Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Posts Tagged ‘College Football’

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised…But It Will Be On Sale

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 11, 2008

It is good to be back in God’s country, Tennessee. I am in Nashville for a conference (coincidentally, the same week as the Country Music Awards, Carrie Underwood in particular). Everything is so familiar: great food spots, Jack Daniel’s and related products readily available, LP Field sparkling bright along the banks of the Cumberland River, the history of Jefferson Street. Even driving here from Houston, the leg of I-40 between Memphis & Nashville is absolutely amazing this time of year, with the trees bright with fall colors as you start going up the hills into town. This is something that I do not get to see at my Houston location due to its four seasons: Cool, Warm, Hot, and Hot As Hell.


So as I go to visit Rivergate Mall just right outside Nashville, I saw something disturbing. I saw a 25% sign on Volunteer merchandise. Hats, rugs, Christmas ornaments, shirts, even dog dishes with Smokey’s face and orange & white checkerboard on the side. Now I should say that Sports Seasons, the store that I saw this, is notorious for hard to find sports apparel and at ridiculously high prices. When they have a sale, the prices are usually where either they should have been at first, or the competition has caught up with their chain and now they need to drop the price and advertise as a “sale”. They did not allow people to take pics inside the store, but clearance items were even 25% off the lowest marked price. Guess which coach had a whole table full of things with his name and/or likeness on it??? While I was there, I ran into a Bammer that said to me “Don’t worry. We have these things happen every few years since Bear died. In a couple of years after Saban leaves we will do the same to him too”. That made me feel a little better, I guess.

As I went through the mall, Champs, Foot Locker, and other stores all had Vol merchandise on sale. Basketball season is coming up and Vol merchandise is on sale everywhere??? Is this going on throughout the state??? As I was thinking about it, maybe this is because retail sales are in the toilet everywhere and they are using the Vols as a ploy to get people to buy $149.99 LenDale White jerseys while they are shopping. But that is spin, and if I am gonna spin things that way then I am no better than a member of the Red Elephant Club.

It could be worse though. Anything with Vince Young’s name, face, or jersey # has been on clearance for months according to the assistant manager, and they still haven’t sold much of it…


Posted in College Football, Go Vols, LenDale White, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, Vince Young | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 9 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 26, 2008

It sucks to be a Tennessee fan this season however I’ll still support them no matter what. As always a complete write up on the Tennessee/Alabama game will be tomorrow after I torture myself by watching a replay of the game.

There were other teams in action yesterday. Let’s look and see what we have learned from yesterday.

UCONN got back on the Big Least track by hammering Cincinnati.

Indiana upset the smarties of Northwestern.

Apparently Boston College doesn’t want too go to the ACC championship game.

Wisconsin finally won a game by beating the fighting Zookers of Illinois.

Here’s a piece of advice: never schedule Texas Tech as a homecoming game. Just ask the Kansas Jayhawks.

The fall of Wake Forest and the rise of Miami as begun.

Minnesota is 7-1 and for real.

The gaytors of Florida hammered Kentucky by blowing them out by 58 points. Hey did they steal your plays as well?

Oklahoma scored 55 points in the 1st half against Kansas State but only 3 in the 2nd half. Oklahoma still handily won the game.

Vandy is still not bowl eligible and Couch Cut picks up another win for Duke.

Florida State beat Virginia Tech, that and the fact Virginia beat Georgia Tech means Virginia of all ACC teams is on top of the Coastal division in the ACC.

Look out folks Louisville might be back, they upset South Florida yesterday.

The beast known as Georgia reared its head yesterday by hanging 52 points at LSU. As you can see from the photo LSU fans is thrilled at all. (Click on it)

Trends started at Rutgers…

1. College football (1866)
2. Giving the finger to hovering HD cameras at college football games (2008)

For the first time in 10 years Michigan State beat Michigan at Michigan. I’m sure things are getting hot for Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez.

Texas barely wins against Oklahoma State. Folks this Oklahoma State is for real just America’s coach, Mike Gundy.

Pittsburgh was doing well but they regressed yesterday while Rutgers beat them.

Missouri took some frustration out on Colorado yesterday.

Texas A&M beat Iowa State. Check this video out. You have to love fans whose team is not performing well talking shit about the other teams. This video is hilarious!!!

JoePa gets his first win at the horseshoe since 1978 as Penn State beats Ohio State officially knocking them from playing in this year’s title game.

Washington is still winless and Notre Dame is 5-2.  They could become ranked this week.

Houston Nutt took Ole Miss in to Arkansas handed them another loss. I’m he is savoring that one.

Posted in ACC Football, Arkansas Razorbacks, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, College Football, David Cutcliffe, Dirty Sanchez, Duke, Duke Blue Devils, Fighting Illini, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hokies, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Indiana Hoosiers, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, kansas jayhawks, Kansas State Wildcats, Les Miles, Louisville Cardinals, LSU Tigers, mark richt, mike leach, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, ole miss rebels, Penn State Nittany Lions, Pitt Panthers, Rutgers, SEC Football, South Florida Bulls, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, tOSU, Uconn, Uga, upsets, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Virginia Cavaliers, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The fashion police just keep arresting Idaho football

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 25, 2008

Pooping in the "I" formation

The Idaho Vandals football team opened this season with a 70-0 loss to the Arizona Wildcats. It was the first and last time the team wore their new uniforms that featured pants with the letter “I” sewn right on the pooper-hole area.

Rob Spears, the school’s athletic director, says nobody realized just how the logo placed in the center of the players’ behinds would look before they tried their pants on.

Of course the some fashion police fans complained and the sewn-in University of Idaho logo has since been hastily removed by equipment managers.

“I was disappointed with the look and the appearance,” Spears says. “It’s changed.”

Now the Idaho fashion police are targeting the cheerleaders. They have complained that the outfits were slutty!

“A number of fans were concerned that the uniforms were inappropriate,” said Bruce Pitman, U of I Dean of Students. “To be fair, there were a number of fans who liked them.”

My best guess is more people like the new uniforms than those that opposed them after all considering the team’s record the cheerleader uniforms were very much a bright spot.

The $4200 uniforms were purchased from the squad’s own account, part of which is funded from student fees. The squad has ordered new $2200 uniforms with private money.

Posted in College Football, Fashion Police, Idaho Vandals | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Howdy Doody Has A Doozy Deal

Posted by Joel Jackson on September 24, 2008

For the 2 regular readers of this blog (and the thousands of trolls), you may or may not know that West By God Virginia holds a special place in our hearts and minds. By no stretch are we Mountaineer fans. Our beloved orange warriors win championships (although none in football thanks to that fat, stubborn…sorry, wrong subject). All one has to do is type West Virginia in the search box to see plenty of Mountaineer fodder.

So whenever this fine institute of higher learning makes the news, we take special notice. I mean, why wouldn’t we??? The writers at The Young & The Restless couldn’t write more drama in the past year. Just Rich Rodriguez alone would be Victor Newman, and Michigan would be the new young and beautiful chick that stolls into Genoa City that he would bang instantly.

In Coach Bill Stewart’s contract, the signed deal includes 1 extra year that wasn’t on the original offer sheet. Also, if he is fired before January 3, 2009, the school must pay him $4.125 million. Former embattled school president Mike Garrison can’t be blamed for this one though, because he was gone by the time the contract was finalized and signed, which was on Sept. 10. The big deal was that a flat $1 million buyout clause was negotiated and agreed upon in the original offer sheet. In other words, now West Virginia can’t fire this guy until Jan. 4. By then, the Mountaineers could easily be 6-6. There is hope though, 6-6 could be good enough to win the Big East.

West Virginia is it’s own worst enemy. Shame too. The school could be great. Wait, let me re-phrase that. The school could be better than mediocre. Whenever the administration and athletics department decide to join 2008 and get out of 1972, please let me know. For all I know, they could still be playing John Denver in Mountaineer Field on an 8 track. Mountain momma, take me home…

Posted in BCS, Big East, bongs, boo birds, boosters, College Football, Couch Burning, Crack, NCAA, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, WVU | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Here’s A Way To Keep Gas Prices Down

Posted by Joel Jackson on July 7, 2008

Everyone is being affected by the high gas prices in our country right now. Our company, like most businesses, is seeing transportation and manufacturing costs rise almost exponentially. The average American is spending more on gas than at any time in our country’s history. Sadly, this trend, according to some analysts, will continue through the end of the year. Currently, Obama and McCain have included plans to help alleviate the energy crisis, and from barbershops to flea markets, everyone has an answer…including me 😉

Yes, even a pagan such as myself has an answer to the gas crunch…

I would not dare suggest that we start drilling on the hallowed grounds of Notre Dame Stadium. But the Fighting Irish, warming up here last year against Navy (which Navy won), is the solution.

According to the World Almanac, in 1973, the average price of a gallon of gas in the U.S. was 51 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title that year. Every year after, the price of gas went up on average of 3 cents a gallon. In 1977, gas was up to 65 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title again. Gas prices did not rise again until 1979. But in 1980, gas went up into the 1 dollar range (right before the Gerry Faust era). When Lou Holtz delivered the Fighting Irish another title in 1986, gas actually went down to 93 cents, down from 1.20. Consequentially, gas prices experienced huge jumps in 1999 (when they were placed on probation under Bob Davie) and also in 2004 (when Ty Willingham was fired).

To me it is simple: We should all root for Notre Dame to win the national title this year. Get them a national TV contract. Continue to have high hopes for them, even if it may seem misguided. Give them a schedule that should guarantee some success. Like the great Paul Hornung said, “Get the black athlete”. Above all, someone in the national media, hell, make it two people in the national media, should stomp for them.

Only then the terrorists won’t win…Touchdown Jesus will…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, BCS, big 10, Big East, big ten, big ten football, boo birds, boosters, Brady Quinn, Charlie Weis, cheaters, College Football, drunk, DUI, football, Football Poll, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL Draft, NFL Football, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Sports, tyrone Willingham, University of Southern Cal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Newest Name In the LSU Rumor Mill…Steve Spurrier???

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 29, 2007


Here I am, enjoying a day off of work and on my way back from Christmas shopping with my daughter, and one of the local sports stations here in Houston were talking about possible coaches to LSU should (when) Les Miles leaves for Michigan. One name that they were discussing were current South Carolina (and Thomas the Terrible’s favorite coach) Steve Spurrier.

This could not be true right??? No, of course not. So in an effort of fine “journalism”, I had to do research as soon as I got home, preferably from another news source, because after all, we would not be true “bloggers” if we just threw turds against the wall until something stuck. Well, according to Carl DuBois of The Advocate, Spurrier’s name has been thrown around as a possible replacement. Apparently, this rumor has been floating around the bayou for a few days.

Pros: With the rich talent base in the state of Louisiana, coupled with the fact that LSU is pretty much the school in the state, Spurrier’s offense would put up gaudy numbers. Let’s face facts: Chris Smelley or Blake Mitchell is no JaMarcus Russell or Ryan Perrilloux, they have a stable of RB’s at LSU compared to whoever they have at RB for the USC Roosters, and let’s not even talk about offensive line or receivers.

Cons: Spurrier is no longer a spring chicken, Louisiana is not known for its golf courses, and Carolina ended the year on a looooooooooong losing streak. Has the genius that is Spurrier lost it’s luster???

Again, right now it’s all a rumor. For all we know, Lou Holtz or Mark May might be rumored for the job. You just never know. But one thing is for sure, just when I think I have seen it all in college football, something else surprises me…

Posted in All SEC Teams Beware!!, BCS, Blake Mitchell, College Football, football, Gamecocks, Holtz, Les Miles, LSU Tigers, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Just Fire The Guy Already!!!!!!!!

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 5, 2007


So apparently Texas A&M is reportedly negotiating a buyout with head football coach Dennis Franchione. Yes, that Coach Fran, who left Alabama after 1 year for A&M, has done absolutely squat since arriving, and who was apparently selling inside information to 12 boosters for $1,200 a pop, even though his annual salary was $2.6 million. In the interest of full disclosure, the NCAA is looking into the situation as potential rules violations may have occurred.

Word around the Aggie Bonfire is that the language in Coach Fran’s contract may allow the school to outright let the “embattled” coach go without having to pay a penalty due to his website and possible violations of HIPPA. Let’s not forget that he has been a crappy coach.

So why in the hell would A&M not just fire him??? Why wait??? The Aggies still have to go to a VERY loaded Missouri team and then the annual Texas butt-kicking (I know, A&M won last year, and a broken clock is right twice a day). Let him go. He screwed himself out of a buyout with his website.

I know Texas A&M has some powerful boosters with deep pockets, but money talks. Also, if the rumor about going after Tommy Tuberville, you are gonna have to pay Auburn for the buyout in his contract ($6 million) plus whatever his annual salary will be. Plus, why string Coach Fran along??? Let him go so that he can find the next tiny D-1A school to coach, since hardly anyone would hire him as an offensive coach (quick: name 5 teams that still run the option. I will spot you Navy).

On a related note, for any other schools that may be looking at a coaching change (Nebraska, UCLA, Arkansas), go ahead and fire these coaches. Why string it along??? Plus, by letting these guys go early, it will give your school ample time to find the replacement. Do it, and LET THE COACH STEALING BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in ACC Football, aggies, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Bama Sucks, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bill Callahan, cheaters, Coach Fran, College Football, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, Dennis Franchione, HIPPA, Houston Nutt, Missouri Tigers, NCAA, Nebraska Cornhuskers, retarded, Scams, scandal, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Texas A&M | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »