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Archive for the ‘Police’ Category

High school cheerleaders in a gay male strip club: I see Rupaul is working has a teacher now

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 20, 2009

So you’re a 47-year-old female teacher who could be facing a midlife crisis. You decided to take four students (three 18-year-olds and a 17-year-old) to a gay male strip club that serves alcohol and suddenly people are outraged. Doesn’t make sense does it? 

Lori Epperson has resigned from her teaching position at Edgewood High School in Trenton, near Dayton, Ohio, after taking four of her students to Club Masque, a strip club that features exotic male dancers and a drag show on Saturdays. Jay Cutler is familiar with the term “drag” and is saddened that Chicago is not closer to Ohio. 

Now the Po Po has been called and the club is in some legal hot water for serving alcohol to a minor. Suddenly the hot cheerleading coach that posed for Playboy looks more and more like a role model than ever before. 

The hilarious part of this story is Epperson’s daughter was one of the four, and she apparently had permission from the parents of the other three to take them to the club. After all these are gay men right… 

From WKYC: 

Butler Tech school district spokesman Bill Solazzo says 47-year-old Lori Epperson resigned Thursday. He said Epperson told Edgewood High School administrators that the students – all cheerleaders at the school north of Cincinnati in Trenton – asked her to take them to the bar in February. 

Epperson told school officials in an e-mail that she got permission from the parents of the 17- and 18-year-olds to bring them to Club Masque in Dayton.” 

Trenton has left New Jersey, folks.& all the world is in danger. 

This reminds of when my high school science teacher sent me looking for a “lot lizard” in exchange for a passing grade and somewhere Brady Quinn is quietly bemoaning the fact that he grew up on the other side of the state. 

Since this is Dayton we’re talking about, don’t be surprised if it turns out three of the drag dancers are actually hairy women pretending to be men.

Posted in Cheerleaders, dumbass, Gay Pride, Police, Rupaul | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Glocks & Athletes Are Not A Good Combination

Posted by Joel Jackson on December 1, 2008

I was well prepared to talk about Tennessee hiring Lane Kiffin and what I thought of it. I along with millions of other Volunteer fans have my opinion, but I want to spend this time to talk about a troubling trend the past, oh, 14 years or so. I am about to do my best Jason Whitlock impersonation, except I am not as big, well-known, or paid.

I have known and/or met quite a few pro athletes in my day. By and large, the ones that I have met are down to earth guys, trying to improve themselves in the sport that they play. They are trying to improve themselves so they can improve their bank accounts. For the athletes that have come from little to nothing growing up, they try to help out family and friends along their journey to fame and fortune. This cycle can lead to problems.

To the athletes reading this blog, please do the following couple of things for me:

*Leave the guns at home…

I am watching the Redskins vs. Giants game. Ironic because on this day, where the Redskins are honoring fallen teammate Sean Taylor, who was murdered in his home a year ago, Plaxico Burress is facing weapons charges because he decided to go “Cheddar Bob” on his thigh while carrying a handgun illegally (or he wanted to be on the next diss record of Eminem, 50 Cent, and Busta Rhymes). If the club was such a bad place to be, then why go??? He’s married (to a lawyer) and has a young son. Why put yourself through now facing jail time over seeing some ass shaking at the club, and get teammate Antonio Pierce involved??? Stephen Jackson, Jamaal Tinsley, and Marvin Harrison would agree. If you are about to go somewhere and you think that you need a gun, then don’t go. If I need a gun to go to my local Quickie Mart for a chocolate squishy, then I won’t be seeing Apu that night. Which leads me to the next point…

*Do not own more than 3 guns…

A wise man once told me that if you are gonna own a gun for home protection, get 3. One should be a handgun that you can grab quickly (Glock), one should be a rifle or shotgun, and one should be a small pistol that your woman could shoot in a pinch (.22 or .38). Whether this is wise or not, I think this is sound advice. In other words, do not be Tank Johnson. And if you wanna be a rapper, PLEASE do not be T.I.

ti_gun_collection_101707

*Last, everyone is not out to get you…

Unless you allow yourself to be associated with bad people, not everyone is out to get you. Yes, crime is everywhere, and what happened to Sean Taylor was a tragedy not of his doing, but of 4 kids who wanted to take a short cut at getting ahead. At the same time, you athletes for the most part have more money than I will ever see. Use some of that to invest in a security company and let bodyguards carry the weapons. Because if you pull a Plax and not have that concealed handgun license, you could shoot yourself at 3 a.m., or face jail time. And please don’t rob any convenience stores…

Posted in A&E's Intervention, Adam Jones, armed robbery, Assault & Battery, Bail Bondsman, basketball, Brawls, Chicago Bears, classless, court tv, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, dumbass, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, football, Goodell, guilty, Jemele Hill, New York Giants, NFL, NFL Football, NRA, Police, Sports, Washington Redskins | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

You will get your ass beat if you rush the field at East Carolina after an upset!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 10, 2008

Imagine if you will that your favorite team just pulled a major upset at home and with the adrenaline that is flowing you decide to rush the field like the other thousand or so fans. One would expect the cops to back off as long as people aren’t getting hurt or starting trouble. This isn’t the case at ECU in fact some people got their asses whipped and now there are plenty reports of police brutality flying around.

Several  police departments and the school investigating claims that the police over reacted when jubilant students stormed the field. There are two incidents, specifically, that East Carolina University Police Chief Scott Shelton says they are investigating for claims of excessive force. The first one is where an officer is seen seemingly throwing punches. The other is an incident where an officer slams a person to the ground. Shelton says, celebration is not a crime and use of excessive force is unacceptable.

“There’s no denying what you saw on film was sickening in nature, now what we have to do is make sure that we do a thorough investigation and find out, not what the person did for him to be taken to the ground, but why the punches were thrown,” Shelton says.

ECU police are assisted at home football games by officers from a number of jurisdictions, including the City of Greenville, Pitt County Sheriff’s Department, the City of Kinston, and Lenoir County.

Shelton said that at a briefing before the game, all officers were told that if ECU won the game and fans attempted to come onto the field, officers should try to deter them by making themselves visible. But if that failed, he said, officers were instructed to step back and focus on making sure that those on the field stayed safe.

“Obviously, the safety of the students, fans and athletes at the game is our first concern,” Shelton said. “It is simply unacceptable that anyone at a game is the victim of excessive force.”

Even though I wrote this parody about being a USC cop it was just that…a parody.

I have seen some videos from last Saturday and they are disturbing. Police officers are supposed to serve and protect. But who will protect the people from the officers the kids were happy over ECU winning the game and some were brutally beaten and for what? Is it a crime to get excited over your home team winning? Believe me there are a lot of good officers but it just takes a few to make them all look bad. These people came out paid their money for tickets to support their home team and when they win they can’t get excited! In all the videos that I saw I did not see anyone strike an officer but I did see officers beating numerous people I guess its just because the people were running past them on the field and that probably made them mad since some of them demand respect as if they are some kind of god that we as citizens have to worship. I am all for abiding by the law and I respect all people not just members of law enforcement.

Watch the lower right corner of the video below.

Posted in East Carolina Pirates, ESPN, legal troubles, Po Po, Police, riots, upsets | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

South Carolina Trustee says Garcia was targeted by USC campus police. Well I know something about that. =)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 7, 2008

Garica getting ready to be strip searched. Don't ask what he's about to do with the mic.

Eddie Floyd, a surgeon from Florence is one of the longest-serving and most influential members of USC’s board of trustees believes Gamecocks athletes have been targeted by the university’s police force.

“I feel they have overstepped in some areas,” Floyd said Wednesday from his home in Florence. “After talking to some of the people, this is how I feel. And I always say what I feel, good or bad.”

“My feeling is that (targeting athletes) has happened. I’m sure the administration may have a different opinion,” Floyd said. “But certainly that’s what I think.”

Of course Dr. Floyd has no thing such as evidence to back this up but hey he claims he is going on his “gut feelings.”

Since I virtually write about every Gamecock arrest I’ve have only found 2 football players arrested by campus police. One was Garcia & the other was Emanuel Cook. Both admitted they were guilty of the crimes they committed but hey Dr. Floyd believes they are caught in an elaborate trap by the campus police.

Floyd, whose contributions helped pay for the USC football office that bears his name, ain’t snitching out who his sources are but said they were not from the Gamecocks athletics department.

Another longtime trustee disputes Floyd’s claims and thinks the guy is off his rocker.

“I don’t think anyone has targeted (athletes) whatsoever,” said Mike Mungo, the longest-serving trustee in USC history with 36 years on the board. “I think the allegations are totally baseless, and I think I’m as well-informed as anyone at the university.”

Mungo said university officials investigated the claims and found no evidence of a police conspiracy against athletes. Gee imagine that.

“Eddie can say what he want wants to say, but I don’t believe that it’s a fact,” Mungo said.

Floyd first voiced his allegations to GamecockCentral.com, some lame-ass fan site. (I think all sites like this are lame)

Floyd told the site he believes Gamecocks quarterback Stephen Garcia was being watched by campus police in March when he and two teammates were cited for underage drinking outside the East Quad dormitory that houses many USC athletes.

Of course he fails to mention that all parties pleaded guilty.

This is where it gets good.

He also said he knew of an investigator with USC’s police force whose office was decorated with Clemson’s signature Tiger paws.

But Floyd pulled what is known as a “half-Saban” Wednesday, and admitted he knew little about the investigator whom he implied had a pro-Clemson bias. Basically he’s an asshole.

“One of the investigators that had a tiger paw in his office, my understanding is he said it was a joke. I don’t know,” Floyd said. “I haven’t looked at it. I haven’t seen it. But that’s what I heard.”

Funny how bravely he can make those statements to a major (although lame-ass) Gamecock site and yet he has never seen it with his own eyes.

The shocking thing about all of this is he’s right…sorta.

Enter operation:

Let’s nail that hippie freak Garcia!Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in alcoholics, Emanuel Cook, Po Po, Police, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Spurrier’s Mantra of be Like Florida Effect the Wrong Gamecock Players

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 2, 2008

 

Going into Spurrier’s fourth season at South Carolina one mantra has been clear and that is “Be like Florida.” Recruit, practice, play & break the law like a Gator and you can win like a Gator.

Over the past three years Spurrier’s players have attempted this mantra only to fail. Several arrests for underage drinking (one the finally landed the greatest Gamecock recruit out of a scholarship), the keying of a professors car, a few simple possession arrests & two fights in which two Gamecock players were winning only to be stabbed do not measure up to the motto “Great law breakers make great football players.”

Now the message seems to be finally sinking in. Two Gamecocks are starting to understand this message & damn it they could be fine football players for the Ole Ball (Sac) Coach and USC. Just one slight problem…the players are women and football ain’t their sport, basketball is.


Jasmine Payne (left), Ashlie Billingslea

18-year-old Jasmine Payne and 19-year-old Ashlie Billingslea, both freshman guards, were arrested after a search of a dorm room in South Quad dormitory by campus po po.

Check out the list of crimes they’re charged with;

  • Credit card theft
  • Credit card fraud
  • Petit larceny
  • Two counts of possession with intent to distribute crack cocaine in proximity to a school
  • Two counts of possession with intent to distribute marijuana in proximity to a school

This might be the straw that breaks the camels back. It’s bad enough that USC football players can’t break the law like Florida but the USC Lady Gamecocks certainly can.

Per university policy, both players have been suspended from the team. Gamecocks coach Susan Walvius declined comment Tuesday through a team spokesperson.

“According to university policy, when something like that happens the student-athlete is suspended from team activities, and we just proceed from there,” team spokesperson Diana Koval said. “As a department and staff, we don’t have any other comment but that.”

The Ole Ball (Sac) Coach also chimed in.

“This is a tragedy that two young women with such potential can do such a thing. It’s tragic because my dang’um boys are to lazy or scared to be real superstars. Christ on a shingle even the women are beating us now.”

Posted in Crack, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, drugs, Florida Gators, Gamecocks, Po Po, Police, pot, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Logan Young: Sacrificial Lamb

Posted by Little Bear Cub on March 31, 2008

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Look at Mr. Young. He looks so peaceful, stoic, determined, and defiant. Damned all of the legal troubles, he is a true sacrifice for the institution that we call Alabama football. I love this pic of Mr. Young. Hanging on the wall behind him is God in houndstooth, Coach Bryant. I dare not call Mr. Young by his first name, because he is too important in the annals of Alabama football.

Some of us members of the now “Saban Nation” have distanced ourselves from Mr. Young. Not me. I fully embrace Mr. Young for his efforts to make sure that ‘Bama Ball keeps its rightful place among the top of college football. USC, Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Michigan football be damned. Alabama IS college football and the sacrifice that Mr. Young has made should be a shining example of giving up yourself for the greater good of Alabama football. RTR…

I am getting almost misty eyed writing this, but if I can get at least one of my fellow ‘Bama brethern to see the light, then I will gladly dehydrate by ocular extraction for the greater good. After all, Mr. Young gave the ultimate gift in the name of Alabama football, so a few lost tears won’t hurt.

Last December, before I made my winter hunting trip to Shreveport, I was in the Bass Pro Shop in Prattville looking for a brand new Benelli Super Nova w/ Steady Grip. This gun is perfect for hunting the native nutria in Shreveport. As I was holding the piece, a vision came upon me. As I made my purchase, I decided to name this particular gun Mr. Young. This gun would be used to pierce the hearts and heads of any prey that may come before me, just as Mr. Young used his incredible finances to ensure recruits land at Alabama. Anyway, after we set up our nutria blind in Shreveport, I got my gear on and loaded Mr. Young. As I laid down cabbage leaves in the nutria kill zone, I raced back to the blind until the first critter came out. I grabbed Mr. Young, saw the creature through my Bushnell scope, and squeezed the trigger. I caught that nutria right between the eyes. Mr. Young was accurate and deadly, just like the original. We ate plenty of nutria that night in December, along with some Golden Flake chips and a Coke, just like Bear did. The next night, we watched the Tide roll over those pagans from Colorado.

Mr. Young, you are gone, but this Little Bear Cub will never forget you or the sacrifice that you made for the University of Alabama. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, armed robbery, Asphyxiation, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, BCS, Bear is Dead, boosters, cheaters, College Football, Crimson Tide, Dead Drunk, DUI, ESPN, fire philip fulmer, Florida Sucks, football, Football Poll, Fulmer, fulmer sucks, killer, legal troubles, Logan Young, Mascots, mentally challenged, mobsters, moral victories, moron, NCAA, Nick Saban, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, Po Po, poker, Police, repo, retarded, Rips Media, Roll Tide, Saban, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

You Call That Discipline? Let the OBC Show You what Discipline is all About.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 3, 2008

Phil Fulmer you call your police ride-a-long program weak discipline? I think not. Nick Saban you call your double secret probation punishment weak discipline? Obviously it isn’t. Urban Meyer you call your idea of suspending players for games against 1-AA schools weak discipline? Try again. Sit down boys and let Steve God Spurrier show you just how weak discipline should be administered.

Last Sunday morning at 1:30 AM offensive lineman Kevin Young was arrested and charged with fighting and resisting arrest in the infamous Five Points area. This was the perfect opportunity for God Spurrier to try out his latest version of SEC discipline that was inspired by Berry Switzer and the movie “Varsity Blues”.

Columbia Police Department spokesman Brick Lewis says Young was charged with fighting and resisting arrest. WLTX.com earlier got information from police that he was charged with disorderly conduct, but police now say that he does not face that charge.

Young was field-booked at the scene and not taken to jail, according to Lewis.

Instead of going through the normal process of the “USC Perp Walk”, this new style of discipline eliminates that and sends the USC football on their merry way home. No time in a cell, no finger printing and best of all unlike the pervious two players that were involved in a fight this one didn’t get stabbed.

The best part of this latest discipline method is the player will likely avoid being punished by the university.

Athletic department spokesman Steve Fink says Young’s status with the team has not been determined. School policy is an automatic suspension for an athlete who has been arrested, but Young was not taken in.

That’s right. Even though he was charged and technically arrested and booked, under this new discipline policy Young was never taken to the Po Po palace known as the Richland County Detention Center. That means Spurrier has found a way to have the school itself look the other way.

So to all you other SEC coaches who believe their discipline method is the weakest think again. The hammer has been thrown by Spurrier. Young will most likely be rewarded, after all Spurrier wishes some more of his players had some fight in them.

Posted in All SEC Teams Beware!!, court tv, Discipline, Nick Saban, OBC, Phillip Fulmer, Po Po, Police, SEC Coaches, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Pacman Jones Quiz

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 14, 2008

no-pacman2.jpg

Adam “Pacman” Jones has cleared his last criminal case by agreeing to a plea deal. He is now on probation for the next 3 years, meaning that if he gets in trouble again with the law, he will be locked up. No word from the league office on when and/or if he will get back into the NFL.

Well, I have decided to give you readers a quiz to see just how well you know the former Mountaineer and current Titans CB (for now). Don’t worry, it’s multiple choice.

Question #1: Pacman Jones likes to do the following in his spare time:

A. Smoke weed.

B. Record the worst rap you have heard this side of Kobe Bryant.

C. Frequent strip clubs.

D. All of the above.

Question #2: “Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones has retained the law firm that successfully defended Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis against double murder charges to be Jones’ lead counsel in the matter Monday at the Minxx Gentleman’s Club in Las Vegas.”

Reading the previous passage, one can interpret that:

A. Pacman will become the latest Baltimore Raven.

B. Has an experienced attorney on staff if he wants to do an O.J.

C. Could not afford Rusty Hardin.

D. All of the above.

Question #3: If a dollar bill falls on the strip club floor, and a dancer named runs to grab it before landing, does it make a sound???

A. Depends. Where is Pacman???

B. Depends. Where is Pacman’s entourage???

C. Depends. Where are the garbage bags full of singles???

D. All of the above.

Question #4: The square root of Pacman’s legal docket + the free time that he seems to always have equals:

A. Biting a cop.

B. Drinking in public.

C. Holding out as a rookie for more money.

D. All of the above.

The common denominator is the answer D. D is for “Dumbass Pacman Jones”. Oh, and Pacman said last month that he wants to go to Dallas. The Metroplex has more weed and strip clubs per square mile than Nashville ever will have. Well if Michael Irvin and Nate Newton can survive, maybe Pacman can. Either way, if I don’t see him in a Titans jersey again, I won’t miss him.

Posted in Asphyxiation, Ass Whipping, Big East, bongs, boo birds, cheaters, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Po Po, Police, pot, Spoaty, stupid, Tennessee, The Big East, TNA, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, WVU | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

YMSWWC’s “Official” NFL Draft Preview Picks 1-5

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 12, 2008

Well I am a little bit depressed because the TV will be polluted with coverage of Roger Clemens v. Brian MacNamee. How many times can one hear a variation of “It Wasn’t Me???” Examples: “I didn’t use steroids. Period.” “I did not have sexual relations with woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” “I didn’t kill my wife and her friend.” “I didn’t try to make it rain in the strip club.” “I am not a crook.” So with that said, let us instead focus on the future, where we can hope that this top rated prospect becomes either the next Dan Fouts or the next Tony Mandarich. This year, I think we might have both. Here are the official (unless Thomas says different) YMSWWC NFL Mock Draft Picks (1-5)

ani_mermaid2.gif Miami Dolphins: These heartbreakers have the distinct pleasure of picking first. Yes the needs are many. There is not a position on the field that they do not need any immediate help. Outside of Jason Taylor, you can pretty much trash the roster. In comes Bill Parcells. He will bring organization to a franchise that still is trying to recover from “Saban Nation”. I have heard that a certain billionaire wildcatter who is an Arkansas alum may be trying to trade up with a certain coach turned GM that used to sign that GM’s checks, and that would make sense. Dolphins could use 2 first round picks, but I don’t see that happening. With that said, they will take long hard look at Glenn Dorsey, Jake Long, and Chris Long. So the pick will be: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU.

a_sosheep_0205.jpgSt. Louis Rams-Yet another team that went through a hard season. These aren’t your 1999-2002 Rams anymore. They are more like the 1989-1998 Rams. Age, injuries, bad free agent signings have turned these rams into sheep (Quick Longhorn/Aggie joke: How do you know when you are getting close to AggieLand? When you start seeing the sheep back up to the fence). Defense is more of a need than offense at this point. Pick: Chris Long, DE, Virginia.

images.jpeg Atlanta Falcons-Wow. Holy weed smoking, dog fighting, carpet bagging, GM and Coach rejection Batman. What in the world is going on in the ATL??? Well this is actually an easy pick, just because they have one big black hole where the QB spot is (not the black hole that is being pounded in Leavenworth). I think this will be a bad pick, but somebody’s gotta overpay for an All-American QB, so it might as well be Arthur Blank. Pick: Matt Ryan (Leaf), QB, Boston College

soul-hc-c.jpg Kansas City Chiefs-Offensive Line, Offensive Line, Offensive Line. Yes, they need a QB and another WR, but what good is all of that if you have a revolving door for an offensive line??? It’s hard to think that the O-Line was just a few years ago spectacular. Even though I love Ryan Clady from Boise St., that makes too much sense, and the overlord team President known as Carl Petersen doesn’t make decisions that make sense. So: Jake Long, OT, Michigan

chibi-jack-sparrow-by-evilchibiminion.jpg Oakland Raiders-These are some of the most dedicated fans that I have seen, and yet, some of the scariest. I had a couple of friends that went to Whatevertheycallit Coliseum to see Oakland and the Titans play. They figured a nice trip to the Bay Area would be great. Let’s just say that it wasn’t a good trip. One word of advice: If making the trip to see a Raiders game, do NOT wear the other team’s colors unless your name is Kimbo Slice or you love the aroma of beer, weed, and middle aged biker chicks. Of course, this is Uncle Al’s team, and he LOVES offense. Guess who this pick will be??? Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Picks 6-10 will be coming soon…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, aggies, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad calls, bad newz kennels, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bobby Petrino, Boise State, bongs, boo birds, boosters, boston college, cheaters, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, dog fighting, draft pick, drugs, dumbass, ESPN, Feds, fired, football, Football Poll, gambling, Georgia, Goodell, Hip Hop, ho, Internet Rumors, Jerry Jones, killer, legal troubles, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, NFL, NFL Football, Nick Saban, notre dame sucks, OJ, OJ Simpson, Pac 10, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, Ricky Williams, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, secrets, Sports, steroids, stupid, The Big East, Vick, Vick Plea, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

West Virginia Is Trying To Imitate An SEC School…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 7, 2008

Ah yes West By God Virginia. Apparently, if making the news for fake degrees, suing former football coaches, and, well, being West Virginia was not enough, now the football players are trying to imitate an SEC team. Which SEC team??? I will get to that in a minute…

New Mountaineer coach Bill Stewart has recently announced that LB John Holmes (insert porn joke here), DL James Ingram (no relation to soul singer of the same name), and RB Ed Collington (I got nothing here) are no longer on the team. They will be able to retain their scholarships through the end of the spring semester. These 3 geniuses were pulled over for speeding. When the police opened the car, they detected the smell of the “stickiest of the icky” commonly called in Gainesville Gunja-Aid or in Knoxville known as a Recruiting Tool (which obviously didn’t work due to the crappy signing class). Upon searching the vehicle, baggies of the “green stuff” were found both in the car and in Ingram’s shoe. Wait, it gets better: Ingram told the cops that more weed was located in their apartment. Try not to shake your head so hard.

So of course, thanks to a helpful hint from Deputy Barney Fife, the cops search the apartment and found a lot more drugs and bags. Now, because McGruff the Crime ‘Eer told the cops about the extra weed and baggies, they are facing several more felony charges than they would have been if he had just kept his mouth shut. Either he had a moment of clarity because he knew he was doing wrong, or that weed was so good that he just had to tell the cops in hopes they would buy some. Of course, I wonder where that weed will end up once the trial is over with. Someone should have told these 3 that couches are the thing to burn in Morgantown, not blunts…

Now I know which SEC team that WVU reminds me of, and honestly it only took a few seconds of reflection because well, this is West Virginia we are talking about. The school is Thomas’ favorite whipping boy, the University of South Carolina. Let’s examine a little further. Both the Mountaineers and the Gamecocks have losing all-time bowl records, neither school has won a national championship in football but their in-state rivals (Marshall and Clemson) both have national titles, both fanbases have an over inflated sense of entitlement, and both have had players that have done some of the most head scratching things to get in trouble with the cops that you can think of.

So there you have it. The Mountaineers and the Gamecocks are now 2 kindred spirits. West Virginia can say with pride that even though their athletics department is slightly more organized than Iraq circa 2003, they can say with pride that they are almost at an SEC level. Nothing will stop the ‘Eer and ‘Cock Connection from years of mediocrity and no glory to speak of. Long live ‘Eer and ‘Cock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted in ass chewing, bad drivers, BCS, Big East, bongs, classless, clemson, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, College Football, court tv, Crime & Punishment, Dave Wannstedt, Discipline, drugs, dumbass, Gamecocks, guilty, legal troubles, Major Harris, Marijuana, mary jane, moral victories, moron, mullets, NCAA, Old Ball Sack Coach, Pacman Jones, Po Po, Police, pot, road rage, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Football, South Carolina, South Carolina Gamecocks, stupid, team spirit, USC, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, WVU | 9 Comments »