Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘University of Southern Cal’ Category

Broken Plays: The TGIF Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 20, 2009

ea-tongue1

I know it’s been awhile since I ran a Broken Plays segment. So sue me.

MoonDogSports.com is reporting about how Charles Barkley will star in a golf-themed reality show. This of course cause me to wonder if Barkley will be the first person to bet on the fact that he will get a DUI on a golf cart.

The boys over at the Third Saturday in Blogtober have a new look and an excellent write-up about how the Atlanta Journal Constitution has become something a lot less than journalism.

Ashton Kutcher will try to ruin the game of football by playing a “superstar NFL QB” who trades bodies with some 12 year-old geek. Initial reports have Eli Manning cast as the 12 year old geek. In my opinion Faces of Death had more laughs in it than this pile of shit will ever get.

The Washington Nationals’ prized recruit has been caught lying about his name & age. This falsifying of the birth certificates of Latin-born players is just destroying the credibility of baseball.

Did Dr. Phil just shave his mustache on the left?

Is Baseball worse than pro-wrestling? It is if you believe Jesse “The Body” Ventura and he actually brings up some good points.

“My question is: They’ve now determined 104 baseball players failed their steroid test in 2003 – 104! They indicted Vince McMahon, why aren’t they indicting Bud Selig?”

Yahoo!’s Dan Wetzel agrees with Jesse and even further states that Major League Baseball under Bud Selig might even be steroid friendly than the days of Hulk-a-Mania.

“McMahon, who beat the conspiracy to distribute steroids charges in 1994, actually ran an honest operation compared to Selig. While Hulk Hogan may have claimed he was just “eating his vitamins,” anyone over the age of 12 understood the entire thing was make-believe, just entertainment.

Not Selig. Not baseball. They clung to an illusion they either knew wasn’t true or should’ve known wasn’t true. When confronted repeatedly with facts that the game was a sham, they reacted at a glacial pace.

Selig is so surrounded by yes-men and so comforted by apologists in the media – or organizations willing to suspend anyone who mocks him – that he believes his own lunacy.”

“That Selig.
Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick.”

Jessie Ventura as “Blain” in Predator.

I’ll admit freely that I’m a fan of the TV show Paranormal State. Now E! has a new take on ghost hunting that involves hot chicks in little IQ and scary places. Welcome to Hot Girls In Scary Places, starring the USC song girls.

“They’re totally scared, and totally believe experiences they’re going through,” says executive producer Gary Auerbach. “They’ll get scared and then be talking about a sorority party coming up. It’s a little bit ‘Scooby Doo’-ish.”

I think Weird Al already used this idea in UHF. I think some paranormal activity might be going in my pants. Quick, I need the USC Song Girls to investigate. (I realize that was crass but it sure is funny)

burnt-bama-hahaha

Regardless of what anyone thinks I was not in Tuscaloosa yesterday!!! I have an alibi, isn’t that right Joel? (wink wink nudge nudge)

My pick for next year’s NBA Slam Dunk contest is David Stern.

sb-david-stern-r

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Ashton Kutcher, Bud Selig, Charles Barkley, cheaters, DAvid Stern, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, NBA, University of Southern Cal, USC, Vince Mcmahon, Washington Nationals, wrestling, WWE | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

YMSWWC’s Awesome F**cking Guide to the 2008 Bowl Season! (With pictures this year)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 18, 2008

cheerleaders

This would have been posted earlier but I kinda sorted screwed up and forgot to send Joel the bowl schedule. Yeah, my bad, I’m a dick. Whatever. Anywho let’s go over this year bowl schedule and mine and Joel’s picks and then you call your bookie.

This year there is a smorgasbord of crap-tastic games to choose from! Yay!

Non-BCS Bowls

EagleBank Bowl
When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN
Where: Washington
Who: Navy vs. Wake Forest

Joel says: Anchors aweigh. I really wish Navy would have beat Notre Dame again this year. Wait, this is a real bowl game???

Thomas says: I pick Navy because I’m sick and damn tired of hearing how the Wake Forest is so good. Blah blah blah. Is this bowl game being funded by any of the bailout money by the way? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ACC Football, Air Force, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona Wildcats, BCS, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bob Stoops, Boise State, boston college, BYU, Cal, Charlie Weis, Clemson Tigers, Colorado State, Conference USA, Dabo Swinney, East Carolina Pirates, ESPN, Florida Atlantic, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fresno State, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hawaii Warriors, Houston Cougars, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Kentucky Wildcats, Lou Lisp, LSU Tigers, Memphis Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Mike Gundy, mike leach, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, Navy, NC State Wolfpack, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nevada, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Ole Miss, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Rutgers, Satan, SEC, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, South Florida Bulls, southern cal, southern miss, Steve Spurrier, Texas Christian, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, tOSU, Troy, Univeristy of Troy, University of California berkeley, University of Southern Cal, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Virginia Tech, Wake Forest, West Virginia Mountaineers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 6 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 5, 2008

Let’s be honest for the most part yesterday was an exciting & entertaining crappy day of college football.

As always I’ll have a full review of the Tennessee game tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today. For the most part the death clock continues to toll for Philopotamus.

Pittsburgh is still alive in the Big Least and shot down South Florida which I was glad to see.

Duke was on a roll until they met another team from a “smart school” that was also a buzz saw name Georgia Tech.

Michigan State continues to quietly win while Iowa continues to quietly suck.

Has anyone noticed that Minnesota is 5-1?

Right now Penn State is the most underrated top 10 team in the country.

I asked this question on a message board this week it is worth asking again. Should Arkansas be considered a Div. 2-A school this season? I bet Atlanta doesn’t look so bad to Bobby P. now huh?

Kansas, remember them? Well they almost were victims of an upset yesterday.

Oklahoma didn’t have any trouble winning their first game as the #1 in the country.

Virginia Tech is suddenly the team to beat in the ACC.

Notre Dame is 4-1 and almost lost to Stanford. With their weak schedule why aren’t they in the top 5? (Sarcasm people catch the fever!)

The Fighting Zookers of Illinois reinserts themselves in to the Big 10.

Wisconsin is on the fail slide.

Texas Tech is 5-0 and it looks like their offense has awaked.

I hate F$U but they are 4-1 and their game with Miami was a classic.

UCONN is the latest Big East failure.

America’s coach Mike Gundy has Oklahoma State at 5-0. He’s a man he’s 40! By God.

Holy shit just when you think Maryland is coming back and Virginia is dead. Virginia dismantles Maryland big time.

Arizona is 4-1 look for them to be ranked later today.

Oregon you picked a bad time to play SoCal.

Missouri might be the best team in the country right now and Chase is clearly the Heisman leader.

Wow Hawaii beat Fresno State…wow.

Vanderbilt upends Auburn at home which worries the hell out of me.

South Carolina’s offense finally shows life and Garcia still isn’t a starter, maybe he should key another professor’s car to get a little attention.

While Bama might have won yesterday the fact that Kentucky has the #1 scoring defense in the nation is no fluke.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona Wildcats, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Bama Sucks, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Duke Blue Devils, fire philip fulmer, Florida State Seminoles, FSU, fulmer sucks, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Illinois Fighting Illini, kansas jayhawks, Kentucky Wildcats, Maryland, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, Pac 10 football, Pitt Panthers, SEC Football, SoCal, South Florida Bulls, Stephen Garcia, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas Tech Red Raiders, University of Southern Cal, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Virginia Cavaliers, Virginia Tech, War Eagle, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Random Musings for Friday…A Tragic Thing has Occured

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 26, 2008

I’m presently writing this from a double super secret location. Tragically my motherboard died last night so this is not typed from comfort of my lair. I’ll buy a new one today and be up and running by tonight. In the mean time think about this:

The USC Trojans were beaten by the Beavers (Get your minds out of the gutter) to become the newest most talented college football failures.

LawVol has written on open letter to the Vol nation.

Who would you choose as the next University of Tennessee football coach?

There are plenty of rumors that swirling around Phil Fulmer at the moment.

You should see what the soccer moms are carrying in Lebanon, Pa.

And now here is the newest “Damn! what a catch!” It should win an Espy.

Posted in fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks, Pac 10 football, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SoCal, Tennessee Volunteers, University of Southern Cal, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

College Football Week 4 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 21, 2008

So far this season is not like last season but so far so good nonetheless.

Tennessee sucks! Wait I already knew that…expect some more on this subject as the week progresses.

Georgia adds to the PAC 10 non conference woes by beating Arizona State with ease and Oregon did not help matters much by losing to Boise State. Basically everyone in the PAC 10 is playing for second place behind SoCal. Anyone see the awesome dive Moreno did to score the first TD? However he should have received a flag for celebration.

To see it live was awesome.

Missouri failed to impress against Buffalo.

Texas and Texas Tech. both flex some Big 12 muscle yesterday by trouncing their opponents.

And The Tide of Alabama continues to roll however credit 14 points of the 49 they scored to great defense.

South Florida fails to impress.

Not so fast Auburn fans and haters…they do have an offense after all but they lost nevertheless. Les “Big Hat Little Penis” Miles might be at least the 2nd best coach in the SEC. This was easily the best game of the week.

South Carolina gets by 1-AA Wofford…Spurrier can’t be happy right now.

Ohio State is the most over ranked in the top 25, Penn State is the team to beat in the Big Eleven Ten.

BYU is easily this years BCS buster…but let’s not forget about Utah.

East Carolina…fails…but Skip Holtz is still a hot commodity.

Florida State’s offense is simply lost and Wake Forest is the team to bear in the ACC.

Butch Davis better go back to the drawing board because North Carolina isn’t there yet.

Georgia Tech wrecked Miss State and Sly Croom.

Hell has frozen over because right now Vandy is sitting atop the SEC East.

Kansas let’s not forget about them.

Clemson got some frustration out by beating up on SC State.

Fresno State…is still ranked for a reason.

Hey Notre Dame still sucks imagine that.

Pittsburgh pick up your Big East flag & wave it proudly…just like last year Iowa sucks.

Look at Maryland 3-1 and might be ranked come later today.

Boston College could also be ranked as well.

Syracuse actually wins a game, of course it was against a 1-AA opponent but a win is a win.

Cincinnati is still looking like the team to beat in the Big East.

Miami will be scary good by the end of the year.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona State Sundevils, Bama Cheats, BCS, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Charlie Weis, East Carolina Pirates, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fresno State, fulmer sucks, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Iowa Hawkeyes, kansas jayhawks, Les Miles, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, mississippi state bulldogs, Missouri Tigers, NC State Wolfpack, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oregon Ducks, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Pitt Panthers, SEC Football, SoCal, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, The Big East, Uga, University of Southern Cal, Vanderbilt Commodores, Virginia Tech | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 3 is in the books & here’s what I learned + an update on Joel!!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 14, 2008

First off I have great news. Joel has more than survived his epic bout with Hurricane Ike. Joel suffered no damage however he does not power, but him and his family are safe & dry. He would like to thank all the people that were praying for him.

His next bout will be with the government over the fleecing of gas that has occurred with this hurricane. Did you know that oil prices actually dropped last Friday? Of course not because they spiked to a staggering amount. These refineries only produce 25% of this nation’s gas, and some of that is exported. Nevertheless gas should only go up by 25%, big government should step in but never will.

Ok I just had to get that off my chest. That will be one of few times you’ll see something political on this blog…unless I find some hot photos of Sarah Palin. Is so wrong to lust after a female running for vice president?

South Florida decided to show some Big East pride by beating Kansas. This was a great game. The Kansas QB is awesome. It would be foolish of teams in the NFL not to draft him. I don’t care how tall he is. Think how good Doug Flutie could have been. Trust me there are a lot of NFL teams kicking themselves for not drafting him because of his height.

The Kansas QB reminds me of Vince Young except not as tall, stronger, more accurate, and not suicidal and he isn’t whiner.

Hyped games like the Nuts verses the Contraceptives suck. The SoCal-Ohio State was b-o-r-i-n-g. Let’s face it. Right now SoCal is that good. I don’t care if Beanie Wells didn’t play. The score wouldn’t have changed that much.

Under hyped games rule!! Kansas-South Florida & Fresno State-Wisconsin were awesome games.

Georgia failed to impress. However some of you might remember back in August that I predicted that Garcia would make his debut in the Georgia game and I was right. Self ^5.

Oklahoma continues to impress as Ty Willingham might need to start packing his bags.

Missouri looks great!

LSU did what LSU was supposed to do and beat a nobody team convincingly.

Does Auburn have an offense or is the defense of Miss. State that good?

The Tide continues to roll and they will be rolling next week as they play the worst SEC team in Arkansas. And even though the Texas-Arkansas was postponed, Texas would have crushed them.

East Carolina pulls out a squeaker and the R-E-S-P-E-C-T factor is falling with them as it is with Georgia Tech as well.

People better watch out for Ole Miss and Nebraska.

Everyone point and laugh at the PAC 10 this week. Sure USC rolled and Oregon pulled out a miracle but Arizona State lost to UNLV, UCLA got ass raped by the Mormons of BYU, Cal lost to Maryland….that right there deserves a LOL.

The ACC isn’t fairing any better as well with Virginia losing to UCONN big. Remember UCONN struggled against Temple last week.

Cutcliff is winning at Duke though. Way to go Coach!

Oh La La almost pulled off another epic upset against Illinois yesterday.

Penn State looks impressive I mean very impressive.

Oklahoma State continues to roll and roll big.

OMG Kentucky is undefeated.

Utah continues to roll. How important will the Utah-BYU game this year?

The Notre Dame defense looks good then again it was against Michigan. However Charlie Weis is more man than Tom Brady by electing not to have surgery on his busted up leg. Get better Coach I hate to pick on gimps.

I have a post coming up about the Tennessee game.

Did anyone notice how Herbstreit finally admits Mark Sanchez will probably be a Heisman finalist after side stepping the question?

Finally has anyone noticed how eerily similar that USC QB Mark Sanchez resembles Richard Ramirez AKA the serial killer known as the Night Stalker? (Insert scary music here)

…………………………………..

 

Posted in Arizona State Sundevils, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, BYU, Cal, Dawgs, East Carolina Pirates, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Illinois Fighting Illini, Jim Tressel, kansas jayhawks, Maryland, Miami hurricanes, Michigan Wolverines, mississippi state bulldogs, Missouri Tigers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma State Cowboys, ole miss rebels, Pac 10 football, Roll Tide, SEC Football, SoCal, South Carolina Gamecocks, South Florida Bulls, Temple, Tennessee Volunteers, The Night Stalker, UCLA, University of California berkeley, University of South Florida, University of Southern Cal, USC, USF, Washington Huskies, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I’ll admit that this YouTube video is gold

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 10, 2008

Posted in big ten football, ohio state buckeyes, Pac 10 football, SoCal, southern cal, tOSU, University of Southern Cal, YouTube | Leave a Comment »

Are you feeling lonely, depressed and happen to be in the Los Angeles area? Then you too can “Rent a USC Song Girl”

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 9, 2008

No this is some pimping scheme I’ve dreamed up, trust me I would happily take credit for it if that was the case.

This is truth I’m speaking about. All you have to do is fill out a request form pay $150.00 fee and bingo you can actually rent a USC song girl. I’m in just as long as there aren’t any extensive background checks.

The form is rather complicated with hard questions such as “What do you want the Song Girls to do?” Insert your own perverted joke here & add on wash and wax my car & then you can say you think like me.

The newest excuse for men who might be “looking” outside their marriage:

Honey, I didn’t buy a hooker, I rented her….you know like what they are doing over there at USC.

I do have one tiny question about this thing. Can I get volume discounts?

Posted in hooker, Pac 10, pimps, SoCal, southern cal, University of Southern Cal | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Hey Ohio State Fans…some Quarterback Named Carson Palmer can’t stand you

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 21, 2008

Carson Palmer, the former Heisman winning QB for SoCal and current Cincinnati Bengals QB, has a clear message for Ohio State fans. He can’t stand them at least that’s what he said Los Angeles radio show.

“I cannot stand the Buckeyes. It’s amazing to hear what those guys think about that university and what they think about that football program and Tressel and all the crap I gotta put up with being back there.

I just can’t wait for two years from now when SC comes to the ‘Shoe and hopefully we’ll have a home game that weekend and I can go up there and watch us pound on them in their own turf

I’m really getting sick of it and I just can’t wait for this game to get here so they can come out to the Coliseum and experience LA and get an old-fashioned Pac-10 butt-whoopin’ and go back to the Big Ten.”

Yes, Carson is certainly making new fans everyday. If this keeps up I’m sure the rumor mill will start turning to a certain quarterback named Brett F**re (I refuse to type his name) coming to the Bengals.

Then again I did say that tOSU fans knew they weren’t liked so maybe this isn’t a shock to them.

Posted in big ten football, Carson Palmer, Cincinnati Bengals, ohio state buckeyes, Pac 10 football, SoCal, tOSU, University of Southern Cal, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Here’s A Way To Keep Gas Prices Down

Posted by Joel Jackson on July 7, 2008

Everyone is being affected by the high gas prices in our country right now. Our company, like most businesses, is seeing transportation and manufacturing costs rise almost exponentially. The average American is spending more on gas than at any time in our country’s history. Sadly, this trend, according to some analysts, will continue through the end of the year. Currently, Obama and McCain have included plans to help alleviate the energy crisis, and from barbershops to flea markets, everyone has an answer…including me 😉

Yes, even a pagan such as myself has an answer to the gas crunch…

I would not dare suggest that we start drilling on the hallowed grounds of Notre Dame Stadium. But the Fighting Irish, warming up here last year against Navy (which Navy won), is the solution.

According to the World Almanac, in 1973, the average price of a gallon of gas in the U.S. was 51 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title that year. Every year after, the price of gas went up on average of 3 cents a gallon. In 1977, gas was up to 65 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title again. Gas prices did not rise again until 1979. But in 1980, gas went up into the 1 dollar range (right before the Gerry Faust era). When Lou Holtz delivered the Fighting Irish another title in 1986, gas actually went down to 93 cents, down from 1.20. Consequentially, gas prices experienced huge jumps in 1999 (when they were placed on probation under Bob Davie) and also in 2004 (when Ty Willingham was fired).

To me it is simple: We should all root for Notre Dame to win the national title this year. Get them a national TV contract. Continue to have high hopes for them, even if it may seem misguided. Give them a schedule that should guarantee some success. Like the great Paul Hornung said, “Get the black athlete”. Above all, someone in the national media, hell, make it two people in the national media, should stomp for them.

Only then the terrorists won’t win…Touchdown Jesus will…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, BCS, big 10, Big East, big ten, big ten football, boo birds, boosters, Brady Quinn, Charlie Weis, cheaters, College Football, drunk, DUI, football, Football Poll, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL Draft, NFL Football, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Sports, tyrone Willingham, University of Southern Cal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »