Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Posts Tagged ‘Ass Whipping’

Disturbing image Friday: The Burger King Beat Down

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 29, 2009

Yes I realize this has nothing to do with sports however it’s too funny not to share. This Burger King in Miami takes the competition against McDonalds very seriously. This Burger King location also wins some style points for the bang up frame job as well. 

Jack (in the Box) can still kick both their behinds with one bulging bicep tied behind his back. Do something about it!

Posted in Ass Whipping, Burger King, WTF | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

The Coach is fired, Diane Sawyer approves but Dallas Academy…you still got your butts whipped

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 27, 2009

Dear graphics department of ABC News: if your goal was to make me feel even more pity for the girls of Dallas Academy. Well then, mission still not accomplished.

And the fallout over the 100-0 ass beating continues….apparently The Covenant School believes Jesus would be a little more merciful. Micah Grimes, or Grimey as I like to call him, taught us that a man can triumph over adversity and loss his gainful employment at the same time.

This past Thursday apparently officials from The Covenant School went the Dallas Academy to apologize. They apologized for having a superior team which beat the hammered the Dallas Academy to a resounding final score of 100-0

I asked the simple question: What would Jesus do? And I got a lot of good replies which is unusual since other than a select few are usually to intimidated are so awe struck by my awesomeness to open your pie holes.

The Covenant School also published an apology on their website:

The Covenant School, its board and administrators, regrets the incident of January 13 and the outcome of the game with the Dallas Academy Varsity Girls Basketball team. It is shameful and an embarrassment that this happened.  This clearly does not reflect a Christ-like and honorable approach to competition. We humbly apologize for our actions and seek the forgiveness of Dallas Academy, TAPPS and our community.  The school and its representatives in no way support or condone the running up of a score against any team in any sport for any reason.  The school’s board members, Head of School Kyle Queal and Athletic Director Brice Helton have acted to ensure that such an unfortunate incident can never happen again.

Covenant school officials have met with and personally apologized to Dallas Academy Headmaster Jim Richardson and Athletic Director Jeremy Civello and wish to extend their highest praise to each member of the Dallas Academy Varsity Girls Basketball team for their strength, composure and fortitude in a game in which they clearly emerged the winner.  Accordingly, The Covenant School has contacted TAPPS and is submitting a formal request to forfeit the game recognizing that a victory without honor is a great loss.

Well this didn’t set to well with Coach Grimey who posted the following on his own web site:

In response to the statement posted on The Covenant School Website, I respectfully disagree with the apology, especially the notion that the Covenant School girls basketball team should feel “embarrassed” or “ashamed”. We played the game as it was meant to be played and would not intentionally run up the score on any opponent. Although a wide-margin victory is never evidence of compassion, my girls played with honor and integrity and showed respect to Dallas Academy. We honor God, ourselves, and our families when we step on the court to compete. I do not wish to forfeit the game. What kind of example does it set for our children? Do we really want to punish Covenant School girls?  Does forfeiting really help Dallas Academy girls?  We experienced a blowout almost 4 years ago and it was painful, but it made us who we are today. I believe in the lessons that sports teach us.  Competition builds character, and teaches us to value selflessness, hard work, and perseverance.  As a coach, I have instilled in my girls these values. So if I lose my job over these statements, I will walk away with my integrity.

Well Coach Grimey’s response to the apology has prompted The Covenant School to can Coach Grimey. But hey he still has his integrity.

Meanwhile at the Dallas Academy batcave…the eight girl team of 100-0 losers gets to meet Diane Sawyer and was on Good Morning American yesterday plus they are now the media’s new loveable losers. That’s right Chicago Cubs…you have been replaced…losers.

Dallas Academy girls, portrayed as lovable losers on the court but winners in life for their attitude after the loss, have been showered with praise nationally. They’ve were on ABC and CBS network morning shows on Saturday and are scheduled to make a repeat appearance on ABC’s Good Morning America on Monday as well as their Today show debut.”

So what are the lessons here? I mean this team got beaten soundly…and even cancelled the rest of their league games because of it. However since they have proven that they’re not very good at basketball they get to meet people like Diane Sawyer and get doted on as if they have special powers. The coach of the winning team gets fired for NOT telling his team to try their best.

I realize that this is a time when every kid gets a trophy or star for “trying” but what lessons have the Dallas Academy kids really learned? To fire The Covenant School coach is a serious overreaction in my humble opinion.

Is it possible that the way the story has been blown out of proportion the real reason why Coach Grimey was let go? After all about 3 years ago The Covenant School girl’s team lost a game by the score of 82-6; this really isn’t that much different.

If this guy got fired, Bob Stoops should probably be strapped to a rocket and sent into space and the truly remarkable thing is that Isiah Thomas is not involved someway in this fiasco.

Thus is the state of the “everyone is a winner” culture. It makes me sick. Why is there such a departure from winners and losers? This is teaching kids that they are entitled to something even when there performance is lacking. I realize that one team far outmatched the other, but that should be a lesson to the losing team that there are times in life when someone else is better. If you aren’t learning you aren’t living.

Despite all of this adulation, the team will face some form of punishment when they are inevitably handed an ESPY previously awarded to Jason McElwaine.

Posted in Ass Whipping, Dallas Academy, fired, Micah Grimes, The Covenant School, WTF | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

This season is lost though it’s not over: The Tennessee/Alabama Grade book

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 27, 2008

If a picture is worth a thousand words then the above photo is clearly a copy of War & Peace. Quite honestly that is also what best describes this season. The fans are at war with the coach and Fulmer is constantly trying to bring peace.

The Phreaky Phil-Osophy show goes on and on and on while the status of the Tennessee Football program goes down.

A lot of Tennessee fans had a “gut feeling” about this game. That feeling turned out to be a mirage of hope. This team is bad, no make that dreadful.

No matter how this rest of this season plays out Tennessee will not beat a major rival. This was the first time Tennessee has lost consecutive games to Bama in the Fulmer era. It’s another clear sign that it’s time for a coaching change.

“I’m obviously very disappointed,” said Fulmer. “We’re in a battle from top to bottom, whether it’s recruiting or whatever. But I’m more concerned about our team right now.”

Alabama beat up Tennessee for the same reason Florida did: both teams have better play makers on both sides of the ball. The VOLS didn’t even get a first down until the 13:42 mark in the 2nd quarter.

Tennessee is just 6-14 against ranked teams over the last four years and a stunning 1-9 at home against the Top 10 this decade.

If a storied NFL team like the Cowboys can cut ties with a coach that gave them 2 Super Bowl victories and 5 appearances, then surely Tennessee can cut ties with Fulmer. Bring in some fresh blood and reawaken this program.

Of course Phil continues with saying the right things.

“All I know,” Fulmer said, “is we’ll keep working to get it fixed.”

Where have I heard that before?

Let’s look at these weeks grades and see just what needs fixing.

QUARTERBACK C+

Stephens still has not turned the ball over since he took the job from Crapton Crompton. He was 16 of 28 for 137 yards. However he made some questionable throws and missed some open wide receivers.

RUNNING BACKS D

36 rushing yards. Pathetic. Absolutely no explosive runs. I do credit Hardesty for making a first down due to second effort

RECEIVERS D

Clearly Gerald Jones was missed and fears of seeing Chavis in drag allowed Eric Berry only one opportunity on offense. Taylor and Stocker each had drops. I’m not going to blame Taylor for the offensive pass interference penalty though, that was total BS.

OFFENSIVE LINE F

Though this group got a good push in short yardage situations, they also had two penalties at critical times.

DEFENSIVE LINE C+

Robert Ayers continues to shine. The game score could have turned out different if Dan Williams didn’t suffer an injury.

LINEBACKERS C-

Even though Rico McCoy had 13 tackles he often knocked on his ass and they were so far down field that it didn’t make much of a difference. Ellix Wilson had nine stops as well.

SECONDARY A-

Eric Berry had 11 tackles and laid the wood on several Bama players. DeAngelo Willingham was picked on by Bama forcing man-to-man coverage to stop the run.

SPECIAL TEAMS C

LaMarcus Thompson forced fumble on a Bama punt that was recovered by Rogan at the five yard line. Colquitt had a productive night though he shanked a punt that was costly. Lincoln Logs missed a 51 yard field goal, but I’m not going to blame him for that because that’s clearly out of his range, but he should have made that 43 yard attempt.

COACHING F/A

The A is for the defense. Considering they received zero help from the offense they deserve it. Offensively Clawson called a boring and horrid game. When the VOLS needed big plays the calls were not made.

OVERALL F

Though the defense was solid and the special teams were productive, the offense is awful and laughable. The penalties that the offensive committed during opportunistic situations took points off the board.

A look ahead:

South Carolina is next week and believe it or not I think Tennessee should win this game. South Carolina’s run game is actually worse than ours. Stephens has an advantage due to the fact he protects the ball by not throwing interceptions and not fumbling. This should be a low scoring affair. Both defenses are equally good but I believe our secondary is considerably better.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Eric Berry, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Nick Saban, Nick Stephens, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Here’s A Way To Keep Gas Prices Down

Posted by Joel Jackson on July 7, 2008

Everyone is being affected by the high gas prices in our country right now. Our company, like most businesses, is seeing transportation and manufacturing costs rise almost exponentially. The average American is spending more on gas than at any time in our country’s history. Sadly, this trend, according to some analysts, will continue through the end of the year. Currently, Obama and McCain have included plans to help alleviate the energy crisis, and from barbershops to flea markets, everyone has an answer…including me 😉

Yes, even a pagan such as myself has an answer to the gas crunch…

I would not dare suggest that we start drilling on the hallowed grounds of Notre Dame Stadium. But the Fighting Irish, warming up here last year against Navy (which Navy won), is the solution.

According to the World Almanac, in 1973, the average price of a gallon of gas in the U.S. was 51 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title that year. Every year after, the price of gas went up on average of 3 cents a gallon. In 1977, gas was up to 65 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title again. Gas prices did not rise again until 1979. But in 1980, gas went up into the 1 dollar range (right before the Gerry Faust era). When Lou Holtz delivered the Fighting Irish another title in 1986, gas actually went down to 93 cents, down from 1.20. Consequentially, gas prices experienced huge jumps in 1999 (when they were placed on probation under Bob Davie) and also in 2004 (when Ty Willingham was fired).

To me it is simple: We should all root for Notre Dame to win the national title this year. Get them a national TV contract. Continue to have high hopes for them, even if it may seem misguided. Give them a schedule that should guarantee some success. Like the great Paul Hornung said, “Get the black athlete”. Above all, someone in the national media, hell, make it two people in the national media, should stomp for them.

Only then the terrorists won’t win…Touchdown Jesus will…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, BCS, big 10, Big East, big ten, big ten football, boo birds, boosters, Brady Quinn, Charlie Weis, cheaters, College Football, drunk, DUI, football, Football Poll, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL Draft, NFL Football, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Sports, tyrone Willingham, University of Southern Cal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

According to Prison Officials Either Arthur Blank or Vick is Lying about Playing Football (I’m Banking on the Latter)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 9, 2008

Just one day after the owner of the Atlanta Falcons Author Blank proclaimed in an interview with the New York Daily News that Vick is playing ball in prison to keep his body in shape, his arm limber and hoping to avoid rapists to pass the time, federal prison officials told the Journal-Constitution that Vick did not arrive at the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary Camp in time to participate in the facility’s football season.

Uh oh someone is fibbing…gee I wonder who it could be. ConVICK’ed felon Michael or billionaire Blank. Hmm…the mind ponders this.

“Apparently, there was a prison football team and he played quarterback for both sides,” Blank told the Daily News. He was referring to statements dog killer Vick said in letters he wrote to Blank.

When told of Blank’s account of Vick’s football activity at the prison, a spokesman for Leavenworth sounded “incredulous,” according to the Journal-Constitution.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kevin Johnson told the newspaper.

A spokesperson for the U.S. Bureau of Prisons told the Journal-Constitution, however, that Vick might be throwing a football in his free time but he also might be getting gang raped and making license plates to pass the time as well.

Then the spokesperson clarified and said “No wait he’s washing pots and pans so being gang raped is more the sure thing. Either way both are great at passing time. However, Vick is on my federal correctional facility fantasy team.”

I wonder if there is a salary cap involved here

“It’s not unheard of for inmates to toss around a football,” Tracy Billingsley another prison spokesperson told the newspaper. “But there just are no games until the fall.”

I think Billingsley meant to say Vick had not COMPLETED any passes in the prison football league.

She also clarified to the newspaper that the inmates play only flag football at the facility and that tackle football aroused the bitch inmates to much.

Wow, they have a deadline to sign up for football in jail? Do they have free agency in jail too? Are we going to be watching a televised Jail house Flag Football game in the Fall?

Blank, through a spokesperson of his own, declined to be interviewed by the Journal-Constitution.

If Blank could pull some strings to get Vick moved to Nash Correctional Institution, he could be tossing bombs to Rae Carruth. How cool would that be?

By the way, the prison checkers league kicks off in February 2009, and the season will last two weeks. The deadline for sign up was two years ago. They’re totally running out of time to get everything organized and set up.

Posted in Ass Whipping, Atlanta Falcons, conVick, court tv, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Michael Vick, Ron Mexico | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

One Former Hawaii Warrior Has Gone Crazy.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 27, 2008

It was bound to happen. A former University of Hawaii football player named Lene Amosa has quite possibly lost it. In a whine & cry session letter sent to the editor of “The Hawaiian Advertiser” Amosa states he’s tired of hearing about how his team was beaten like a red headed stepchild on National Beat a Red Headed Stepchild day. You would think he should know the truth since June Jones left Hawaii to coach SMU, after all SMU doesn’t have to play Florida next year.

As a former player, I’m tired of hearing fans and the media say that we were overmatched by bigger, faster, stronger players.

(Spoken in a Jack Nicholson impersonation)

Amosa you might be tired of hearing the truth because you can’t handle the truth!! We live in a world dominated by college football. And college football is played by men with speed and power. Who’s going to play like that? You? Your Hawaii Warriors? The teams of the SEC have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the weaker conferences while cursing the SEC. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That Hawaii’s demise in the Sugar Bowl, while tragic, probably helps recruit six additional 5 star prospects to SEC schools. And while the SEC’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins championships. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want a SEC winner, you need a SEC winner. SEC fans use words like domination, tradition & BCS rankings…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something, than something is our SEC heritage and our teams pride. We also use those words to remind weaker and meek conferences just who the top conference is. Plus it’s fun to make fun of other teams. 🙂

Georgia got lucky, and I say that from a player’s point of view. We gave up big plays, which at the end killed us.

Lucky? Lucky? OK, now you’re just delusional and in need of some therapy and an old fashion SEC ass kicking. AGAIN!!

Posted in Ass Whipping, crazy, Georgia Bulldogs, Hawaii Warriors, Lene Amosa, SEC, SEC Football, SEC Speed | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 11 Comments »