Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Posts Tagged ‘Alabama’

John Daly proves he fails at driving

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 23, 2009

Now that John Daly is back in the PGA things just do not get any easier for him. Daly’s sex apparel tour bus is still trucking albeit it’s not as tall as before since he knocked off the top going through a low-clearance tunnel.   

Daly was driving through the Bankhead Tunnel in Mobile, Alabama when his “I wish I was 70’s Star Wars Van” bus didn’t clear the 12-foot tunnel. The tunnel tore off the fans and awnings off the bus which landed on a passing Cadillac. Clearly the lesson here is don’t go to Alabama! Knocking off the top is how they say “we don’t like your kind” on Alabamese. 

“According to the traffic accident report from the Mobile Police Department, Daly was traveling eastbound toward the tunnel. A sign warns that the tunnel entrance is just 12 feet high, and dangling chains determine if a vehicle is too tall. 

In his witness report, Jimmy Roberson of Mobile was just exiting the tunnel when the fan and awnings on top of Daly’s RV crashed into his 1998 Cadillac DeVille. Roberson’s windshield, roof and trunk were damaged in the 2:32 p.m. accident, according to the police report.” 

To be fair, Daly claims those mystic chains were not in place when the incident happened and the police told him that this sort of thing happens to all the alcoholic RV driving golfers all the time. 

I find this hard to believe. Since when is John Daly awake and sober at 2:30 in the afternoon? 

Daly also doesn’t believe these alleged “head & necks” injuries either. 

funny just read now the guy has Neck and Shoulder injuries?? From what??? something hitting his trunk?!   

Why not? It happened to Brett Favre. 

Thanks to Twitter insurance fraud might actually see a decline.

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Posted in Alabama, drunk, John Daly, PGA | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

How come my little league coach wasn’t a drug trafficker?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 24, 2009

If you have ever seen the movie The Bad News Bears then you know about the bail bondsmen, Chico’s Bail Bonds, who sponsored the little league team in the movie. Well, let’s all hope there is a generous bail bondsman in Alabama cause one little league coach there really needs one. 

When I played little league baseball for the Greer Dodgers (Hell yeah I made the all-star team) my coach certainly didn’t have a kilo of cocaine and an unregistered weapon on him that I could see, then again I didn’t grow up in Alabama either. 

Meet Marlon Wade, a little league coach of 11-12 year-olds in the Saraland Baseball Association. He has actually been coaching there for about 6 years. While one of his hobbies does include helping Alabama youth achieve little league greatness while developing their baseball talent, he also enjoys drug trafficking, sudoku, theft and assault. 

He was recently arrested while in possession of $24,000 worth of cocaine and an unregistered weapon and he has 22 prior arrests on charges of disorderly conduct, theft and assault. I really don’t want to know why he took his infielders to Columbia, and I really really don’t want to know how he got the cocaine into the country. 

Meanwhile the team parents are frantically calling around and leaving cryptic messages on their friends voicemails including phases like “the hookup” and “some shit” 

But hey he is a little league coach and that’s a good quality. I guess background checks are expensive. 

“It’s expensive to do them, but that’s not an excuse,” said Todd Edge, Commissioner for the Saraland Baseball Association. “We have 150 coaches in the baseball park. I talked to some independent agencies. It’s 40 dollars per coach to do a background check, so you’re talking about six thousand dollars. We don’t get city funding.” 

So I guess baseball commissioners at every level make ridiculous excuses for not checking for drug use. Get the kids (or their parents) to kick in $2 apiece as a coach background check fee. It’s pretty fucking simple, isn’t it?

Or your coaches could sell cocaine and pool the proceeds together for the background check. Hey, whatever works! 

The coach has been banned from coaching in the league, talk about a harsh punishment.

Posted in Alabama, cocaine, dumbass, Little League Baseball | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Logan Young: Sacrificial Lamb

Posted by Little Bear Cub on March 31, 2008

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Look at Mr. Young. He looks so peaceful, stoic, determined, and defiant. Damned all of the legal troubles, he is a true sacrifice for the institution that we call Alabama football. I love this pic of Mr. Young. Hanging on the wall behind him is God in houndstooth, Coach Bryant. I dare not call Mr. Young by his first name, because he is too important in the annals of Alabama football.

