Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Posts Tagged ‘jorts’

Isiah Thomas is employed again no really he is

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 15, 2009

In a state known more for hurricanes, mullets and jorts comes one man to turn the college basketball scene upside down and that is Isiah Thomas. 

Now history tells us that Isiah Thomas as a coach is well…dreadful but that was at the pro level. There is no telling what he will or can do at a college level. However I believe that Thomas’ qualifications to coach a college team are nil. 

Let’s run review his qualifications and I’ll you decide: 

  • 30 years ago he played 2 years for Bobby Knight
  • He took a conference champion to a .500 record and three straight first-round playoff defeats. 
  • He bankrupted the entire ABA league.
  • He ruined the New York Knicks who at the time was a historically proud NBA franchise. 

Those things alone should bring fear to any athlete director but then there are these things that took place when he was in charge of the Knicks to consider: 

  • An $11 million sexual harassment suit
  • Accusations of racism
  • Stephan Marbury
  • OD’ing on sleeping pills to only blame the daughter
  • He’s an asshole 

It would be hard for Florida International not to get better considering their record this past season and the antics of Thomas’ past might even land them some games on ESPN but did they sell their soul in order to obtain Thomas? We see what a disaster he was at the Knicks so you should wonder if he is even capable at reading an NCAA rulebook. However you can look at it like this: If Isiah can find another job; the economy must finally be on the mend. 

Rumor has it that the students have already petitioned to change the school’s abbreviation:

Fuck.

Isiah?

Uuuuuuugggggggh. 

In a related story, Flip Saunders has agreed to coach the Wizards. 

This is the man that FIU should have hired!

Advertisements

Posted in Bob Knight, Florida International University, Isiah Thomas, jorts, Kige Ramsey, NBA, NCAA Basketball, NCAA Rules Violation, New York Knicks, scandal, Sexual-Harassment Case, suicide attempt, zeke | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I’m betting Tim Tebow is not aroused

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 15, 2009

Nothing says Florida Football like jorts, sticky icky weed, guns and an in-home pole dance. I haven’t seen a Pole handled so expertly since the September Campaign however maybe next time she can wash her feet before filming begins. Like Tebow, she’ll never make it at the next level.

The more pressing question here is: how easy is it to get a stripper pole installed in a one-bedroom studio apartment, and how much will it cost?

Posted in Crazy Women, Florida Gators, Gator Bait Babe, jorts, Role Model, SEC Football, Strippers, Tim Tebow | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

College Football Week 12 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 16, 2008

minnisotagirls

Let’s be honest. Yesterday offered a plethora of crappy games. On the bright side my beloved VOLS didn’t lose, of course they didn’t play but that’s not the point.

Clemson light Duke up. One more win and they’re bowl eligible.

Will Ron Zook be asked to step down after losing yet another game?

Look out Notre Dame is now bowl eligible even though Navy had a chance to win it in the end. Charles Weis really needs to look into doing some push-ups.

Georgia and the penalties they accrue almost cost them the game against Auburn.

chompFlorida hammered South Carolina which is absolutely hilarious to me. Living in Columbia you should have heard all the things the Cock fans were saying. Deuce Staley actually said on his weekly radio talk show, “Carolina’s defense can match up with anyone’s speed in the country.” Really Deuce? You couldn’t tell from their performance yesterday.

I continuously laugh when I watch TV ads for other schools. And then a Florida ad comes on. “Go Gators. Go cure cancer.” Oh, that seems pretty simple. Tebow will take care of that in between circumcisions this off-season.

Does anyone really want to win the ACC?

Miami should be thanking Maryland for beating North Carolina.

Wisconsin discovered something called a forward pass and beat Minnesota with it.

Has anyone noticed that Nebraska is bowl eligible yet?

Missouri wins the Big 12 North…yes people that still exists.

Florida State couldn’t control penalties & Boston College’s running game at the same time.

It can be said: Vandy is bowl eligible. Kentucky might have been still mourning the humiliating loss the basketball received at the hands of VMI the night before.

Washington is still winless go figure.

Houston doesn’t have a problem as they rack up 70 points against Tulsa.

LSU almost embarrassed themselves and the SEC yesterday.

Michigan endures their first 8 loss season ever. I’m sure they’re glad they hired Rich Rodriguez now.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, boston college, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, Duke Blue Devils, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Houston Cougars, jorts, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan Wolverines, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Old Ball Sack Coach, Pac 10 football, Ron Zook, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tebow, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, Uga, Univeristy of Troy, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Washington Huskies, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 5 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 28, 2008

Ah how I love upsets and there were plenty for this week.

Well the Fulmer death clock continues to tick…as always be expecting a full game grade tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today.

Don’t look now but UCONN is 5-0, you should expect them to be ranked.

Michigan State is a contender for now…but for some reason they always implode mid season.

Speaking of imploding, Syracuse actually led Pittsburgh but ultimately lost. There’s internet chatter about Lloyd Carr becoming the next Orangemen coach.

Clemson…WTF? Oh, wait my mistake…the annual Tommy Bowden fail is occurring.

Northwestern is 5-0 and Iowa still sucks.

The miracle that occurred in the Miami-North Carolina game was amazing to watch.

Gee. Urban…is fourth down and one yard to go. You trail by one with time quickly ticking away. Why didn’t you try the 49 yard field goal? Was it arrogance? At least update the play book and run something other than a Tebow keeper. Great win for Ole Miss and the Rev. Nutt.

Fresno state continues to win and I love it.

I’m getting sick and damn tired of seeing that stupid Olive Garden commercial that they were over playing last year.

I hate F$U when I pick them to win, they let down. Win I pick to lose they win. Bastards!

Look out Notre Dame is 3-1 let’s place them in the Top 5 stat!

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez gets a huge…huge win against a top 10 Wisconsin team.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the top 25 East Carolina because it is officially over.

Wow…Navy beats Wake Forest…just how bad does the ACC suck?

Oklahoma should have scored more points than they did.

South Carolina struggled against a UAB team that Tennessee blew out…interesting.

Wow Miss. State does have an offense after all, to bad they lost though.

Look for South Florida to enter the top 10 this week.

Welcome back Virginia Tech. however the first year Nebraska coach actually helped your cause by getting a 15 yard penalty for “debating” a call with the ref.

I hope Ty Willingham has called North American Moving by now.

What can I say about Alabama…other than they cheat, but they laid it on Georgia. Anyone else notice that Nick Saban is sporting the Behr Bryant alcoholism red nose?

Don’t look now but Duke is 3-1 and the Virginia coach is probably and should be suicidal at this point.

Joe Pa rules bitches but give the fighting Zookers credit for keeping it respectable.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, Bama Cheats, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Clemson Tigers, Crimson Tide, David Cutcliffe, Duke Blue Devils, East Carolina Pirates, fire philip fulmer, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Herban Meyer, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, jorts, Lloyd Carr, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Roll Tide, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Skip Holtz, South Florida Bulls, suicide, Tennessee Volunteers, UCLA, Uga, upsets, Urban Meyer, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, WTF, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Warren Sapp has some choice words for Urban Meyer (Don’t we all?)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 11, 2008

Yesterday America’s favorite jort wearing, Heisman trophy winning, midget porn watching and Godliest College QB, Tim “TiVo the Teabag” Tebow, stated to the Orlando Sentinel that he gets upset when someone comments on the debauchery of Meyer’s choice to kick a field goal  with 25 seconds even though the game was over about five minutes prior to that.

“I’ll have Coach Meyer’s back on anything. To say something like that about Coach Meyer isn’t true at all,” Tebow said after Monday’s practice. “If you want to talk about him, you should definitely talk about a lot of other coaches before Coach Meyer. You can talk about running the score up, I don’t care. They are paid to stop us; [offensive coordinator Dan] Mullen is paid to score. They don’t do that, oh well. But you don’t have to talk about Coach Meyer as a person and getting into recruits and all that stuff. That’s not necessary.”

“What did Coach Meyer do besides recruit good guys, try to keep guys out of jail, doing the right thing, try to work guys into being better people on the field and off the field?” Tebow said. “[He] never says anything bad about anybody, always tries to do the right thing, tries to take young boys and make them into men. We play with character, strength and honor on the field and off. I don’t think you usually see many cheap shots or anything wrong that we do. Yeah, we’re going to try to score through the whole game. That’s our job. We like playing football.”

Yes there is so much honor firing an AK-47 “to scare someone” like Ronnie Wilson did and then allowed back on the team.  (The link provides the actual 911 call)

I’m sure Jamar Hornsby is honorable after all he used a dead woman’s credit card.

Jarvis Moss & Marcus Thomas both failed multiple drugs tests.

Dee Webb, Andre Caldwell and Reggie Lewis had a $60,000 SUV stockpiled with improperly registered AK’s and guns… and they decided to shoot at apartment windows for shit and giggles.

Yes those are all honorable people under the Meyer regime.

For some reason Warren Sapp disagrees in fact he had some choice words for Meyer and his field goal team.

Ex-Canes star Warren Sapp, on a Showtime conference call Tuesday for Inside the NFL, called UF coach Urban Meyer ”a classless dirtbag” for kicking a field goal late in Florida‘s 26-3 win against UM. ”But it’s coming back in a big way” when the teams meet in 2013, he said.

This is why I think Florida and Miami should play every year. Not only will it eliminate threats made about games that are five years in the future but when you 50 people arrested & 121 people ejected there is defiantly some bad blood there.

Posted in ACC Football, Florida Gators, jorts, Miami hurricanes, mullets, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tebow, Urban Meyer, Warren Sapp | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Finally, Some Good News for Tennessee and Meyer’s 1% of 1%

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 10, 2008

It’s rare when I actually find good things to report about my beloved Vols. It’s also rare that I report good things without sarcasm. Well, this will be good with sarcasm. Old Phil finally found a way to be more competitive with Florida, by stealing their running back coach Stan Drayton. To some it up in a nutshell Stan wasn’t happy at Florida but don’t my written words for it take his spoken instead.

“The offense we were running in Florida did not have much involvement with the running back,” he said during a news conference Wednesday night. “There was some frustration there, I must be honest with you.”

Florida had running backs this past year? Oh you mean Tebow, play action to himself, fakes pass, runs up the middle. That was Florida’s running game last year and it worked.

Drayton has been with the Gators since Herban Meyer took over the program, helping guide Florida to the 2006 SEC and national championships. While at Florida, Drayton developed a reputation for recruiting, and Rivals.com named him one of its top 25 recruiters for his role in the Gators’ 2007 signing class, which was ranked No. 1 in the nation by several services. Of course losing a bowl game to Michigan probably was a factor. I mean Tennessee did win their bowl game verses a Big Eleven Ten team.

So there Gators fans ppphhhpppttttt take that.

Drayton isn’t the only Gator abandoning Meyer. Bo Williams, Trent Pupello (a player they initially compared to Jeremy Shockey) and several other players are looking to transfer to other programs.

Meyers top 1% of the 1% of players across the nation, as he likes to call them will still be there if they don’t bolt to the NFL or wind up in jail first.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on some of Meyer’s players.

  • Marcus Thomas failed numerous drug tests for marijuana and GHB, yet miraculously was cleared to play during a stretch run that aided the Gators to the title.
  • Brandon James was busted with marijuana during a drug bust, where he had less than 20 grams of marijuana. His indefinite suspension lasted one game versus Western Kentucky.
  • Dorian Monroe decided that he was above the law, removing a parking boot from his car and putting it in his trunk. Remember, Florida was thin at defensive back, thus it was swept away, and how in the hell do you remove a parking boot anyway?
  • Ronnie “AK-47” Wilson, was held out this season. But, it wasn’t due to the harsh penalties from Coach Meyer, it was the state law enforcement. Firing automatic weapons at people often leads to that.

Maybe Steve God Spurrier can learn a thing about discipline from Herban.

Other good news concerning Tennessee is the fact they handed Ole Miss their first loss of the season tonight, while winning their SEC opening game. Also rumors are circulating about Ryan Mallett leaving the Michigan football program and is strongly looking at Tennessee, but somehow I think Phil will fuck that up.

Posted in Big Orange, bongs, Bruce Pearl, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, fulmer sucks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Go Vols, Herban Meyer, jorts, Rocky Top, satire, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, trailer trash, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I dedicate this to all the Georgia fans that read this blog.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 29, 2007

Enjoy!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Posted in Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, jorts, mark richt, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »