Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘Old Ball Sack Coach’ Category

South Carolina’s Emanuel Cook ruled too stupid to play in the Outback bowl game

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 18, 2008

Emanuel “Gun Charges” Cook, the talented strong safety and South Carolina’s leading tackler for the past 2 seasons, has been ruled academically ineligible for the Outback Bowl.

Maybe the stupid tag shouldn’t apply here, you see Cook simply quit going to class and while there are academic advisors who take the tests for tutor the “student athletes” and report any problems to the Ole Ball (Sac) Coach (wink wink nudge nudge), apparently someone failed to do so in this case, or God Spurrier simply chose to ignore it. After all this is the same coach that whined because some of his recruits were too stupid to even gain admission at one time.

Several of the Gamecock faithful are questioning just how long as this gone on. Mainly because of the comments Spurrier made regarding this situation with Cook.

“It’s disappointing that he did not think of his teammates or his university. It’s not hard to pass six hours. But he didn’t put much effort in, it appears. And that’s why he’s not playing. And it appears, right now, he’s played his last game.

He tossed it in midway through (the semester) from what I understand,” Spurrier said.

He had 6 SEMESTER HOURS to pass? Six? That’s all? Why that’s only around 2 flipping hours a week. My question is if this has been happening since the middle of the semester then how in the hell was he playing? At least Fulmer and other coaches suspend players for a game or two when they don’t go to class. Oh wait…that’s because they also seem to find out when their players fail to meet the standards regarding class attendance. Apparently Spurrier can’t say that same.

Another question I have is how long until E Cook’s gun falls out of the waistband of his sweatpants and fires a bullet into his leg?

Update 12/19/08

Apparently Cook isn’t the only stupid player, offensive lineman Kyle Nunn could not pass the pathetic 6 semester hours and the academic status of Dustin Lindsey, who actually flunked out completely once before three years ago, awaits a word on his academic appeal. In other words he re-colored his picture and kept within the lines this time.

spurrier

Advertisements

Posted in dumbass, Emanuel Cook, Gamecocks, Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

College Football Week 14 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 30, 2008

Yes folks I decided to take some time away from writing and enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend, I hope you had a pleasant and happy Thanksgiving.

I dub yesterday as disappointment day with the exception of Tennessee. I don’t mean to gloat, well…actually I do but this is the worst team that Tennessee has even placed on the field and yet Kentucky still couldn’t beat them. The streak lives on because Tennessee is Tennessee and Kentucky is Kentucky.

I’ll have a full write up on that game tomorrow.

Notre Dame put up a fight against USC at least until kickoff occurred. The Irish kept interrupting the Trojans’ pregame warmups which resulted in punches thrown and the Po Po intervening. Of course in the end Southern Cal proved what everyone knows and that is Notre Dame is a horrid team. Next stop on the Brian Kelly rumor-mill…why I’m betting Notre Dame.

Georgia seriously screws my picks up and loses to Georgia Tech.

Same old South Carolina, they still can’t beat their arch rivals the Clemson Tigers even though Clemson has an interim head coach. Hopefully this win will lead to Clemson offering the job to Dabo Swinney.

The Ole Ball (Sac) Coach is plenty mad after this embarrassment which lead Spurrier to degrade his players even further publicly. Honestly I’m wondering if he has lost this team. The reason I say that is because at the end of the game South Carolina tried to start a fight instead of shaking hands…classless.

Florida did what everyone thought they would do and beat up Florida State.

With Boston College and Virginia Tech both winning yesterday it looks like a rematch is set for the ACC title game. The same game that didn’t sell 50% of the tickets last year. Joy…

Alabama ends the Auburn winning streak they had against Bama…rather soundly at that. Time will tell if Auburn is foolish enough to fire Coach Turbeville.

No Rose bowl for you Oregon State, unless by some miracle UCLA can upset Southern Cal. Oregon State got hammered by the ugly uniform wearing Ducks of Oregon.

Oklahoma and Oklahoma State was a closer game than what the score indicates and it was a great game. Hats off to both teams.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, Big Twelve Football, boston college, Brian Kelly, classless, Clemson Tigers, Dabo Swinney, Fights, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fulmer, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Hokies, Kentucky Wildcats, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Old Ball Sack Coach, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, southern cal, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, USC, Virginia Tech | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

College Football Week 12 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 16, 2008

minnisotagirls

Let’s be honest. Yesterday offered a plethora of crappy games. On the bright side my beloved VOLS didn’t lose, of course they didn’t play but that’s not the point.

Clemson light Duke up. One more win and they’re bowl eligible.

Will Ron Zook be asked to step down after losing yet another game?

Look out Notre Dame is now bowl eligible even though Navy had a chance to win it in the end. Charles Weis really needs to look into doing some push-ups.

Georgia and the penalties they accrue almost cost them the game against Auburn.

chompFlorida hammered South Carolina which is absolutely hilarious to me. Living in Columbia you should have heard all the things the Cock fans were saying. Deuce Staley actually said on his weekly radio talk show, “Carolina’s defense can match up with anyone’s speed in the country.” Really Deuce? You couldn’t tell from their performance yesterday.

I continuously laugh when I watch TV ads for other schools. And then a Florida ad comes on. “Go Gators. Go cure cancer.” Oh, that seems pretty simple. Tebow will take care of that in between circumcisions this off-season.

Does anyone really want to win the ACC?

Miami should be thanking Maryland for beating North Carolina.

Wisconsin discovered something called a forward pass and beat Minnesota with it.

Has anyone noticed that Nebraska is bowl eligible yet?

Missouri wins the Big 12 North…yes people that still exists.

Florida State couldn’t control penalties & Boston College’s running game at the same time.

It can be said: Vandy is bowl eligible. Kentucky might have been still mourning the humiliating loss the basketball received at the hands of VMI the night before.

Washington is still winless go figure.

Houston doesn’t have a problem as they rack up 70 points against Tulsa.

LSU almost embarrassed themselves and the SEC yesterday.

Michigan endures their first 8 loss season ever. I’m sure they’re glad they hired Rich Rodriguez now.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, boston college, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, Duke Blue Devils, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Houston Cougars, jorts, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan Wolverines, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Old Ball Sack Coach, Pac 10 football, Ron Zook, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tebow, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, Uga, Univeristy of Troy, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Washington Huskies, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Maybe it’s bad artwork that is the reason as to why South Carolina football players can’t drive mopeds

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 6, 2008

That picture is bullshit. Nobody wears Russell anymore....

I think this one is titled Straight For the Jugular! Death to the Old’ Ball (sac) Coach! But that’s not all folks. Steve God Spurrier is clearly the inspiration submissions to that mail-order art school that have commercials on TV during daytime programming. I just drew the mouse and never heard back from them.

I’d always imagine that Spurrier would be best depicted with a cock over his shoulder.

Arkansas Sports 360 reports that you can own an autographed copy of the above print by going here.

In the next painting which I believe is called Chicken Poops on Steve’s Arm is also available. I mean really look at his face…it’s almost frightening.

Yes, that's right. Lou Holtz's heart, bring it back here. Think you can handle that?

Not shown: Cousin Eddie attempting to batter and deep-fry the rooster’s feet.

Now you might remember me writing about how the Gamecock players have trouble doing the simplest of things like riding mopeds. Well apparently there’s been yet another moped accident.

Kenny Miles a freshman tailback apparently figure out to operate the brakes which has led to God Spurrier enforcing a helmet rule.

“We’re going to start enforcing our guys to wear helmets on those scooters. We’ve got to do that. We’ve had about three or four accidents,” Spurrier said Wednesday. “Kenny Miles got scuffed up pretty good, so he’s out for a couple weeks. But he’s OK. He got his face – looked liked he slid into second base on a paved road.”

Of course it’s a law that they are required to wear a helmet…so I’m sure they will follow your rules instead unless those painting are causing bad judgment on the player’s part, which is always a possibility. Of course frequent use of the sweet icky weed would have the same effect.

Imagine getting high and then looking at those paintings….oh the humanity!

Posted in Marijuana, moped, Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Like the Herpes Garcia keeps returning to the Gamecocks

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 31, 2008

How many college students do you personally know can key a professor’s car and not get expelled? The answer is either zero or one if you happen to know Stephen Garcia on a personal level.

Here is what the Garcia time line looks thus far:

2007

  • January: Arrives on campus
  • Feb. 17: Arrested in Five Points and charged with drunkenness and failure to stop on police command
  • Feb. 19: Suspended indefinitely by Steve Spurrier from team activities
  • Feb. 22: Reinstated to team
  • March 3: Arrested and charged with vandalizing the car of a USC professor two days earlier; suspended indefinitely
  • March 5: Issues a public apology and has his long hair trimmed
  • March 7: Spurrier announces Garcia will be suspended from spring practice
  • April 16: Reinstated to team
  • June 29: Enters pretrial intervention program that would clear charges from two previous arrests
  • Aug. 28: Spurrier announces intention to red shirt Garcia for 2007 season
  • October: Girlfriend gives birth to a boy, Memphis

2008

  • March 21: Begins spring practice in open competition for starting quarterback job
  • March 22: Cited and charged with underage drinking; listed as only suspect in discharging of fire extinguisher in campus dorm
  • March 25: Suspended from team activities until Aug. 15 by the university.

And of course the USC higher-ups can not even make that stick. Pathetic.

Garcia, suspended since March following his third run-in with the law in a 15-month span, is back on the campus of USC. Anyone want to take or make bets as to how long it will be before he is wearing handcuffs again?

“Stephen is the third quarterback. Stephen’s not going to talk to the media. Stephen doesn’t need anymore attention,” Spurrier said. “He’s had plenty of attention for a guy who’s never played a down.”

Oh but don’t you believe that. After all it was the Ole Ball (sac) Coach Steve God Spurrier that proclaimed in April of 07 that if Garcia slips up one more time he would be forever kicked off the team. Of course that didn’t come to pass now did it?

Garcia earlier today issued a statement through USC thanking the University for yet another chance and saying he will not speak to the media until he’s played in an official game.

“I thank everyone at the University of South Carolina that was involved with my reinstatement – for giving me another chance to be a student-athlete here.

All I can say is that I will try to be the best student-athlete I can during my career here and make this decision a positive one for our university.

The media attention needs to go to Tommy Beecher and the other players on our team. I will not start talking to the media until I begin playing in the real games here at Carolina.”

pic courtesy of Chicken Curse Dot Com

Of course he is back. USC coaches are not into trying to form young minds properly and to teach them what they need to succeed in the world. By God they’re football players NOT student athletes! All they care about is their dumb, pugilistic, criminal football team that is so second rate that they are barely worth mentioning when discussing college football, unless you’re talking about college football failures. 😉 Garcia’s real game of quarters will be sometime tonight expect a press conference by tomorrow.

The Gamecocks are expecting a 7-6 season this year: 7 Arrests, 6 convictions. Hopefully they won’t mistake him for one of the refs when he shows up still wearing his prison jumpsuit.

Let’s face it Spurrier is feeling the heat in the Deathbed of Coaches of trying to climb to a 7 – 5 record this year. If he believes Garcia can help, he’ll do whatever it takes to have him on the field. Some things never change.

Q: What is Steve Spurrier’s biggest concern?
A: Whether or not the NCAA will count bail money as a recruiting violation.

Billy Bob Bammer has issued the following statement in regards to this matter:

“This is kind of fine upstanding player that could have saved Coach Shula from getting fired. rtr Mr. Garcia has been at USC since 07 and still a freshman? How in the daggum hell did Shula let this one get away? RTR Bitches!”

Posted in moral victories, Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Gamecocks Meet Technology

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 18, 2008

Yes this is a true story.

I was talking to a buddy at work yesterday about the difference between “replica” and “authentic” jerseys. Somehow the conversation veered towards how much would a South Carolina Gamecock jersey sold for. We had a standing bet of somewhere between $1.99 & someone paying you to take it as opposed to the “sale” price of a Tennessee jersey which the cheapest I found was $149.97.

So I typed in “authentic Gamecock football jersey” in the Google search box, without the quotation marks of course. And guess what the first store to pop up is? Gangstyle.com. And yes they are selling them. I wonder if I could order a Gamecock blood sect t-shirt as well.

With all the drug arrests, stabbings and gun charges the players rack up I found it rather fitting. The first store to pop up when you type “authentic Vols football jersey” is Football Jerseys & More.com.

Speaking of the Internet and the Gamecocks, Steve God Spurrier doesn’t take defeat well but he keeps trying. Last season he launched his own website at an astounding rate of $99.95 a year. Of course everyone realized that the athletic department needed to raise bail money someway so nobody questioned the price.

Needless to say the site flopped and within six months it was gone. I wonder if the 6 straight losses helped propel that in any way.

Well lucky for you Gamecock fans the Ole Ball (Sac) Coach is giving it another try, and this time the price seems a little more reasonable at $49.95 per year or $4.95 a month. Of course the other SEC coach’s websites are free…

The site will feature more inside looks at Gamecock football including the arrest and booking process. Plus it features having Spurrier miked up while playing a round of golf & construction updates on the expansion of the team’s crack house training room at Williams-Brice Stadium.

The site will feature a staple of last year’s site: the ‘Ask HB(S)C’ section, where fans type their questions and have them answered by Spurrier.

Imagine the questions that will be asked:

  • “Hey coach why didn’t you have the balls to kick Garcia off the team?”
  • “Hey coach will you suck against Vandy again?”
  • “Hey coach Gangstyle.com refuses to give me a refund. Will you have a player place a cap in their ass for me?”

Compared to paying $99.95 a year and getting to hear the Ole Ball (Sac) Coach wheeze his way through a round of golf, $49.95 might seem like better buy. According to my sources it be easier to navigate but the Gamecocks will still suck on field.

You can go see yourself SpurrierHB(S)C.com.

This moment was classic, it ran in the paper here.

Posted in Cocks, Gamecocks, Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Now is the Perfect Time to Become a Walk-On at South Carolina

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 28, 2008

Ever wanted to play “big boy” football in the SEC? Ever wanted to play for Steve God Spurrier? Ever wanted to be a part of a tradition that is steeped in disappointment, failed drug tests and felony arrests? If you said yes to any of these questions then now is the time to be a walk-on Cock. (However you will wear orange…Richland County Detention orange that is)

Now is the time to embrace your future and become a walk-on player for the South Carolina football team. Why do I say that? Because the scholarship players are dropping like flies.

The latest victim is defensive tackle Kenrick Ellis.

Ellis, who was one of the stars of USC Coach Steve God Spurrier’s 2006 recruiting class, puffed when he should have passed one to many times and was booted from the team yesterday.

“Kenrick’s gone,” Spurrier said. “He’s finished.”

Ellis is yet another Gamecock player from the state of Florida to be dismissed from the team. Ellis is also another recruit that Urban Meyer wanted to be in his top one percent of one percent recruiting class. So in a way USC is just like Florida minus the fact that Florida actually wins games.

So now is the time to become a Cock for USC. (University of Smoking Cannabis) I’m sure walk-on try outs will held soon. Just bring your enthusiasm, ability and bong. Toke one for the OBSC!!!! Go Cocks!

This could be you!!!

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

Posted in drugs, Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Hey Yo! Chickens Can’t Fly

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 4, 2008

I found this hilarious video to share and here’s an update on the latest Gamecock that was arrested. It seems Spurrier has stated that his player has done nothing wrong and in fact was ambushed by the Po Po.

Spurrier said that so far, he’s not sure that his player is at fault, and he’s not currently suspended.

“Kevin Young, from what we have heard, did nothing wrong the other night,” Spurrier said. “Some guy took a swing at him and the next thing he knew, he got punched we think by a police officer, but the facts are all gonna come out. But until the facts come out he is not in trouble with me if his story verifies to be a fact.”

So far the Columbia Po Po has yet to respond to these allegations. Could it be the officer is a Clemson grad and if that was case wouldn’t the officer gain more satisfaction from reminding Young of last years game and the overall record of the Gamecocks? Me thinks so!

Anyway enjoy the video. The visuals suck but it’s all about the audio.

.

 

Posted in OBC, Old Ball Sack Coach, scandal, SEC Coaches, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

West Virginia Is Trying To Imitate An SEC School…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 7, 2008

Ah yes West By God Virginia. Apparently, if making the news for fake degrees, suing former football coaches, and, well, being West Virginia was not enough, now the football players are trying to imitate an SEC team. Which SEC team??? I will get to that in a minute…

New Mountaineer coach Bill Stewart has recently announced that LB John Holmes (insert porn joke here), DL James Ingram (no relation to soul singer of the same name), and RB Ed Collington (I got nothing here) are no longer on the team. They will be able to retain their scholarships through the end of the spring semester. These 3 geniuses were pulled over for speeding. When the police opened the car, they detected the smell of the “stickiest of the icky” commonly called in Gainesville Gunja-Aid or in Knoxville known as a Recruiting Tool (which obviously didn’t work due to the crappy signing class). Upon searching the vehicle, baggies of the “green stuff” were found both in the car and in Ingram’s shoe. Wait, it gets better: Ingram told the cops that more weed was located in their apartment. Try not to shake your head so hard.

So of course, thanks to a helpful hint from Deputy Barney Fife, the cops search the apartment and found a lot more drugs and bags. Now, because McGruff the Crime ‘Eer told the cops about the extra weed and baggies, they are facing several more felony charges than they would have been if he had just kept his mouth shut. Either he had a moment of clarity because he knew he was doing wrong, or that weed was so good that he just had to tell the cops in hopes they would buy some. Of course, I wonder where that weed will end up once the trial is over with. Someone should have told these 3 that couches are the thing to burn in Morgantown, not blunts…

Now I know which SEC team that WVU reminds me of, and honestly it only took a few seconds of reflection because well, this is West Virginia we are talking about. The school is Thomas’ favorite whipping boy, the University of South Carolina. Let’s examine a little further. Both the Mountaineers and the Gamecocks have losing all-time bowl records, neither school has won a national championship in football but their in-state rivals (Marshall and Clemson) both have national titles, both fanbases have an over inflated sense of entitlement, and both have had players that have done some of the most head scratching things to get in trouble with the cops that you can think of.

So there you have it. The Mountaineers and the Gamecocks are now 2 kindred spirits. West Virginia can say with pride that even though their athletics department is slightly more organized than Iraq circa 2003, they can say with pride that they are almost at an SEC level. Nothing will stop the ‘Eer and ‘Cock Connection from years of mediocrity and no glory to speak of. Long live ‘Eer and ‘Cock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wvu9.jpg 1320566.jpeg

Posted in ass chewing, bad drivers, BCS, Big East, bongs, classless, clemson, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, College Football, court tv, Crime & Punishment, Dave Wannstedt, Discipline, drugs, dumbass, Gamecocks, guilty, legal troubles, Major Harris, Marijuana, mary jane, moral victories, moron, mullets, NCAA, Old Ball Sack Coach, Pacman Jones, Po Po, Police, pot, road rage, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Football, South Carolina, South Carolina Gamecocks, stupid, team spirit, USC, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, WVU | 9 Comments »

Newest Name In the LSU Rumor Mill…Steve Spurrier???

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 29, 2007

usc.jpg

Here I am, enjoying a day off of work and on my way back from Christmas shopping with my daughter, and one of the local sports stations here in Houston were talking about possible coaches to LSU should (when) Les Miles leaves for Michigan. One name that they were discussing were current South Carolina (and Thomas the Terrible’s favorite coach) Steve Spurrier.

This could not be true right??? No, of course not. So in an effort of fine “journalism”, I had to do research as soon as I got home, preferably from another news source, because after all, we would not be true “bloggers” if we just threw turds against the wall until something stuck. Well, according to Carl DuBois of The Advocate, Spurrier’s name has been thrown around as a possible replacement. Apparently, this rumor has been floating around the bayou for a few days.

Pros: With the rich talent base in the state of Louisiana, coupled with the fact that LSU is pretty much the school in the state, Spurrier’s offense would put up gaudy numbers. Let’s face facts: Chris Smelley or Blake Mitchell is no JaMarcus Russell or Ryan Perrilloux, they have a stable of RB’s at LSU compared to whoever they have at RB for the USC Roosters, and let’s not even talk about offensive line or receivers.

Cons: Spurrier is no longer a spring chicken, Louisiana is not known for its golf courses, and Carolina ended the year on a looooooooooong losing streak. Has the genius that is Spurrier lost it’s luster???

Again, right now it’s all a rumor. For all we know, Lou Holtz or Mark May might be rumored for the job. You just never know. But one thing is for sure, just when I think I have seen it all in college football, something else surprises me…

Posted in All SEC Teams Beware!!, BCS, Blake Mitchell, College Football, football, Gamecocks, Holtz, Les Miles, LSU Tigers, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »