Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘travis henry’ Category

America’s favorite baby daddy says he was trapped

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 16, 2009

travis-henry

Look, we all know that former University of Tennessee running back, Travis Henry, is one fertile MF’er. After all I did dub him Travis “I got nine, nine MF’ing kids” Henry for a reason.

Henry recently told his story of reproductive woe to the New York Times. The former Bills/Broncos/Titans running back states only one child was planned however after he left Tennessee for the NFL draft he had three kids from three separate mothers.

After Henry was drafted by North America’s South Canada’s team, the Buffalo Bills, he still continued to share his seed of love several times with various fallopian tubes.

Now here’s something that you might or might not know: Children are like little people, they sometimes need medical care, they need clothing, shelter and that pesky thing called food. With Henry’s legal troubles stemming from drug charges, and no longer in the league, Henry claims he is completely broke.

Of course none of this is Henry’s fault whatsoever. He says he was trapped. I believe I heard the same line while watching the movie Juno. Don’t judge me for watching Juno there was no sports on!!

“I did use protection at first. Then they’d be saying they’d be on the pill. I was an idiot to trust them. Second or third time with them, I didn’t use it. Then, boom!”

Translation: “As a professional athlete there is a certain pressure on me to use Magnum XL condoms. I also have a pencil dick. Shit falls off, I’m a daddy. Again.”

Look Henry I’m going to drop some knowledge on you that my grandfather dropped on me:

Fool me once – shame on you. Fool me 8 times – I clearly have the IQ of a box of staples.

Henry may want to look into Vas Madness at The Urology Team in Austin, Texas. Of course back in my day we didn’t have all these fancy birth control methods….like pulling out.

At the present moment Henry is engaged and he says that both he and his fiancée don’t want any children. Which giving his past track record means I expect her to have quintuplets within the next two years.

Stuff like this is exactly why fellow NFL bust Maurice Clarett only has anal sex now. On second thought, that’s for different reasons altogether.

Advertisements

Posted in Buffalo Bills, Crime & Punishment, Denver Broncos, Juno, NFL Football, SEC Football, Tennessee Titans, Tennessee Volunteers, travis henry, Trojan Magnum condoms | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Travis Henry Wins Court Appeal to Get His Smoke On.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 5, 2007

When I first reported about former University of Tennessee running back & current Denver Bronco running back, Travis “I Gots 9 count them 9 Mf’ing kids to pay for” Henry, for violating the NFL policy AGAIN and talking about taking the case to court, I first thought “That’s Ingenious” and then I thought “He’s really gotten a hold of some good shit if he thinks he pull this off”. Well, fuck me with a chainsaw he did and he actually won. Seriously, I can’t make shit up this good people. Story

See here’s the story Henry is already in the NFL drug abuse program and he test positive for marijuana again, while in that program. He was facing a year suspension. But Travis “Legal Eagle with 9 count them 9 Mf’ing kids to pay for” Henry had an idea… He decided to claim he was a victim of second smoke. Of course one has to wonder how he put himself in that position and I’m betting he said he was hanging around the Florida Gators during some down time.

Henry conned Bronco coach Mike “I’m gullible” Shanahan into believing Henry was innocent. By agreeing to take a lie detector test and giving some hair samples, kinda like how Judge Judy orders people to do. Well, Henry failed the lie detector test. I know, I know, I laughed just like that to, but he passed the hair test. Then I thought maybe he didn’t lie at all, maybe he was just to high too remember. Leaving me to wonder where my money is because he promised me some cash for clean hair.

Though out all this the NFL wasn’t buying it so Henry took the matter all the way to federal court, because you know they obviously have nothing better to do. Well, yesterday the court ruled in his favor. The NFL is plenty pissed I imagine.

“Travis Henry will remain in the substance abuse program, must continue to adhere to all aspects of it, but will not be suspended following his appeal,” the NFL announced in a statement Tuesday. “The defense of hair samples and lie detector tests was irrelevant and unconvincing, but our substance abuse program is based on meeting the highest standards and respecting player rights in all phases of its administration.”

Translation: We feel the court gave him the right to get his smoke on. God please, please, please do not let Ricky Williams hear about this.

“We are pleased with this outcome and happy that Travis has been absolved of any wrongdoing with respect to this matter,” the Broncos said in a statement. “The Broncos look forward to Travis Henry’s continued participation on the playing field.”

Translation: Thank God we’ve been losing since he’s been injured and really can’t afford to lose him for a whole year.

When asked his thoughts about the ruling, Henry said “I’m so stoned….I can’t feel my legs. Did you know I have 9 kids?” he then continued on about some “who’s got the biggest bong” contest that’s between him and Ricky Williams.

So I profess on this day 12/05/07

TtT

Posted in Denver Broncos, legal troubles, Marijuana, mary jane, Tennessee Volunteers, travis henry | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Denver Running Back Travis Henry apparently loves Rocky Mountain High

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 5, 2007

How ironic is this? Just one day after posting the story about the marijuana advocate group purchasing a billboard space to lure Ricky “Master Puffer” Williams to Denver, current Denver running back Travis “I Gots 9 count them 9 Mf’ing kids to pay for” Henry, is in trouble AGAIN for violating the NFL substance abuse policy. This one gets a little strange since federal courts are involved.

“Denver Broncos tailback Travis Henry, the NFL’s leading rusher through the first four weeks of the season, is facing a one-year suspension for a repeat violation of the substance abuse policy, multiple sources told ESPN.com on Thursday night.

But in a battle that has reached the federal court system, Henry is attempting to block the league from testing the so-called “B-sample” necessary to confirm the positive test, claiming that NFL officials would not allow his expert to be present for the testing of his specimen.

With nine kids from nine different women, I have to wonder if his “expert” was going by the name of Candy who was charging by the hour for her services.

“League vice president of public relations Greg Aiello on Thursday night confirmed that the NFL is involved in the court action with Henry and that the league hopes to have his motion dismissed. Citing confidentiality policies that are a part of the substance abuse program, Aiello declined to address the results of any tests involving Henry.

Henry’s attorney, Robert Dapelo, could not be reached.

The issue being challenged by Henry is that the NFL would not allow his expert to observe the testing of the “B-sample.” Although the collective bargaining agreement permits a player to have an expert present for the testing, Aiello said that expert cannot be affiliated with any laboratory. The expert presented by Henry did have such an affiliation.

The league provided Henry with the names of 10 independent experts as reference for his potential use.”

Why can’t the player’s expert be affiliated with a laboratory? That doesn’t make sense. I’m not a fan of drug usage and I support drug testing however the NFL does need to be fair about this. If the league is providing a list of “independent” experts, then I have to wonder just how independent can they be.

Henry put the bong down, go spend time with your nine kids and play football, it’s that simple.

So I profess on this day 10/05/07.

TtT

Posted in Denver Broncos, drugs, ESPN, Goodell, Marijuana, NFL Football, Ricky Williams, Sports, travis henry | 2 Comments »