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Archive for the ‘road rage’ Category

What Do You Do, Coach Stew???

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 14, 2008


Well what a banner day for West Virginia University. Freshman sensation Noel Devine, along with his 3 henchmen, were (finally) arrested for the Feb. 13 incident outside of Club Z. Apparently Devine took time out of his busy schedule of doing the Superman while at the club and started a little static. The 4 future brain surgeons have been charged with battery, and have pleaded no contest.

Now, this puts our new favorite undefeated coach Bill Stewart in an interesting conundrum. Earlier, he suspended 3 players for drug possession. A certain someone thought that Stewart would be up the creek when/if his star player was arrested. Well guess what has happened…

What does Stewart do??? Does he a) kick his star RB off the team and continue the precedent that he has set, b) tell the Mountaineer clan to wait until the legal process has been done (keeping in mind that he didn’t do that during the first incident, but could be spun as “I overreacted”) or, c) only suspend Devine and the Crew for spring practice, and still keep them fresh for the upcoming year???

Well if Stewart were an SEC coach, he would put Devine on “Double Super Secret Probation”, or take an approach similar to Thomas’ favorite coach, Steve Superior. There is also the ‘Bama approach where the charges “mysteriously” are dropped. How about police ride alongs, Fulmer style??? Whichever he decides will determine the course of the Mountaineer football season. None of this will matter much anyway, considering Jim Leavitt and the USF Bulls treat ‘Eers like their own personal chew toy. (Thanks Thomas. The one day this week I write and you beat me to the punch).

Oh, nothing major on the WVU v. Rodriguez case, but I did happen to stumble across this tasty morsel of news: The school is now getting sued, no less than by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the most trusted source of Mountaineer news. The school has not been entirely cooperative when it comes to the Freedom of Information Act (see Nutt, Houston). This goes back to the newspaper’s investigation into whether Gov. Manchin’s daughter actually earned her MBA, as the school’s records were “imcomplete”. Seems as though certain records, such as phone logs, e-mails, and other information has either been withheld or redacted from the newspaper. Now I am no lawyer (maybe LawVol can offer up some more details without going too much in boring detail speak), but I know enough about the FOIA that public records must be turned over in a timely manner, except those not required by law. Also keep in mind that school Mike Garrison is himself a lawyer by trade, and should be well-versed on such legalities. Maybe their legal department has been so busy trying to collect a check from Rodriguez that they didn’t think that they themselves could get sued. Isn’t it a great day to be a Mountaineer??? What is that I see??? I think those are the outstretched arms of the God of Mediocrityland, welcoming WVU back and sitting them next to Syracuse. How special…

Posted in Coker, College Football, Conspiracy Theory, Crime & Punishment, retarded, road rage, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Florida Bulls, Sports, Steve Spurrier, stupid, suicide, Superman, Syacuse, team spirit, trailer trash, ugly wives, University of South Florida, USA Today, USC, USF, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, WVU | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Roger Clemens Writes A Play

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 10, 2008

This is way to funny

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Posted in road rage, Roger Clemens, satire, scandal, steroids, The Juice | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

West Virginia Is Trying To Imitate An SEC School…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 7, 2008

Ah yes West By God Virginia. Apparently, if making the news for fake degrees, suing former football coaches, and, well, being West Virginia was not enough, now the football players are trying to imitate an SEC team. Which SEC team??? I will get to that in a minute…

New Mountaineer coach Bill Stewart has recently announced that LB John Holmes (insert porn joke here), DL James Ingram (no relation to soul singer of the same name), and RB Ed Collington (I got nothing here) are no longer on the team. They will be able to retain their scholarships through the end of the spring semester. These 3 geniuses were pulled over for speeding. When the police opened the car, they detected the smell of the “stickiest of the icky” commonly called in Gainesville Gunja-Aid or in Knoxville known as a Recruiting Tool (which obviously didn’t work due to the crappy signing class). Upon searching the vehicle, baggies of the “green stuff” were found both in the car and in Ingram’s shoe. Wait, it gets better: Ingram told the cops that more weed was located in their apartment. Try not to shake your head so hard.

So of course, thanks to a helpful hint from Deputy Barney Fife, the cops search the apartment and found a lot more drugs and bags. Now, because McGruff the Crime ‘Eer told the cops about the extra weed and baggies, they are facing several more felony charges than they would have been if he had just kept his mouth shut. Either he had a moment of clarity because he knew he was doing wrong, or that weed was so good that he just had to tell the cops in hopes they would buy some. Of course, I wonder where that weed will end up once the trial is over with. Someone should have told these 3 that couches are the thing to burn in Morgantown, not blunts…

Now I know which SEC team that WVU reminds me of, and honestly it only took a few seconds of reflection because well, this is West Virginia we are talking about. The school is Thomas’ favorite whipping boy, the University of South Carolina. Let’s examine a little further. Both the Mountaineers and the Gamecocks have losing all-time bowl records, neither school has won a national championship in football but their in-state rivals (Marshall and Clemson) both have national titles, both fanbases have an over inflated sense of entitlement, and both have had players that have done some of the most head scratching things to get in trouble with the cops that you can think of.

So there you have it. The Mountaineers and the Gamecocks are now 2 kindred spirits. West Virginia can say with pride that even though their athletics department is slightly more organized than Iraq circa 2003, they can say with pride that they are almost at an SEC level. Nothing will stop the ‘Eer and ‘Cock Connection from years of mediocrity and no glory to speak of. Long live ‘Eer and ‘Cock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted in ass chewing, bad drivers, BCS, Big East, bongs, classless, clemson, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, College Football, court tv, Crime & Punishment, Dave Wannstedt, Discipline, drugs, dumbass, Gamecocks, guilty, legal troubles, Major Harris, Marijuana, mary jane, moral victories, moron, mullets, NCAA, Old Ball Sack Coach, Pacman Jones, Po Po, Police, pot, road rage, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Football, South Carolina, South Carolina Gamecocks, stupid, team spirit, USC, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, WVU | 9 Comments »

A Message To The Law Enforcement in Knoxville

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 23, 2008


To: Chief Sterling Owen, IV, Chief of Police for Knoxville Police Department & Chief August Washington, Chief of UTPD

CC: Bill Haslam, Mayor of Knoxville, Coach Phillip Fulmer, Head Honcho, All Things Volunteer Football

From: Joel, Contributing Blogger for and Volunteer

Dear Sirs,

I would like to first take the opportunity to thank you kind men for reading this letter. I know that you are busy trying to keep the streets of Knoxville safe, the campus of the University of Tennessee secure, and the whole state proud of its team, the Volunteers. However, as a concerned fan, both of the school, the SEC Conference, and College Football in particular, I am a little bit concerned over what has happened thus far over the past few months concerning the Volunteer football program and police run ins. These concerns have led me to question myself and ask: What can I do as a fan and native Tennessean to help out, in true Volunteer fashion??? So far, this letter that I am typing with great conviction has been my call to arms.

Listen men, we simply cannot allow your fine officers to harass our football players. They have enough to deal with, such as studying, hanging with some friends, playing football, and representing Volunteers worldwide. These fine young men are doing what it takes to “Work Like Heck” and make us all proud. So what if they decide to have a drink to relax. Is it too much trouble to ask that they stumble around in public in peace??? That fight that went on at Gibbs Hall??? What you would call a fight is what a real officer would call a UFC amateur competition. Now, because of you, Coach Fulmer has to take time away from his 6 a.m. Krispy Kreme run just so that the team can engage in some early morning calisthenics months ahead of schedule in preparation for the upcoming difficult season. I don’t see Jim Tressel getting his whole entire team up to run their 6.8 second 40’s (because they are so fast at Ohio State). We all know how irritable Coach Fulmer and Coach Chavis can get when they don’t have their 8 dozen doughnuts and 3 gallon carafes of coffee before they eat breakfast…

As for the alleged marijuana incident with Gerald Jones, Ahmad Paige, and William Brimfield, they were victims of one big understanding. A real police officer would have concluded that the marijuana smell in the car was actually a new type of GHB scented car fragrance. The “marijuana cigarette”??? Mr. Paige simply had his car detailed at the car wash where they sprayed his car with the “Chronic Fresh” scent, and one of the workers there must have had the cigarette slip out of his pocket. See??? Charge a real criminal, not these boys. Now they have to go on police ride alongs as punishment; at the very least, let them watch Season 1 of Reno: 911. I mean, having to suffer through the antics of Officers Jones and Garcia is punishment enough, much less Clementine, Weigel, Junior, and Lt. Dangle. More importantly, we lost two recruits to Oklahoma, which has a history of allowing players to roam free…

Josh “McLovin” McNeil should have been given a handshake and a pat on the back, not a ticket and a court summons. He graciously hosted 3 ladies in his room of his apartment and was bothering no one. The cat was the one that knocked the flower pot through the window. Let’s think about it: realistically, the chances of getting 2 women in the bed with the average guy is slim to none, McNeil got 3. I personally will shake his hand, no, I will HUG him if I ever meet him, as he “Volunteered” to host 3 women at once. God bless him…

In closing, boys will be boys. Who among us did not have a drink or 10 when we were 18??? Marijuana you say??? In The Netherlands, they would call that “Herbal Refreshment”. Guns??? I always thought the Constitution guaranteed us the right to bear arms??? Listen, we need to get together as a community and realize what our priorities are, which should be Volunteer Athletics. Think of a world with 1 and 2 star recruits on the field on Saturdays. People will be blaming Fulmer for poor recruiting, but if you keep harassing the players, the blame will be on you, because the real stars will be too busy with court dates and probation.

Thank you for your time and GO BIG ORANGE!!!

Posted in BCS, Big Orange, boo birds, boosters, College Football, court tv, Crime & Punishment, Dead Drunk, Discipline, drugs, DUI, football, Fulmer, fulmer sucks, Go Vols, guilty, Jim Tressel, legal troubles, Marijuana, mary jane, Phillip Fulmer, Po Po, Police, road rage, Rocky Top, satire, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, stupid, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols, vols | 3 Comments »

Joe Pa Denies Road Rage, It was More Like Road Annoyance on His Part

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 12, 2007

Joe Paterno the man, the myth, the living legend denies any involvement in a road rage incident that occurred last week. Sure he’s at least 80 and sure he initiated the whole thing, but he’s Joe Pa and no damn state official in Pennsylvania will take his driving privileges away, unless they want someone else to coach a sub-par Penn State team.

“An exchange of words with another motorist on a campus road was blown out of proportion by Internet-fueled rumors and media speculation, Penn State coach Joe Paterno said Thursday night.

The motorist complained to university police about Paterno’s conduct after the Oct. 5 incident. No charges were filed.

Paterno, on his weekly radio show Thursday night, said the incident happened after he noticed a car had driven through a stop sign.”

In all seriousness I have a lot of respect for Joe Pa, but has anyone noticed those coke bottle glasses he wears? The lens has to be thicker than the Hubble telescope. I bet driving behind him is like driving behind most old people, the speed limit is 55 & they will not dare go over 30, even on the freeway.

“Later, when the person stopped, “I blew my horn at the person. … Then I pulled up beside her because there was nothing coming the other way,” Paterno told listeners. “I pointed my finger at her … and I said, ‘Boy, you went through that sign.'”

Paterno said he told the driver, “‘Don’t do that again, because I took your license number.’ And I really hadn’t taken her license number. All of a sudden, somebody knocks on my window. I put the window down, and he says, ‘That’s my wife.'”

Paterno said he responded to the driver’s husband, “Boy, that’s your problem” — though he later regretted saying that.

Paterno said he addresses safety issues with students when he sees a concern on campus.”

Finger at her and said boy….try saying ma’am it sounds politer and less confrontational. The line about telling the guy “that’s his problem” regarding his wife is gold. On the other hand Joe Pa is lucky he wasn’t taken from the car and beaten like the way a sorry Michigan team beat Penn State this year. People are crazy nowadays, it’s best too learn to mind your own business.

“He said he was angered by rumors — which first surfaced on Internet message boards — calling the incident “road rage” or saying that he used profanity.

“I really resent the whole thing. I don’t even know the names of the people who accused me of it,” Paterno said on the radio show.

He also said he was angry with some recent print and broadcast media reports about the incident.

“Very, very resentful of the media who are out in left field, because it’s not fair,” he said. “I’m not the greatest guy in the world. I make a lot of mistakes, and they want to second-guess my coaching. But gee, when I was doing what I thought was helpful. … Now it’s a national event.”

Aww it’s not fair…boo hoo. The lack of discipline in your program isn’t fair to the boosters, you don’t hear them whining. Notice his line about second guessing his coaching? I have a feeling that’s what he’s really mad about. It’s national event Joe Pa because this week has been really slow story wise. Almost 6 days since a Gator has been arrested. Wow! Of course the Penn State players are taking up some slack, but they’re arrested for minor things, your team needs to get some balls have one of the players go rob someone for a change.

“According to a police log reviewed by The Associated Press, a staff member reported just after noon Oct. 5 that “a male driver committed a traffic violation and acted in a disorderly manner.” University police do not release names in cases in which no charges are filed.”

No they didn’t release the names to protect Joe Pa, let’s be honest about it.

Penn State vice president Bill Mahon told the AP earlier this week that the chief of police, Steve Shelow, had told him that the case was closed and that no citations were issued.

“We talked to both drivers. We weren’t able to see anything that met a traffic citation or criminal citation,” assistant police chief Tyrone Parham said Thursday, without confirming the identity of the driver who was the target of the complaint.”

If you talked to both drivers then you should have notes on that which would mean you have their names. Unless you’re calling Joe Pa a liar since nothing met a traffic or criminal citation.

“During a news conference earlier this week, Paterno grew agitated with questions about off-the-field problems surrounding his team. A reporter asked Paterno to comment on speculation the coach himself “might have been involved in something,” to which Paterno replied, “Come on, let’s go.”

The traffic incident occurred the same day that Paterno suspended tailback Austin Scott for violating an undisclosed team rule.”

Forget it I’m not retiring yet.

See it all makes sense now. Joe Pa was pissed about Scott, got into his death machine of rage, a 77 Buick, and the road rage took over. I would be upset knowing the only reason I’m still coaching at 80 something is hoping Bobby Bowden retires soon, which isn’t going to happen. I think the AARP needs to step in and have him removed from his coaching job.

I know there are some Penn State fans reading this. Remember this is sarcasm, I like Joe Pa. He’s an institution even he does suffer from road rage time to time.

So I profess on this day 10/12/07.


Posted in bad drivers, big 10, big ten football, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Penn State, Penn State Nittany Lions, road rage | 4 Comments »