Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Posts Tagged ‘John Calipari’

What a shocker. Calipari tricks everyone and says the grass isn’t greener in Kentucky after all!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 1, 2009

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In a shocking turn of events it appears that John Calipari is not headed to Kentucky after all. Apparently ESPN who has popularized erroneous reporting in the past strikes again! However Calipari is indeed leaving Memphis but instead of selling his soul to Kentucky he has elected to save his soul by coaching the Nu Delt Society at Bob Jones University.

Bob Jones University (BJU) is a private, Protestant fundamentalist, liberal arts university in Greenville, South Carolina. It is the largest private liberal arts university in South Carolina and has a reputation for being one of the most conservative of religious schools in the United States.

Strict rules govern student life at BJU.  Some of these are based directly on the University’s interpretation of the Bible. For instance, rules include the requirement that freshman and sophomore resident hall students sign out before leaving campus and that all resident hall students abide by curfew. Students are forbidden to go to movie theaters or listen to contemporary popular music.  Men are required to wear ties and conservative hairstyles, and facial hair is prohibited. Women are expected to dress modestly and wear knee-length dresses to class and religious services.

The specifics of the BJU contract is unknown at this time however it’s doubtful that it will match the Kentucky contract that was believed to be the richest in college basketball. Sources close to the situation believe that L.A. Law (1993-94) character Jane Halliday, played by Alexandra Powers, who was a graduate of Bob Jones University was the turning point in Calipari’s decision.

Even though that Bob Jones Jr. once said that Catholicism was:

“Not another Christian denomination. It is a satanic counterfeit, an ecclesiastic tyranny over the souls of men….It is the old harlot of the book of the Revelation-‘the Mother of Harlots.'”

He seems ecstatic to have made this monumental hire.

Despite their perceived differences, Pitino has little doubt Calipari will be a great fit at BJU.

“He’s done a great job at UMass. He’s done a great job at Memphis and he would have done a great job at Kentucky but the Phi Beta society at BJU better watch their watch ass cause he’s bringing the pain to them next season,” Pitino said Tuesday.

This most recent move leaves both Memphis and Kentucky scrambling for coaches. It’s believed that Memphis will make a run at famed NBA player and ex-Knicks coach Isiah Thomas and while Kentucky is believed to be making plans to resurrect the body of Adolph Rupp.

Kentucky AD, Mitch Barnhart was quoted as saying:

“Enough with the tomfoolery! Bring out the Rupp!”

ESPN 100 top recruit Xavier Henry isn’t going to Memphis now that Calipari is going to BJU. He has reopened his recruitment but a source close to him said:

“He might go to BJU. He likes God and shit.”

Either which way let’s hope this works out for everyone in the end. Happy April Fools Day!

Posted in Adolph Rupp, Isiah Thomas, John Calipari, Kentucky Wildcats, Memphis Tigers, Rick Pitino, SEC Basketball | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Andre Allen Suspended

Posted by Joel Jackson on April 3, 2008

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University of Memphis backup point guard Andre Allen has been suspended from the basketball team, just days before the team plays in San Antonio for the Final Four. WREG in Memphis is reporting that Allen failed a random drug test and was suspended by coach John Calipari. Allen has been in trouble before. In 2005, he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute.

If this is true, then what the hell was Allen thinking??? Apparently Allen had some of Houston’s finest “greenery” while he visited this fine city. Either that, or hanging out with Longhorn fans caused him to catch some contact, as those pagans played their favorite game of puff puff pass.

Allen should have been smarter. This is his last year playing (he could have applied for an exemption from the NCAA, but no way he gets it now). He had the chance to play in a Final Four and compete for a national championship. But instead, he is stuck in Memphis, resigned to eating Jack Pirtle’s chicken and watching the game from his Vizio.

On a somewhat related note, The Commercial Appeal’s website has a great article on the 1985 Tiger Final Four team. For those of us who followed Tiger basketball, it is a reminder of how good that team was, and also how troubled some of it’s members have been.  You know, I’m a little sad. I hope you guys don’t mind if I post a pic to cheer me up…

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You know, I think the Tigers will be ok now…

Posted in College Basketball, Conference USA, court tv, Memphis Tigers, NCAA | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Texas Shorthorns

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 30, 2008

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The stars at night-are small and light

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Longhorn shots-are high and wide

Deep in the heart of Texas.

D Rose in bloom-is like perfume

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Reminds me of-the Tiger Blue

Deep in the heart of Texas.

The cowboys cry-oh why oh why

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Shawn Taggart rush-and Dorsey must

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Augustin wails-along the trail

Deep in the heart of Texas.

The Longhorns bawl-and bawl and bawl

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Posted in aggies, Ass Whipping, basketball, Big 12, bongs, boo birds, boosters, College Basketball, Conference USA, drugs, dumbass, Memphis Tigers, NCAA, Texas Longhorns | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Reinstitute Operation: Keep The Tigers Out The Clubs!!!!!!!

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 6, 2008

According to reports out of Memphis, University of Memphis forward Robert Dozier has been accused of hitting his ex-girlfriend, LaParis Woods. The incident happened on 2/6/08 at 3:30 am. Apparently, Dozier and Woods were at Plush nightclub (conveniently located on world-famous Beale St) and left the club in the early hours. Woods, according to the report, was followed in her car by Dozier before they both pulled over. After an argument, Dozier allegedly hit Woods twice with an open hand. In the interest of full disclosure, here is a pic of Ms. Woods:

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I know the pic is small, but nothing, and I mean nothing, says classy like gold thigh high boots posing in front of an airbrushed pic of a bottle of Moet….

Sound familiar??? This is the second time that the Tigers have found trouble, ironically at the same club. Back in September, sophomore Shawn Taggart and freshman Jeff Robinson were arrested and charged with inciting a riot (yes, you read that right) after senior Joey Dorsey allegedly started trouble. Truly, Dorsey showed “senior leadership”.

After the first incident, coach John Calipari initiated a curfew for Tiger players, encouraging people to take pics with cell phones if any Tiger players were seen out after curfew, especially at night clubs in Memphis. Once the season started, he lifted the ban.

OK, I am calling out all the citizens of Memphis. Nothing good happens after midnight. People get in more trouble after 12 am and if you feed a Mogwai, it turns into a Gremlin (God Phoebe Cates was hot). Get together and keep these guys occupied. Idle time is the devil’s workshop. Do NOT let them into any of the clubs, including Plush, Premiere, Senses, bars such as Wet Willie’s, Pat O’Brien’s, or any titty bars like Platinum Rose, Ebony & Lace, and any other bars that have not been shut down due to the “Public Nuissance” crackdown. Here is a short list of things that you can do if you see ANY members of the basketball team that are not in class, at practice, or study hall:

*Have you been to the Memphis Zoo lately??? They probably haven’t either.

*The Stax Museum is always informational.

*Take a Tiger player and his girlfriend to the Memphis Botanical Gardens.

*The Memphis Symphony Orchestra will be doing its 14th annual “MLK Tribute” featuring the Central High School Chorus (my old high school).

If all else fails, take them to Gus or A&R BBQ, grab an ice cream cone from Dixie Queen, and take them back to the dorm. If the Tigers don’t make it to the NCAA Final Four and win the whole damn thing, don’t blame them if half of the bench is locked up in 201 Poplar. It will be Memphians who are at fault. Just ask yourself the following questions: What time is it??? Why are the Tigers at the club again??? And what can I do to get these guys out of the club and back to the dorm…safely??? If all else fails, if they are at the plush, there is a church right around the corner. Pray that something else doesn’t happen.

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Phoebe Cates headshot from the 80’s…

Posted in boosters, College Basketball, Conference USA, crazy, Crazy Women, Discipline, dumbass, ESPN, Memphis Tigers, NCAA | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »