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Archive for the ‘Penn State’ Category

The Penn State Mascot likes to get his drink on

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 2, 2008

It’s been a rough couple of years for the Penn State football team, at least when the subject of arrests is brought up.

James Sheep is a senior at Penn State and is also the Nittany Lion mascot. Last Saturday Sheep proved he can be a member of the football team by getting arrested for driving under the influence.

Maybe the Sheep was a little too excited about winning the Land Grant Trophy and going to the Rose Bowl, but that doesn’t explain why not only he chose to be an idiot and drive while intoxicated but also he was playing overcrowded taxi as well.

The officer who made the stop saw that the vehicle was overloaded, with passengers piled onto each other and blocking the driver’s view.

Now I’m sure the other passengers were perfectly alright to drive. *Sarcasm*

He was arrested at 3:15 AM on Saturday morning, leaving plenty of time to go through the booking process and make bail. Didn’t anyone notice he had a hangover for the game?

It will be up to JoePa on whether Sheep travels to Pasadena for the Rose Bowl. No word of ESPN’s Outside the Lines is planning a follow-up.

In fairness to the Lion, the final home football game means now he has to pull duty at PSU basketball games. I’d be drinking too.


Posted in big ten, big ten football, drunk, DUI, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Mascots, Penn State, Penn State Nittany Lions | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Brent Musburger offers a glimpse inside the mind of Joe Paterno and manages to depress me. What a kill joy.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 16, 2008

Yesterday I was listening to the Dan Patrick show on the radio. One of Patrick’s guests for the day was ABC sports caster Brent Musburger. He was on the show to discuss college football. Now personally I’m not a fan of Musburger or Patrick for that matter but it beats listening to Top 40 crap and the local Gamecock homers that are on the other stations here in Columbia.

Musburger decided to depress the listening audience. While admitting to having a personal friendship with JoePa and through the power of “candid” conversations Musburger offered the following glimpse inside the mind and life of JoePa:

“This is a tough one for me because I have to say up front that JoePa is a dear friend of mine…I’ll tell your listeners the truth as to why he still does it. He is fearful – and he looks back at Bear Bryant as the example – he is fearful that he would not be with us if he stepped away. He is a man that doesn’t fish, doesn’t play golf…he has no other interest other than his family and football. And he’s just afraid what would happen with the rest of his life if he walks away from it.”

Remember this isn’t Musburger analyzing but rather JoePa admitting he fears dieing once he retires. It should be noted that while I’m not a fan of Penn State I am a fan of JoePa. This could be a brilliant negotiation ploy by JoePa’s agent. Get that man a raise.

If you think about it JoePa might be on to something here. After all Behr Bryant died just 28 days after announcing his retirement from Alabama.

So it’s understandable. If I gave up writing, I’m pretty sure I’d die or, even worse, get some work done. Charlie Weis feels the same way about that fourth whole turkey that JoPa feels about football.

If Brent Musburger walked away from announcing, I think some of us would live longer, or just breathe easier.

Posted in big ten football, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Penn State, Penn State Nittany Lions | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Joe Pa Hates Democrats & Probably has a Crush on Ann Coulter

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 31, 2008

Joe Pa, the underpaid coach of Penn State, is a noted Republican. PSU President Graham Spanier doesn’t pay Joe Pa enough to deal with coaching football or curtailing former presidents. That’s why Joe Pa decided against greeting Bill Clinton when the former president visited campus on behalf of his wife’s presidential campaign.

Clinton pitched the Penn State ties of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton on Thursday during a stop in State College, reminding the mostly youthful audience that her father and brother both played football at Penn State. In fact, brother Hugh Rodham, a 1972 graduate, was a backup quarterback under Paterno. Of course he was a backup for reason…Democrats run the practice squad & Republicans play at Penn State.

“I had a little bit of soul search I had to do when President Clinton was here the other day,” Paterno said Saturday. He said he felt that perhaps he should welcome Clinton out of respect for his status as a former president.


But in the end, Paterno said, “I didn’t want to get into that because of my situation, because I couldn’t vote for either one of them because I’m a Republican.”

However Paterno’s degenerate son and quarterbacks coach, Jay Paterno, supports Clinton’s rival, Sen. Barack Obama, who is scheduled to make a campaign stop at Penn State on Sunday. The younger Paterno said at the opening of Obama’s campaign office in State College that his choice was rooted in what’s best for his five children.

“The only thing I have for Jay is admiration for him because he’s willing to do what he thinks is right,” Paterno said. “He’s sticking his neck out for Obama.”

Posted in Clinton, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Penn State, Penn State Nittany Lions | 6 Comments »

Toughest 81 Year Old in History

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 24, 2008

81. That is a significant number. Yes it is the number of a once entertaining, loud mouthed, suicidal wide receiver with a bad case of the drops. It is also the age of the toughest 81 year old coach in college football history, Joe Paterno.


The stories of him are legend. He still runs everyday. He’s not afraid to get in the grill of one of his massive linemen. He still wanted to coach his team on the sidelines just a few days after breaking his leg. He once crushed a milk carton on his head and didn’t even look to see if he recognized the missing person on the other side. He has been an institution, both at Penn State and college football. He even has a class at the school where students get to examine his historical role with the media (in case underwater basketweaving is full). So why does he not have a contract after this upcoming year???

graham_spanier_091305110347.jpg king.jpg

To the left is PSU President Graham Spanier, who to me looks remarkably like Pres. King from Doonesbury. Anyway, apparently Spanier has twice before gone to Paterno back in 2004 to try to convince the coach to quit. It didn’t work last time and for some reason, I don’t think it will happen this time. Besides, if they get rid of Paterno, a new coach won’t come nearly as cheap as the old coach. Young guys are easily commanding on average $2-3 million per year. They aren’t paying Paterno squat currently.

Spanier does not know who he is messing with. Even the name of Joe Paterno should send shivers down his spine. He does not know the power of Paterno. He certainly doesn’t want to challenge him MMA style. JoePa will break him off and have his beating heart on a platter next to the All-American Slam at Denny’s. And please don’t let the servers tell JoePa about the Senior’s menu. He hates that. Run him off, you administrators at Penn State if you dare. When you see him pick up a briefcase and his trusty Winchester named Bessie, that will be your ass that he will put on a platter at Golden Corral. Just remember: All God’s creatures have their place, right next to the mashed potatoes. And Paterno is hungry…

Posted in Ass Whipping, BCS, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boo birds, boosters, bumrush, cat killer, classless, College Football, College Gameday, dumbass, ESPN, Fines, football, Football Poll, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Lee Corso, NCAA, Penn State, Penn State Nittany Lions, satire, Sports, sports & stuff, stupid, team spirit | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Joe Pa Denies Road Rage, It was More Like Road Annoyance on His Part

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 12, 2007

Joe Paterno the man, the myth, the living legend denies any involvement in a road rage incident that occurred last week. Sure he’s at least 80 and sure he initiated the whole thing, but he’s Joe Pa and no damn state official in Pennsylvania will take his driving privileges away, unless they want someone else to coach a sub-par Penn State team.

“An exchange of words with another motorist on a campus road was blown out of proportion by Internet-fueled rumors and media speculation, Penn State coach Joe Paterno said Thursday night.

The motorist complained to university police about Paterno’s conduct after the Oct. 5 incident. No charges were filed.

Paterno, on his weekly radio show Thursday night, said the incident happened after he noticed a car had driven through a stop sign.”

In all seriousness I have a lot of respect for Joe Pa, but has anyone noticed those coke bottle glasses he wears? The lens has to be thicker than the Hubble telescope. I bet driving behind him is like driving behind most old people, the speed limit is 55 & they will not dare go over 30, even on the freeway.

“Later, when the person stopped, “I blew my horn at the person. … Then I pulled up beside her because there was nothing coming the other way,” Paterno told listeners. “I pointed my finger at her … and I said, ‘Boy, you went through that sign.'”

Paterno said he told the driver, “‘Don’t do that again, because I took your license number.’ And I really hadn’t taken her license number. All of a sudden, somebody knocks on my window. I put the window down, and he says, ‘That’s my wife.'”

Paterno said he responded to the driver’s husband, “Boy, that’s your problem” — though he later regretted saying that.

Paterno said he addresses safety issues with students when he sees a concern on campus.”

Finger at her and said boy….try saying ma’am it sounds politer and less confrontational. The line about telling the guy “that’s his problem” regarding his wife is gold. On the other hand Joe Pa is lucky he wasn’t taken from the car and beaten like the way a sorry Michigan team beat Penn State this year. People are crazy nowadays, it’s best too learn to mind your own business.

“He said he was angered by rumors — which first surfaced on Internet message boards — calling the incident “road rage” or saying that he used profanity.

“I really resent the whole thing. I don’t even know the names of the people who accused me of it,” Paterno said on the radio show.

He also said he was angry with some recent print and broadcast media reports about the incident.

“Very, very resentful of the media who are out in left field, because it’s not fair,” he said. “I’m not the greatest guy in the world. I make a lot of mistakes, and they want to second-guess my coaching. But gee, when I was doing what I thought was helpful. … Now it’s a national event.”

Aww it’s not fair…boo hoo. The lack of discipline in your program isn’t fair to the boosters, you don’t hear them whining. Notice his line about second guessing his coaching? I have a feeling that’s what he’s really mad about. It’s national event Joe Pa because this week has been really slow story wise. Almost 6 days since a Gator has been arrested. Wow! Of course the Penn State players are taking up some slack, but they’re arrested for minor things, your team needs to get some balls have one of the players go rob someone for a change.

“According to a police log reviewed by The Associated Press, a staff member reported just after noon Oct. 5 that “a male driver committed a traffic violation and acted in a disorderly manner.” University police do not release names in cases in which no charges are filed.”

No they didn’t release the names to protect Joe Pa, let’s be honest about it.

Penn State vice president Bill Mahon told the AP earlier this week that the chief of police, Steve Shelow, had told him that the case was closed and that no citations were issued.

“We talked to both drivers. We weren’t able to see anything that met a traffic citation or criminal citation,” assistant police chief Tyrone Parham said Thursday, without confirming the identity of the driver who was the target of the complaint.”

If you talked to both drivers then you should have notes on that which would mean you have their names. Unless you’re calling Joe Pa a liar since nothing met a traffic or criminal citation.

“During a news conference earlier this week, Paterno grew agitated with questions about off-the-field problems surrounding his team. A reporter asked Paterno to comment on speculation the coach himself “might have been involved in something,” to which Paterno replied, “Come on, let’s go.”

The traffic incident occurred the same day that Paterno suspended tailback Austin Scott for violating an undisclosed team rule.”

Forget it I’m not retiring yet.

See it all makes sense now. Joe Pa was pissed about Scott, got into his death machine of rage, a 77 Buick, and the road rage took over. I would be upset knowing the only reason I’m still coaching at 80 something is hoping Bobby Bowden retires soon, which isn’t going to happen. I think the AARP needs to step in and have him removed from his coaching job.

I know there are some Penn State fans reading this. Remember this is sarcasm, I like Joe Pa. He’s an institution even he does suffer from road rage time to time.

So I profess on this day 10/12/07.


Posted in bad drivers, big 10, big ten football, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Penn State, Penn State Nittany Lions, road rage | 4 Comments »

The Revelations After a Saturdays Worth of Football Week 1.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 3, 2007

Well, college football is finally here and I spend Saturday going though the hell of having to watch football all day and night. (note the sarcasm cause I’m laying it on pretty thick) Here are just some observations I have.

America’s team Virginia Tech & Texas are overrated (clap clap clapclap)

Underrated the East Carolina defense, Georgia Tech & Nebraska.

Even though they didn’t win the Fighting Zookers Illini are doing better thanks to their coach.

The “unstoppable” offense of Oklahoma State was easily stopped by Georgia.

South Carolina struggled which is a sign of things to come.

Right now Oklahoma looks to be the team to beat not Southern Cal. Sorry Gridiron Goddess.

Philip Fulmer is on the hot seat.

The new Medal of Honor game looks sweeeettttt

Anyone besides me notice Chris Moneymaker the 2003 WSOP champion (yes that’s his real name) in the stands at the Tennessee-Hippie Land Cal game?

Offensively West (soft schedule, no title, no mas) Virginia looks good but no defene to speak of.

Lloyd Carr could wind up at Virginia after they dropped a game to Wyoming.

Boston College put Wake Forest back into the realm of reality.

Wisconsin is the team to beat in the Big Eleven Ten.

Cox of Auburn did not look like a veterian QB at all.

Kentucky can score…damn.

Tiger Woods as over taken Peyton Manning in the “in every TV commercial” department

Ed Orgeron is still bat shit crazy.

Colorado looks better this year, in fours years they’ll dominate.

Teams that still have questions because they played cupcakes are:

Florida, Louisville, Rutgers, Ohio State, Penn State, Arkansas, Texas A&M & of course liar Saban’s Alabama squad.

So I profess on this day 9/3/07.


Posted in ACC, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, big 10, Big 12, big ten, coach o, Crimson Tide, East Carolina, Fighting Illini, Florida Gators, football, Fulmer, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hokies, Kentucky Wildcats, Lloyd Carr, Louisville, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, Nick Saban, Ohio State, Oklahoma sooners, Pac 10, Penn State, SEC, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas A&M, Texas Longhorns, The Big East, University of Southern Cal, USC, UT vols, Virginia Tech, West Virginia | 3 Comments »