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Posts Tagged ‘Bruce Pearl’

Bruce Pearl attempts to sway Layla Kiffin?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 29, 2009

We all know Bruce Pearl has a smoking hot girlfriend. But does he have his eyes set on smoking hot mother of three Layla Kiffin

Clay Travis reports that the energetic basketball coach was asked at a Tennessee alumni reception about how he was getting along with King Kiffin©, who was also in attendance, and Pearl had this to say: 

“I’m trying to date his wife. But that’s not working out too good.” 

God bless Pearl and his creepy advances. I like Bruce Pearl’s chances with Layla Kiffin better than Lane Kiffin’s chances against Florida this year.

Ordinarily an off the cuff remark such as this one should be taken as good nature ribbing. But remember King Kiffin© was annoyed when Layla was Google searched by professional internet masturbators. Will Pearl feel King Kiffin’s wrath via kick in his horny balls? Could we blame Kiffin if he did that? But they appear to be getting along just fine and received a standing ovation at the event. 

Another fun factoid: As a Florida Gator undergrad, Layla was a member of the notorious Zeta Tau Alpha sorority, which counts America’s Sideline Princess Erin Andrews as one of its members.

Honestly, if she had a Tom Selleck mustache, I’d still hit it.

Posted in Bruce Pearl, Erin Andrews, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

By God I would play girls soccer for this man!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 3, 2009

There’s two type of people in this world: Winners & Losers. I firmly believe a coach is coach no matter the sport. So if Bruce Pearl would have decided to leave God’s country of Knoxville for bullet hole riddled Memphis I believe I already would have found his replacement. His name is Michael Kinahan, ex-coach of the Scituate, Mass. Green Death.

Kinahan resigned as the coach of the 6- and 7-year-old girls team (not pictured) before the season even started, due to a brilliantly worded e-mail that was sent to the player’s parents as a way for them to get too know him.

Kinahan isn’t some Starbucks sipping, Lexus SUV driving parent with no love and/or knowledge of the game, this man is the fucking reincarnation of General Patton! He doesn’t believe in the modern day way of how things are done with everyone getting a trophy and fruit-rollups during timeouts. I’d play girls soccer for this man in a heartbeat and afterwards he will lead the team as we storm a local Build-A-Bear and burn it to the ground! OOH-RAH Bitches!!!

This portion of the letter which addresses the sideline behavior of the parents is possibly some of the greatest teachings known to man since the Bible was written:

It is imperative that we all fight the good fight, get involved now and resist the urge to become sweat-xedo-wearing yuppies who sit on the sidelines in their LL Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos while discussing reality TV and home decorating with other feeble-minded folks. I want to hear cheering, I want to hear encouragement, I want to get the team pumped up at each and every game and know they are playing for something.”

OK on a serious note here are other excerpts of the letter please keep in mind this team is comprised of 6- and 7-year-old girls:

OK, here’s the real deal: Team 7 will be called Green Death. We will only acknowledge “Team 7” for scheduling and disciplinary purposes. Green Death has had a long and colorful history, and I fully expect every player and parent to be on board with the team. This is not a team, but a family (some say cult), that you belong to forever. We play fair at all times, but we play tough and physical soccer. We have some returning players who know the deal; for the others, I only expect 110% at every game and practice. We do not cater to superstars, but prefer the gritty determination of journeymen who bring their lunch pail to work every week, chase every ball and dig in corners like a Michael Vick pit bull. Unless there is an issue concerning the health of my players or inside info on the opposition, you probably don’t need to talk to me.

I believe winning is fun and losing is for losers. Ergo, we will strive for the “W” in each game. While we may not win every game (excuse me, I just got a little nauseated) I expect us to fight for every loose ball and play every shift as if it were the finals of the World Cup. While I spent a good Saturday morning listening to the legal liability BS, which included a 30 minute dissertation on how we need to baby the kids and especially the refs, I was disgusted. The kids will run, they will fall, get bumps, bruises and even bleed a little. Big deal, it’s good for them (but I do hope the other team is the one bleeding). If the refs can’t handle a little criticism, then they should turn in their whistle. The sooner they figure out how to make a decision and live with the consequences the better. My heckling of the refs is actually helping them develop as people. The political correctness police are not welcome on my sidelines.

America’s youth is becoming fat, lazy and non-competitive because competition is viewed as “bad”. I argue that competition is good and is important to the evolution of our species and our survival in what has become an increasingly competitive global economy and dangerous world. Second place trophies are nothing to be proud of as they serve only as a reminder that you missed your goal; their only useful purpose is as an inspiration to do that next set of reps. Do you go to a job interview and not care about winning? Don’t animals eat what they kill (and yes, someone actually kills the meat we eat too – it isn’t grown in plastic wrap)? And speaking of meat, I expect that the ladies be put on a diet of fish, undercooked red meat and lots of veggies. No junk food.

Who’s with me? Go Green Death!”

The parents being the weak minded lemmings that they are did not buy into the coach’s philosophy and instead wined and bitched the coach into resigning.

From Kinahan’s resignation letter:

Team, After careful consideration, I have decided to resign from all coaching responsibilities related to Team 7 this season. Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that some parents and the Board of Scituate Soccer failed to see the humor in my pre-season email.”

Just think after the season was over, Coach Kinahan planned on taking the team over to Africa to fight in a guerilla war. On the bright side, he’s now in the lead for the Memphis job.

It’s a shame. Those candy-ass faggots on Team 4 would’ve never known what hit ’em. OOH-RAH!

Posted in Bruce Pearl, Girls Soccer, Green Death, Memphis Tigers, mentally challenged, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Apparently Adolph Rupp Wouldn’t have Liked Billy Gillespie

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 7, 2008

Sure Bruce Pearl had to share the SEC coach of the year award with Billy “I lost to Gardner Webb, Houston, UAB & San Diego while embarrassing the SEC” Gillespie, we all know that. However the Commonwealth Athletic Club of Kentucky likes Bruce Pearl more and who can blame them?

The Commonwealth Athletic Club of Kentucky named Bruce Pearl it’s coach of the year and presented him with the Adolph Rupp Cup. The Adolph Rupp Cup has been given since 2004, with previous winners including Phil Martelli, Bruce Weber, Roy Williams and Bo Ryan.

Club spokesman Gerry Calvert, a former player for Rupp at Kentucky, had this to say about Bruce Pearl:

“Anybody who knew Coach Rupp well would tell you that Pearl is the kind of coach he would have loved to compete against. He typifies the passion, drive and excellence for which Coach Rupp will always be remembered.”

A source close to the Athletic Club said the reason why Billy Gillespie wasn’t receiving a share of the award even though he share coach of the year honors with Pearl was because they feared Billy would get drunk and piss right in the cup.

UT athletic director Mike Hamilton said he was pleased to hear Pearl was honored.

“Bruce’s honor was well-deserved,” Hamilton said. “A lot of coaches did a good job this year, but for us to have what could be considered our best season ever, with 31 wins, a No. 1 ranking and our first SEC outright title in 41 years, it’s gratifying to see Bruce win the award.”

He then went on to say “suck it Kentucky!”

Posted in Adolph Rupp, Billy Gillispie, Bruce Pearl, Kentucky Wildcats, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Liberal Media Actually Gets it Right

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 19, 2008

There were no ties or no sympathy votes for Billy “I lost to Gardner Webb, Houston, UAB & San Diego while embarrassing the SEC” Gillispie this time. Tennessee’s Bruce Pearl was named SEC men’s basketball Coach of the Year by the Associated Press media panel.

Also Chris Lofton and Tyler Smith were named AP first-team All-SEC. Below is a complete list of all those that were honored. Congrats to all players you certainly deserve it.







u-Shan Foster





u-Jamont Gordon

Mississippi State




Richard Hendrix





Chris Lofton





Tyler Smith





Devan Downey

South Carolina





Charles Rhodes

Mississippi State




Patrick Patterson





Ramel Bradley





Marcus Thornton





Nick Calathes





Sonny Weems





Dwayne Curtis





Joe Crawford, Kentucky, G, 6-5, Sr.; Sundiata Gaines, Georgia, G, 6-1, Sr.; A.J. Ogilvy, Vanderbilt, C, 6-10, Fr.; Anthony Randolph, LSU, F, 6-10, Fr.; JaJuan Smith, Tennessee, G, 6-2, Sr.; Jarvis Varnado, Mississippi State, C, 6-9, So.

PLAYER OF THE YEAR – Shan Foster, Vanderbilt

COACH OF THE YEAR – Bruce Pearl, Tennessee

NEWCOMER OF THE YEAR – Nick Calathes, Florida


Posted in Bruce Pearl, Go Vols, SEC Basketball, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , | 8 Comments »

Bruce Pearl is Victim of Rape

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 12, 2008

He was to drunk to coach at the beginning of year…

Congrats Coach Pearl you’ve been officially anally raped again. Instead of taking home the SEC basketball coach of year outright he has to share this with Billy “I lost to Gardner Webb, Houston, UAB & San Diego while embarrassing the SEC” Gillispie.

You might recall that in Pearls’ first year as the head coach of Tennessee he then had to share the SEC coach of the year award with John Brady who was the LSU coach at the time. Brady has been fired since then; let’s hope to keep that trend going.

It shows how well you are doing when there is so much envy among your peers that they try to knock you down by pretending you are not good. As I recall, one of the KY players did not begin playing until later in the year and then the team began to play better, thus the reason for the improvement was the return of the player instead of the coaching.

Essentially, they’re rewarding Gillispie because of the coaching he did to overcome such a poor start. A start, by the way, that could be attributable to poor coaching at the beginning of the year. Does he get co-honors as best and worst coach of the year also?

To me there are a number of reasons Gillispie shouldn’t even be considered for COY:

  • Pearl coached at team that had the #1 RPI and a top 2 SOS. UK wasn’t even close in RPI or SOS.
  • UT went undefeated at home this season. UK lost multiple games at home with major losses to unranked S. Diego and Gardner Webb.
  • Coaching a team that gets beat by 40 pts should never be considered for coach of the year in any conference.
  • Pearl takes his team to its first outright title since the 60’s and has beaten the #1 team in the nation AND was ranked #1 in the nation.
  • Ashley Judd is a whore

If you put the bodies of work next to each other, it isn’t even close. 2 rivalry losses in conference both on the road and a loss to Texas speak volumes. This shouldn’t even be a discussion.

I think it is evident that there is a measuring stick of inconsistency. I find it hard to believe that any team (not just because it is UT) goes 28-3 and loses only to the then #5 team in the nation (Texas), a then #16 ranked Vandy and a rival UK isn’t viewed as head and shoulders over a team that is 18-12 with a number of pitiful losses.

When you make a decision, you do so based on a standard. UT has been ranked in the top 10 almost all season (if not all season). When you compare that with a team that lost to the teams Kentucky lost to it isn’t even a contest.

I won’t scream conspiracy, but if you put the two resumes side by side it is a no brainer. Chalk it up and move on, but you tell me…who would you rather have coaching your basketball team?

Posted in Big Orange, Billy Gillispie, Bruce Pearl, Go Vols, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 23 Comments »

This Video is the Reason I had a Kidney Stone & You Shall Feel My Pain as Well!!!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 10, 2008

What was a glorious day yesterday turned into a painful experience that was worse than sitting through the movie Rendition, and you shall feel my pain as well.

Yesterday I witnessed the Tennessee mens basketball team humiliate USC by scoring 51 second half points while Dave “Turtle Head” Odoms’ squad only scored 19. (snicker)

The 33-point margin ranks as the Vols’ most lopsided in SEC play this season – nine points greater than the second-biggest margin, UT’s 80-56 win over the Gamecocks in Columbia.

Chris Lofton scored a season high of 28 points and the Vols’ home streak has been extended to 32.

Yesterday also marked 30 wins for a sixth straight season and for the 18th time in coach Pat Summitt’s 34 years as the Lady Vols coach, that Tennessee took the SEC championship yet again. They leave with a third straight tournament title at LSU’s expense, but this win is a little sweeter after the Lady Tigers defeated the Lady Vols 78-62 in Knoxville on Feb. 14.

After celebrating the victories that the Tennessee basketball program had secured I went on to YouTube looking for highlights for the mens game. I came across the below video, watched it and suddenly felt a pain that is indescribable. It was so painful I had my slutty neighbor drive me to the hospital.

By the time we got to the hospital I was certain I was dying. Luckily I wasn’t dying; I was just wishing I would die. I passed a kidney stone and it’s this horrible videos fault. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. (Until the effects of the morphine drip wear off) So sit back and revel in my pain and GO VOLS.


Posted in Bruce Pearl, Go Vols, Kentucky Wildcats, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Like Brett Favre I’m Tired

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 6, 2008

I stayed up way to late last night watching Tennessee beat Florida in basketball (again). Maybe they it’s called the O-Dome because Billy Donovan thinks “Oh shit I have to coach against Bruce Pearl!”

Congrats to my beloved Vols for coming back from a 13 point halftime deficit to win at Florida and capture the SEC regular season title. Even all the home cooking fouls couldn’t help Florida in the end.

Anyway in keeping with the Gamecocks suck theme of this week, that and I overslept. I present to you this video made by our friends at Chicken Curse. Have a great day all. 🙂

Posted in Bruce Pearl, Florida Gators, Florida Sucks, Go Vols, Pearl Jam, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Slam Dunk, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Memphis Falls to the Vols to Become the New England Patriots of College Basketball.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 24, 2008

Perfection is what Memphis was searching for. Before tip off Memphis had a regular-season win streak of 45 and a Fed-Ex Forum full of blue. In what resembled a final four atmosphere the dreams of perfection, the longest home win streak and the number one the Tigers of Memphis held so dear to their fell to the Volunteers of Tennessee and their leader Bruce Pearl.

This game lived to every bit of the hype. For the past two years Tennessee fans have heard nothing but “Without Lofton yall are nothing.” Lofton finished with seven points thanks to superb defense and yet Tennessee still won the game.

Mushroom taking druggie Jeremy Pargo of Gonaga picked Memphis to defeat Tennessee. Considering how his team has lost to both teams this year one would think he would be an expert.

“They’re pretty similar. Overall, I think Memphis is a little more athletic than Tennessee. Memphis probably has a pro in every single spot. They get out on the press and jump on people. Some of the stuff they do is unbelievable.”

Maybe when Jeremy comes off his high someone will notify him that he was wrong.

Bruce Pearl leading the pep rally before the game

Tennessee’s victory snapped what had been the nation’s longest homecourt win streak at 47 and dropped Memphis to 26-1.

UT did it with rebounding and a zone defense it hadn’t used to this extent since it toured Europe last summer.

The Vols held a 58-57 lead with five minutes left to improve to 64-5 when leading or tied with five minutes left.

Coach Cal in the final seconds of the game & he just realized he has a small penis

Of course none of this means anything come March. Hell none of this means anything come Tuesday night when my beloved Vols face a good Vanderbilt team on the road. Now Tennessee has the target on their back.

Here’s the reason Coach Cal doesn’t want to play Tennessee at Tennessee but instead prefers a neutral site. After tonight he’ll prefer any site that he thinks he can win at. Two in row Memphis and Tennessee is the best team in the state and the country. Suck on it bitches. (Sorry Joel)


Posted in Bruce Pearl, Go Vols, Memphis Tigers, Pearl Jam, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, upsets | Tagged: , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

So…Just How is the Search to Replace Dave Odom Going?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 24, 2008

The coaching search for a replacement for Dave “They’re just internet rumors” Odom is supposedly underway. Here’s a list of future losers candidates that seems to be buzzing around, just one problem not many seem that interested in being booed during a home game.

Wichita State coach Gregg Marshall.

Marshall is the former Winthrop coach who defeated Notre Dame in the tournament last year. This truly marked the decline of all things “Fighting Irish”. Marshall held a press conference just to tell USC too bad, so sad. Except he was “PC” about it.

“Through nine seasons at Winthrop I’ve learned that you can’t control rumor and speculation from the media and other sources, so I felt I needed to make a statement.


“My total focus is on building the Wichita State basketball program toward excellence. I have not been contacted by, nor have I contacted the University of South Carolina or any school, for that matter, for any position. Period.”

Virginia Commonwealth coach Anthony Grant

He’s young, energetic and a good coach. Just one problem VCU athletics director Norwood Teague would not grant permission for any school to speak to Grant during the season.

“The only job I’m interested in right now is VCU,” Grant said during the Colonial Athletic Association coaches teleconference. “We’ve got a great situation here, I’m excited about having a chance to go up and beat Hofstra tomorrow, and that’s where our focus is.”

Translation: I can get better plus a fat raise from this.

Those are the two front runners. You could do a poll in the state this week and get as much of a response on “Grant or Marshall” as you could for “Clinton or Obama.”

Other possibilities are:

Oklahoma coach Jeff Capel

Another good coach who’s younger, just one problem he’s definitely not interested.

“I’m not interested in anything except for coaching my team,” Capel told the Tulsa World newspaper. “That’s all.”

Translation: Why would I dream of leaving now and for all things USC?

Minnesota coach Tubby “Does Kentucky Miss Me Yet?” Smith

Problem with that is he’s already making $1.75 million a year.

Some former NFL running back now turned local radio talk show host who shall remain nameless (Duce Staley) has even thrown these names as possible replacements for Odom. Try not to laugh.

North Carolina coach Roy Williams

Bahahaha yeah…right…sure…lay off the drugs Duce.

Kansas coach Bill Self.

See comments above.

Apparently Duce believes only big name coaches build big time programs. Please someone do not tell Bruce Pearl that.

Now I’m here to help beleaguered AD Eric Hyman find a coach. So this is the list I’m planning on submitting to him. It’s, how you say, more realistic.

Knicks coach Isiah Thomas

I fully believe he’s going to be unemployed soon and whom better than to lead the Gamecocks to future failure than this man? Plus he might come cheap.

San Francisco coach Eddie Sutton

Sure he’s not as young as Hyman wants but he’ll eventually get to 800 wins, if he doesn’t die first. He has a lot of experience and built the Oklahoma State program. All USC has to do is overlook the 6-7 martini lunch and 12 pack of Budweiser film sessions.

Former Missouri coach Quinn Snyder

What are a few NCAA violations mixed with cocaine addiction anyway? I think I saw Snyder at Starbucks in Wilmington, NC on a Saturday morning dressed like a 25 year old and driving a VW bus with a dent in the side. I think he’s working at The Gap part-time, but he can sing “Eye of the Tiger” really well.

Steve Newton

Oh wait sorry he’s already coached there and some USC fans are still blaming him for the current b-ball chicken curse.

Saint Luis coach Rick “I’m not Jabba the Hut’s Brother!” Majerus.

He has won a lot of games and apparently likes to naked. The thought of maybe seeing him naked would cause me to play a lot better, that’s for sure.

“The first time, [Utah was] recruiting me, and after the game I went down to the [Utes’] locker room,” says Jeff Johnsen, who signed with Utah in 1996. “His hair’s everywhere and his sweater’s off and he’s just drenched, and he’s eating a whole pizza in front of me and he’s like, ‘You want any?’ I grab a piece, and then he starts undressing and gets in the shower and is still talking to me. It was funny. It was weird. How many grown, fat, naked men do you see when you’re a high school kid?”


Another player remembers Majerus calling him up to his hotel room on various occasions, and “he’d answer the door in his towel and I’d come in and the towel would fall off and it was like nothing had happened. He’d just be standing there buck naked. One year he had this lower-back injury, and he would have the trainer massage it with ultrasound. But instead of just lowering his pants a little bit, Majerus would pull his pants down to his ankles and sit in a chair and coach us. Sometimes he’d be like, ‘Guys, bring it in, take a knee.’ We’d come in, and we’re just like, No way this is happening.”

Umm ok…maybe I’ll scratch him off the list…besides at this rate even the Pope will hate him eventually.

Just sit back and relax to the smoothing sounds of Quinn Snyder.

Posted in Anthony Grant, Bruce Pearl, Dave Odom, Gregg Marshall, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, Liar, satire, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Tubby Smith, USC, Virginia Commonwealth, Wichita State | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Finally, Some Good News for Tennessee and Meyer’s 1% of 1%

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 10, 2008

It’s rare when I actually find good things to report about my beloved Vols. It’s also rare that I report good things without sarcasm. Well, this will be good with sarcasm. Old Phil finally found a way to be more competitive with Florida, by stealing their running back coach Stan Drayton. To some it up in a nutshell Stan wasn’t happy at Florida but don’t my written words for it take his spoken instead.

“The offense we were running in Florida did not have much involvement with the running back,” he said during a news conference Wednesday night. “There was some frustration there, I must be honest with you.”

Florida had running backs this past year? Oh you mean Tebow, play action to himself, fakes pass, runs up the middle. That was Florida’s running game last year and it worked.

Drayton has been with the Gators since Herban Meyer took over the program, helping guide Florida to the 2006 SEC and national championships. While at Florida, Drayton developed a reputation for recruiting, and named him one of its top 25 recruiters for his role in the Gators’ 2007 signing class, which was ranked No. 1 in the nation by several services. Of course losing a bowl game to Michigan probably was a factor. I mean Tennessee did win their bowl game verses a Big Eleven Ten team.

So there Gators fans ppphhhpppttttt take that.

Drayton isn’t the only Gator abandoning Meyer. Bo Williams, Trent Pupello (a player they initially compared to Jeremy Shockey) and several other players are looking to transfer to other programs.

Meyers top 1% of the 1% of players across the nation, as he likes to call them will still be there if they don’t bolt to the NFL or wind up in jail first.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on some of Meyer’s players.

  • Marcus Thomas failed numerous drug tests for marijuana and GHB, yet miraculously was cleared to play during a stretch run that aided the Gators to the title.
  • Brandon James was busted with marijuana during a drug bust, where he had less than 20 grams of marijuana. His indefinite suspension lasted one game versus Western Kentucky.
  • Dorian Monroe decided that he was above the law, removing a parking boot from his car and putting it in his trunk. Remember, Florida was thin at defensive back, thus it was swept away, and how in the hell do you remove a parking boot anyway?
  • Ronnie “AK-47” Wilson, was held out this season. But, it wasn’t due to the harsh penalties from Coach Meyer, it was the state law enforcement. Firing automatic weapons at people often leads to that.

Maybe Steve God Spurrier can learn a thing about discipline from Herban.

Other good news concerning Tennessee is the fact they handed Ole Miss their first loss of the season tonight, while winning their SEC opening game. Also rumors are circulating about Ryan Mallett leaving the Michigan football program and is strongly looking at Tennessee, but somehow I think Phil will fuck that up.

Posted in Big Orange, bongs, Bruce Pearl, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, fulmer sucks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Go Vols, Herban Meyer, jorts, Rocky Top, satire, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, trailer trash, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »