Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘taxes’ Category

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 29, 2008

dontdrop.jpg

Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Advertisements

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Auburn, bad calls, bad drivers, bad newz kennels, Bammers, baseball, basketball, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, classless, College Basketball, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, DAvid Stern, Dawgs, Dead Drunk, Discipline, divorce court, dog fighting, drugs, DUI, dumbass, Ed Orgeron, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, football, FSU, Fulmer, gambling, Gamecocks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, God, Goodell, guilty, Herban, Herban Meyer, ho, hooker, Houston Nutt, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Judy, killer, Kobe, legal troubles, Little Bitch, LSU Tigers, Major League Baseball, marcus vick, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, mississippi state bulldogs, Mitchell Report, MLB, mobsters, moron, murderer, NBA, NCAA, New York Knicks, NFL, NFL Football, nickelback sucks, notre dame sucks, NRA, NWA, OJ, OJ Simpson, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, oliver stone, ookie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, refs, repo, Ricky Williams, riots, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Sports, Stephon Marbury, steroids, stupid, taser, taxes, team spirit, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Juice, Touchdown Jesus, trader, trailer trash, ugly wives, upsets, Vick, Vick Plea, VIP Connection, vols, walk-on, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, whore, WVU, zeke | 1 Comment »

The Tax Accessors Office of New York Doesn’t Like Jeter.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 17, 2007

Derek Jeter’s squeaky clean image might be tarnished by the tax accessors office of the state of New York. Apparently besides being a pain in the ass for all Yankee haters he doesn’t like to pay taxes.

New York is going after three years’ worth of back taxes and interest because of Jeter’s big mouth.

“He has made numerous public statements professing his love for New York,” the state Division of Tax Appeals wrote in legal papers.


Uh….yeah….you do…big time!

Jeter claims he’s been a Florida resident since 94 even though he owned a $13 million apartment at Trump World Tower, along with the real estate taxes of $70,000 a year. Good God! Someone seems to be getting ripped other than the state of New York.

“Judge Timothy J. Alston, however, asked the department for more specifics with respect to its claim that Jeter has “immersed himself in the New York community,” and in a five-page order dated Nov. 7, Alston told the department it must provide Jeter with a more detailed document specifying his “community involvement in jurisdictions other than Florida” and “public statements regarding his desire to be in New York,” according to AP.”

After some digging I found that Random House, which published Jeter’s book, “The Life You Imagine,” says on its Web site that he lives in New York City and Tampa, Florida. Uh huh that’s right.

The Yankee web site states he lives in New York and Tampa as well.

“Jeter’s agent, Casey Close, has said that his client has made his home in Tampa, Fla., since the mid-1990s, but state officials claim that between the years of 2001 and 2003 Jeter was in fact a New York state resident and should have been paying state income tax.”

Lock his ass up! 🙂 I wouldn’t believe Close, he’s a sports agent, everyone knows they’re scum.

What the state government can do is have tax officials check Jeter’s utility bills, where he has a driver’s license and his employment records, including the Yankees game schedule. They could also send agents to his apartment building to question neighbors.

If Yankee fans and non-Yankee fans have to pay Uncle Sam then so should Jeter. The bastard.

“The Yankees’ contract with Jeter called for him to receive salaries of $11 million in 2001, $13 million in 2002 and $14 million in 2003, with a $16 million signing bonus to be paid sometime before June 2008, according to AP.”

How ironic better Jeter and Capone getting nailed because of back taxes. I love it.

Posted in Derek Jeter, Major League Baseball, new york yankees, taxes, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »