still can’t beat their arch rivals the Clemson Tigers even though Clemson has an interim head coach. Hopefully this win will lead to Clemson offering the job to Dabo Swinney.

The Ole Ball (Sac) Coach is plenty mad after this embarrassment which lead Spurrier to degrade his players even further publicly. Honestly I’m wondering if he has lost this team. The reason I say that is because at the end of the game South Carolina tried to start a fight instead of shaking hands…classless.

Florida did what everyone thought they would do and beat up Florida State.

With Boston College and Virginia Tech both winning yesterday it looks like a rematch is set for the ACC title game. The same game that didn’t sell 50% of the tickets last year. Joy…

Alabama ends the Auburn winning streak they had against Bama…rather soundly at that. Time will tell if Auburn is foolish enough to fire Coach Turbeville.

No Rose bowl for you Oregon State, unless by some miracle UCLA can upset Southern Cal. Oregon State got hammered by the ugly uniform wearing Ducks of Oregon.

Oklahoma and Oklahoma State was a closer game than what the score indicates and it was a great game. Hats off to both teams.

College Football Week 12 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Let’s be honest. Yesterday offered a plethora of crappy games. On the bright side my beloved VOLS didn’t lose, of course they didn’t play but that’s not the point.

Clemson light Duke up. One more win and they’re bowl eligible.

Will Ron Zook be asked to step down after losing yet another game?

Look out Notre Dame is now bowl eligible even though Navy had a chance to win it in the end. Charles Weis really needs to look into doing some push-ups.

Georgia and the penalties they accrue almost cost them the game against Auburn.

Florida hammered South Carolina which is absolutely hilarious to me. Living in Columbia you should have heard all the things the Cock fans were saying. Deuce Staley actually said on his weekly radio talk show, “Carolina’s defense can match up with anyone’s speed in the country.” Really Deuce? You couldn’t tell from their performance yesterday.

I continuously laugh when I watch TV ads for other schools. And then a Florida ad comes on. “Go Gators. Go cure cancer.” Oh, that seems pretty simple. Tebow will take care of that in between circumcisions this off-season.

Does anyone really want to win the ACC?

Miami should be thanking Maryland for beating North Carolina.

Wisconsin discovered something called a forward pass and beat Minnesota with it.

Has anyone noticed that Nebraska is bowl eligible yet?

Missouri wins the Big 12 North…yes people that still exists.

Florida State couldn’t control penalties & Boston College’s running game at the same time.

It can be said: Vandy is bowl eligible. Kentucky might have been still mourning the humiliating loss the basketball received at the hands of VMI the night before.

Washington is still winless go figure.

Houston doesn’t have a problem as they rack up 70 points against Tulsa.

LSU almost embarrassed themselves and the SEC yesterday.

Michigan endures their first 8 loss season ever. I’m sure they’re glad they hired Rich Rodriguez now.

Cue up the Wham! Intro Music, Brady Quinn has been named the Starting QB for the Browns

All metrosexual Notre Dame and Cleveland Browns fans can now publicly cheer and jitterbug to Wham’s Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go because tomorrow night Brady Quinn makes his first official start as a NFL quarterback.

Brady Quinn the most popular second string QB to never start a game or contract a Cleveland staph-infection not only does a great Michael Jackson pose but was also a damn fine college QB and because of that he deserves no DEMANDS to start, at least that’s what analyst Tony Grossi thinks:

Quinn doesn’t have the RPMs on his throws that Anderson does. But what the Browns lose in torque, they gain in accuracy and, based on Quinn’s major college career, field leadership and perhaps huddle presence.

The Browns have to find out who is the quarterback to lead the team to the Super Bowl. Quinn deserves to start the final eight games, time enough to develop a rhythm with the front-line players previously denied him.

The Browns better hope that Quinn is the player for whom Phil Savage traded two high picks in 2007 to acquire. Nobody can say the Browns forced him in ahead of his time. If anything, they waited too long.

I think the No Homo thing in the NFL is now officially over. If this gig doesn’t work work, I can see Quinn doing The Village People 2.0 or being in a remake of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

This bold and exciting move can only mean that this year’s football season in Cleveland is officially over. A 4-4 team with no defense vs. a 3-5 team? Great scheduling!

Does this mean Browns fans can quit their griping from earlier about being the most tortured fan base or does this move just prove their point?

I just think Browns fans are kidding themselves if they think Quinn is going to be doing any better than the current QB. During his final year at Notre Dame he played three teams with a winning record and crapped his pants against all of them. I fear that he’s going to have the mental makeup of Rex Grossman, with half the arm strength.

Brady is not the monsoon to Cleveland’s championship drought but hey he apparently doesn’t like gays either even though you can’t tell by the photo below.

College Football Week 10 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Thank God there’s more chaos in the polls this week and here is a newsflash: Tennessee sucks really sucks. I’ll have a complete write up on their game tomorrow after I review the tape today.

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez will be home this holiday season because for the first time in 33 years the Michigan Wolverines will not be bowling. The last time that happened it was 1975.

Look for West Virginia to be ranked later today.

Central Michigan gets an upset victory over Indiana. Don’t worry Hoosier fans you have basketball season to look forward to. Oh wait no you don’t.

I feel your pain fan Wisconsin fans.

Minnesota gets upset by that smart Big 11 10 team known as Northwestern.

Miami is a dangerous team to play just ask Virginia.

Houston Nutt continues to impress as Ole Miss defeated Auburn.

Kansas opened a can of whip ass on K-State.

Arkansas gets an upset victory over Tulsa.

Way to go Pitt, you’re still relevant.

Miss State you’re not relevant.

Cal gets the upset win verses Oregon.

Georgia Tech continues to win.

Florida took revenge for the last year’s loss again Georgia & set themselves up to make a run.

It was the last game of Texas’s gauntlet but Texas Tech spoiled the party and remains undefeated. Now will Oklahoma be ranked above Texas Tech? That really wouldn’t be fair would it since they just defeated the team that handed Oklahoma their only loss of the season. This is why we need a playoff structure.

Duke was so close but yet so far away yesterday.

North Texas…what a week…12 players fail drug tests and yet they still managed a victory yesterday.

Oh my God Syracuse actually won a game yesterday.

Don’t look now but Oregon State is almost bowl eligible.

Utah continues it’s reign as a BCS buster.

Clemson wins a HUGE win against Boston College.

Go play for Notre Dame or when I’m released from jail you’ll be sorry

Recruiting is the one aspect of college football that probably goes on all year long. It’s not supposed to but let’s not be naïve here, it does.

Imagine for a second that you’re a talented high school player that is receiving offers all the time from big name schools. You would get your mail and see offers from Tennessee, Alabama, USC (the one that wins championships), Miami, Notre Dame, Georgia, a letter from an inmate that is in prison somewhere in California, Penn State & Michigan.

Wait…a letter from a California inmate? What the hell? Is my real father trying to contact me? All joking aside this happened to two such talents in Arizona.

A couple recruits in Arizona – including Devon Kennard, son of former Wolf Pack player Derek Kennard – received multi-page letters from an inmate in the California State Penitentiary system urging them to choose Notre Dame.

I’m a little perturbed that an inmate has the resources to scour sites such as Rivals & Scout to find this info out about high school football players that potentially could go to Notre Dame.

Of course I’m equally as bothered by the fact that someone actually cares that much about Notre Dame. Maybe the prisoner is a Notre Dame alum or a former priest. Either way if I was a high school football player and started receiving letters from some prison inmate, I would be freaked the hell out.

College Football Week 9 is in the books & here’s what I learned

It sucks to be a Tennessee fan this season however I’ll still support them no matter what. As always a complete write up on the Tennessee/Alabama game will be tomorrow after I torture myself by watching a replay of the game.

There were other teams in action yesterday. Let’s look and see what we have learned from yesterday.

UCONN got back on the Big Least track by hammering Cincinnati.

Indiana upset the smarties of Northwestern.

Apparently Boston College doesn’t want too go to the ACC championship game.

Wisconsin finally won a game by beating the fighting Zookers of Illinois.

Here’s a piece of advice: never schedule Texas Tech as a homecoming game. Just ask the Kansas Jayhawks.

The fall of Wake Forest and the rise of Miami as begun.

Minnesota is 7-1 and for real.

The gaytors of Florida hammered Kentucky by blowing them out by 58 points. Hey did they steal your plays as well?

Oklahoma scored 55 points in the 1^st half against Kansas State but only 3 in the 2^nd half. Oklahoma still handily won the game.

Vandy is still not bowl eligible and Couch Cut picks up another win for Duke.

Florida State beat Virginia Tech, that and the fact Virginia beat Georgia Tech means Virginia of all ACC teams is on top of the Coastal division in the ACC.

Look out folks Louisville might be back, they upset South Florida yesterday.

The beast known as Georgia reared its head yesterday by hanging 52 points at LSU. As you can see from the photo LSU fans is thrilled at all. (Click on it)

Trends started at Rutgers…

1. College football (1866)
2. Giving the finger to hovering HD cameras at college football games (2008)

For the first time in 10 years Michigan State beat Michigan at Michigan. I’m sure things are getting hot for Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez.

Texas barely wins against Oklahoma State. Folks this Oklahoma State is for real just America’s coach, Mike Gundy.

Pittsburgh was doing well but they regressed yesterday while Rutgers beat them.

Missouri took some frustration out on Colorado yesterday.

Texas A&M beat Iowa State. Check this video out. You have to love fans whose team is not performing well talking shit about the other teams. This video is hilarious!!!

JoePa gets his first win at the horseshoe since 1978 as Penn State beats Ohio State officially knocking them from playing in this year’s title game.

Washington is still winless and Notre Dame is 5-2.  They could become ranked this week.

Houston Nutt took Ole Miss in to Arkansas handed them another loss. I’m he is savoring that one.

College Football Week 7 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Chaos in the polls and I love it!!!! Yesterday was definitely the best slate of games this whole season and of course the best slate to surprising upsets.

Who is #1? It’s question that will be answered later today in the coaches poll and will be argued by everyone in the country.

I wonder who is feeling the heat more Tommy Bowden or Phillip Fulmer. Of course Tennessee lost because they suck no matter how hard I cheer for them. The full write up on the game verses Georgia will be tomorrow after I painstakingly watch a tape of the game later today.

Toledo’s record against Michigan improved to 1-0 yesterday which was a shocker.

I’m sure Arkansas is tanking Auburn for firing their offensive coordinator. You can the “inside” story of the firing right here.

All eyes were definitely on Texas yesterday as they upended Oklahoma.

“I’m 40! I’m a man! & I just beat Missouri bitches!” says Mike Gundy AKA America’s coach.

Tim “TiVo the Teabag” Tebow can go back to circumcising kids now since Florida hands LSU an ugly loss. Hell Tennessee didn’t allow Florida to score that many points.

Penn St. makes an argument on why they should be considered #1. as they gave Wisconsin a second straight loss at Camp Randall.

The Texas Tech offense isn’t putting up the points it used to but manages to defeat Nebraska and avoid being upset.

USC rolled against a dead Arizona State team.

BYU won. Who cares?

What’s wrong with Ohio State’s offense? Sure they won but they only scored 16 at home.

I was one of the few people in my pick’em to pick Miss. State over Vandy. Bobby Johnson you just got Croomed!

Kansas proves that they are still a factor in the Big 12.

Everyone point and laugh at Notre Dame. OK that’s enough. I seriously wonder how much Charlie Weis weighs.

It took the G-Spot Stephen “I keyed a professor’s car” Garcia to allow South Carolina a victory or KY. Hey Brooks maybe they stole your plays as well…asshole.

Look out Virginia is 3-3.

Not only does Lou Holtz have a lisp, slobbers when he talks but he also looks like he has had a chemical peel that never healed.

Georgia Tech you barely defeated Gardner-Webb seriously WTF?

Show some love to Minnesota as they handed the Illinois Fighting Zookers a surprising loss at Illinois.

Wow Iowa actually won a game.

Dumb ass comment of the day goes to Lou Holtz when he mentioned comparing Colt McCoy’s stats to that of Vince Young’s the year Vince Young won the Heisman. The problem is Young never won the Heisman…what a dumb ass.

College Football Week 6 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Let’s be honest for the most part yesterday was an exciting & entertaining crappy day of college football.

As always I’ll have a full review of the Tennessee game tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today. For the most part the death clock continues to toll for Philopotamus.

Pittsburgh is still alive in the Big Least and shot down South Florida which I was glad to see.

Duke was on a roll until they met another team from a “smart school” that was also a buzz saw name Georgia Tech.

Michigan State continues to quietly win while Iowa continues to quietly suck.

Has anyone noticed that Minnesota is 5-1?

Right now Penn State is the most underrated top 10 team in the country.

I asked this question on a message board this week it is worth asking again. Should Arkansas be considered a Div. 2-A school this season? I bet Atlanta doesn’t look so bad to Bobby P. now huh?

Kansas, remember them? Well they almost were victims of an upset yesterday.

Oklahoma didn’t have any trouble winning their first game as the #1 in the country.

Virginia Tech is suddenly the team to beat in the ACC.

Notre Dame is 4-1 and almost lost to Stanford. With their weak schedule why aren’t they in the top 5? (Sarcasm people catch the fever!)

The Fighting Zookers of Illinois reinserts themselves in to the Big 10.

Wisconsin is on the fail slide.

Texas Tech is 5-0 and it looks like their offense has awaked.

I hate F$U but they are 4-1 and their game with Miami was a classic.

UCONN is the latest Big East failure.

America’s coach Mike Gundy has Oklahoma State at 5-0. He’s a man he’s 40! By God.

Holy shit just when you think Maryland is coming back and Virginia is dead. Virginia dismantles Maryland big time.

Arizona is 4-1 look for them to be ranked later today.

Oregon you picked a bad time to play SoCal.

Missouri might be the best team in the country right now and Chase is clearly the Heisman leader.

Wow Hawaii beat Fresno State…wow.

Vanderbilt upends Auburn at home which worries the hell out of me.

South Carolina’s offense finally shows life and Garcia still isn’t a starter, maybe he should key another professor’s car to get a little attention.

While Bama might have won yesterday the fact that Kentucky has the #1 scoring defense in the nation is no fluke.