Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Posts Tagged ‘Lenny Dykstra’

The swag that the already rich got at the ESPY Awards

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 16, 2009

In case you didn’t know the ESPYs were held last night. The reason you might not know is because it won’t air until Sunday night. That doesn’t make sense since there was NOTHING sports related that was worth watching on last night. 

Here’s an interesting rule of thumb: The more money you make the more free crap you get. Of course free crap is what brought the celebrities out to the ESPYs last night. Let’s see what free crap they got. 

  • Undefeated and EA Sports: Free duffel bags ($225 est). Thirty VIPs got a personalized, laser-engraved PlayStation 3 or PSP.
  •  iHome: Free speakers, Keyboards and wireless laser mouse ($179.99), and laptop cooling pads.
  •  Simmons Jewelry: The gold-encrusted necklace shaped like Larry Bird’s dick is my personal favorite.
  •  NameDrop.com: Free Flip cams to anyone who signs up for their new “Facebook for the glitterati.” What he fuck is a glitterati? I’m guessing it means douche bag.
  • Muze Clothing: T-shirts printed with classic movie lines. Don’t be wearing that Muze Clothing around here, or the Ninjas will get you.
  •  Skullcandy: Fashion headphones. I own a set of Skullcandy headphones I’ll admit the sound quality is awesome.
  • Wynn: VIP cards for the Vegas casino pool.  As they really need those to get in
  • Marley Coffee: Coffee beans made by the son of a reggae legend. Hopefully for their sake laced.
  • Axe:  Some guy products and body spray. That’s a body spray? I’ve been using it as pesticide. The other great irony of life is the more Body Axe I apply, the more people at work disliked me. 
  •  Sentient: Coupons for private jets. That’s just sad but Lenny Dykstra would like to know more
  • Patron: Got everyone drunk. 

Actually, the rest of the stuff they received sounds pretty worthless. It will be cluttering up mansions for years.

Posted in ESPN, ESPY Awards, Evil Empire, Lenny Dykstra | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Broken Plays: Does Tennessee actually have a new coach edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 26, 2008

First let me start with saying there will be no update for Thursday since it will be Thanksgiving. I plan on spending the day rooting against the Cowboys and enjoying time with family and friends.

But you never know…I might break away and post something….maybe

Well the hottest rumor abound is that Tennessee is planning on announcing that Lane Kiffin will the new football coach on December 1st. If that is the case then I’m staking my claim right here, right now that from that day on out he shall be known as King Kiffin. ™ Ooh…look a trademark logo.

It is not know how Al Davis will react to the news. Let’s see…

If this picture came at me in 3D, I'd be spending the afternoon shopping for a new pair of pants.

Wow…I’m speechless. Speaking of Al Davis how would you like to him in 3-D? According to the Wall Street Journal, the NFL has announced that the Dec. 4 game between the Chargers and Raiders will be broadcast live in 3-D to theaters in Los Angeles, New York and Boston. The three screenings – for NFL and consumer electronics executives only – are a “preliminary step” toward what could be regular 3-D broadcasts throughout the NFL schedule.

My thoughts are l Davis in 3-D isn’t a technological advancement, it’s a threat.

Keeping with the NFL Newsday is reporting that the league is looking why Brandon Jacobs was inactive for the past game against Arizona. Zona’s complaint steams from the fact the Giants deactivated him hours before game-time on Sunday after he was listed as probable on Friday. Call it whining if you want, but the NFL requires teams to fill out an injury reports for a reason.

Tom Coughlin was not happy to be asked about this allegation either.

“I don’t know what you are trying to stir up or what you are trying to say, but we did everything the right way,” he said. “I really believed that he would play and then he felt like he wasn’t going to be able to contribute. So then we logged every issue every day. So there was no hidden … What was our mistake? Listing him as probable? We did think he was probable.”

Apparently the wife of the University of Tennessee President John Petersen is well either a bit caddy or just a bitch. I’m sure somehow this is all Fulmer’s fault. Is the picture a mug shot, I mean she does look somewhat unstable.

Another school is looking for a coach. The University of Washington is rumored to plan on going after Les “Big hat, little penis” Miles. Ummm….can we say “Not a chance in hell?”

This time of year always marks what is known as the college coaching carousel. It also marks the time when we realize that Terry Bowden jockeys himself into position to fail. This year might looks like he really wants the San Diego State job.

“I don’t know much about San Diego State, but I am receptive to the right opportunity,” said Bowden, who has been working in broadcasting since last coaching in 1998. “I’d be glad to talk to people at San Diego State if they would like to. I really would.”

You it’s not like he sounds desperate…OK I lied it is.

The University of Michigan finally get a much needed victory when official at the Detroit Zoo make a Buckeye piñata and feed to a wolverine. I’m sure Michigan fans are wondering why they couldn’t have thrown RichRod in there also.

If South Carolina ever plays Oregon State I’m sure I will get to write:

‘Cocks finally get a victory when officials at the Columbia, SC zoo throw a beaver into the ‘cocks enclosure, where the effigy was fucked to shreds. Poor delicious vagina. Thus inspired, South Carolina stormed out and lost to Oregon St 42-7.

Some people might remember Lenny Dykstra as outgoing. *Cough BS Cough* But at least he remains a classy figure in sports. Look at some of these quotes that Lenny had to say after he appeared in a Manhattan courtroom to fight over $139,000 owed to him by a Manhattan accounting firm.

“[They] folded like Mitch Williams in the ninth,” Dykstra said about the firm that sued him as he made reference to a former Phillie teammate who served the winning homer to the Blue Jays’ Joe Carter in the ’93 World Series. “There was no case. There was nothing.”

And

“That’s my f–in’ ashtray money, bro,” he told the New York Post, when asked about claims he owed a private jet company $7,000. “I don’t even know if I flew on their plane.”

Alright everyone, listen up. Here's my next big tip: If you bite of both ends, like so, it turns into a straw.

Stay classy Lenny!

Posted in Al Davis, Arizona Cardinals, big ten football, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Lenny Dykstra, Michigan Wolverines, New York Giants, Oakland Raiders, ohio state buckeyes, Rocky Top, San Diego State, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Terry Bowden | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »