Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Posts Tagged ‘Condoms’

A Peek Inside of Billy Clyde’s World

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 17, 2008

Inside the Kentucky Wildcat Locker Room After Friday’s Loss To VMI


Wow!!! You fucktards really did it now. I cannot believe it. You are not about to embarrass me again. Wait, too late. You guys are really a group of fine individuals. 2 years in a row. I go to Sew Fine Tailors on Euclid Avenue & tell them to hook me up with the finest suit they have, so ol’ Billy Clyde can look sharp as a tack on opening night, and this is how you sissy merries repay me??? Jeremy, bring me my special Gardner-Webb flask…


(Billy Clyde takes a swig)

You 22 mother fuckers are making me the fucking laughingstock of college basketball. You hear that??? That is ol’ Billy Donovon laughing his ass off. He turned down this job because their wasn’t enough hair gel in this barren wasteland of a state to last a year. He’s got his own personal Soul Glo guy just to style his hair. But not ol’ Billy Clyde. I don’t need gallons of Royal Crown Pomade in my contract. All I need is some of that Kentucky bourbon and some hot poon. Glynn, show these boys the action I got lined up after I leave here. Where’s that fancy iPhone??? Pass it around the locker room and show these sorry ass losers what they almost ruined for Billy Clyde.


This here is Becky. She is a Miller Lite girl. Now I don’t waste time on beer because it gets in the way. Now you boys might think ol’ Billy Clyde would be in hog heaven, with a hot piece of tail & massive quantities of beer. But that is why you boys are losers. You don’t think. See, ol’ Billy Clyde is warming up.

(Takes 3 more huge swigs out of G-W gas can flask)

Billy Clyde wants it all. That white suit wearing asshole in Louisville is laughing his ass off at ol’ Billy Clyde. I want it all. That piss ant is getting all the glory in this state. I want one of those fancy banners in the rooftops too, so I can use it as a blanket when I am bedding trim in my off time. Tracy, I need 3 tonight.


Damn Tracy, times must be hard. The economy is in the tank but I get a 4, 7, and 5??? I thought this was Lexington, not Morgantown??? What about the douchebag guys in the background??? Oh well. Bring them too. First time for everything, like you dipshits losing to a 6 win team. See boys, this is how ol’ Billy Clyde is rolling tonight, since you just ruined my season. Thanks. Career high my ass. There’s a reason I left College Station. That cow town had 3 hot chicks, and all of them were horrible in bed. If you are ever driving through Texas & wanna find College Station, let ol’ Billy Clyde tell you how to find it. You will know you are getting close when you start seeing the sheep back ass up to the fences.

Well, you sorry sacks of shit are excused. I will deal with you tomorrow after I give this poon some of Big Billy Clyde. Towelboy, I am taking some towels home. Gonna need that flask too.

Posted in A&E's Intervention, Adolph Rupp, Billy Clyde, Billy Donovan, Billy Gillispie, College Basketball, Condoms, Dead Drunk, Douche Bag, drunk, DUI, gardner webb, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, Sports, Texas A&M, whiners | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

If you’re a student athlete please stop trying to shoplift of Wal-Mart

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 12, 2008

What is it with college athletes and shoplifting from Wal-Mart? Is there some super secret requirement that if you’re in college on an athletic scholarship then you must participate in shoplifting from Wal-Mart?

Seriously…this is the fourth story I’ve written about involving college athletes and shoplifting from Wally World in less than a year’s time.

Story #1 Oklahoma player sent home for having sticky fingers

Story #2 Women’s B-ball player from Oklahoma proves she can cross-dribble and shoplift

Story #3 Eastern Kentucky football player is busted and has that “not-so-fresh” feeling

All of these idiots were caught shoplifting from Wal-Mart. Well it’s time for story #4.

A 20-year-old Binghamton University basketball player named Malik Alvin enters the failed Wal-Mart shoplifting ring of shame.

Alvin was caught by the Wal-Mart rent-a-cop with 36 Trojan Magnum condoms shoved down his pants. How was there any room in his pants for the Magnums if that’s truly what he needed? As he attempted to run he knocked over a 66-year-old female customer which left her with a concussion. Even though the lady might have flopped…guess what Alvin? You also get a simple assault charge for that as well. Douche-bag

Only 36 condoms? Wilt Chamberlain is not impressed!!!!!!!!!!

That 66-year old lady is the best defender he’s faced all year playing for Binghamton.

For the record the school offers free condoms what an idiot, unless he mistakenly thought he was enrolled at Brigham and couldn’t get rubbers for free at the student health center.

Alvin is considered a playground legend from Philly and is a transfer from Chipola College, a community college on Florida’s panhandle between Tallahassee and Pensacola.

To top all of this off, Alvin is a cousin of the late Walter Payton, the famed former Chicago Bears football player who is in the Hall of Fame.

Bottom line is if you can’t get away from Wal-Mart security, maybe athletics just isn’t your thing.

Posted in Binghamton University, Condoms, Shoplifting, Trojan Magnum condoms, Wally World, Walmart | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »