Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Posts Tagged ‘Chicago Cubs’

The latest from Ozzie Guillen signifies that baseball season has indeed started

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 29, 2009

Everyone who is anyone knows that baseball season isn’t really baseball season until White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen says something controversial. Welcome to baseball season boys and girls!!! 

I personally love Ozzie no matter what team he is coaching and I also personally hate the Cubs. So when Ozzie says something that is downtrodden about the Cubs my day get just a little bit better. 

The White Sox/Cubs series this past weekend was ready for craziness since this might be baseball’s most dysfunctional rivalry. Whenever Lou Pinella wasn’t screaming like a banshee at his own players he was taking some shots at people in the Chicago south side area. He pointed out the fact that there is a significant jump in attendance at U.S. Cellular Field when the Cubs take the bus downtown. 20,000 fans more showed up this past weekend than previous weekend when the Dodgers were visiting the White Sox. Luckily for us Ozzie was there and ready to go toe-to-toe with Pinnella and his barbs: 

“Because our fans are not stupid like Cubs fans,” Guillen said. “They know we’re [expletive].” 

Guillen said Cubs fans will watch any game at Wrigley Field because “Wrigley Field is just a bar.” 

I disagree, bars have nicer bathrooms. 

Gee…people say Ozzie is crazy however in this case he’s pretty much spot on. As a bonus you get to figure out what the expletive word is. 

I’ll take what is “badass motherfuckers,” for $500 Alex.

Posted in Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Lou Pinella, Major League Baseball, MLB, Ozzie Guillen | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

20 Girls + One Long Pole + Jim Edmonds = I need to take a trip to St. Louis

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 6, 2009

Jim Edmonds previously played for the St. Louis Cardinals before going to the loser Cubs. Like some professional athletes Edmonds has business ventures outside of sports. One such business is the F15teen Restaurant and Lounge.

Edmonds is giving some young lady the chance of a lifetime by winning his newest invention that I have dubbed the Stripper Battle Royal.

Talk about class! One pole, 20 girls and yes tonight Edmonds will be there in person. This is sort of, well, exactly what I would do if I was Jim Edmonds for a day. At least for tonight he will cover more grass in one day than he has for about 2 seasons now.

Edmond’s has just opened a store account at Verlo Mattress in anticipation of the stripper killing he will be doing during this event.

Posted in Chicago Cubs, classless, Jim Edmonds, Major League Baseball, MLB, Role Model, St. Louis Cardinals, Stripper Pole, Strippers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Broken Plays: Yesterday kinda Sucked Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 11, 2008

The following video surmises what it’s like being a Tennessee fan over the past couple of days.

He got JACKED UP. (Hoots and hollers) The University of Tennessee has just offered this kid a full ride.

Yesterday was particularly rough for my fellow Tennessee fans.

  • Freshman point guard Daniel West has been ruled ineligible for the season
  • Tailback Jarvis Giles became the latest to rescind his pledge to be a part of UT’s 2009 signing class
  • Jon Gruden said he isn’t interested in leaving his job to come to UT
  • D.J. Swearinger de-committed from the 2009 signing class.

However I have some great news for fellow Tennessee fans. I got a FAT raise yesterday! W00t!!!

To celebrate that fact I offer this photo of Hailey and Hanna Nutt, the 20-year old twin daughters of Ole Miss Coach Houston Nutt.

Oh man, I think I'm going to bust an Orgeron.

Here’s something that might make your brain hurt. Florida State safety Myron Rolle will miss the November 22 game against Maryland … because he has to interview for a Rhodes Scholarship. Seriously. [SI.com]

Even though this is dated I’m writing about it anyway. The election has passed and we have a new president elect. Now I could care less who you voted for, but the follow photo should classified as hate speech. Whether you supported McCain or not you have to admit that labeling him as a fan of Oakland Raiders is just plain wrong.

Cubs fans I haven’t forgotten about you.

Posted in Chicago Cubs, fire philip fulmer, Florida State Seminoles, FSU, fulmer sucks, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Houston Nutt, Oakland Raiders, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Mocking the Cubs could replace the WNBA

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 9, 2008

I received a rather hateful e-mail accusing me of taking pleasure in the pain of the Cubs fans. I was shocked…SHOCKED at this accusation, then I realized that they were right and promptly started laughing in an evil manner.

I’m not the only one who is making fun of the Cubs. In fact I found an amusing video in which the Daily Show with Jon Stewart mentions the Cubs.

JON STEWART: Cubs fans are considered a subset of stupid?
JOHN OLIVER: Oh absolutely John. They’ve had a hundred years to figure out that what they want will never happen, and yet they still yearn for it.
JS: And that is stupid.
JO: Yes, that’s very stupid.
JS: Because the Cubs will never win.
JO: No, that’s right John. The Chicago Cubs will never, ever win the World Series. They won’t do it.
JS: They’ve made God angry.
JO: That’s right. That’s what I’m saying.

Brilliant!!!

And check this shirt out. (Note we here at YMSSWC are not political in any means but the shirt is funny as hell)

It’s hard NOT to make fun of the Cubs especially after they blatantly vandalized the visitor’s dugout in Los Angeles after getting swept by the Dodgers.

Moments after the final out (Alfonso Soriano fanning on three pitches), one of the Cubs — maybe two, maybe all 25 — took something large and hard, like a shoe or bat or sledgehammer, and busted a fair-sized water pipe at the back of the visitors’ dugout.

Water gushed out, and very quickly the floor of the area leading into the locker room was flooded.

White Sox fans in the Chicago area are making my mocking look like child’s play and are taking sweet sweet revenge.

Sunday morning at the Cubs house. A battery-operated CD player with a timer went off at exactly 7:30. A bullhorn is attached to the CD player. The whole contraption is placed right outside the Cubs couple’s bedroom. Blasting out of the bullhorn is a very loud and painfully slow version of “Go Cubs Go.”

“Go.”

“Cubs.”

“Go.”

Ah, but the Sox husband couldn’t leave it at that. No, as the Cubs husband sought the source of the noise, he ventured out to his front yard. There he found 100 lawn signs with nothing but a drawing of a billy goat stuck in the ground. Yes, 100 signs. For some reason, that number rings a bell.

What happened to the good old’ days where you got revenge on someone by killing their house pets?

So you see I’m being nice about my mocking…for now. Now it’s your turn. Add a caption for the picture below.

Posted in Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, classless, Major League Baseball, MLB | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Random musings 10/07/08

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 7, 2008

Click to enlarge you'll love it

Jim Harbaugh gets fined by the PAC-10 for telling the truth about their suck ass refs.

Even though Kimbo Slice got his ass kicked in 14 seconds by Seth Petruzelli, Slice still got paid $500.000 and Petruzelli only received $50,000.

Way to go Red Sox! I’m currently pointing and laughing at Lisa Horne who is the worlds biggest Angels fan. J/K Lisa!

Chase Daniel and Warren Buffet are apparently BFFs 4-ever!! This is the most shocking thing to come out of the Missouri-Nebraska game other then the fact that they hung over “half a hundred” on the Cornhuskers before halftime.

Some Cubs fans have erected a shrine to futility outside Wrigley Field.

One letter, short and to the point, stood out. “Dear Cubs,” it began. “Thanks for nothing.” Among the torn-up Cubs posters and T-shirts, another note read: “Dear Cubs 2008, It really hurts knowing I’ll never see you again. We had some great times.”

The shrine, at Waveland and Sheffield, was started by Murphy’s Bleachers workers upset at the Cubs getting drummed out of the playoffs. It grew as passersby added messages and trinkets.

I guess they shouldn’t have printed those World Series tickets up huh?

The Tennessee kicking game is back to full strength because Colquitt returns against Georgia. I hope he is sober and STAYS sober.

The lovely Penny Lane tells the world why it’s great to be a VOL!! This is one of the best posts I’ve read in a llllllooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggg time.

I wonder if Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez will start booing his own team.

The 3rd Saturday in Blogtober has the 2008 version of Rocky Top posted.

Posted in Boston Red Sox, Britton Colquitt, Chase Daniel, Chicago Cubs, Coach Rich Rodriguez, cromptonites, Kimbo Slice, Lisa Horne, Michigan Wolverines, Missouri Tigers, Pac 10 football, Rocky Top, SEC Football, Seth Petruzelli, Tennessee Volunteers, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

This is the Man that KO’d Kimbo Slice (And other news shorts)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 6, 2008

Hard to believe isn’t it? His name is Seth Petruzelli and on Saturday night he KO’d America’s favorite MMA fighter Kimbo Slice. When you do something that spectacular it’s best to remove photos like this from your Myspace page. Here is how Seth describes himself on his Myspace page.

I AM A GOOFY HOMO THAT DOESNT ACT LIKE A FIGHTER AT ALL. I DO IT FOR FUN NOT CAUSE I LIKE TO FIGHT…I JUST HAPPEN TO BE GOOD AT FIGHTING…..AND LOOKING GOOD 😉

Well…alrighty then.

This is a true story and I swear I’m not making it up. I was four years old when I first uttered the words “Cubs Suck.” I remember this because my father almost had an aneurysm. I’m not sure if it was because I said the word suck at age four or the fact he was a die hard Cubs fan.

I’ve always hated this team and again like I’ve said many times before I have no clue as to why. I’ve spent a minimum of 33 years hating this team and it’s been 100 years since they have won a title.

Apparently the fans in Chicago are beginning to hate Kosuke Fukudome with a passion.

Passengers at O’Hare Airport were surprised to hear his name being paged over the public address system in Terminal B on Friday morning.

But it turned out that it was all a joke.

“Paging Kosuke Fukudome, paging Kosuke Fukudome … Please report to the Cincinnati Reds. You have been traded for a player to be named later.”

Some of the passengers waiting for flights laughed, while others cringed.

Even though they had the most wins in the National League this year, the circle of fail has been completed for them by getting swept by the Dodgers. I couldn’t be happier.

The Wisconsin Badgers marching band apparently has seen the American Pie movie series way to many times. They were suspended amid rumors of hazing, alcohol abuse and sexual misconduct. What kind of “sexual misconduct” gets an entire band suspended?

“That means the band will not perform at tonight’s Big Ten football game between the 18th-ranked Badgers and the No. 14 Ohio State Buckeyes at Camp Randall Stadium, and it marks the first time the marching band has been suspended from a game show in at least 40 years, band director Mike Leckrone said.

“I thought the only thing I could do to send the message was to suspend,” Leckrone said.”

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel has drummed up some of the band past indiscretions:

  • A hazing incident in which a female band member was told to suck on a sex toy.
  • Female band members being forced to kiss other female band members to gain access to bus bathrooms.
  • Younger band members being forced to run errands and refill beer cups for older band members.
  • Behavior in 2004 that led a bus driver to pull over and call the police.

I’m interested in knowing what type of behavior causes a bus driver to actually pull over to call the police.

Kige Ramsey is pimping himself out on Ebay. According to his Ebay listing the winning bidder will get the following:

  • Announcement of joint venture
  • History of bowl game
  • History of bowl sponsor
  • Analysis of potential teams in position to play in your bowl
  • A Youtube introduction of teams after formal NCAA announcement
  • Seasonal analysis of participants
  • Game prediction
  • Game recap

Too bad Skoal doesn’t have a bowl game.

Posted in Chicago Cubs, Kige Ramsey, Kimbo Slice, MMA, Seth Petruzelli, Wisconsin Badgers | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Sometimes when Cubs fans fight each other there is a loser

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 24, 2008

The end is near because the Cubs are inching ever so close to a World Series title after 100 years of being pathetic but lovable losers. Which of course means the ever so arrogant Cubs fans will become even more arrogant but they will fail to reach the arrogance of Yankee fans.

I’ll admit I can’t stand the Cubs so when I see their own fans fight amongst themselves like in the video below I laugh and laugh hardily at that.

Sometimes there is a loser when Cub fans fight and that loser is society in general. A fight among Cubs fans jawing inside a tavern about their team’s division-clinching game sparked the death of a 41-year-old man over the weekend.

That’s sad and I’m being sarcastic either.

Robert Ulmer, a Cubs fan was killed early Sunday outside some dive called the Apartment Lounge according to the police.

A relative of Ulmer’s got into a fight inside the bar with two Cubs fans who had attended the team’s 5-4 division clincher against the St. Louis Cardinals.

Ulmer, also a Cubs fan, according to what his family told police, was at the bar but not at the game.

The exact details of what happened inside the tavern still are not clear. But the fight eventually spilled onto the street, where Ulmer was beaten by two men who used their fists and feet. Police were investigating whether Ulmer was kicked in the head.

Two people were being interviewed about the attack against Ulmer but so far charges were not filed as of yesterday.

So you see folks. There are indeed losers when Cubs fans fight with other Cubs fans. It’s a game people and that’s all it will ever be. I’m still not sure why anyone would want to fight with the fans of the very team you support. Someone please help me with that.

Posted in Chicago Cubs, Fights, Major League Baseball, MLB | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Gee Cubs fans you actually wonder why you’re considered classless?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 9, 2008

No not all Cubs are classless morons but the select ones that are take the cake or in this case the water jug.

A tall, semi-attractive female reporter is attempting to do a news report outside Wrigley Field.

However, a Chicago Cubs fan covered entirely in blue paint thought it would be cool to dump a cooler full of water on her. Is that guy the Gargamel/Smurfette love child?

Then again on the south side they just beat the shit out of visitors, so pick your poison.

Of course “cool acts” such as these are always videotaped and uploaded to YouTube by such classless dimwits.

The idiotic ironic of this is the guy yelling, “Welcome to Chicago,” at the end of the video.

I’ve been to Chicago several times; hell I almost took a job with the Rockford police department years ago. Rockford is the second largest city in Illinois and 30 minutes from Chicago for those that didn’t know. Funny nothing like that every happened to me when I was there which is good thing because I would have been arrested for murder.

Further proof that:

  1. Cubs fans are idiots
  2. Cubs will never win the World Series
  3. You can never trust the Orientals (joking 🙂 )

Posted in Chicago Cubs, classless, dumbass, Major League Baseball, MLB | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The rivalry between Cubs fans and White Sox fans is becoming childish

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 30, 2008

So you decided to throw your little one a Sesame Street-themed birthday party. That’s cool.

You invite all your friends and their kids over. You’re not even thinking about the fact that some are Cubs fans and some are White Sox fans, after all this is a child’s birthday party. What’s the worse that can happen?

Wow this party is lame and Elmo is giving you & your fiends a headache. It’s time to break out the booze. That’s what any responsible parent would do. Am I right?

Then the inevitable happens. Three Cubs fans decide to gang up and beat up a White Sox fan. In fact they beat him so badly he lost his right eye. At least that’s what happened to Robert Steele according to the Chicago Tribune.

McHenry County authorities say three Chicago Cubs fans face felony battery charges after allegedly beating a Chicago White Sox fan so badly he lost his right eye.

The men are accused of beating Robert Steele, 32, of Gurnee during a 2-year-old girl’s “Sesame Street“-themed birthday party in Huntley.

Police said Monday that the men were drinking alcohol at the July 19 party and taunting Steele.

They say Steele was kicked in the head and his nose was broken. He stayed several days at an Elgin hospital.

Today’s senseless violence was sponsored by the letter “F.” This never would’ve happened if Hooper’s Grocery hadn’t gotten that liquor license.

Boy, did I grow up in the wrong era: parents NEVER served booze at the 2-year old birthday parties I attended. I just figured they were cheap.

Posted in bumrush, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Cookie Monster, Crime & Punishment, WTF | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

If I was a Fan of the Chicago Cubs I Would Have started drinking at a Young Age as Well

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 13, 2008

Just watch the video. Clearly the kid is drinking his dads’ beer. It obviously isn’t apple juice and it’s possible that the kid is emulating Harry Carry. My question is: Is it an American beer or one of those wussy imports. Either way I still hate the Cubs.

Posted in alcoholics, Chicago Cubs, classless, drunk, Major League Baseball, MLB | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »