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Archive for the ‘trader’ Category

This Is Why The Grizzlies Suck!!!

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 1, 2008

Ok, so I am a Grizzlies fan. I am proud to be a fan of my home town team. Memphis has been the “Susan Lucci” of pro sports cities for a long time, so when the Grizzlies moved in 2001, I was hooked instantly. The franchise has had some success since moving, making the playoffs twice. But when the team has been bad, it’s been horrible. I would hope those of you still reading this post (if you didn’t move on after reading this was a post about a sorry NBA franchise) would allow me to vent. After all, Thomas created this blog to show “how ALL sports teams suck”…

Today, the Grizzlies traded star forward Pau Gasol to the Los Angeles Lakers for (drumroll please) center Kwame Brown, guard Javaris Crittenton, guard Aaron McKie, the rights to Pau’s younger brother Marc, and first round picks in the 2008 and 2010 draft. According to reports, the Grizzlies traded an unhappy star while in his prime and got cap relief in the process.

Let me translate what the Grizzlies got in return: the poster child of broken confidence and draft busts (Brown), another guard that they did not need (Crittenton), a guard who is old and on the inactive list (McKie), Gasol’s younger brother (who couldn’t even do squat against private school competition while going to school in Memphis), and 2 draft picks with a franchise that has been more miss than hit when it comes to draft picks. What the hell??? The Grizz might as well have just asked the Lakers for some bags of rice with all the magic beans they just got from LA. The team has been shopping Gasol for a while now and was rumored to go to the Bulls for a few actually good players (Gordon, Deng) but the best we could get back was Kwame Brown??? I think Woody Paige would have been a better fit for the team’s up tempo style, plus he is just as much of a stiff as Kwame Brown.

This is a franchise that doesn’t know what the hell they are doing right now. It is at best no more of an unmitigated disaster than post WWII Dresden. The team plays in a brand new arena with decent sight lines, you can get a $5 ticket to watch a game, and yet the team struggles to draw 10,000. When did the team become the Atlanta Hawks???

So what now??? I say they trade guard Mike Miller, build around Rudy Gay and Mike Conley and go from there. I am calling for owner Mike Heisley to sell the franchise to someone locally who will give a damn about the team. The team cannot relocate because of a city-franchise agreement, so sell to FedEx Founder/CEO Fred Smith, rename the team the Express or something related to package delivery, and call it a day. Or they could name the team the Bullets, since there’s millions of those flying around the city (though the Wizards may have an issue with that). The point being is that crap rolls downhill, and even though I said in the About the Wirters section that there are 547 Grizzlies fans worldwide, at this rate by this season’s end there will be 329. I will still be one, if only because my blood pressure is already high enough, so what the hell would a few more points matter???

As for what to do with the Pau Gasol jersey that I bought a few years ago (caught it on sale from Marshall’s when the NBA switched from Reebok to adidas apparel), I do have a solution, because we are a solutions-oriented blog:

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*Disclaimer: My dog Jake were harmed in any way for the making of this post. This is not Bad Newz Kennels in VA and am not in any way, shape, or form connected with Michael “Ookie” Vick, his child molesting little brother Marcus, or any other dog fighting members of the Vick family…

Posted in armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, bad calls, bad newz kennels, basketball, boo birds, boosters, cat killer, classless, crazy, dumbass, ESPN, Grizzlies, Hawks, Internet Rumors, Kobe, Lakers, NBA, satire, scandal, stupid, team spirit, trader | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 29, 2008


Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Auburn, bad calls, bad drivers, bad newz kennels, Bammers, baseball, basketball, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, classless, College Basketball, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, DAvid Stern, Dawgs, Dead Drunk, Discipline, divorce court, dog fighting, drugs, DUI, dumbass, Ed Orgeron, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, football, FSU, Fulmer, gambling, Gamecocks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, God, Goodell, guilty, Herban, Herban Meyer, ho, hooker, Houston Nutt, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Judy, killer, Kobe, legal troubles, Little Bitch, LSU Tigers, Major League Baseball, marcus vick, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, mississippi state bulldogs, Mitchell Report, MLB, mobsters, moron, murderer, NBA, NCAA, New York Knicks, NFL, NFL Football, nickelback sucks, notre dame sucks, NRA, NWA, OJ, OJ Simpson, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, oliver stone, ookie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, refs, repo, Ricky Williams, riots, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Sports, Stephon Marbury, steroids, stupid, taser, taxes, team spirit, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Juice, Touchdown Jesus, trader, trailer trash, ugly wives, upsets, Vick, Vick Plea, VIP Connection, vols, walk-on, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, whore, WVU, zeke | 1 Comment »

West Virginia: One BIG Clusterf**k (part 3)

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 20, 2008

Continuing the fine clusterf**k series that was began when Rich “Michigan Man” Rodriguez left the Mountaineer State to coach at Michigan and has continued to this day, comes this story, from Mr. Michigan himself. In it, Rodriguez offered these nuggets, breaking the silence he had about the Mountaineer program after he had left for Ann Arbor:


“There seems to be a campaign to try to smear me,” Rodriguez said Thursday. “I haven’t said anything until recently, when I felt I needed to defend all the false accusations. It has just gotten ridiculous over the last couple of days. There’s so many inaccuracies and falsehood and innuendo, at some point, you get tired of getting beat up. It was that I erased academic files, then the next day, ‘Oh no, that didn’t happen.’ The corrections are on page six and the lead story is on page one. I know there is disappointment and hard feelings because it’s a small state and the program is a source of great pride, but this campaign is not helping West Virginia’s program. You’re trying to hurt Rich Rodriguez, but you’re hurting West Virginia. I changed jobs. This is America, and sometimes you change jobs. I would hope that at some point when emotions cool down, that you can see the good things.”

See the thing is, I agree with Rodriguez in that it does seem like in the pissing contest of West Virginia vs. Rodriguez, the state and the school has been the one with the fuller bladder and until he spoke out, Rodriguez was doing his best not to try to piss on the electric fence. But the other thing is that I was feeling a sort of Stockholm Syndrome towards the school. While I was not going to become a fan of the school, I felt as though the Mountaineer football program was really all the state had. The fan base is very passionate about the school’s football program, the state is economically far behind any other state in the country, and football is a source of pride in the state. Rodriguez betrayed the school and the state, the switch to Michigan was sudden, and he rightfully owes the school $4 million…

Then I read this article by Ivan Maisel and the original story in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette written by Chuck Finder concerning former Mountaineer offensive coordinator Calvin Magee, who left West Virginia to go to Michigan with Rodriguez. Magee expresses anger and betrayal because he was never seriously considered for the West Virginia head coaching position because he’s black.

“For seven years I was told that once you’re a Mountaineer, you’re always a Mountaineer,” said Magee, a Wolverine now after resigning Jan. 4 to become Rich Rodriguez’s associate head coach and offensive coordinator at Michigan. “I bought into that. But I found out … that isn’t true.”

Now the first thing when I read the title of the article was that Magee was at the introductory news conference when Rodriguez was introduced as the new Michigan head coach. Well, according to the story, Magee said the only reason he got on that plane with Rodriguez was because of a conversation he had with an administrator at WVU. When he asked the unnamed administrator if Magee had a shot at becoming the head coach at West Virginia, he was told no, you don’t and pointed to Magee’s skin. Later on, he was off to Ann Arbor.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in BCS, Coach Rich Rodriguez, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, scandal, trader, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Dennis Franchione is Certainly Cocky for a Coach that will be Fired

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 8, 2007

Sometimes smart people just don’t get it, and sometimes successful people get fired for transgressions that occur outside the job. Coach Fran, in my opinion, is neither smart nor successful.

First let’s look at his success or lack thereof. Coach Fran has been the Texas A&M coach since 2003, today his record stands at 30-24 however he’s 1-9 against Big 12 powers Texas, Oklahoma and Nebraska. That’s unacceptable in Big 12 football. The fact that has never won the Big 12, has never played in the Big 12 Championship, has never won the Big 12 South, has a losing Big 12 record of 15-17 (.468), and has a Big 12 South losing record of 8-12 (.400), tells me he is unsuccessful. Texas A&M has been to two bowl games under Coach Fran & lost them both to a combined score of 83-17.

Now let’s look at the being stupid. Since the scandal has broken about Coach Fran and his “VIP Newsletter” which were only made available to 12-15 boosters at $1200.00 per year, to fund his shitty website, he has the audacity to state in a news conference that he isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

“Franchione — under fire for a blowout loss to Miami and news of his secretive, for-pay newsletter to boosters — gave a defiant, emotional speech in an auditorium packed with his players Tuesday. He said he has the support of athletics director Bill Byrne and has no intention of stepping down.

“I love this job. I love these players I love this university,” Franchione said, “and my desire is to remain here and elevate this program to the highest level.”

Hey Coach Fran is you want to elevate the A&M program to a higher level try winning some games and championships, that usually helps. Avoiding stupid scandals such as the one you’re going though is also another plus.

“The last few days have produced many rumors and some misguided speculation about my status as head football coach at Texas A&M,” said Franchione, who has been peppered with questions about his future since the Miami loss but said Tuesday “there is no more need to discuss this matter.”

“Bill Byrne, as my boss and the athletic director, has affirmed me in every way, and has left no doubt, that he has confidence in me and has every intention to help me succeed in building this football program. And for that I am deeply grateful.”

Byrne, on a previously scheduled visit to Washington, D.C., released a statement that stopped short of an endorsement.

“I want to reinforce to members of the media and to our outstanding Aggie fans, I will not discuss matters pertaining to head coaches during their seasons,” the statement said. Byrne said he looks forward to “working with Coach Fran as our head football coach” as A&M prepares to play Oklahoma State.”

Coach Fran you have to be smarter than that because your boss certainly isn’t saying he or the university is behind 100%. By the way your team had to climb out of a 17 point hole to beat a 10 point underdog by one last Saturday, and it was a home game at that.

Coach Fran is also playing the sympathy card with this quote:

“Sometimes — I hope I say this right — when you’re in this role, some people forget you’re a human being,” Franchione said. “I don’t know how to classify what they think you are. They forget that you have emotions and what you go through.”

Oh boo hoo. Do you need Mike “I’m 40, I’m a man!” Gundy to stick up for you? I hope not, because at this rate no coach in their right mind would. I work in the insurance business as an underwriter so I know from first hand experience just how private medical conditions are and should be. That’s why the HIPPA act is a law. No one deserves to have medical information released, without their knowledge no less, to a bunch of boosters in order to keep your website running. That’s why officials at A&M opened an investigation on you, it’s also possible that you violated NCAA rules as well.

The beauty of this whole ordeal is there’s a possibility that A&M can fire him without having to pay the buyout clause.

“Based on Franchione’s contract, which the Chronicle obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, at least two aspects of the agreement could come into question, including one that could void his $2 million-a-year deal without requiring the school to pay an $8 million buyout.

Franchione’s distribution of the newsletter and the information provided also could bring secondary NCAA violations, according to two compliance officers not involved or intimately familiar with the Texas A&M probe.”

Maybe you should have stayed at Alabama, they’re used to being on NCAA probation. One thing is certain Alabama would have fired you on the spot, they aren’t as politically correct as A&M.

“I think the NCAA will generally be concerned with the possibility of providing information to gamblers, whether knowingly or not,” said University of Houston compliance officer Kevin Fite. “But it’s pretty hard to nail that down. He would have to know or have reason to know they were using the information for gambling.”

Texas A&M interim president Dr. Ed Davis announced Tuesday that an investigation into the newsletter is being conducted by Byrne and A&M’s NCAA compliance officer, David Batson. The athletic department likely is trying to determine if Franchione committed any NCAA violations or violated terms of his contract.

Franchione said the intent of the insider e-mail newsletter was to help offset the cost of running his personal Web site,

Franchione has said the $1,200 annual payments from the 12 to 15 boosters went directly to the company that maintains his site.”

Two million a year and you need extra funds to maintain your site? Ever heard of this thing call “myspace” it’s free you know. Plus you sold advertisements on your crappy little site.

“That admission could be in violation of Section 2.3 of his contract, which states Franchione is prohibited from receiving any money or benefits or gratuity whatsoever from any university booster club or other benefactor if such action would be in violation of NCAA rules.

A violation of that term could result in the termination of Franchione’s contract, which runs through 2012, per Section 5.1 (a) under Termination for Cause. Franchione can be suspended without pay or the agreement can be terminated immediately if he breaks any of the rules listed in Sections 2.1 through 2.5.”

If I was an A&M official I would suspend him without pay and then fire him. Yeah I’m mean like that. I have a feeling the coaching search has already began and Coach Fran is to blind to see. Possible candidates rumored are Jeff Teford from Cal, Rutgers’ Greg Schiano and Auburn’s Tommy Tuberville. He was A&M’s defensive coordinator in 1994. The only people who don’t want Coach Fran to go, appear to be Texas, Nebraska & Oklahoma fans.

So I profess on this day 10/08/07.


Posted in aggies, Big Twelve Football, boosters, Coach Fran, Dennis Franchione, HIPPA, scandal, Texas A&M, trader | 3 Comments »