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Archive for the ‘stupid’ Category

Jose Canseco the newest force in MMA

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 1, 2009

As a connoisseur of the entertainment that the Japanese has to offer trust me when I say I’ve seen some crazy shit out of that country.  But the craziest might be seeing Jose Canseco battle a 7’2″ Korean in a MMA match. I prayed to the little baby Jesus in heaven last night that this winds up on YouTube. 

Jose “Rat fink” Canseco will headline in the first round of the Super Hulk Tournament – World Superman Championship,” against super heavyweight Hong Man Choi of South Korea who happens to be over seven feet tall and weighs over three hundred pounds. Fortunately for Canseco, Choi, apparently isn’t that good with a 1-2 lifetime record. 

The sad thing for Canseco is he is probably equally if not worse than Choi. His only “combat sport” experience is a three round draw against Danny Bonaduce. When the Japanese pay you to come in and fight a 7′ Korean, you know you’re a punch line. Unless you’re Jose Canseco. 

“I have no idea if I can do it,” Canseco said Thursday night. “It’s a tough sport.” 

My prediction: Laughter. 

Canseco’s pre-fight checklist:
√dye hair orange
√paint body green
√inject loosey goosey Alex Rodriguez juicy

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Posted in Jose Canseco, MMA, steroids, stupid | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Some rather sad & disturbing news to report

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 11, 2009

Further proof that only douche bags wear shirts with screen printed script on them.

I have some rather disturbing and sad news to report about the dad who hosted an underage party that was complete with cheerleaders and a stripper pole in the basement.

Last Saturday, Steven Russo, went from ignorant dad of the year to douche bag dad of year. As if his earlier actions didn’t concern people about his mental state his decided to implore a greater cry for help by closing his garage off and leaving the car running.

Even more disturbing is the fact he had his four-year old son with him at the time. This of course angers me to no degree. If this country has one true treasure that we need to protect it is its children. Fortunately he was discovered by the four-year olds’ grandfather so he’s okay.

I suppose being labeled as a sick freak was to much pressure for Russo to bare so he chose to attempt to end it all. Why in the world he would make his younger son bare the brunt of his mistake is incomprehensible to me. To confuse matters even worse than they are he sent a text message to the mother of the four-year old blaming her for his idiotic choices.

“Quoted in her statement to police, Jessica Clapso said Russo text-messaged her, saying, “This is on you and good-bye.”

Sending that text message meant he would be caught. He’s a coward who should get his wish- his 4-year-old needs to be safe with the mom, and then he (the father) needs to be lined up against a wall and shot.

I really hope one of the other dads beats the fuck out of this guy. You want to kill yourself, fucking fine. But do not take your kid down with you.

Posted in Cheerleaders, Crime & Punishment, Douche Bag, dumbass, Stripper Pole, stupid, suicide attempt | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Cheerleaders + Stripper Pole = FUN (Unless they’re still in high school)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 4, 2009

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Meet Steven Russo, 36, he is the new “coolest” dad ever. Back in December of 2007 his 17 year-old son attends Freedom High (Bethlehem, Pa.) decided to throw a party and since his dad is so damn cool he agreed to the party but only if cheerleaders come and if these cheerleader party in the basement where like a Rock of Love Fantasy Camp, the alcohol and the stripper pole is being housed. I bet there was a Scarface poster on the wall in that basement.

“The teens allegedly listened to Russo spin tales about his sexual exploits and drank vodka, rum and beer he gave them. They also mingled in the basement while he played music and shouted, “Get on that pole,” according to a criminal complaint filed by Bethlehem Township police at the office of District Judge Joseph Barner.”

How could they hear what Russo was talking about when they had “Pour Some Sugar On Me” blaring in the background? I’m just asking!

Steve Russo keeps getting older, but the cheerleaders stay the same age. Yes I’m telling you this 36-year-old man with a 17-year-old son might have problems with decision-making and maturity. Please don’t remain skeptical.

Of course with a rocking party like this there were photos being taken. Unfortunately for Russo they wound up on Facebook. There was a photo showing two of the cheerleaders kissing Russo on the cheek that began circulating around the school. The cheerleaders being the jealous bitches that cheerleaders can be started arguing about the photo and in what can be construed as a “bitchy act” one the girls showed the photo to a school administrator. Let the real fun begin!

“The girls said Russo did not try anything with them, but encouraged one 16-year-old as she removed her shirt during the Dec. 12 party. One teen mentioned Russo’s house has a room called “the cave” on the second floor where people have sex. One boy claimed he was there that night because another teen planned to have sex and he was “hooking up,” with one of the other girls. The boy said they left after his friend was finished.

A 14-year-old girl said she drank Red Bull and vodka at the party and Russo’s son became sick from excessive consumption. She later sneaked out of the house with a friend because “the rule is that if you drink alcohol there you have to sleep over because (Russo) doesn’t want to get in trouble  …”

Yes the rule is you get wasted and you have to stay the night and ordering underage girls to get on a stripper pole is a convenience? Yes, yes, I know it is, but still…

There is another story about this situation that was written by someone called Precious Petty. No joke here, but that sounds like a really annoying name.

R-Kelly is wondering what the hell happened to his invitation.

I know ignorance of the law is no excuse but come on, how is a guy supposed to know trying to get a cheerleader to take her shirt off and do a pole dance is illegal? Those Quakers run a tough state. *Sarcasm*

I’m betting one day the son will write the following words:

Dear Penthouse,

You will never believe what happened when 20 horny teens came over to my dad’s house…….

Quakers? more like Quake-whores.

Posted in Cheerleaders, Crime & Punishment, dumbass, Stripper Pole, stupid | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The MLB Players’ Association are Either Complete Idiots or Awesome Wasters of Time

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 7, 2008

It’s been long said that the MLB Players’ Association have been a major source of baseballs woes. Now they have the audacity to open an investigation into their own free agency practices that Congress would be rather embarrassed to open. Of course the MLBPA actually sent out a memo telling players not to cooperate with the Mitchell investigation.

Page 1 of the memo

Page 2 of the memo

The MLBPA has been investigating for several weeks what has taken place in free agency, in relation to Barroid Bonds, Kenny “Still No Ring” Lofton and other players who have gone unsigned.

LBPA general counsel Michael Weiner, when asked if they were near a resolution, said:

“I really don’t know. We’re still waiting for some information.”

If the MLBPA determines that there is something untoward, it could file a grievance on the issue of collusion at the end of the investigation.

So basically they want to know why Bonds hasn’t been signed yet. Let me help them out I might have an answer.

  • Steroids
  • Age
  • He can’t play the field anymore because of his knees
  • He’s an asshole in the clubhouse and to media
  • Hitler has a higher approval rating
  • His feet smell (Dusty Baker is the one making that claim)

“The union notified us that it was investigating potential collusion regarding Barry Bonds and asked for information, and we told them that there was absolutely no collusion with respect to Barry Bonds or any other free agent,” said Dan Halem, MLB senior vice president and general labor counsel. “We are aware of no facts which would support a collusion claim regarding Bonds or any other free agents.”

Jeff Borris, the agent for Bonds, said:

“No team has made me an offer for any amount at any time since Barry became a free agent. Barry continues to work out,” but when asked about his client’s prospects for this season, he said, “I’m not optimistic that he will be in a major league uniform in 2008.”

Well thank God for that Borris.

Barry Bonds & Lofton aren’t the only big-name players that haven’t gotten a major league contract this season. Here are some others:

  • Roger Clemens
  • Jose Mesa
  • Mike Piazza
  • Sammy Sosa
  • David Wells

Does anyone notice anything similar about all these players? Here’s a hint: they’re all old and/or aging. Did anyone think that maybe, just maybe, teams would rather give the 23 year old kid with upside a shot, instead of the 40+ one-and-done guy? No? Really?

Bonds is a distraction, therefore, no one wants him. Lofton though, I think he’s well past his prime but can make a decent 4th outfielder for a team. Even then, I think he needs to retire and he should be a shoo-in for the HOF.

If a GM doesn’t want a free-agent player on the team because of the negative PR that will result, how is that possibly collusion?

Posted in Barry Bonds, MLB, MLBPA, steroids, stupid | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Uh Oh, Pacman Is “Gon Make It Rain”

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 25, 2008

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So Pacman just went on Michael Irvin’s show today saying how he needed to watch who he hangs out with, and now this. Pacman, along with his trusty sidekick “Spoaty” are having a sockhop in “da ATL” on Sunday. So if anyone is in the Atlanta area on Sunday and need some way to kill off a Sunday night, here ya go. Ladies get in free and Grey Goose is on the house. I guess this means that Dana Jacobsen won’t be there since she’s a Belvedere chick. Don’t worry, they can afford all of the free Grey Goose because they got the flyers printed at Cheap Ass Flyers…

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Posted in alcoholics, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Big East, bongs, boo birds, classless, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Dead Drunk, Discipline, draft pick, drugs, DUI, dumbass, ESPN, football, guilty, Hip Hop, ho, Jerry Jones, legal troubles, Liar, Little Bitch, Marijuana, mary jane, moron, NFL, NFL Football, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Spoaty, Sports, stupid, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, WVU | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

A Visitor’s Guide to Houston

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 24, 2008

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I have been a resident of Houston (for better or worse) for 5 years now. No, I am not a Houstonian or even worse, a Texan, but this is a helpful guide for you fans of Michigan St., Stanford, or God’s team, Memphis, that will be coming here to cheer your team at beautiful Reliant Stadium. For once, someone will actually win something at reliant Stadium, seeing as though it is also the home field for the NFL’s Houston Texans. Yes I know I omitted the Texas Longhorns, but as much as they play in Houston and considering this is their home state, essentially it is a homecoming. Plus, the dope boys are excited because Matthew McGodhesgay will be here to root on his Longhorns, meaning an instant boost of the sticky icky sales for this year…

Travel

*There are 2 main airports here: George H.W. Bush Intercontinental Airport & William P. Hobby Airport. Hobby is the much smaller airport and less overall hassle, but from my experience, Bush is a little bit more efficient. I just have issues with the airport’s name.

*Avoid if at all possible all major interstates and highways between the hours of 6 am-7 pm Monday-Friday and especially I-45S towards Galveston and I-10W towards Katy on weekends. The more side streets that you can find, the better.

*The cabs inside the loop are pretty efficient, but just as in New York, Chicago, and LA, you might need to carry at least a foreign language dictionary. Pick one.

*Metro Bus System absolutely sucks. If anyone is big time enough to stay downtown, there is a light rail system that will transport you from downtown to Reliant Park, but a word of caution: The light rail is super quiet. What this means is that if you are either walking or driving your car and you are not paying attention, you will get run over.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Marijuana, mary jane, Memphis Tigers, Michigan State Spartons, NCAA, Sports, stupid, Texas Longhorns | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Toughest 81 Year Old in History

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 24, 2008

81. That is a significant number. Yes it is the number of a once entertaining, loud mouthed, suicidal wide receiver with a bad case of the drops. It is also the age of the toughest 81 year old coach in college football history, Joe Paterno.

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The stories of him are legend. He still runs everyday. He’s not afraid to get in the grill of one of his massive linemen. He still wanted to coach his team on the sidelines just a few days after breaking his leg. He once crushed a milk carton on his head and didn’t even look to see if he recognized the missing person on the other side. He has been an institution, both at Penn State and college football. He even has a class at the school where students get to examine his historical role with the media (in case underwater basketweaving is full). So why does he not have a contract after this upcoming year???

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To the left is PSU President Graham Spanier, who to me looks remarkably like Pres. King from Doonesbury. Anyway, apparently Spanier has twice before gone to Paterno back in 2004 to try to convince the coach to quit. It didn’t work last time and for some reason, I don’t think it will happen this time. Besides, if they get rid of Paterno, a new coach won’t come nearly as cheap as the old coach. Young guys are easily commanding on average $2-3 million per year. They aren’t paying Paterno squat currently.

Spanier does not know who he is messing with. Even the name of Joe Paterno should send shivers down his spine. He does not know the power of Paterno. He certainly doesn’t want to challenge him MMA style. JoePa will break him off and have his beating heart on a platter next to the All-American Slam at Denny’s. And please don’t let the servers tell JoePa about the Senior’s menu. He hates that. Run him off, you administrators at Penn State if you dare. When you see him pick up a briefcase and his trusty Winchester named Bessie, that will be your ass that he will put on a platter at Golden Corral. Just remember: All God’s creatures have their place, right next to the mashed potatoes. And Paterno is hungry…

Posted in Ass Whipping, BCS, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boo birds, boosters, bumrush, cat killer, classless, College Football, College Gameday, dumbass, ESPN, Fines, football, Football Poll, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Lee Corso, NCAA, Penn State, Penn State Nittany Lions, satire, Sports, sports & stuff, stupid, team spirit | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

What Do You Do, Coach Stew???

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 14, 2008

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Well what a banner day for West Virginia University. Freshman sensation Noel Devine, along with his 3 henchmen, were (finally) arrested for the Feb. 13 incident outside of Club Z. Apparently Devine took time out of his busy schedule of doing the Superman while at the club and started a little static. The 4 future brain surgeons have been charged with battery, and have pleaded no contest.

Now, this puts our new favorite undefeated coach Bill Stewart in an interesting conundrum. Earlier, he suspended 3 players for drug possession. A certain someone thought that Stewart would be up the creek when/if his star player was arrested. Well guess what has happened…

What does Stewart do??? Does he a) kick his star RB off the team and continue the precedent that he has set, b) tell the Mountaineer clan to wait until the legal process has been done (keeping in mind that he didn’t do that during the first incident, but could be spun as “I overreacted”) or, c) only suspend Devine and the Crew for spring practice, and still keep them fresh for the upcoming year???

Well if Stewart were an SEC coach, he would put Devine on “Double Super Secret Probation”, or take an approach similar to Thomas’ favorite coach, Steve Superior. There is also the ‘Bama approach where the charges “mysteriously” are dropped. How about police ride alongs, Fulmer style??? Whichever he decides will determine the course of the Mountaineer football season. None of this will matter much anyway, considering Jim Leavitt and the USF Bulls treat ‘Eers like their own personal chew toy. (Thanks Thomas. The one day this week I write and you beat me to the punch).

Oh, nothing major on the WVU v. Rodriguez case, but I did happen to stumble across this tasty morsel of news: The school is now getting sued, no less than by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the most trusted source of Mountaineer news. The school has not been entirely cooperative when it comes to the Freedom of Information Act (see Nutt, Houston). This goes back to the newspaper’s investigation into whether Gov. Manchin’s daughter actually earned her MBA, as the school’s records were “imcomplete”. Seems as though certain records, such as phone logs, e-mails, and other information has either been withheld or redacted from the newspaper. Now I am no lawyer (maybe LawVol can offer up some more details without going too much in boring detail speak), but I know enough about the FOIA that public records must be turned over in a timely manner, except those not required by law. Also keep in mind that school Mike Garrison is himself a lawyer by trade, and should be well-versed on such legalities. Maybe their legal department has been so busy trying to collect a check from Rodriguez that they didn’t think that they themselves could get sued. Isn’t it a great day to be a Mountaineer??? What is that I see??? I think those are the outstretched arms of the God of Mediocrityland, welcoming WVU back and sitting them next to Syracuse. How special…

Posted in Coker, College Football, Conspiracy Theory, Crime & Punishment, retarded, road rage, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Florida Bulls, Sports, Steve Spurrier, stupid, suicide, Superman, Syacuse, team spirit, trailer trash, ugly wives, University of South Florida, USA Today, USC, USF, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, WVU | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

There’s More To This Big 10 Team Than Wheat & Crappy Football

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 26, 2008

Well now that I have a chance to write, after travelling for the job, missing the game of the year because I was on a plane (UT v. Memphis), and being depressed about losing to a talented Tennessee basketball team, I get to now focus my attention to college football players and programs out of control. I know, you’re probably thinking Alabama, Tennessee, Florida, South Carolina, Florida State, or even Penn State. But just as quietly as they have sucked the last couple of years on the field, this Big 10 team has proven that even they are not too slow for the police blotter off of the field…

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The University of Iowa Hawkeyes have had 14 player arrests in the past calendar year. This hawk has been flying off of the radar, just like their past football season. The latest arrest happened this past week, as WR James Cleveland and backup QB Arvell Nelson was arrested. Cleveland was busted for, get this, 21 pills of oxycodone and 24 doses of cardisoprodol, a drug to relax muscles. The drugs had no label and no prescription. Nelson was arrested because he had weed (aka Gainesville’s finest or Knoxville Recruiting Tool) sitting on his desk in plain view. I wonder if Nelson is an Ag-Science Major…

Well the school has had players arrested for the following: several drunken driving arrests, credit card fraud (also known as the Gottlieb), taking DVD’s from Wal-Mart (hopefully not the $1 bin DVD’s), sexual assault, and the ever popular failure to appear. Wow. Jai Eugene over at Losers With Socks wrote about the trend of Alabama having “16”, but give these guys a little time and they should beat that record easily. Fulmer Cup my ass.

I guess instead of having pink locker rooms at Kinnick Stadium, they might paint the dorm rooms pink…

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This is NOT a Photoshop btw…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, bad drivers, Bammers, BCS, big 10, big ten, big ten football, bongs, boosters, cheaters, College Football, Crime & Punishment, drugs, DUI, dumbass, ESPN, Florida Gators, football, Football Poll, Iowa Hawkeyes, stupid, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols | 1 Comment »

Pacman Jones Quiz

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 14, 2008

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Adam “Pacman” Jones has cleared his last criminal case by agreeing to a plea deal. He is now on probation for the next 3 years, meaning that if he gets in trouble again with the law, he will be locked up. No word from the league office on when and/or if he will get back into the NFL.

Well, I have decided to give you readers a quiz to see just how well you know the former Mountaineer and current Titans CB (for now). Don’t worry, it’s multiple choice.

Question #1: Pacman Jones likes to do the following in his spare time:

A. Smoke weed.

B. Record the worst rap you have heard this side of Kobe Bryant.

C. Frequent strip clubs.

D. All of the above.

Question #2: “Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones has retained the law firm that successfully defended Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis against double murder charges to be Jones’ lead counsel in the matter Monday at the Minxx Gentleman’s Club in Las Vegas.”

Reading the previous passage, one can interpret that:

A. Pacman will become the latest Baltimore Raven.

B. Has an experienced attorney on staff if he wants to do an O.J.

C. Could not afford Rusty Hardin.

D. All of the above.

Question #3: If a dollar bill falls on the strip club floor, and a dancer named runs to grab it before landing, does it make a sound???

A. Depends. Where is Pacman???

B. Depends. Where is Pacman’s entourage???

C. Depends. Where are the garbage bags full of singles???

D. All of the above.

Question #4: The square root of Pacman’s legal docket + the free time that he seems to always have equals:

A. Biting a cop.

B. Drinking in public.

C. Holding out as a rookie for more money.

D. All of the above.

The common denominator is the answer D. D is for “Dumbass Pacman Jones”. Oh, and Pacman said last month that he wants to go to Dallas. The Metroplex has more weed and strip clubs per square mile than Nashville ever will have. Well if Michael Irvin and Nate Newton can survive, maybe Pacman can. Either way, if I don’t see him in a Titans jersey again, I won’t miss him.

Posted in Asphyxiation, Ass Whipping, Big East, bongs, boo birds, cheaters, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Po Po, Police, pot, Spoaty, stupid, Tennessee, The Big East, TNA, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, WVU | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »