Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Posts Tagged ‘houston’

Vaya Con Dios, Houston Comets

Posted by Joel Jackson on December 3, 2008

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This is for the 2 of you that might care: The WNBA has announced that the Houston Comets, the franchise that won the league’s first 4 titles, has folded. The team went through an ownership change, going from Les Alexander, the billionaire owner of the Houston Rockets, to Hilton Koch, the mattress king of Houston. I want to dispel the rumors before they start: There were no mattresses in the locker rooms for the women to, well, do their thing…that we know of.

The franchise was successful in Houston for years, before the newness wore out. Legendary on Houston sports radio are the stories of hatred and rivalry between the team’s early stars of Cynthia Cooper, Tina Thompon, and Sheryl Swoopes. Immediately I think of the tale of a photo shoot where they all needed their own dressing room, lighting, makeup artists, and were not on time. Desperate Housewives these 3 were not. At least Eva Longoria, though extremely overexposed in the media, is attractive.  Speaking of mattresses, attraction, and divas, there was a beautiful love story in all of this: Swoopes came out of the closet a couple of years ago and revealed that her partner was Alisa Scott, former assistant coach of the Comets. Brokeback Comet indeed. Here the two look so happy…and mullet free:

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All in all, I wish they would end the WNBA quicker than you can say “Cheddar Burress”. The league would last 1 day at the most if David Stern pulled NBA backing from it. With the economy officially now in a recession, what better way to save money than folding the league??? Just make Isiah Thomas the president of the WNBA, he can fold a league like no one’s business. That is if he doesn’t sexually harass any of the employees or OD on Lunesta. It is just bad basketball with no excitement.

Well, the Comets are no more at least. Cheer up though, in honor of the Comets being “Gonged”, here is Gene Gene the Dancing Machine!!!!!!!

Need more cheering up??? This is the old Jam Cam…

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Posted in WNBA | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

A Visitor’s Guide to Houston

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 24, 2008

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I have been a resident of Houston (for better or worse) for 5 years now. No, I am not a Houstonian or even worse, a Texan, but this is a helpful guide for you fans of Michigan St., Stanford, or God’s team, Memphis, that will be coming here to cheer your team at beautiful Reliant Stadium. For once, someone will actually win something at reliant Stadium, seeing as though it is also the home field for the NFL’s Houston Texans. Yes I know I omitted the Texas Longhorns, but as much as they play in Houston and considering this is their home state, essentially it is a homecoming. Plus, the dope boys are excited because Matthew McGodhesgay will be here to root on his Longhorns, meaning an instant boost of the sticky icky sales for this year…

Travel

*There are 2 main airports here: George H.W. Bush Intercontinental Airport & William P. Hobby Airport. Hobby is the much smaller airport and less overall hassle, but from my experience, Bush is a little bit more efficient. I just have issues with the airport’s name.

*Avoid if at all possible all major interstates and highways between the hours of 6 am-7 pm Monday-Friday and especially I-45S towards Galveston and I-10W towards Katy on weekends. The more side streets that you can find, the better.

*The cabs inside the loop are pretty efficient, but just as in New York, Chicago, and LA, you might need to carry at least a foreign language dictionary. Pick one.

*Metro Bus System absolutely sucks. If anyone is big time enough to stay downtown, there is a light rail system that will transport you from downtown to Reliant Park, but a word of caution: The light rail is super quiet. What this means is that if you are either walking or driving your car and you are not paying attention, you will get run over.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Marijuana, mary jane, Memphis Tigers, Michigan State Spartons, NCAA, Sports, stupid, Texas Longhorns | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Fresh Off the Press YMSWWC’S 2007 Bowl Guide

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 7, 2007

Fresh off the presses and in time to call your bookie, here are mine and Joel’s bowl picks.

  • POINSETTIA BOWL San Diego
    Dec. 20, 9 p.m. (ESPN) Utah (8-4) vs. Navy (8-4)
  • Joel: Navy-Always gotta pick a Service Academy out of respect
  • Me: Navy-Because they beat Notre Dame, UCLA can’t say that
  • NEW ORLEANS BOWL New Orleans
    Dec. 21, 8 p.m. (ESPN2) Florida Atlantic (7-5) vs. Memphis (7-5)
  • Joel: Memphis-Total homer pick
  • Me: Florida-Atlantic because I hate Tommy West
  • PAPAJOHNS.COM BOWL Birmingham, Ala.
  • Dec. 22, 1 p.m. (ESPN2) Cincinnati (9-3) vs. Southern Miss (7-5)
  • Joel: Cincinnati-Brett Favre ain’t walking through that door for Southern Miss
  • Me: Cincinnati -One of the Big Least teams has to win
  • NEW MEXICO BOWL Albuquerque, N.M.
    Dec. 22, 4:30 p.m. (ESPN) New Mexico (8-4) vs. Nevada (6-6)
  • Joel: New Mexico-I got nothing for New Mexico
  • Me: Honestly I could care less who ever Jol picked
  • LAS VEGAS BOWL Las Vegas
    Dec. 22, 8 p.m. (ESPN) BYU (10-2) vs. UCLA (6-6)
  • Joel: BYU-The Fightin’ Polygamists
  • Me: BYU- UCLA has no coach and Big Love is a good show
  • HAWAII BOWL Honolulu, Hawaii
    Dec. 23, 8 p.m. (ESPN) East Carolina (7-5) vs. Boise State (10-2)
  • Joel: Boise St.-Please not another cheerleader proposal
  • Me: East Carolina-Why?Who the hell knows
  • MOTOR CITY Detroit
    Dec. 26, 7:30 p.m. (ESPN) Central Michigan (8-5) vs. Purdue (7-5)
  • Joel: Central Michigan-Why is Joe Tiller still a coach???
  • Me: Purdue-Because Joe Tiller is the God of mediocre coaches.
  • HOLIDAY BOWL San Diego
    Dec. 27, 8 p.m. (ESPN) Arizona State (10-2) vs. Texas (9-3)
  • Joel: Texas-Longhorns returns to their San Diego winter home & I get to hear them bitch about it. I should pick against them
  • Me: Texas-ASU has shown me nothing and their coach is a douche.
  • CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL Orlando, Fla.
    Dec. 28, 5 p.m. (ESPN) Boston College (10-3) vs. Michigan State (7-5)
  • Joel: Boston College-The Spartans have broken my heart & bank account too many times over the years
  • Me: BC-Michigan State sucks
  • TEXAS BOWL Houston
    Dec. 28, 8 p.m. (NFL Network) TCU (7-5) vs. Houston (8-4)
  • Joel: TCU-Houston has no coach because Art Briles took the death sentence…I mean Baylor job…
  • Me: TCU-Coolest Mascot name “The Horny Toads”
  • EMERALD BOWL San Francisco
    Dec. 28, 8:30 p.m. (ESPN) Maryland (6-6) vs. Oregon State (8-4)
  • Joel: Oregon St.-Love the nickname “Beavers”, as in plural. Just keep the gay rams away
  • Me: Maryland-Fattie Ralph always wins these types of games
  • MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL Charlotte, N.C.
    Dec. 29, 1 p.m. (ESPN) UConn (9-3) vs. Wake Forest (8-4)
  • Joel: Wake Forest-In a battle of Dunkin Donuts (UConn) vs. Krispy Kremes (WF), gotta go with the Southern favorite
  • Me: Wake Forest-because they’re playing a Big Least team
  • LIBERTY BOWL Memphis, Tenn.
    Dec. 29, 4:30 p.m. (ESPN) Mississippi State (7-5) vs. UCF (10-3)
  • Joel: Miss. St-More Cowbell
  • Me: Miss State-Let the Crooming begin!
  • ALAMO BOWL San Antonio
    Dec. 29, 8 p.m. (ESPN) Penn State (8-4) vs. Texas A&M (7-5)
  • Joel: Penn St.-Does JoePa realize he is GREATLY overpaid???
  • Me: Penn St.-Texas A&M’s newest coach is to busy being an assistant for a losing NFL team.
  • INDEPENDENCE BOWL Shreveport, La.
  • Dec. 30, 8 p.m. (ESPN) Colorado (6-6) vs. Alabama (6-6)
  • Joel: Colorado-Alabama won’t be beaten by the Fightin Nutria of Louisiana-Monroe, but they can eat some in Shreveport. Nothin’ says luvin’ like nutria in the oven
  • Me: This is bullshit!!! Joel & I had a rock, paper, scissors contest. The winner got to choose Colorado. He cheated so I’m forced to pick Alabama.
  • ARMED FORCES BOWL Fort Worth, Texas
  • Dec. 31, 12:30 p.m. (ESPN) Cal (6-6) vs. Air Force (9-3)
  • Joel: Air Force-A motivated serviceman vs. an unmotivated hippie??? Gee, I wonder who to pick
  • Me: Air Force-Because Cal seems to be the South Carolina of the PAC 10. (snicker)
  • SUN BOWL El Paso, Texas
    Dec. 31, 2 p.m.(ESPN) USF (9-3) vs. Oregon (8-4)
  • Joel: South Florida-Which team is worse right now???
  • Me: Oregon-Ryan Leaf’s younger brother is playing well, making Ryan look less douche like.
  • HUMANITARIAN BOWL Boise, Idaho
    Dec. 31, 2 p.m. (ESPN2) Fresno State (8-4) vs. Georgia Tech (7-5)
  • Joel: Fresno St.-Love the Bulldogs coach Craig Stadler, I mean Paul Teutel, I mean Pat Hill. Has one man reminded you of so many???
  • Me: Fresno St-The only conference that is as bad as the Big Least is the ACC. And GT is coach-less. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ACC Football, Air Force, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona State Sundevils, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Bama Sucks, Big Orange, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Boise State, boston college, BYU, Central Michigan, Cincinnati, Clemson Tigers, Colorado Buffalos, Croom, East Carolina, ESPN, Florida Atlantic, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, Fresno State, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hawaii Warriors, houston, Illinois Fighting Illini, Indiana Hoosiers, Joe Pa, kansas jayhawks, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Maryland, Mascots, Memphis Tigers, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Mike Gundy, mississippi state bulldogs, Missouri Tigers, Navy, Nevada, New Mexico Lobos, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Pac 10, Penn State Nittany Lions, Purdue, Rocky Top, Rutgers, SEC Football, SEC Speed, South Florida Bulls, southern cal, southern miss, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas A&M, Texas Christian, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, ucf, UCLA, Uconn, Uga, University of California berkeley, University of Southern Cal, USC, UT vols, Utah Utes, Virginia Cavaliers, Wake Forest, War Eagle, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, Wisconsin Badgers, WVU | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »