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Archive for the ‘Po Po’ Category

It’s summer in South Carolina time for the arrests to start happening

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 26, 2009

Well I certainly hoped you enjoyed your Memorial Day weekend I know I certainly did. I believe that there is one South Carolina recruit and one current football South Carolina player that did not enjoy this past weekend.

First up is the highly touted running back recruit Ben Axon. Axon originally committed to Clemson also had offers from F$U, West Virginia and Purdue.

Axon should be making plans to report to South Carolina in June like all the other freshmen football players but I have a feeling he will be held up for awhile. The Manatee (Florida) Po Po pulled over a car that had the odor the sweet sticky icky weed radiating from the backseat where Axon and the 23 bags of marijuana that he was “holding” was. Call it a tribute to Michael Phelps.

Axon has been released on bail but whether he will have a chance to graduate with his class on May 30th or even the scholarship offer from Steve God Spurrier is still good is right now up in the air. Knowing Spurrier’s past history of discipline I’m sure it is.

Speaking of discipline let’s move on to current South Carolina cornerback C.C. Whitlock. He was just reinstated after the sophomore missed most of spring practice while under academic suspension.

This past weekend Whitlock was arrested for trespassing after him and a few friends refused to leave a club after the owner, security personal and deputies ordered him to exit the premises.

Spurrier has suspended Whitlock from the team for now. Whitlock was one of five players who brawled with non-students in September during a fracas at the food court of the Russell House.


Posted in Crime & Punishment, Discipline, Marijuana, Po Po, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Jayson Williams doesn’t want you to forget him

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 28, 2009

You should remember Jayson Williams. Seven years ago the former New Jersey Nets player accidentally shot and killed his limo driver and then attempted to cover it up. Even though he never served time for the shooting he still faces a re-trial on manslaughter and obstruction of justice charges. But hey what’s another sevens years anyhow? So there’s no rush or anything. 

Williams was arrested yet again after destroying a hotel room and becoming violent and acting “suicidal.” My guess is he is upset over the Jets trading up to pick Mark Sanchez in the draft. I don’t think he’s going to get his TV job back if he keeps up this sort of behavior. 

A female “friend” (most likely a hooker) called New York’s finest were called to the hotel room shortly after 4:00 a.m. Once arriving to the room police discover that Williams to be agitated and “tipsy” and refused to leave the room. Officers then used “an electrical device” to subdue the perp (i.e., they tazed him, bro) and hauled him off St. Vincent’s Hospital for a psychological evaluation. 

Williams has 11 days to accept a plea deal involving the case where he shot his limo driver with a shotgun in his home and is facing a May 12 hearing in a divorce case filed by his estranged wife, Tanya. 

Williams’ lawyers also visited him at St. Vincent’s and one of them, Chris Adams, said afterward: 

“Jayson is at the hospital for a medical issue. He’s in stable condition, and we expect him to be released, with a full recovery. Any suggestion that he is there against will is false.” 

The limo driver’s sister, Andrea Adams, told The Post she doubted Williams tried to commit suicide. 

“It’s just another ploy to get sympathy from the public and postpone the retrial. They keep dragging it on and on and on. You have a wound and they just won’t let it heal.” 

“Somewhere, sometime, Jayson will have to answer for what he’s done,” she added. “Maybe not to me. Maybe not to a judge. But he’s not going to be able to buy his way into heaven.” 

I’d try to kill myself too if people were constantly confusing me with Rick Fox.

Posted in divorce court, Jayson Williams, NBA, New Jersey Nets, NYPD, Po Po, suicide attempt | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Gamecock football player arrested signifies that spring is officially here

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 23, 2009

Toke toke pass

You know it’s been awhile since I’ve had the pleasure of to write anything negative about a Gamecock football player. To be totally honest I was beginning to get worried. I mean spring just isn’t the same around here in Columbia unless you have pollen, thunderstorms in the afternoons and a Gamecock arrest. Luckily for Mother Nature 2 out of 3 ain’t too bad.

Last Tuesday it was announced that defensive tackle Ladi Ajiboye was suspended indefinitely which of course in Steve God Spurrier terms means a couple of practices. It has now been revealed that Ajiboye was arrested in February for being a participant in a drug deal. Somehow the Spurrier regimen somehow kept this hidden from the Gamecock hating liberal media of Columbia. This reason I say that is because all the Gamecock fans complain how only negative things are written about their team.

Within the past two seasons Ajiboye has started in 22 games and is considered a key to the defensive line. Don’t worry Gamecock fans this boy is a producer on the field and you know as well as I do that if the starting QB can key a professor’s car, be arrested multiple times within a year and set of fire extinguishers in the dorms for fun then Ajiboye will be back on the field by next week.

According to the Columbia Po Po, on the February 21st, they witnessed Ajiboye engage in a “hand-to-hand transaction” with another person. Ajiboye at the time was driving Terrence Campbell’s car. Campbell is an offensive lineman for the Gamecocks. Ajiboye just wanted to get his Phelps on!

The Po Po staked out the car and after Campbell like a moron failed to signal for a turn, he was promptly pulled over. There the Po Po found evidence of the sweet sticky icky weed that Ajiboye confessed was his. I will give credit to Ajiboye for manning up there.

“Our narcotic agents witnessed a drug transaction,” sheriff’s department spokesman Chris Cowan said. “They saw him get into the car. They made the stop. He was arrested.”

Campbell, a redshirt junior who started nine games at guard last season, was not charged in the incident.

Never fear Gamecock fans you have Neal “Johnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Believe me he could have gotten OJ off the last charges. Then again if Lourie can’t work his magic then there’s always pumping gas.

Posted in bongs, Crime & Punishment, mary jane, Po Po, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

You will get your ass beat if you rush the field at East Carolina after an upset!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 10, 2008

Imagine if you will that your favorite team just pulled a major upset at home and with the adrenaline that is flowing you decide to rush the field like the other thousand or so fans. One would expect the cops to back off as long as people aren’t getting hurt or starting trouble. This isn’t the case at ECU in fact some people got their asses whipped and now there are plenty reports of police brutality flying around.

Several  police departments and the school investigating claims that the police over reacted when jubilant students stormed the field. There are two incidents, specifically, that East Carolina University Police Chief Scott Shelton says they are investigating for claims of excessive force. The first one is where an officer is seen seemingly throwing punches. The other is an incident where an officer slams a person to the ground. Shelton says, celebration is not a crime and use of excessive force is unacceptable.

“There’s no denying what you saw on film was sickening in nature, now what we have to do is make sure that we do a thorough investigation and find out, not what the person did for him to be taken to the ground, but why the punches were thrown,” Shelton says.

ECU police are assisted at home football games by officers from a number of jurisdictions, including the City of Greenville, Pitt County Sheriff’s Department, the City of Kinston, and Lenoir County.

Shelton said that at a briefing before the game, all officers were told that if ECU won the game and fans attempted to come onto the field, officers should try to deter them by making themselves visible. But if that failed, he said, officers were instructed to step back and focus on making sure that those on the field stayed safe.

“Obviously, the safety of the students, fans and athletes at the game is our first concern,” Shelton said. “It is simply unacceptable that anyone at a game is the victim of excessive force.”

Even though I wrote this parody about being a USC cop it was just that…a parody.

I have seen some videos from last Saturday and they are disturbing. Police officers are supposed to serve and protect. But who will protect the people from the officers the kids were happy over ECU winning the game and some were brutally beaten and for what? Is it a crime to get excited over your home team winning? Believe me there are a lot of good officers but it just takes a few to make them all look bad. These people came out paid their money for tickets to support their home team and when they win they can’t get excited! In all the videos that I saw I did not see anyone strike an officer but I did see officers beating numerous people I guess its just because the people were running past them on the field and that probably made them mad since some of them demand respect as if they are some kind of god that we as citizens have to worship. I am all for abiding by the law and I respect all people not just members of law enforcement.

Watch the lower right corner of the video below.

Posted in East Carolina Pirates, ESPN, legal troubles, Po Po, Police, riots, upsets | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

South Carolina Trustee says Garcia was targeted by USC campus police. Well I know something about that. =)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 7, 2008

Garica getting ready to be strip searched. Don't ask what he's about to do with the mic.

Eddie Floyd, a surgeon from Florence is one of the longest-serving and most influential members of USC’s board of trustees believes Gamecocks athletes have been targeted by the university’s police force.

“I feel they have overstepped in some areas,” Floyd said Wednesday from his home in Florence. “After talking to some of the people, this is how I feel. And I always say what I feel, good or bad.”

“My feeling is that (targeting athletes) has happened. I’m sure the administration may have a different opinion,” Floyd said. “But certainly that’s what I think.”

Of course Dr. Floyd has no thing such as evidence to back this up but hey he claims he is going on his “gut feelings.”

Since I virtually write about every Gamecock arrest I’ve have only found 2 football players arrested by campus police. One was Garcia & the other was Emanuel Cook. Both admitted they were guilty of the crimes they committed but hey Dr. Floyd believes they are caught in an elaborate trap by the campus police.

Floyd, whose contributions helped pay for the USC football office that bears his name, ain’t snitching out who his sources are but said they were not from the Gamecocks athletics department.

Another longtime trustee disputes Floyd’s claims and thinks the guy is off his rocker.

“I don’t think anyone has targeted (athletes) whatsoever,” said Mike Mungo, the longest-serving trustee in USC history with 36 years on the board. “I think the allegations are totally baseless, and I think I’m as well-informed as anyone at the university.”

Mungo said university officials investigated the claims and found no evidence of a police conspiracy against athletes. Gee imagine that.

“Eddie can say what he want wants to say, but I don’t believe that it’s a fact,” Mungo said.

Floyd first voiced his allegations to, some lame-ass fan site. (I think all sites like this are lame)

Floyd told the site he believes Gamecocks quarterback Stephen Garcia was being watched by campus police in March when he and two teammates were cited for underage drinking outside the East Quad dormitory that houses many USC athletes.

Of course he fails to mention that all parties pleaded guilty.

This is where it gets good.

He also said he knew of an investigator with USC’s police force whose office was decorated with Clemson’s signature Tiger paws.

But Floyd pulled what is known as a “half-Saban” Wednesday, and admitted he knew little about the investigator whom he implied had a pro-Clemson bias. Basically he’s an asshole.

“One of the investigators that had a tiger paw in his office, my understanding is he said it was a joke. I don’t know,” Floyd said. “I haven’t looked at it. I haven’t seen it. But that’s what I heard.”

Funny how bravely he can make those statements to a major (although lame-ass) Gamecock site and yet he has never seen it with his own eyes.

The shocking thing about all of this is he’s right…sorta.

Enter operation:

Let’s nail that hippie freak Garcia!Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in alcoholics, Emanuel Cook, Po Po, Police, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

At 2:26 PM Today the Official One Year Anniversary Begins

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 27, 2008

Wow, one solid year of writing this crap for you peons sharing our thoughts on sports related subjects.

First & for most I would like to thank Joel and Ghetto Philosopher for being the men that they are first and contributing writers second. I would thank Billy Bob Bammer and Little Bear Cub but they’re Bama bastards.

I also thank the following blogs in no particular order for inspiration and for giving me laughs when I sometimes need it the most.

I also want to thank the following people/teams/morons & all around idiots for giving such great material.

  • Steve God Spurrier and the USC thugs
  • Florida Gaytors
  • Cheating Bammers
  • O.J. “Slasher” Simpson
  • Michael Vick
  • University of West Virginia
  • New York Yank’mees
  • Every athlete that has been arrested this past year
  • Roger Clemens
  • Mindy Mccready
  • Jerrell Powe
  • Danica Patrick
  • Adam Pacman Jones

But mostly I want to thank you the readers. Whether we have pissed you off or made you laugh thank you for stopping by. The writers and I look forward to another year of slamming your favorite team and/or sports personality.

Posted in Adam Jones, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, conVick, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, Jerrell Powe, Michael Vick, new york yankees, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, Pacman Jones, Po Po, Roll Tide, Ron Mexico, satire, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, West Virginia Mountaineers, white trash, WTF, WVU, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Well at Least Benson Didn’t Get Tasered.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 5, 2008

When I first read about this I had my fingers crossed that he ran from police, so the hilarious jokes could ensue. Needless to say, I’m disappointed. However Cedric Benson still needs a hug.

Chicago Bears failure of a running back Cedric Benson was charged with boating while drunk like pirate after failing a sobriety test and resisting arrest that required officers to use pepper spray before dragging him ashore Saturday night.

The flip side though is Benson didn’t have to say “Don’t taser me bro.”

“I was not intoxicated,” Benson told the Chicago Sun-Times. “There was alcohol on the boat and others were enjoying themselves, but I wasn’t drunk.”

“They gave me a field sobriety test, told me to say my ABCs and told me to count from 1 to 4 up and down,” Benson told the Chicago Tribune. “I’m thinking, I passed all the tests, did everything right. Then the officer told me we needed to go to land to take more tests. I politely asked him why we needed to go to land to take more tests when I took every test. Then he sprayed me with mace, on his boat.”

“I’m not handcuffed. I’m not under arrest. I’m not threatening him. I’m not pushing him. I’m not touching him. And he sprays me right in my eye.”

Yeah….right….sure. Just because you think you passed the tests doesn’t mean you passed the tests. That’s like the drunk guy at the bar thinking he’s the best looking. Just because he thinks he is, isn’t what other people are seeing. And don’t hand out that BS about I asked him politely.

The water patrol can pull you over for any reason, usually for a safety check. When you have more than a dozen people on a boat, you can plan on them pulling you over to see if there are enough life preservers on board. That’s too many people on a 30′ anyway, but no one accused Cedric of actually having a brain anyway.

Dumping “evidence” Cedric?

Benson was operating the boat with 15 passengers aboard when he was stopped by a Lower Colorado River Authority officer for a random safety inspection. He failed a field sobriety test on the officer’s boat and was uncooperative when the officer tried to take him ashore, the authority said.

“When Benson did not pass the test, he presented himself as a threat to the officer and argued about whether or not he would be taken to land to have a follow-up field sobriety test performed on land and refused to put on a life jacket,” the authority said in a statement. The officer had to use pepper spray to subdue Benson, a move the running back was to drunk and stupid to understand.

When are police departments going to realize that pro football players are special citizens who, in pursuing their dreams, have a god-given right to alcohol and guns? The government needs to get back to the business of protecting the rich against the poor and leaving these guys alone.

“Even after they pepper-sprayed me, I have no idea why they did that. I was cooperative,” Benson told the Sun-Times. “I asked them several times why they did that and they didn’t give me an answer.”

Benson then refused to leave the officer’s boat and authorities had to drag him to a car to be taken to the Travis County jail, the authority said.

Of course Benson’s account differs. He told the Tribune that he was not near his family when the police restrained him.

“Nobody saw what he did to me,” Benson told the newspaper. “I started screaming for my mother to come. That’s when they put me under arrest. And the officer threw a life jacket over my head.

“Once we got to land, the Travis County police grabbed me and kicked my feet from under me. So I landed on my back while I was handcuffed. They held me down and held the water hose over my face. I couldn’t breathe, I’m choking, I’m begging the cops, ‘Please stop. Please stop.’ Then they picked me up and dragged me backward toward their car. And I’m still being polite, asking them, ‘Sir, could you please allow me to walk like a man to your cop car?’ They just kept dragging me on.”

Wow you admit to calling your mommy….

“Right now it’s one-sided, and I would like to know exactly what they’re basing their allegations on,” Benson’s lawyer, Brian Carney, told the Tribune. “It’s very, very early. And we still haven’t had a chance to evaluate what exactly they think that they have.

“Those allegations are untrue,” Carney added. “I think it’s a shame that they proceeded the way they did. I can tell you right now that we’re going to resolve this. We’re going to work through it. And we’re going to maintain our position that this was inappropriate and that he’s not guilty of any of these things. Cedric was extremely cooperative with these officers. He complied. He performed their tests that they asked him to do.”

Benson told the Tribune he is about 98 percent healed from the ankle injury that ended his season in 2007.

Good to see him focused on his rehab and the upcoming season. Nothing like getting beat down by the Po Po to help you train. I guess resisting the police helps him work on his cutting and shedding linemen. Problem is that if he can’t shed a couple of cops, he isn’t ready, or ever will be ready to shed DL’s, DB’s, etc.

“This is tough to deal with because you’re guilty until proven innocent,” Benson told the newspaper. “My name is blasted out there like I was fighting these police officers or something. That totally was not the deal. I’m not stupid.”

Oh yes you are! You have had legal problems before.

He was sentenced to eight days in jail in 2003 for a misdemeanor trespassing charge after forcing his way into an apartment to look for a reported stolen TV.

In 2002, a misdemeanor for drug and alcohol charges was brought against him.

Did he also get pepper sprayed before every game last year? That’d explain a lot.

Benson rushed for more than 5,500 yards and 64 touchdowns at the University of Texas, going for 1,000 yards in four straight seasons.

The 25-year-old has done little since the Bears took him with the fourth pick of the 2005 draft.

As a rookie he didn’t beat out Thomas Jones and rushed for 272 yards in nine games. He was more effective the next season while sharing time with Jones, going for six touchdowns and 647 yards.

Last year, Benson took over as the featured back after Jones was traded. He rushed for 674 yards, four touchdowns and 3.4 yards a carry before going on injured reserve in November.

In three years with the Bears, Benson has rushed for 1,593 yards and 10 touchdowns, averaging 3.8 yards a carry. He’s also missed 13 games.

The Bears draft strategy with Benson was:

“Hey Ricky Williams came out of Texas, let’s get this guy!!!”

Nobody wants a RB that doesn’t wear a life-vest when he is abusing alcohol.

Posted in Cedric Benson, Chicago Bears, DUI, Fines, Po Po, Sports | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Spurrier’s Mantra of be Like Florida Effect the Wrong Gamecock Players

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 2, 2008


Going into Spurrier’s fourth season at South Carolina one mantra has been clear and that is “Be like Florida.” Recruit, practice, play & break the law like a Gator and you can win like a Gator.

Over the past three years Spurrier’s players have attempted this mantra only to fail. Several arrests for underage drinking (one the finally landed the greatest Gamecock recruit out of a scholarship), the keying of a professors car, a few simple possession arrests & two fights in which two Gamecock players were winning only to be stabbed do not measure up to the motto “Great law breakers make great football players.”

Now the message seems to be finally sinking in. Two Gamecocks are starting to understand this message & damn it they could be fine football players for the Ole Ball (Sac) Coach and USC. Just one slight problem…the players are women and football ain’t their sport, basketball is.

Jasmine Payne (left), Ashlie Billingslea

18-year-old Jasmine Payne and 19-year-old Ashlie Billingslea, both freshman guards, were arrested after a search of a dorm room in South Quad dormitory by campus po po.

Check out the list of crimes they’re charged with;

  • Credit card theft
  • Credit card fraud
  • Petit larceny
  • Two counts of possession with intent to distribute crack cocaine in proximity to a school
  • Two counts of possession with intent to distribute marijuana in proximity to a school

This might be the straw that breaks the camels back. It’s bad enough that USC football players can’t break the law like Florida but the USC Lady Gamecocks certainly can.

Per university policy, both players have been suspended from the team. Gamecocks coach Susan Walvius declined comment Tuesday through a team spokesperson.

“According to university policy, when something like that happens the student-athlete is suspended from team activities, and we just proceed from there,” team spokesperson Diana Koval said. “As a department and staff, we don’t have any other comment but that.”

The Ole Ball (Sac) Coach also chimed in.

“This is a tragedy that two young women with such potential can do such a thing. It’s tragic because my dang’um boys are to lazy or scared to be real superstars. Christ on a shingle even the women are beating us now.”

Posted in Crack, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, drugs, Florida Gators, Gamecocks, Po Po, Police, pot, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Logan Young: Sacrificial Lamb

Posted by Little Bear Cub on March 31, 2008


Look at Mr. Young. He looks so peaceful, stoic, determined, and defiant. Damned all of the legal troubles, he is a true sacrifice for the institution that we call Alabama football. I love this pic of Mr. Young. Hanging on the wall behind him is God in houndstooth, Coach Bryant. I dare not call Mr. Young by his first name, because he is too important in the annals of Alabama football.

Some of us members of the now “Saban Nation” have distanced ourselves from Mr. Young. Not me. I fully embrace Mr. Young for his efforts to make sure that ‘Bama Ball keeps its rightful place among the top of college football. USC, Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Michigan football be damned. Alabama IS college football and the sacrifice that Mr. Young has made should be a shining example of giving up yourself for the greater good of Alabama football. RTR…

I am getting almost misty eyed writing this, but if I can get at least one of my fellow ‘Bama brethern to see the light, then I will gladly dehydrate by ocular extraction for the greater good. After all, Mr. Young gave the ultimate gift in the name of Alabama football, so a few lost tears won’t hurt.

Last December, before I made my winter hunting trip to Shreveport, I was in the Bass Pro Shop in Prattville looking for a brand new Benelli Super Nova w/ Steady Grip. This gun is perfect for hunting the native nutria in Shreveport. As I was holding the piece, a vision came upon me. As I made my purchase, I decided to name this particular gun Mr. Young. This gun would be used to pierce the hearts and heads of any prey that may come before me, just as Mr. Young used his incredible finances to ensure recruits land at Alabama. Anyway, after we set up our nutria blind in Shreveport, I got my gear on and loaded Mr. Young. As I laid down cabbage leaves in the nutria kill zone, I raced back to the blind until the first critter came out. I grabbed Mr. Young, saw the creature through my Bushnell scope, and squeezed the trigger. I caught that nutria right between the eyes. Mr. Young was accurate and deadly, just like the original. We ate plenty of nutria that night in December, along with some Golden Flake chips and a Coke, just like Bear did. The next night, we watched the Tide roll over those pagans from Colorado.

Mr. Young, you are gone, but this Little Bear Cub will never forget you or the sacrifice that you made for the University of Alabama. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, armed robbery, Asphyxiation, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, BCS, Bear is Dead, boosters, cheaters, College Football, Crimson Tide, Dead Drunk, DUI, ESPN, fire philip fulmer, Florida Sucks, football, Football Poll, Fulmer, fulmer sucks, killer, legal troubles, Logan Young, Mascots, mentally challenged, mobsters, moral victories, moron, NCAA, Nick Saban, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, Po Po, poker, Police, repo, retarded, Rips Media, Roll Tide, Saban, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

Academic Probation, Underage Drinking, Fire Extinguishers & the Amish, Yep Spring Practice has Begun for South Carolina

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 25, 2008

Yes he’s probably drunk & he’s a moron

A hippie, an Amish man & a dope smoker all walk into a bar together. No, this isn’t a joke they are all real people and they all play football for USC.

Stephen Garcia is the “future” of Gamecock football. So far his off the field resume of getting in trouble with the Po Po is rather impressive.

Garcia enrolled early at South Carolina to get a jump start on spring practice but was suspended from the team a year ago after two arrests. In February 2007, he was charged with drunkenness and failure to stop for a police officer. About a month later, he was charged with malicious injury to personal property after he keyed a professor’s car. Then Steve God Spurrier stated that one more slip up and Garcia will be history. At the time Garcia swore to the public that he had “learned” his lesson.

Hey Old Ball (sac) Coach here’s the other slip up and another is being investigated your boy hasn’t learned jackshit.

Last Saturday it seems Garcia, offensive lineman Heath Batchelor and walk-on quarterback Zac Brindise were having a mini-Mensa meeting outside the East Quad dormitory around 6:30 p.m.

After several complaints of loud noise in the courtyard between the East and South Quad dormitories, the Po Po was called. There they discover this meeting of young brilliant minds debating Einstein’s theory of Relativity, the writings of Nietzsche & whether it’s best to change the bong water daily or let it sit awhile. The Po Po also discovered coolers of beer which was supplied to them by Garcia’s older creepy brother.

All three USC football players were charged with underage drinking while Garcia’s brother was charged with transferring beer to a minor. Heath Batchelor parents are rather distraught considering his strict Amish upbringing. At least he looks Amish from the photo.

Let’s get drunk & churn us some Old Ball (sac) Coach butter!

Garcia paid a fine of $257.50 in Columbia magistrate’s court Monday on the underage drinking charge, according to his attorney, Neal “Johnnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Garcia’s license will be suspended for four months, but he will be able to drive his moped. At least Garcia didn’t embarrasse himself any further by asking for a jury trial.

But that’s not the end of story dear readers, some five hours later officers interviewed Garcia again after police and the Columbia fire department responded to a fire alarm at the dorm at 11 p.m. Authorities discovered an extinguisher had been discharged on the third floor of the dorm.

Garcia told police he discharged the extinguisher after noticing sparks coming from his electric bong stove, according to the incident report. Garcia is listed as a suspect on the report, but has not been charged. McKinney said the incident remains under investigation.

Under USC athletic department policy, athletes who are arrested face automatic suspensions that can last from 30 minutes or even a whole day. It is unclear whether the same discipline applies to athletes issued citations by police. Of course that doesn’t make a difference because Garcia wasn’t going to be able to practice anyway because he has already missed classes this semester.

Why he would miss classes is beyond me, after all he has been a student at South Carolina for over a year now and yet he’s still a freshman! Plus does this jeopardize his PTI (Pre Trial Intervention) status? The judge did warn him that one more slip up could mean trouble for him.

Instead of being a Cock of balls, Spurrier has elected to leave the fate of Garcia to school officials. Which is strange when he wants or needs something he’s usually the one to tell the school how to do things.

“Stephen Garcia’s fate is in the hands of the University of South Carolina,” Spurrier told reporters Monday night following practice. “He may be out here or he may not, we’ll just have to wait and see.


Asked to clarify, Spurrier said: “They’ve got a president. They’ve got an athletic director. They’ve got a dean. They’ve got a whole bunch of people over there. So if they say he’s here, he’ll be here, OK? His fate is out of my hands. Let’s put it that way.”

Wow, God Spurrier sounds testy. Maybe it’s because his lack of discipline is finally catching up with him or maybe it’s because he knows that a certain Florida coach is rubbing his foreskin vigorously at the thought of being able to pick up Garcia.

A timetable for when the university may make their decision is not yet known so with a little influence from Spurrier, punishment could happen in 2-3 years…depending if Garcia goes pro early.

To view Stephen Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Stephen Garcia’s incident report, click here.

To view Gary Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Zac Brandise’s ticket, click here.

To view Heath Batchelor’s ticket, click here.


Another unidentified USC football player getting harassed by “the man”.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Discipline, dumbass, Johnnie Cochran, moped, moral victories, moron, Po Po, PTI, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »