Academic Probation, Underage Drinking, Fire Extinguishers & the Amish, Yep Spring Practice has Begun for South Carolina

Yes he’s probably drunk & he’s a moron

A hippie, an Amish man & a dope smoker all walk into a bar together. No, this isn’t a joke they are all real people and they all play football for USC.

Stephen Garcia is the “future” of Gamecock football. So far his off the field resume of getting in trouble with the Po Po is rather impressive.

Garcia enrolled early at South Carolina to get a jump start on spring practice but was suspended from the team a year ago after two arrests. In February 2007, he was charged with drunkenness and failure to stop for a police officer. About a month later, he was charged with malicious injury to personal property after he keyed a professor’s car. Then Steve God Spurrier stated that one more slip up and Garcia will be history. At the time Garcia swore to the public that he had “learned” his lesson.

Hey Old Ball (sac) Coach here’s the other slip up and another is being investigated your boy hasn’t learned jackshit.

Last Saturday it seems Garcia, offensive lineman Heath Batchelor and walk-on quarterback Zac Brindise were having a mini-Mensa meeting outside the East Quad dormitory around 6:30 p.m.

After several complaints of loud noise in the courtyard between the East and South Quad dormitories, the Po Po was called. There they discover this meeting of young brilliant minds debating Einstein’s theory of Relativity, the writings of Nietzsche & whether it’s best to change the bong water daily or let it sit awhile. The Po Po also discovered coolers of beer which was supplied to them by Garcia’s older creepy brother.

All three USC football players were charged with underage drinking while Garcia’s brother was charged with transferring beer to a minor. Heath Batchelor parents are rather distraught considering his strict Amish upbringing. At least he looks Amish from the photo.

Let’s get drunk & churn us some Old Ball (sac) Coach butter!

Garcia paid a fine of $257.50 in Columbia magistrate’s court Monday on the underage drinking charge, according to his attorney, Neal “Johnnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Garcia’s license will be suspended for four months, but he will be able to drive his moped. At least Garcia didn’t embarrasse himself any further by asking for a jury trial.

But that’s not the end of story dear readers, some five hours later officers interviewed Garcia again after police and the Columbia fire department responded to a fire alarm at the dorm at 11 p.m. Authorities discovered an extinguisher had been discharged on the third floor of the dorm.

Garcia told police he discharged the extinguisher after noticing sparks coming from his electric bong stove, according to the incident report. Garcia is listed as a suspect on the report, but has not been charged. McKinney said the incident remains under investigation.

Under USC athletic department policy, athletes who are arrested face automatic suspensions that can last from 30 minutes or even a whole day. It is unclear whether the same discipline applies to athletes issued citations by police. Of course that doesn’t make a difference because Garcia wasn’t going to be able to practice anyway because he has already missed classes this semester.

Why he would miss classes is beyond me, after all he has been a student at South Carolina for over a year now and yet he’s still a freshman! Plus does this jeopardize his PTI (Pre Trial Intervention) status? The judge did warn him that one more slip up could mean trouble for him.

Instead of being a Cock of balls, Spurrier has elected to leave the fate of Garcia to school officials. Which is strange when he wants or needs something he’s usually the one to tell the school how to do things.

“Stephen Garcia’s fate is in the hands of the University of South Carolina,” Spurrier told reporters Monday night following practice. “He may be out here or he may not, we’ll just have to wait and see.

.

Asked to clarify, Spurrier said: “They’ve got a president. They’ve got an athletic director. They’ve got a dean. They’ve got a whole bunch of people over there. So if they say he’s here, he’ll be here, OK? His fate is out of my hands. Let’s put it that way.”

Wow, God Spurrier sounds testy. Maybe it’s because his lack of discipline is finally catching up with him or maybe it’s because he knows that a certain Florida coach is rubbing his foreskin vigorously at the thought of being able to pick up Garcia.

A timetable for when the university may make their decision is not yet known so with a little influence from Spurrier, punishment could happen in 2-3 years…depending if Garcia goes pro early.

To view Stephen Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Stephen Garcia’s incident report, click here.

To view Gary Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Zac Brandise’s ticket, click here.

To view Heath Batchelor’s ticket, click here.

 

Another unidentified USC football player getting harassed by “the man”.

Michael Vick Must Have a Burning Desire too go to Prison or he’s an Idiot.

In this the latest chapter of Michael “Ron Ookie Mexico” Vick’s screwed up life, we find Vick curled into fetal position sobbing while on the phone with Marcus the loser little brother. The date is Sept. 12th
Michael: (sobs) Yo Marcus I can’t….can’t go on man.

Marcus: Yo big bro what are talking about what I think you’re talking about?

Michael: Yeah little not as talented as me brother…it’s time I end it. (breaks down crying Hysterically)

Marcus: Oh snap that means I’m going to the favorite son!

Michael: (Blows nose) Wha…what the fuck are you talking about?

Marcus: Well ain’t going to…you know off yourself? I mean you’re crying and all

Michael: I’m chopping onions I had to fire my chef. I was talking about ripping into this sweet herb I picked up in Miami.

Marcus: Oh snap I got ya. Light the shit up! Go Michael Go Michael. Toke toke toke

Michael: (sound of bong being hit) This is some good stuff. Man I wish you was here to enjoy this with me.

Marcus: Really?

Michael: No. (Laughes)

Marcus: Asshole I hope you get drug tested.

Michael: The man has already fucked with me enough they won’t do that.

Marcus: Well, I hope you get ass raped in prison then & mom loves me more (hangs up)

Apparently Michael was wrong because guess what, that’s right Vick failed a drug test. I wonder if Marcus tipped his pretrial services officer about that.

“Michael Vick is now likely one misstep from jail.

The disgraced Atlanta Falcons quarterback tested positive for marijuana earlier this month, a violation of the conditions of his release as he awaits sentencing in federal court on a dogfighting charge that already jeopardizes his freedom and career.

Now, he’s incurred the ire of the judge who could sentence him to up to five years in prison in the dogfighting case. On the day of Vick’s guilty plea, U.S. District Judge Henry Hudson warned that he wouldn’t be amused by any additional trouble.

Hudson, who will sentence Vick on Dec. 10, on Wednesday ordered him confined to his Virginia home between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. with electronic monitoring. He also must submit to random drug testing.

If Vick fails another drug test, he likely will wind up like co-defendant Quanis Phillips — incarcerated since his Aug. 17 plea hearing. Phillips failed a drug test when he had the electronic monitoring and random drug testing requirements.”

Quick someone call Vick and tempt him. It would be rather funny to see Vick take to express tour to prison. Great way to show you have “changed your ways” Michael, I see you “really learned your lesson”. I see where the actual notes that you used to make your apology went for over ten grand on E-bay, thus proving there’s a douche-bag moron born every minute.

“Vick’s positive urine sample was submitted Sept. 13, according to a document by a federal probation officer that was filed in U.S. District Court on Wednesday.

Because Vick violated the conditions of his release, Hudson could take that into consideration during sentencing, said Linda Malone, a criminal procedure expert and Marshall-Wythe Foundation professor of law at the College of William and Mary.

“Every judge considers pretty seriously if they feel that the defendant has flaunted the conditions for release,” she said.

“It’s certainly not a smart thing to do.”

Especially not when his behavior is being watched so closely, not only by the court that allowed him to remain free, but by the public whose forgiveness he’s seeking.”

I have feeling that 18 month sentence that Vick is banking on just got extended and he’s to stupid to realize it.

“In Atlanta, Vick’s one-time teammates tried to distances themselves from his latest troubles.

“That’s the last thing I’m worried about,” linebacker Keith Brooking said at the Falcons’ suburban practice facility. “We’re 0-3. We’re trying to get a win.”

Safety Lawyer Milloy agreed.

“I just want to play ball,” he said. “I’m so tired of talking about everything else, stuff we can’t control that has nothing to do with us.”

Finally someone from the Falcons organization that has the intestinal fortitude to be honest about this situation.

“The former Virginia Tech star was placed under pretrial release supervision by U.S. Magistrate Dennis Dohnal in July. The restrictions included refraining from use or unlawful possession of narcotic drugs or other controlled substances.

The random drug testing ordered Wednesday could include urine testing, the wearing of a sweat patch, a remote alcohol testing system or any form of prohibited substance screening or testing. Hudson’s order also requires Vick to participate in inpatient or outpatient substance therapy and mental health counseling if the pretrial services officer or supervising officer deem it appropriate. Vick must pay for the treatment.

Vick’s lead attorney, Billy Martin, also is representing Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, who pleaded guilty in an airport sex sting. During a press conference about Craig, Martin was asked to comment on Vick. He deflected the question, saying only, “I’m sure that in the future we’ll have something to say regarding Mr. Vick, but not now.”

Whoa Billy you basically have two losing cases on your hands. Now if you was to also take the latest OJ case will you get a set of steak knives from the American Bar Association? Vick should be lucky I’m not his pretrial officer, I would deem it appropriate for him to attend every 12 step program I could find. I would also deem it appropriate to have Vick get kicked in the nuts by every PETA member I could find as well.

In January, Vick was cleared by police of any wrongdoing after his water bottle was seized by security at Miami International Airport. Police said it smelled of marijuana and had a hidden compartment that contained a “small amount of dark particulate.”

Lab tests found no evidence of drugs, and Vick explained that he used the secret compartment to carry jewelry.

Jewelry doesn’t leave a dark particulate behind, unless Vick brought the jewelry from QVC. That may be the case, a birthday present of Marcus. The sad thing is Vick could probably get better weed in prison, ask any Florida Gator they could tell you that. I can’t wait to see what Michael does next as he draws ever closer to earning the douche-bag of decade award. Anyone hear from Marcus lately?

So I profess on this day 9/27/07.

TtT

Bobby Bowden Shows Spurrier how Discipline is Done FSU Style.

People say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, Bobby Bowden says hogwash to that. Most people in this area of the country see God Spurrier the same way I do, brilliant offensive mind but an extremely weak disciplinarian. Bobby Bowden not only owns God Spurrier on the field but now he has stepped up or should I say stepped down his methods of punishment, just to show God Spurrier that no matter what, Bowden as more championships, more head to head wins & can match Spurrier’s weak style of discipline.

“Florida State linebacker Geno Hayes has been demoted to the second-team after being arrested for an altercation with police outside a bar.

Hayes and fullback Joe Surratt, who is sitting out the season with an injury, were suspended Friday after being arrested earlier in the day. The Seminoles were idle Saturday and coach Bobby Bowden reinstated Hayes on Tuesday.

Florida State plays No. 22 Alabama in Jacksonville on Saturday and Hayes will not start.

Bowden also ordered Hayes to get behavioral counseling and perform community service besides other unspecified internal discipline.”

Three days not to shabby and during a break in the schedule. They can call it second team all they want, that just means he wasn’t on the field for the first kickoff. Notice how he’s allow to play against Alabama? Nice… Sure Emanuel Lewis Cook can presently play for the Ole Ball Sack Coach while he awaits his trial for federal gun charges, but Hayes was arrested for assault on an officer, resisting arrest without violence and disorderly conduct. Not to mention he got bomared by the Po Po because they decided to Taser him. I believe even Spurrier would bench him for at least 2 games for that.

“Hayes issued an apology through Florida State to the school, fans, teammates, coaches and his family.

“I have always taken pride in representing myself and this university in a positive manner and unfortunately, I did not live up to those standards on this occasion,” he said. “I realize I cannot make another mistake of this or any other nature.”

No disciplinary action has been taken against Joe Surratt, a senior.

Surratt was charged with a felony count of battery on an officer. University officials said his status will be determined as his case moves through the legal process. The school’s disciplinary policy prohibits students from participating in athletics while under a felony charge.

The policy, though, permits Hayes to play because the charges against him are misdemeanors. That gave Bowden authority to discipline Hayes, after review by athletic director Dave Hart.”

Hayes you’re a wuss. How does one resist arrest without violence anyway? Do they scream rape or cry like a bitch. I love the fact no disciplinary action is being taken against Surratt, after all he only hit a cop, plus he’s a senior. I love how the article states it won’t allow players to play if felony charges are hanging over their head, but it fails to mention that Surratt also has a broken leg so he’s basically done for the year. Emanuel Lewis Cook should be glad he’s not at FSU because according to this he wouldn’t be playing at all.

So I profess on this day 9/26/07.

TtT

The Florida State Football Players Can Beat Anyone at Breaking the Law.

Long gone are the glory days on the field for Bobby Bowden and the Florida State Seminoles. FSU used to be a football powerhouse, for now those days are gone. They still recruit some of the best players, especially those that attempt to whip the ass of a Tallahassee police officer.

“Florida State suspended two football players Friday after they were arrested in a bar fight that resulted in felony charges against one of them.

Junior linebacker Geno Hayes and senior fullback Joe Surratt were arrested early Friday at a bar near the Florida State campus, police and school officials said. Police said Hayes had to be subdued with a Taser and Surratt struck a police officer.

Surratt, 21, was charged with a felony count of battery on an officer. Hayes, 20, faces three misdemeanor counts: assault on an officer, resisting arrest without violence and disorderly conduct, Tallahassee police spokesman David McCranie said.

Both players were released on bail Friday, officials said.”

There goes “the man” again using those Tasers. What happened to the good old days of just getting pistol whipped? Don’t they know electric shocks can hurt and leave little scarring, but a good old fashion pistol whipping, now that shows you were beat down like a man. Resisting arrest without violence, Hayes you pussy, where’s your fighting spirit? I realize your first name is Geno, but still show some gumption. I hope bet your buddy that actually struck the officer got the heroic version of an ass-whipping AKA pistol whipped.

“Officers were on duty outside Potbelly’s Bar looking for underage drinkers when they noticed a man later identified as Hayes screaming profanities and waving his arms, a police report said. When officers tried to talk to him, Hayes became aggressive, police said.

Hayes was pulled away by his friends, but he resisted when officers then tried to handcuff him, leading an officer to stun him with his Taser, police said.

Police said Surratt was standing nearby and officers felt he was interfering with the arrest. An officer pushed Surratt away, and he responded by striking the officer, police said.

Hayes is the team’s second-leading tackler with 19, and Surratt led Florida State with six rushing touchdowns last year but is sidelined with a broken leg.”

Fuck tha police
Comin straight from the underground
Young nigga got it bad cuz I’m brown
And not the other color so police think
They have the authority to kill a minority

Fuck that shit, cuz I ain’t tha one
For a punk muthafucka with a badge and a gun
To be beatin on, and throwin in jail
We could go toe to toe in the middle of a cell…

Oh sorry I was have a N.W.A flashback. First of all who in their right mind would go into a place named Potbelly’s Bar? If I was drug into a bar like that I would have agitated and aggressive like Hayes as well. This is clearly Surratt’s fault. Beside Hayes seems like a pussy.

Surratt has a broken leg and yet he still struck an officer. Jerrell Powe would laugh about that if he could read, because he’s not idiot, illiterate yes complete idiot no. There is a difference. Does Surratt know that when you have a broken leg don’t strike a cop because you’ll have to run away? Both of these players got bomared by Po Po. Of course if these two chose to play for God Spurrier, they would have been assigned super USC attorney Neal “Johnnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie, and of course they would have been suspended indefinitely, which at South Carolina is three days tops.

This is Surratt, he even looks dumber than Powe.

So I profess on this day 9/21/07.

tTt

 

 

Is Rich Rodriguez Making A Statement That He Can Be An SEC Coach After All?

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez spurned Alabama and the nation of Bama’zoids last year. The true story as to why he turned them down was because he felt he didn’t look good with Bama Bangs. Then last month it was revealed that Rodriguez had employed similar training and workout methods that are currently employed in SEC schools, most notable USC & Florida. Yesterday Rodriguez further showed the SEC nation that he can in fact be a SEC coach, by proving he disciplines like the SEC coaches, I’m sure he’s hoping Auburn and Tennessee take notice.

“West Virginia reinstated cornerback Ellis Lankster and linebacker J.T. Thomas, who were arrested last month for receiving stolen property, after the two agreed to enter a pretrial diversion program.

A pretrial diversion program often involves a tradeoff of no jail time and a dismissal of all charges if a defendant stays out of trouble for a certain period. Details of the agreement weren’t released Thursday.

Coach Rich Rodriguez said both players will be in uniform for Saturday’s home game with East Carolina but won’t start.

Rodriguez suspended them indefinitely after Thomas, a redshirt freshman, and Lankster, a junior, were charged Aug. 19 with transferring and receiving stolen property, which police said was a laptop computer.

The pair were arrested after an 11 p.m. curfew set by Rodriguez. Both players apologized Thursday in a statement released by the university.”

There you go Rich now get these two strapped with some hand guns and you can call yourself the Florida of the Big East. That is classic SEC discipline right there. Suspend them for the weak games, but make sure they’re ready for action before conference play actually starts. I’m proud of you. Of course with the Big East, most games are weak games.

Look for these players come Saturday, if they play in any plays that means they have been practicing with the team, and not really “suspended” indefinitely. If that’s the case then the SEC discipline mentality goes further with Rodriguez than anyone first initially thought. One can only hope Tennessee will be contacting him sooner than later. 😉

So I profess on this day 9/21/07.

tTt

Charlie Weis States “At Notre Dame, Rules Don’t Apply to Golden Boy QB’s”

Charlie Weis shocks the college football world by showing that he can be more lax in discipline than Phil Fulmer, Herban Meyer, Rich Rodriguez & even Steve “Old Ball Sack Coach” Spurrier. By boldly announcing no punishment is warranted for last years #1 recruit & this years #1 college quarterback who happens to bootleg on the side.

“Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis said Monday that quarterback Jimmy Clausen’s citation for transporting alcohol as a minor is a simple case of ignorance of the law.

“I think it’s out of ignorance — and by ignorance I mean lack of knowledge,” Weis said. “I don’t think he was defiantly trying to get himself into trouble with the law.”

Weis said he himself didn’t know it was illegal for someone who’s underage — Clausen is 19 — to drive someone who is of legal drinking age to a liquor store to buy alcohol. He used the analogy of a friend of his son’s driving the coach to a supermarket to buy a six pack of beer.

“Did he have bad judgment, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, absolutely. You can’t sit there and say when something happens that nothing happened,” Weis said.”

I’m not a lawyer in the real world, but I play one on this blog so to fat ass Coach Weis I proclaim:

Ignorantia juris non excusat or Ignorantia legis neminem excusat (Latin for “ignorance of the law does not excuse” or “ignorance of the law excuses no one”) is a public policy holding that a person who is unaware of a law may not escape liability for violating that law merely because he or she was unaware of its content; that is, persons have presumed knowledge of the law.

In really simple layman terms Coach Jabba the Hut Weis, quit making excuses fatty. You lack discipline at the dinner table and now look at you. Do you want Jimmy to be another dog killing Michael “Ron Ookie Mexico” Vick? Sheesh…are you so gullible to believe even though Jim…Jimbo…Jimmy Jimmy Jam Jam Clausen was with someone a few years older than him that he wasn’t going to get drunker than Electra Carmen did when she accepted Dennis Rodman’s marriage proposal? Let’s see he was with a 23-year-old who bought two bottles of vodka, a bottle of whiskey and a case of beer. Yeah they weren’t planning on getting drunk. That’s a little different from the driving with mommy to get groceries and she picks up some beer in hopes of getting daddy drunk enough to finally have sex with her again, analogy that you used.

“Weis said Clausen, who has been practicing with the team, faces no other action. Weis said Monday that quarterbacks at Notre Dame are always going to be under scrutiny. “It comes with the territory. Fair or not, that’s the way it goes,” he said.”

Faces no other action? Yet if it were an average non athletic student at Notre Dame they would have to face the university’s Office of Residence Life and Housing, whatever the hell that is, right? Sounds like favoritism. Either let all Notre Dame freshman break the law without further consequences from the school itself or none at all. Now go get some Nutrisystem for Men and STFU.

Jimmy Clausen & His Secret Life.

Jimmy Clausen the prized Notre Dame freshman quarterback, apparently has been living a secret life for sometime. When I say secret I don’t mean blatantly gay like Brady Quinn who obviously got away with it for years. I was meaning more like being THAT little brother with the slight alcohol problem. It’s always the youngest ones isn’t it?

“SOUTH BEND, Ind. — Notre Dame freshman quarterback Jimmy Clausen has entered a pretrial diversion program after receiving a misdemeanor citation for transporting alcohol as a minor, a newspaper reports. Police were in an unmarked car outside the store to catch minors attempting to get alcohol, a police spokesman, told the South Bend Tribune. Clausen declined comment Friday. Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis also declined comment.

Clausen has entered a pretrial diversion program with the St. Joseph County prosecutor’s office, said Linda Scopelitis, who directs the program. Under the terms of the agreement, signed on July 11, Clausen agreed to pay a $170 fee and to not commit a similar offense for a year.”

I bet Casey and Rick Clausen are loving this. Granted Casey pranced ran like a girl, and Rick looked like he was either masturbating to much or to little but, being the alcoholic bootlegger brother now that has to carry shame there. I wonder what if any punishment fat ass Charlie Weis places on him. Let me think…oh I know make him run to Dunkin Donuts every time the coach downs a dozen, think about it, he’ll be going there a good 7 or 8 times a day. Granted Phil isn’t skinny but at least he is losing noticeable weight. Look at the picture…I said look at it!!! I mean he has a “front butt“. And this was after a gastric bypass? Ummm…wow.