Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Posts Tagged ‘alcoholics’

College Football Week 5 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 28, 2008

Ah how I love upsets and there were plenty for this week.

Well the Fulmer death clock continues to tick…as always be expecting a full game grade tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today.

Don’t look now but UCONN is 5-0, you should expect them to be ranked.

Michigan State is a contender for now…but for some reason they always implode mid season.

Speaking of imploding, Syracuse actually led Pittsburgh but ultimately lost. There’s internet chatter about Lloyd Carr becoming the next Orangemen coach.

Clemson…WTF? Oh, wait my mistake…the annual Tommy Bowden fail is occurring.

Northwestern is 5-0 and Iowa still sucks.

The miracle that occurred in the Miami-North Carolina game was amazing to watch.

Gee. Urban…is fourth down and one yard to go. You trail by one with time quickly ticking away. Why didn’t you try the 49 yard field goal? Was it arrogance? At least update the play book and run something other than a Tebow keeper. Great win for Ole Miss and the Rev. Nutt.

Fresno state continues to win and I love it.

I’m getting sick and damn tired of seeing that stupid Olive Garden commercial that they were over playing last year.

I hate F$U when I pick them to win, they let down. Win I pick to lose they win. Bastards!

Look out Notre Dame is 3-1 let’s place them in the Top 5 stat!

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez gets a huge…huge win against a top 10 Wisconsin team.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the top 25 East Carolina because it is officially over.

Wow…Navy beats Wake Forest…just how bad does the ACC suck?

Oklahoma should have scored more points than they did.

South Carolina struggled against a UAB team that Tennessee blew out…interesting.

Wow Miss. State does have an offense after all, to bad they lost though.

Look for South Florida to enter the top 10 this week.

Welcome back Virginia Tech. however the first year Nebraska coach actually helped your cause by getting a 15 yard penalty for “debating” a call with the ref.

I hope Ty Willingham has called North American Moving by now.

What can I say about Alabama…other than they cheat, but they laid it on Georgia. Anyone else notice that Nick Saban is sporting the Behr Bryant alcoholism red nose?

Don’t look now but Duke is 3-1 and the Virginia coach is probably and should be suicidal at this point.

Joe Pa rules bitches but give the fighting Zookers credit for keeping it respectable.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, Bama Cheats, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Clemson Tigers, Crimson Tide, David Cutcliffe, Duke Blue Devils, East Carolina Pirates, fire philip fulmer, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Herban Meyer, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, jorts, Lloyd Carr, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Roll Tide, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Skip Holtz, South Florida Bulls, suicide, Tennessee Volunteers, UCLA, Uga, upsets, Urban Meyer, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, WTF, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Hideki Irabu has a funny name but can he drink!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 20, 2008

Hideki Irabu is a former pitcher for the New York Yank’mees and the only pitcher to be publicly referred to as a “fat toad” by George Steinbrenner.

Well he’s in the news again. Not because the Yank’mees signed him to help with their ailing bullpen but because he allegedly assaulting a bartender after drinking 20 mugs of beer.

That’s right 20! Top that all you would be alcoholics.

Irabu, became an unhappy former Yank’mee camper after his credit card was rejected. He “allegedly” pushed the bartender against the wall, pulled his hair and smashed at least nine liquor bottles at a bar in Osaka, western Japan, a police official said on condition of anonymity, citing department policy.

What no crane kick? What’s up with that?

The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette : 50th Anniversary Edition clearly states that one is not allowed to assault the bartender until he or she has:

A.     Taken the keys away from your drunken ass

B.     Actually serve you beer in a glass

C.     Run three separate credit cards with no avail.

It’s clear that Irabu was lawfully in the wrong and apparently lacks proper bar manners as well.

The bartender sustained no injuries. Irabu paid the bill with another credit card.

The police official said Irabu admitted the assault before spewing in the back of their nice clean Po Po car.

Irabu started his career with the Chiba Lotte Marines of Japan’s Pacific League and joined the New York Yankees in 1997 on a four-year, $12.8 million.

He spent six seasons in the majors with the Yankees, Montreal Expos and Texas Rangers before signing with Japan’s Hanshin Tigers in 2003. Irabu had a career major league record of 34-35 with a 5.15 ERA.

He retired in 2005 and currently lives in California.

Posted in alcoholics, drunk, Hideki Irabu, Major League Baseball, MLB, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

South Carolina Trustee says Garcia was targeted by USC campus police. Well I know something about that. =)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 7, 2008

Garica getting ready to be strip searched. Don't ask what he's about to do with the mic.

Eddie Floyd, a surgeon from Florence is one of the longest-serving and most influential members of USC’s board of trustees believes Gamecocks athletes have been targeted by the university’s police force.

“I feel they have overstepped in some areas,” Floyd said Wednesday from his home in Florence. “After talking to some of the people, this is how I feel. And I always say what I feel, good or bad.”

“My feeling is that (targeting athletes) has happened. I’m sure the administration may have a different opinion,” Floyd said. “But certainly that’s what I think.”

Of course Dr. Floyd has no thing such as evidence to back this up but hey he claims he is going on his “gut feelings.”

Since I virtually write about every Gamecock arrest I’ve have only found 2 football players arrested by campus police. One was Garcia & the other was Emanuel Cook. Both admitted they were guilty of the crimes they committed but hey Dr. Floyd believes they are caught in an elaborate trap by the campus police.

Floyd, whose contributions helped pay for the USC football office that bears his name, ain’t snitching out who his sources are but said they were not from the Gamecocks athletics department.

Another longtime trustee disputes Floyd’s claims and thinks the guy is off his rocker.

“I don’t think anyone has targeted (athletes) whatsoever,” said Mike Mungo, the longest-serving trustee in USC history with 36 years on the board. “I think the allegations are totally baseless, and I think I’m as well-informed as anyone at the university.”

Mungo said university officials investigated the claims and found no evidence of a police conspiracy against athletes. Gee imagine that.

“Eddie can say what he want wants to say, but I don’t believe that it’s a fact,” Mungo said.

Floyd first voiced his allegations to, some lame-ass fan site. (I think all sites like this are lame)

Floyd told the site he believes Gamecocks quarterback Stephen Garcia was being watched by campus police in March when he and two teammates were cited for underage drinking outside the East Quad dormitory that houses many USC athletes.

Of course he fails to mention that all parties pleaded guilty.

This is where it gets good.

He also said he knew of an investigator with USC’s police force whose office was decorated with Clemson’s signature Tiger paws.

But Floyd pulled what is known as a “half-Saban” Wednesday, and admitted he knew little about the investigator whom he implied had a pro-Clemson bias. Basically he’s an asshole.

“One of the investigators that had a tiger paw in his office, my understanding is he said it was a joke. I don’t know,” Floyd said. “I haven’t looked at it. I haven’t seen it. But that’s what I heard.”

Funny how bravely he can make those statements to a major (although lame-ass) Gamecock site and yet he has never seen it with his own eyes.

The shocking thing about all of this is he’s right…sorta.

Enter operation:

Let’s nail that hippie freak Garcia!Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in alcoholics, Emanuel Cook, Po Po, Police, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Jimmy Clausen: Notre Dame QB, Drinker and Fashion Faux Pas

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 6, 2008

"Hey, who ordered the Queer Eye makeover?" (chugs two beers) "We're the Party Brigade. We're here to play some drinking games."

The golden child of Notre Dame might be some trouble yet again. Jimmy Clausen the younger brother of 1 ½ (Rick gets the ½) Tennessee QB Gods Casey and Rick, has already had one brush with the law you know for that little “bootlegging” charge last year.

Well, for the second time in a year, Notre Dame Quarterback Jimmy Clausen may have to explain his alleged participation in a situation involving alcohol & at least two other teammates might be doing some explaining with him.

See that lovely picture? Why that’s the golden boy participating in something called the ‘Beer Olympics’ or Jimmy is joining the Bloods one or the other.

Notre Dame stated they will investigate possible school code violations after these photos all over the frigging place. They appear to depict Clausen, teammates Brian Smith and James Aldridge and one other individual getting their drink on.

Going 3-9 will drive a person to drinking that I have to believe.

I imagine every drinking party in Notre Dame somehow ends in a “Rudy!” chant.

Don’t Worry Irish fans Notre Dame is already developing a cover story even though there is beer on the table in front of the players, the photos do not show the players actively consuming alcohol.

Nevertheless at least two of the players would not be of legal drinking age: Clausen, who does not turn 21 until Sept. 21, and Smith, who does not reach 21 until 2010. Aldridge turned 21 on July 6.

“The office of Residence Life will investigate possible violations of university policies when it is made aware of them, such as in this case,” Notre Dame school spokesman Dennis Brown said Monday.

“I used bad judgment in being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I’ve learned from my mistake,” Clausen said during his first media appearance after the citation in August 2007.

Well he still hasn’t learned any fashion sense either. Remember when he arrived in a limo at the College Football Hall of Fame, hair immaculately spiked and product-filled, sunglasses on & Bling blinged-up?

He almost made Brady Quinn look straight.

My problem wasn’t that he was drinking but trying to imitate the Ultimate Warrior while wearing a fake satin baseball jacket is pathetic. Since when are fake satin jackets from the 1980’s making a comeback?

MAYBE he can drink, but does he have Tebow’s miraculous healing powers? I think not.

Jimmy Clausen should pause before every decision he needs to make and think “What would Tim Tebow do?” He should then circumcise something.

Has anyone ever set himself up for failure more than Jimmy Clausen? At the HOF press conference, Jimmy flashed his HS championship rings and announced (Paraphrasing) that “he would win another four at Notre Dame.” I’m sure Beano Cook nutted in his bag of Werthers Original, but I couldn’t believe anyone could be that stupid.

Time for the Guardian Angels defense. Matt Leinart sees nothing wrong with this, except the fruity wardrobe.

Posted in alcoholics, Beer, Brady Quinn, Charlie Weis, jimmy clausen, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

Hells Yeah!!! The SEC rulez in this Top 20 poll as well!!!!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 29, 2008

We all know the SEC generally dominates the football polls this year; well they also dominate the Princeton Review list of top party schools in the country!!!

Let’s break it down peeps.

1. University of Florida. Guns, sweet sticky icky weed & Tebow.

2. University of Mississippi. The Grove, the cheerleaders & Jerrell Powe

3. Penn State University. Joe Pa, a shitload of arrests and the Penn State Paranormal Research Society

4. West Virginia University. Deliverance, igniting couches & Rich Rodriguez

5. Ohio University. At least they can beat tOSU at something

6. Randolph-Macon College. Who the hell is this? Seriously

7. University of Georgia. Uga, the umpteen million personalities Herschel Walker & fans that paint their heads

8. University of Texas. Dope head/actor Matthew Mcconaughey, Bevo & Mac Brown

9. University of California-Santa Barbara. Mascot looks like a psychotic Hamburglar

10. Florida State University The Cowgirls, Bowden & wondering if he will ever retire.

11. University of New Hampshire. Like there is anything better to do there.

12. University of Iowa. Sex scandal, Haden Frye and still sucking at football

13. University of Colorado. Ralphie, Hawkins and see above

14. University of Indiana. Bobby Knight, text messaging fool Sampson & basketball season doesn’t look good next year

15. Tulane University. The green wave due to puke

16. University of Illinois. The Fighter Zookers enough said

17. Arizona State University. Ugly school colors, PAC 10 & Eckerson NCAA sanctions to follow

18. University of Tennessee. GO VOLS! Cumberland Ave. Rocky Top & Smokey!

19. University of Alabama. Cheaters, Dead Behr & Subpoenas

20. Loyola University. The French Quarter and attempting to out drink Tulane.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, Arizona State Sundevils, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Colorado Buffalos, Fighting Illini, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, Georgia Bulldogs, Jerrell Powe, ole miss rebels, Rocky Top, SEC, Texas Longhorns, Uga, West Virginia Mountaineers, WVU, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

If I was a Fan of the Chicago Cubs I Would Have started drinking at a Young Age as Well

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 13, 2008

Just watch the video. Clearly the kid is drinking his dads’ beer. It obviously isn’t apple juice and it’s possible that the kid is emulating Harry Carry. My question is: Is it an American beer or one of those wussy imports. Either way I still hate the Cubs.

Posted in alcoholics, Chicago Cubs, classless, drunk, Major League Baseball, MLB | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Cedric Benson can Still Achieve the Triple Crown

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 9, 2008

Now that Big Brown has failed to capture horse racing’s triple crown, attention is now turned to a triple crown chase of another kind: the idiotic dumb ass triple crown. Cedric Benson has established himself as the front runner.

Benson was charged with drunk driving in Austin, Texas, his second arrest in little more than a month.

Let’s see first it’s drinking while operating a boat and now this. If Benson can get caught driving a lawnmower, bicycle or motorcycle then he was achieved the Triple Crown.

What is it with Texas RB’s and getting arrested? Watch out Jamaal Charles…’re next

Benson’s attorney said the former Texas star had a few drinks with dinner but didn’t think he was intoxicated, and cooperated with police.

Still, attorney Sam Bassett acknowledged:

“He’s probably in trouble with his team for breaking curfew and having anything to drink under the circumstances.”

Authorities said Benson was arrested early Saturday after he failed a field sobriety test. The former first-round draft pick was charged with driving while intoxicated and released on bond.

The arrest comes a month after Benson was charged with boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest. He has said neither charge is true, and those cases are pending.

This pretty much invalidates the whole “I did nothing wrong on that boat and the cops are out to get me” defense.

At a fan event at Soldier Field in Chicago on Saturday, Bears general manager Jerry Angelo said he’d not spoken to Benson but called the situation unfortunate.

“Disappointment is too much an often-used word when we’re talking about Cedric, and the number one lesson for every player is protect your job,” Angelo said. “So we’re all held accountable for our actions.”

Asked if the new arrest will weigh against Benson, Angelo said:

“Well, it doesn’t weigh very well. And it’s unfortunate. We will deal with it when we know everything.”

Austin police spokeswoman Veneza Aguinaga said Benson, who was pulled over for running a red light, refused to take a breath test or provide blood samples Saturday. Because innocent people always refuse a breathalyzer.

For the record no one should ever refuse to consent to a breathalyzer. The breathalyzer will not lie. There is no way for a person to alter it to set you up. If you are not drunk or have not been drinking it is very ridiculous to not consent unless you’re drunk.

Benson “NO officer *hiccup* I’m not as think as you drunk I am!!!”

Bassett said Benson thought the light was yellow when he went through around 2 a.m., though he stopped immediately when police appeared. Bassett said Benson told him he wasn’t speeding or driving recklessly.

“He doesn’t feel like he was intoxicated,” Bassett said. “He said he had two or three drinks the whole night with dinner.”

Bassett said Benson’s girlfriend was with him at the time. The two had dined at a Japanese restaurant earlier. The running back was in Austin for his mother’s birthday this weekend, Bassett said.

Coach Lovie Smith said he was inclined to give Benson the benefit of the doubt “like everyone else in society gets.”

“That’s what we’ll do with this thing,” Smith said.

It’s only a matter of time until Benson tries to make it rain in a strip club.

The boat incident was not enough reason to cut him, but now it’s time. Bears fans are not going to accept this guy any more.

All I can say is: What an idiot.

Posted in alcoholics, Cedric Benson, Chicago Bears, drunk, DUI | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Colquitt has a Serious Problem & it Should be Addressed Immediately

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 18, 2008

At first I was going to make this a humorous post however after reviewing the facts there’s nothing humorous about this.

Britton Colquitt has a serious problem and when a Tennessee player has a problem so does Coach Fulmer.

Tennessee junior All-SEC punter Britton Colquitt will be suspended the Vols’ first five games this season and will lose his scholarship following an arrest early Sunday morning on charges of DUI and leaving the scene of an accident.

“I’m very disappointed that Britton doesn’t appreciate the blessings he has been given from his family and his team,” UT coach Phillip Fulmer said in a statement released Sunday night. “Along with the five-game suspension, I am taking his scholarship away and he will be required to undergo alcohol counseling as well as other internal punishments.”

Not good enough! This is the fourth alcohol-related incident for Colquitt since arriving on the campus of UT. Clearly this needs to be addressed by coaches, players and his parents. I feel the only way he will learn is to boot him off the team.

Colquitt while driving his Jeep Cherokee hit a freaking parked car and then kept driving. The Knoxville Po Po caught him about a mile away. Colquitt admitted to have two beers, three mixed drinks and hitting the parked Ford Focus as well as a tree stump.

In 2003, UT police charged Britton Colquitt three times in 12 days on alcohol-related charges, including DUI and underage consumption.

His first DUI charge was dismissed by a Knox County General Sessions Court judge in August 2004.

Colquitt is the sixth UT football player charged by police since Jan. 11 and the second to be hit with a DUI charge in a little over two weeks.

If Fulmer doesn’t boot him off the team then at least coordinate an intervention with his parents. Clearly he needs help and I’ll admit supporting him is not a bad idea, but forcing him to go too counseling will not work. Colquitt can only change when he is ready to.

Posted in alcoholics, Crime & Punishment, DUI, Phillip Fulmer, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Saban’s Driving Skills are Much to be Desired

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 24, 2007

Come on Nick we’ll show to the Bear Bryant drunk tank.

Was it an attempted suicide? Was he fighting with his wife? Was counting the money he made for losing to Oh La La and not paying attention? Or, was Nick Saban further entrenching himself into the belief that he is the new Bear Bryant of Alabama and practicing driving drunk? Honestly I’m not sure but I know this, when I’m driving and see a tree in the middle of the damn road I stop. Apparently Saint Nick Saban doesn’t share the same thoughts on that subject.

University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban did not sustain any injuries after he was involved in a car accident on Saturday night, according to Tuscaloosa police spokesman Capt. Greg Kosloff.

Saban and his wife Terry were driving near the entrance of their neighborhood, the Crown Pointe subdivision of Tuscaloosa, when their car struck a tree that was down across the road, Kosloff said. The accident took place around 9:30 p.m.

Tree in the road be damned! Just like most things in Nicky’s life, he goes for the wins at full speed just ask the Miami Dolphins. And just like his NFL coaching career Nick didn’t win this battle.

“No one was injured in the one-car wreck, Kosloff said. Officers responded to the scene and a report was filled out. It was not immediately available.

Other than to call it a “mi­nor accident,” Kosloff said he had no further details.UA
football spokesman Jeff Purin­ton was not available for com­ment early Sunday morning.”

On a serious note I’m glad no one was injured because if they were that would mean I couldn’t make fun of Nicky’s driving skills. Notice how the report “isn’t available” and the athletic department isn’t commenting? Hmm…yeah Ok. Sounds like a conspiracy to me, maybe Tide Druid can chime in and in the mean time I’m calling Oliver Stone to investigate and hopefully he’ll make another historically incorrect movie about this event.

So I profess on this day 12/24/07.



Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, Bear is Dead, DUI, Nick Saban, scandal, SEC Coaches | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Joe Namath Finally Earns a Degree, I hope He’s Sober at the Ceremony.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 12, 2007


Joe Namath sometimes known as Broadway Joe, Joe “Willie” Namath or sometimes I refer to him as “that drunken fuckstick who should be dead by now”. Everyone knows Joe. Who can forget the famous “We’ll win. I guarantee it” line about Super Bowl III? Or the live ESPN coverage of the Jets’ game, where Namath was asked about Chad Pennington and his thoughts on the struggles of that year’s squad. Namath expressed confidence in Pennington, and then stated to the interviewer, Suzy Kolber, “I want to kiss you. I couldn’t care less about the team strugg-a-ling.” He later apologized and paid Chad Pennington a hundred dollars, they apparently how some sidebet on who bang Suzy first. Apparently chicks dig sober, less dead dudes. Yeah him. Now you remember.

Well, he is finally earning his bachelor of arts degree from Alabama. I think it’s great and hopefully after 40+ years he’s able to actually the words on the sheepskin. Story

For the past five years he’s been studying hard to grasp those last 15 lousy credits. WTF? 15?!? That’s nothing. It took him five years to do that? I guess he’s been to busy trying on various pantyhose and whacking it to the picture he has of Suzy Kolber. And let’s not forget those guest voice overs for The Simpsons either. I mean I could understand if he was still playing football, or still in rehab or at least still getting laid, but shit 5 years? Great job Joe! Do your university proud. Just please stay sober and no drinking moonshine. Unless you violent when you drink… Then drink a lot in Saban’s presence. Oh well, at least he isn’t a tax cheat like Kenny Stabler.

Someday Tide Druid is going to hunt me down and kill me for the smack I talk. ;)

So I profess on this day 12/12/07.


Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, joe namath | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »