Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Soccer, Acid, Ferraris, Playmates & the Mafia: Mario Puzo couldn’t make this up

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 30, 2009

If there is one thing I love equally as sports is mob movies. The Godfather 1 & 2, Goodfellas and Donnie Brasco are all cornerstones of the mob movie genre. However just as we learned from Maurice Clarett, sports and the mafia just don’t mix. 

Bulgarian goaltender Nikolay Mihailov lost his Playmate model girlfriend to a notorious mob boss and quite frankly that must have hurt, but what would hurt even more is being attacked by that mob boss. 

Mihailov was dating Nikoleta Lozanova but she dumped him for local godfather Georgi “The Head” Stoilov. Mihailov found a new lady friend (also a Bulgarian Playmate amazingly enough) that he stupidly compared to his old girlfriend. Talk about making a huge mistake. 

Mihailov allegedly joked to local media that if his new girlfriend was a Ferrari, Nikoleta must be a broken down Trabant from the old East Germany

The next day, Mihailov woke to find that his Ferrari had suffered £17,000 worth of damage following an acid attack that had destroyed the car’s paintwork. 

At first I thought this article was completely made up. Two women in Bulgaria who could pose for Playboy? Have they relaxed the mustache restrictions? Then I saw one of the women. 

I’m betting it’s all a coincidence. (At least neither Mihailov or the new girlfriend were attached with acid.) Mihailov, is also the son of Bulgaria’s greatest soccer “legend”, is now in hiding, presumably to avoid ending up like Jimmy Hoffa. 

Acid is like a woman, a good one will eat through your pants. Zing!

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Posted in Ferrari, Mafia, Mario Puzo, Mob Movies, Playmate, Soccer | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The latest from Ozzie Guillen signifies that baseball season has indeed started

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 29, 2009

Everyone who is anyone knows that baseball season isn’t really baseball season until White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen says something controversial. Welcome to baseball season boys and girls!!! 

I personally love Ozzie no matter what team he is coaching and I also personally hate the Cubs. So when Ozzie says something that is downtrodden about the Cubs my day get just a little bit better. 

The White Sox/Cubs series this past weekend was ready for craziness since this might be baseball’s most dysfunctional rivalry. Whenever Lou Pinella wasn’t screaming like a banshee at his own players he was taking some shots at people in the Chicago south side area. He pointed out the fact that there is a significant jump in attendance at U.S. Cellular Field when the Cubs take the bus downtown. 20,000 fans more showed up this past weekend than previous weekend when the Dodgers were visiting the White Sox. Luckily for us Ozzie was there and ready to go toe-to-toe with Pinnella and his barbs: 

“Because our fans are not stupid like Cubs fans,” Guillen said. “They know we’re [expletive].” 

Guillen said Cubs fans will watch any game at Wrigley Field because “Wrigley Field is just a bar.” 

I disagree, bars have nicer bathrooms. 

Gee…people say Ozzie is crazy however in this case he’s pretty much spot on. As a bonus you get to figure out what the expletive word is. 

I’ll take what is “badass motherfuckers,” for $500 Alex.

Posted in Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Lou Pinella, Major League Baseball, MLB, Ozzie Guillen | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Disturbing image Friday: Hey look they really do have a third leg

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 26, 2009

"Dammit Earl, I told you I was wearin' this outfit. ... I can’t even look at you right now."

This was taken at the Milwaukee Mile NASCAR race and what I find most disturbing about this image is: Why is there a prosthetic leg in the picture and where the hell is the owner of the leg?

I predict custody of the leg will be at the center of a very messy divorce proceeding.

I have to give them credit, that’s great posture for white trash.

Posted in Disturbing Image Friday, NASCAR, Rednecks | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

This gun toting old man shows us all how to avoid waiting in line

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 25, 2009

Now I admit, I’m not a golfer, but I can imagine how playing behind people who are slow can be frustrating. I hate lines which makes me into a bigger asshole around Christmas time or whenever I’m in a Wal-Mart. And don’t get me started on other people’s driving either. Hey fuck face use a flipping turn signal once in a while!

Now fortunately for me and other people who detest waiting in lines, a brave new savior has arrived. His name is Edwin Dailey and he’s 73-years old. Edwin has given us a “moral obligation to destroy” those that take to long in lines but using brute force and hollow point bullets. Sweet!!

Dailey was discriminated against by the Po Po in Austin Texas, when he politely asked the men on the ninth hole to speed up or be shredded by the sweet justice of hollow point bullets. Oh yeah they improperly parked their cart too! Well the men didn’t believe him but they were made believers in the parking lot.

“After the 18th hole, all of them ended up in the parking lot together, the affidavit said, and Dailey reignited the confrontation and told the three men to stay away from him because he felt threatened.

After a verbal exchange, Dailey pulled out a .25-caliber Browning handgun loaded with hollow-point bullets and pointed it at Nader, the affidavit said. The three men took cover behind cars, fearing for their lives, the affidavit said. Dailey then concealed the gun and went back to the clubhouse while the men called 911, the affidavit said.

He later returned while they were on the phone and said, “If I feel threatened, I am morally obligated to destroy you,” according to the affidavit.”

Emphasis added because he is a bad ass. For the record the slow poke Nader is also a student assistant coach at Texas, the punk.

Is there some sort of bounty on football coaches from Texas this week? Watch your back Wade Phillips!

When his wife asked about his round, Dailey said “I almost took a three in the parking lot.” Then he slammed a Schlitz.

I’ve also heard that Dailey is a single-digit handicapper, but only because his regular foursome has been terrified into giving him any putt less than 30 feet.

Either which way I hate standing in lines…but I’ll admit that I’m rather hesitant about pulling out my Berretta to speed things up. Expect at Wal-Mart, it’s anything goes there.

Posted in golf, Gumpy Old Men, Guns, Slowpokes | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

This woman jinxed LSU

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 24, 2009

How disappointing is must have been for that lady. I mean she applied her eyebrows on with a magic marker and everything, and with a grill like that it’s understandable that she’s forgotten what a good “F” looks like.

Posted in LSU Tigers, NCAA Baseball, Texas Longhorns | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

It’s the Lane Kiffin Show

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 24, 2009

I did not create this, however it’s funny as hell.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, NCAA Rules Violation, Nick Saban, Tennessee Volunteers, The Lane Kiffin Show | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

John Daly proves he fails at driving

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 23, 2009

Now that John Daly is back in the PGA things just do not get any easier for him. Daly’s sex apparel tour bus is still trucking albeit it’s not as tall as before since he knocked off the top going through a low-clearance tunnel.   

Daly was driving through the Bankhead Tunnel in Mobile, Alabama when his “I wish I was 70’s Star Wars Van” bus didn’t clear the 12-foot tunnel. The tunnel tore off the fans and awnings off the bus which landed on a passing Cadillac. Clearly the lesson here is don’t go to Alabama! Knocking off the top is how they say “we don’t like your kind” on Alabamese. 

“According to the traffic accident report from the Mobile Police Department, Daly was traveling eastbound toward the tunnel. A sign warns that the tunnel entrance is just 12 feet high, and dangling chains determine if a vehicle is too tall. 

In his witness report, Jimmy Roberson of Mobile was just exiting the tunnel when the fan and awnings on top of Daly’s RV crashed into his 1998 Cadillac DeVille. Roberson’s windshield, roof and trunk were damaged in the 2:32 p.m. accident, according to the police report.” 

To be fair, Daly claims those mystic chains were not in place when the incident happened and the police told him that this sort of thing happens to all the alcoholic RV driving golfers all the time. 

I find this hard to believe. Since when is John Daly awake and sober at 2:30 in the afternoon? 

Daly also doesn’t believe these alleged “head & necks” injuries either. 

funny just read now the guy has Neck and Shoulder injuries?? From what??? something hitting his trunk?!   

Why not? It happened to Brett Favre. 

Thanks to Twitter insurance fraud might actually see a decline.

Posted in Alabama, drunk, John Daly, PGA | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

This video of a Yankee-Marlins fight that occurred in the stands should get some sort of an award

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 22, 2009

Who doesn’t enjoy watching a random fight in the stand between two people you don’t know? Let’s fact it majority of this country does. That’s why shows like Most Shocking Videos thrive on the airwaves. 

A great place to find a video of a random beat down is YouTube. However most are grainy because they were taken on cell phone cameras and none really capture the tragedy, thrills, trepidation and tear-jerking childhood suffering trauma like this video of an altercation from this past Yankees-Marlins series. This is the Godfather of all Youtube videos!!!! 

Naturally we do not know what started this however we can plainly see who finished it. The Yankee fan and Marlin fan are going toe to toe when the Yankee takes somewhat of a cheap shot in the form of a haymaker. Then Mrs. Marlin Fan jumps in a “stand by your man” moment of violence, all the while Marlin fan prepares to do his best “Superfly Jimmy Snuka” impersonation off the railing that sends Yankee fan tumbling. For some reason security isn’t around and of course there are people attempting to break up the fight. Then come the moment that shocks your system and melts the apathy from your dead heart when the camera pans to the Yankee fan’s young daughter crying her eyes out. 

Give credit to the cameraman for keeping cool in a tense situation and bringing this quality stadium fight to YouTube. 

That Yankees fan is just lucky that Little Guido only clotheslined him and didn’t put him in a Sicilian Crab.

Posted in Fights, Florida Marlins, Inspiring, Major League Baseball, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

One parents ultimate meltdown against the University of Houston baseball coach

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 19, 2009

Like most people I enjoy a complete meltdown from a parent because their kid isn’t getting enough playing time, but when the meltdown occurs in the form of a 20,000-word website dissertation that employs CAPS LOCK, then that is a completely different story. 

Jimmy Reviele was on the University of Houston baseball team for four years under the watchful eye of its coach and evil overlord Rayner Noble who is pictured at the top. Jimmy’s daddy, Vinny, is not happy about the way his son was treated while on the Cougars pitching staff. According to CAP LOCKS and rainbow colors, Jimmy was passed over for players that Noble favored, even though said player were not as good as Jimmy. Jimmy JIMMY! (employing the South Park Timmy routine there) was a bullpen pitcher and never was on the hill longer than an inning. Of course every time Jimmy JIMMY! was on the hill he either walked someone or gave up a run but that’s not the point, because other pitchers who were not as good as Jimmy JIMMY! also gave up more runs. Of course those said pitchers were starters and saw a lot more innings… 

If you read the whole thing be prepared to learn the shocking truth of Houston baseball. I managed to find some parts that appeared angrier than others for your pleasure. They were easy to identify because of the XXXL fonts and rainbow colors. 

This story is about a University of Houston baseball player whose college baseball career (2006 – 2009) was destroyed by the head baseball coach (Rayner Noble) at the University of Houston. … 

Any player or parent who reads this and even has the slightest inclination about playing baseball for Rayner Noble at University of Houston or wherever he is coaching, should really rethink their options. Please don’t make the same mistake that we did. Sadly, we were told this same thing, but we did not listen. … 

Jimmy was just simply not one of Noble’s Showcase Players or “Special Favorite Players.” PLEASE TAKE NOTE* That being one of Noble’s favorites (SFP’s) has nothing to do with a players skill level. If someone is fortunate enough to be one of Noble’s SFP’s you are all set. They will get numerous chances to fail and still feel secure because they know they will be right back in the line up and play again the very next game or right back in the pitching rotation. … 

I honestly love every pitcher on the team and no offense to any of them, but every single one of them including my son Jimmy has been shelled at one time or another this past year. Just like all pitchers, they have had times when they pitched lights out and they had times when they got shelled. All of them!! The pitchers that ended up doing better this past 2009 season were the ones that Noble pitched more. Look at the stats. Most of these guys started off awful but were continually used and naturally they got better! … 

Why is there a different set of rules for Jimmy? … 

Still to this day, I understand that Jimmy was one of the fastest players on the Cougars. I know in his freshman year at U of H, Jimmy broke a college record by 22 seconds for the mile and a half. … 

Jimmy was doomed from day one!… 

Once again they said “when Jimmy was not pitching, he will be at 1st base.” BIG LIE!! (Jimmy never even stepped on first base – let alone play it) The only time Jimmy ever stepped on first base was when they used him two times (his senior year only) to pinch run! … 

TRYING TO SET JIMMY UP FOR FAILURE 

After reviewing all of Jimmy’s appearances above, one would think that without a doubt Noble was trying to set Jimmy up for failure. It could not be a coincidence that out of 12 appearances Jimmy just happened to face the TOP or the MEAT of the order 7 times! Jimmy only pitched part of or only 1 inning at a time! It wasn’t like Jimmy was pitching numerous innings. It seems really strange that this just happened to be this way! NOBLE DID THIS ON PURPOSE SO JIMMY WOULD FAIL . . . JUST LIKE NOBLE DID TO JIMMY AT LAST YEARS FINAL GAME IN COLLEGE STATION, but Jimmy DID NOT! This year (2009) Jimmy was allowed to pitch in only 3 Conference games . . . What is the reason for this? Jimmy’s ERA in Conference is 0.00 ! WHY DIDN’T NOBLE PITCH JIMMY MORE? … 

Note* Jimmy asked Noble if he could get #8 for his Junior year and Noble told Jimmy “OK.” … Much to Jimmy’s surprise on the first day of school, Jimmy noticed that #8 had been assigned to another new player. Jimmy went to Coach Noble and asked why he wasn’t able to get #8? Noble said that Jimmy could have it but it would cost $100.00 (which Jimmy paid him in cash)! How could Noble do this to Jimmy and live with himself? 

DOES NOBLE NEED MONEY THIS BAD? – – – HE IS A SNAKE! … 

NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO PUT THEIR FUTURE IN THE HANDS OF THIS MADMAN. IF NOBLE DECIDES NOT TO PITCH OR PLAY YOU, WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT? NOTHING AND NOBLE KNOWS THIS. THE SCOUTS TOLD JIMMY THAT THEY CANNOT DRAFT SOMEONE IF THEY NEVER SEE THEM PLAY MORE THAN A FEW INNINGS ALL YEAR. 

RECRUITS: TAKE IT FROM US, YOU DO NOT WANT NOBLE CONTROLLING YOUR FUTURE. 

I am not just ranting, these are facts, records and stats. Please check them out yourself. 

Note* Remember it is not SLANDER if it’s TRUE!

NO ONE ON THIS EARTH IS GOING TO DO WHAT NOBLE DID TO MY SON AND GET AWAY WITH IT! 

Sincerely, 

Vinny Raviele 

Emphasis not added. 

Jimmy does not like dirty bases. 

DID YOU FUCKING HEAR ME? JIMMY DOES NOT LIKE DIRTY BASES DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! 

No Soup for you, one year! 

Whether or not Jimmy JIMMY! was wrongfully treated I don’t know, but this was too much to read. Also, extorting money from players for jersey numbers is an awesome kind of evil. Lane Kiffin please take note.

Posted in Bipolar, Houston Cougars, NCAA Baseball | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Getting choked out by a girl must suck

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 17, 2009

Let this video serve as a reminder that when you’re interviewing a female MMA fighter with limited English, you can easily become the bitch. 

Aaron Tru, of the website MMA Worldwide, found out what it means to make emale fighter Cris “Cyborg” Santos choke. Get your minds out of the gutter watch the video! Granted I wouldn’t mind making Gina Carano choke. Ok now that time my mind was in the gutter. 

To be honest English isn’t Santos’ first language, it also looks like “female” isn’t her first gender. After all Pit bulls wish they could have her jaw. Santos says it takes three seconds to choke someone out he lasted about eight seconds, not to shabby if you ask me. Maybe if he would have stopped calling her Jim, this wouldn’t have happened. 

If Michael Hutchence were still alive, watching that video would have gave him a raging erection. Well, as long as he could have seen his computer screen from the shower, that is.

Posted in Choked out, MMA | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »