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Archive for the ‘Ricky Williams’ Category

Have you ever orchestrated a ten game turn-around…ON WEED?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 31, 2008

Ricky Williams didn’t like my Christmas gift I got for him this year. That bastard! You know I decided to get Ricky a gift this year because he has been an outstanding player this year and to help celebrate the Fins incredible turn around, only to have it returned to me with a note saying “Not funny dude.”

Maybe this will help Trent Green forget all about those concussions.

What if, like, the dolphin’s helmet had another dolphin wearing a helmet…and that dolphin’s helmet had a dolphin wearing a helmet…and so on, and so on. Man, I feel so insignificant.

It’s funny, I don’t remember using that bong and yet I have visions of hearing “Chad Pennington” and “NFL MVP” in the same sentence, and not as a joke.

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Posted in bongs, Chad Pennington, drugs, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, NFL Football, pot, Ricky Williams | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

YMSWWC’s “Official” NFL Draft Preview Picks 1-5

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 12, 2008

Well I am a little bit depressed because the TV will be polluted with coverage of Roger Clemens v. Brian MacNamee. How many times can one hear a variation of “It Wasn’t Me???” Examples: “I didn’t use steroids. Period.” “I did not have sexual relations with woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” “I didn’t kill my wife and her friend.” “I didn’t try to make it rain in the strip club.” “I am not a crook.” So with that said, let us instead focus on the future, where we can hope that this top rated prospect becomes either the next Dan Fouts or the next Tony Mandarich. This year, I think we might have both. Here are the official (unless Thomas says different) YMSWWC NFL Mock Draft Picks (1-5)

ani_mermaid2.gif Miami Dolphins: These heartbreakers have the distinct pleasure of picking first. Yes the needs are many. There is not a position on the field that they do not need any immediate help. Outside of Jason Taylor, you can pretty much trash the roster. In comes Bill Parcells. He will bring organization to a franchise that still is trying to recover from “Saban Nation”. I have heard that a certain billionaire wildcatter who is an Arkansas alum may be trying to trade up with a certain coach turned GM that used to sign that GM’s checks, and that would make sense. Dolphins could use 2 first round picks, but I don’t see that happening. With that said, they will take long hard look at Glenn Dorsey, Jake Long, and Chris Long. So the pick will be: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU.

a_sosheep_0205.jpgSt. Louis Rams-Yet another team that went through a hard season. These aren’t your 1999-2002 Rams anymore. They are more like the 1989-1998 Rams. Age, injuries, bad free agent signings have turned these rams into sheep (Quick Longhorn/Aggie joke: How do you know when you are getting close to AggieLand? When you start seeing the sheep back up to the fence). Defense is more of a need than offense at this point. Pick: Chris Long, DE, Virginia.

images.jpeg Atlanta Falcons-Wow. Holy weed smoking, dog fighting, carpet bagging, GM and Coach rejection Batman. What in the world is going on in the ATL??? Well this is actually an easy pick, just because they have one big black hole where the QB spot is (not the black hole that is being pounded in Leavenworth). I think this will be a bad pick, but somebody’s gotta overpay for an All-American QB, so it might as well be Arthur Blank. Pick: Matt Ryan (Leaf), QB, Boston College

soul-hc-c.jpg Kansas City Chiefs-Offensive Line, Offensive Line, Offensive Line. Yes, they need a QB and another WR, but what good is all of that if you have a revolving door for an offensive line??? It’s hard to think that the O-Line was just a few years ago spectacular. Even though I love Ryan Clady from Boise St., that makes too much sense, and the overlord team President known as Carl Petersen doesn’t make decisions that make sense. So: Jake Long, OT, Michigan

chibi-jack-sparrow-by-evilchibiminion.jpg Oakland Raiders-These are some of the most dedicated fans that I have seen, and yet, some of the scariest. I had a couple of friends that went to Whatevertheycallit Coliseum to see Oakland and the Titans play. They figured a nice trip to the Bay Area would be great. Let’s just say that it wasn’t a good trip. One word of advice: If making the trip to see a Raiders game, do NOT wear the other team’s colors unless your name is Kimbo Slice or you love the aroma of beer, weed, and middle aged biker chicks. Of course, this is Uncle Al’s team, and he LOVES offense. Guess who this pick will be??? Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Picks 6-10 will be coming soon…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, aggies, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad calls, bad newz kennels, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bobby Petrino, Boise State, bongs, boo birds, boosters, boston college, cheaters, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, dog fighting, draft pick, drugs, dumbass, ESPN, Feds, fired, football, Football Poll, gambling, Georgia, Goodell, Hip Hop, ho, Internet Rumors, Jerry Jones, killer, legal troubles, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, NFL, NFL Football, Nick Saban, notre dame sucks, OJ, OJ Simpson, Pac 10, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, Ricky Williams, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, secrets, Sports, steroids, stupid, The Big East, Vick, Vick Plea, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 29, 2008

dontdrop.jpg

Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Auburn, bad calls, bad drivers, bad newz kennels, Bammers, baseball, basketball, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, classless, College Basketball, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, DAvid Stern, Dawgs, Dead Drunk, Discipline, divorce court, dog fighting, drugs, DUI, dumbass, Ed Orgeron, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, football, FSU, Fulmer, gambling, Gamecocks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, God, Goodell, guilty, Herban, Herban Meyer, ho, hooker, Houston Nutt, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Judy, killer, Kobe, legal troubles, Little Bitch, LSU Tigers, Major League Baseball, marcus vick, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, mississippi state bulldogs, Mitchell Report, MLB, mobsters, moron, murderer, NBA, NCAA, New York Knicks, NFL, NFL Football, nickelback sucks, notre dame sucks, NRA, NWA, OJ, OJ Simpson, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, oliver stone, ookie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, refs, repo, Ricky Williams, riots, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Sports, Stephon Marbury, steroids, stupid, taser, taxes, team spirit, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Juice, Touchdown Jesus, trader, trailer trash, ugly wives, upsets, Vick, Vick Plea, VIP Connection, vols, walk-on, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, whore, WVU, zeke | 1 Comment »

Let’s Go Dolphins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 20, 2007

I have never asked for much in life, just the essentials. Things like, food, water, clothing, shelter, TV, MacBook, iPod, a sucky Notre Dame team, and cold beer are just the necessities that I have required. You know, the basics. Well there is one thing that I have craved more than a new 60″ HDTV for the past 20 years, and that is a winless NFL team. Jim Rome and I am sure countless others agree with me.Here is where the Miami Dolphins come into play. This team has a lot of advantages over other teams. The city itself, great weather (except for the occasional hurricane), beautiful stadium which is going through a $300 million facelift (fitting with some Miami residents that go through tummy tucks and Botox, right Ricky Martin???), an owner that stays out of the offices way, and probably the hottest cheerleaders in the league.

I am not here to analyze why the Dolphins are currently sitting at 0-10. There are some things that can be blamed, whether it is coaching, an aging defense, an offense that looks no better than Atari Football, and injuries. On the contrary, I am here to root on the Dolphins. One looks at their remaining schedule, and there’s not really a game there that you would say that will win: at Pittsburgh, Jets at home, at Buffalo, Baltimore at home, at New England, and at home against the Bengals. For most teams, there would be some winnable games here, but not these Dolphins. This current Dolphins team has now become MY Dolphins team. The irony here is that not only is this the same franchise that can currently say that they are the only team that went undefeated in a season (1972), but that also this can be the only team to go 0-16 (1976 the Bucs went 0-14). Let’s not forget that Darth Bellicheck and his minions in New England are on a seek and destroy mission and at this point, definitely looks like the best football team that I have personally seen. The Patriots might, and should not lose a game this year.

So everyone root for the Dolphins to go 0-16. C’mon Dolphins, show us your dorsal fin and bottle nose!!! Borrow Kyle Wright from the U and put him in at QB. Keep running bubble screens and reverses (to quote Warren Sapp “I have seen a high school team run more base plays on offense). Keep getting old Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor. Still be the loud mouth underachiever that you are Joey Porter (wait, let me not say that. I don’t wanna end up on the floor like Levi Brown). Jason Allen (Tennessee), continue to be the 1st RD bust that you are. You just got Ricky Williams back off suspension. Get the blunt out of his hand and put a football on his feet. Let him run and kick, kinda like George Blanda. Do it up Gameday ’98 like and put Ricky in at QB. Coach Cam, think of it. Use Ricky all over the field, just like you did when you were the head coach at Indiana.

You can do it. I have all the faith in the world in you. I am on the bandwagon, and I don’t plan on getting off until you decide to show some pride and win. Why, at this point, would you show any pride and effort??? You haven’t done it all year. I am not a Photoshop expert, but if I could, I would replace the helmet on the Dolphin’s head with a bag. Do it up “Aint’s” style. Miami Dolphins, make this guy’s dream come true…

Posted in Marijuana, miami dolphins, NFL Football, notre dame sucks, Ricky Williams | Tagged: | 4 Comments »

Denver Running Back Travis Henry apparently loves Rocky Mountain High

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 5, 2007

How ironic is this? Just one day after posting the story about the marijuana advocate group purchasing a billboard space to lure Ricky “Master Puffer” Williams to Denver, current Denver running back Travis “I Gots 9 count them 9 Mf’ing kids to pay for” Henry, is in trouble AGAIN for violating the NFL substance abuse policy. This one gets a little strange since federal courts are involved.

“Denver Broncos tailback Travis Henry, the NFL’s leading rusher through the first four weeks of the season, is facing a one-year suspension for a repeat violation of the substance abuse policy, multiple sources told ESPN.com on Thursday night.

But in a battle that has reached the federal court system, Henry is attempting to block the league from testing the so-called “B-sample” necessary to confirm the positive test, claiming that NFL officials would not allow his expert to be present for the testing of his specimen.

With nine kids from nine different women, I have to wonder if his “expert” was going by the name of Candy who was charging by the hour for her services.

“League vice president of public relations Greg Aiello on Thursday night confirmed that the NFL is involved in the court action with Henry and that the league hopes to have his motion dismissed. Citing confidentiality policies that are a part of the substance abuse program, Aiello declined to address the results of any tests involving Henry.

Henry’s attorney, Robert Dapelo, could not be reached.

The issue being challenged by Henry is that the NFL would not allow his expert to observe the testing of the “B-sample.” Although the collective bargaining agreement permits a player to have an expert present for the testing, Aiello said that expert cannot be affiliated with any laboratory. The expert presented by Henry did have such an affiliation.

The league provided Henry with the names of 10 independent experts as reference for his potential use.”

Why can’t the player’s expert be affiliated with a laboratory? That doesn’t make sense. I’m not a fan of drug usage and I support drug testing however the NFL does need to be fair about this. If the league is providing a list of “independent” experts, then I have to wonder just how independent can they be.

Henry put the bong down, go spend time with your nine kids and play football, it’s that simple.

So I profess on this day 10/05/07.

TtT

Posted in Denver Broncos, drugs, ESPN, Goodell, Marijuana, NFL Football, Ricky Williams, Sports, travis henry | 2 Comments »

Marijuana Advocates Wants Ricky Williams to Enjoy a Real Rock Mountain High

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 4, 2007

In case you didn’t know, America’s favorite NFL stoner Ricky Williams, has applied to be reinstated. The liberal hippies of Denver want Ricky Williams to play for Denver and help score some good weed in the process. They have even gone as far as placing a billboard up to help make their case to the undisputed pimpologist of Mary Jane.

“A group that led a campaign to legalize marijuana possession in Denver is posting a billboard advertisement encouraging suspended running back Ricky Williams and the Broncos to get together.

Williams applied for NFL reinstatement this week, his agent said. Williams has played in only 12 NFL games since the start of the 2004 season, but rushed for 3,225 yards in 2002-03. His current suspension began in April 2006 after he violated the league’s drug policy for the fourth time. He tested positive for marijuana this April, again delaying his return.

Williams remains under contract with Miami, where he won the NFL rushing title in 2002. But new coach Cam Cameron has not indicated whether he wants Williams to stay with the Dolphins, who fell to 0-4 Sunday.”

I didn’t know possession wasn’t a crime in Denver. It’s a wonder that Michael Vick and Williams haven’t moved there sooner. Cam Cameron is a tough customer, he’s like a mini me version of Goodell so I’m betting that Ricky will try the free agency market.

“The billboard, across the street from Invesco Field, where the Broncos play, will be unveiled Wednesday and will stay up for a month. At a cost of $3,000, it features a player with dreadlocks in a blue and orange jersey and reads, “Ricky, come to Denver… Where the people support your SAFER choice.”

In 2005, Denver residents passed an initiative removing all penalties for possession of small amounts of marijuana by adults. The campaign was run on the message that marijuana is less harmful than alcohol. Police have continued prosecuting people under state law, however. Federal law also prohibits possession.”

So basically it’s a worthless initiative. You would think who ever thought of that initiative would have thought about that…oh wait silly me, they’re potheads…duh…obviously they wouldn’t have thought about the other laws. As most of you can tell sarcasm is my anti-drug .

“The National Football League’s marijuana policy is just as irrational as our federal government’s marijuana policy,” said Mason Tvert of the group Safer Alternative For Enjoyable Recreation. “In both cases, authorities are steering adults toward using alcohol and punishing them for making the safer choice to use marijuana instead.

“If (commissioner) Roger Goodell and every NFL player over 21 can go home after a game and have a drink, there is no reason why Ricky Williams should not be allowed to go home and use a less harmful drug.”

Sure there is, obeying the law seems to be a pretty good reason to me. The government doesn’t “steer” anyone into using anything that is harmful whether it be pot, alcohol or cigarettes. The person is question is using their free will. Now go fill your bong and play a Phish CD.

“The initiative Denver voters approved two years ago allows adults to carry up to an ounce of marijuana. No other state allows pot possession for anything other than medical use.

“Ricky Williams would feel right at home here,” Tvert said.”

First of all Denver isn’t a state it’s a city. Second of all Ricky Williams played and lives in Miami. Do you know what kind of good stuff they can get down there? Ask any Florida Gator they’ll tell you. We didn’t hear about Vick sneaking pot through the Denver airport did we? No, it was the Miami airport. Maybe you should move to Florida and campaign there, you’ll probably win by a landslide…if all the voters aren’t to stoned to go out and vote.

So I profess on this day 10/04/07.

TtT

Posted in Denver Broncos, Goodell, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, NFL, NFL Football, pot, Ricky Williams | 10 Comments »