Some of us members of the now “Saban Nation” have distanced ourselves from Mr. Young. Not me. I fully embrace Mr. Young for his efforts to make sure that ‘Bama Ball keeps its rightful place among the top of college football. USC, Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Michigan football be damned. Alabama IS college football and the sacrifice that Mr. Young has made should be a shining example of giving up yourself for the greater good of Alabama football. RTR…

I am getting almost misty eyed writing this, but if I can get at least one of my fellow ‘Bama brethern to see the light, then I will gladly dehydrate by ocular extraction for the greater good. After all, Mr. Young gave the ultimate gift in the name of Alabama football, so a few lost tears won’t hurt.

Last December, before I made my winter hunting trip to Shreveport, I was in the Bass Pro Shop in Prattville looking for a brand new Benelli Super Nova w/ Steady Grip. This gun is perfect for hunting the native nutria in Shreveport. As I was holding the piece, a vision came upon me. As I made my purchase, I decided to name this particular gun Mr. Young. This gun would be used to pierce the hearts and heads of any prey that may come before me, just as Mr. Young used his incredible finances to ensure recruits land at Alabama. Anyway, after we set up our nutria blind in Shreveport, I got my gear on and loaded Mr. Young. As I laid down cabbage leaves in the nutria kill zone, I raced back to the blind until the first critter came out. I grabbed Mr. Young, saw the creature through my Bushnell scope, and squeezed the trigger. I caught that nutria right between the eyes. Mr. Young was accurate and deadly, just like the original. We ate plenty of nutria that night in December, along with some Golden Flake chips and a Coke, just like Bear did. The next night, we watched the Tide roll over those pagans from Colorado.

Mr. Young, you are gone, but this Little Bear Cub will never forget you or the sacrifice that you made for the University of Alabama. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, armed robbery, Asphyxiation, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, BCS, Bear is Dead, boosters, cheaters, College Football, Crimson Tide, Dead Drunk, DUI, ESPN, fire philip fulmer, Florida Sucks, football, Football Poll, Fulmer, fulmer sucks, killer, legal troubles, Logan Young, Mascots, mentally challenged, mobsters, moral victories, moron, NCAA, Nick Saban, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, Po Po, poker, Police, repo, retarded, Rips Media, Roll Tide, Saban, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

Just Fire The Guy Already!!!!!!!!

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 5, 2007

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So apparently Texas A&M is reportedly negotiating a buyout with head football coach Dennis Franchione. Yes, that Coach Fran, who left Alabama after 1 year for A&M, has done absolutely squat since arriving, and who was apparently selling inside information to 12 boosters for $1,200 a pop, even though his annual salary was $2.6 million. In the interest of full disclosure, the NCAA is looking into the situation as potential rules violations may have occurred.

Word around the Aggie Bonfire is that the language in Coach Fran’s contract may allow the school to outright let the “embattled” coach go without having to pay a penalty due to his website and possible violations of HIPPA. Let’s not forget that he has been a crappy coach.

So why in the hell would A&M not just fire him??? Why wait??? The Aggies still have to go to a VERY loaded Missouri team and then the annual Texas butt-kicking (I know, A&M won last year, and a broken clock is right twice a day). Let him go. He screwed himself out of a buyout with his website.

I know Texas A&M has some powerful boosters with deep pockets, but money talks. Also, if the rumor about going after Tommy Tuberville, you are gonna have to pay Auburn for the buyout in his contract ($6 million) plus whatever his annual salary will be. Plus, why string Coach Fran along??? Let him go so that he can find the next tiny D-1A school to coach, since hardly anyone would hire him as an offensive coach (quick: name 5 teams that still run the option. I will spot you Navy).

On a related note, for any other schools that may be looking at a coaching change (Nebraska, UCLA, Arkansas), go ahead and fire these coaches. Why string it along??? Plus, by letting these guys go early, it will give your school ample time to find the replacement. Do it, and LET THE COACH STEALING BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in ACC Football, aggies, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Bama Sucks, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bill Callahan, cheaters, Coach Fran, College Football, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, Dennis Franchione, HIPPA, Houston Nutt, Missouri Tigers, NCAA, Nebraska Cornhuskers, retarded, Scams, scandal, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Texas A&M | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »