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Posts Tagged ‘Lou Holtz’

This will attribute to a crappy Christmas

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 14, 2008

I’ve spent most of the day funneling NyQuil and free basing Tylenol Cold and Flu and I’m feeling somewhat better. In my medicated stupor I envisioned a horrible Christmas gift. Upon sobering up some I realized that I didn’t envision this but I saw it on TV in the form of a pesky commercial.

Just imagine your child’s face light up with disappointment when they receive the ESPN Sportscaster Microphone! Now your child can actually pretend to be Dr. Lou! And this is perfect for every father who aspires to turn their little girl into the next Erin Andrews.

Buy now, and they’ll throw in Stuart Scott’s wandering eye…for FREE!

Other toys might be coming soon such as:

  • The Michael Vick Doggie Grooming Kit
  • The Phil Fulmer doughnut maker
  • The Nick Saban Satanic Alter
  • The Brett Favre Decision MakerThe Harold Reynolds Experience featuring Boston Market
  • The Sean Salisbury Clipboard
  • Emmit Smith’s Hooked On Phonics
  • Mike Greenberg’s Guide for the Metrosexual Male and Makeup Kit
  • Kirk Herbstreit hair styling kit

Posted in Erin Andrews, ESPN, Evil Empire, Lou Holtz | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Holtz + Hitler reference + ESPN = Double Standard

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 21, 2008

In case you been in the hospital or a Turkish prison over the weekend Lou Holtz made a rather harsh faux pas last Friday night on College Football Live. While discussing Michigan’s not so great start of the season Lispy Lou made a Hitler reference about Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez. Here is the quote:

“Ya know, Hitler was a great leader too.”

That’s not a good pep talk, Dr. Lou…

Mark “Lazy Eye” May was speechless and Rece Davis attempted to clarify what Holtz was saying by following up with “You mean he (Hitler) is a bad, leader, right?” Holtz said yes. Either way it was a rather uncomfortable situation even though Lou’s old enough to have recruited Hitler out of high school.

The following day (Saturday) ESPN wisely made Lispy Lou apologize on national TV on Gameday.

“Last night while trying to make a point about leadership, I made an unfortunate reference. It was a mistake and I sincerely apologize. At the time, I tried to clarify my remarks. I’m not sure I adequately did so.”

“I appreciate your understanding.”

I find it strange that when Page 2 columnist Jemele Hill referenced Hitler in one of her columns a few months ago, they promptly suspended her for a period of time.

Is it Racism? Sexism? Or, just spitting incoherent old guyism….

For years, Holtz has been flaunting his disregard for ESPN’s “Say It, Don’t Spray It” policy.

This was Mrs. Hill’s apology:

“I deeply regret the comment I made in a column Saturday. In expressing my passion for the NBA and my hometown of Detroit I showed very poor judgment in the words that I used. I pride myself on an understanding of, and appreciation for, diversity – and there is no excuse for the appalling lack of sensitivity in my comments. It in no way reflects the person I am. I apologize to all of my readers and I thank them for holding me accountable. This has been an important lesson for me and illustrates that, like many people, I still have a lot of growing and learning to do.”

For some reason I sincerely believe hers was more genuine than Lispy Lou’s apology.

The way ESPN quickly and fairly handled Hill’s faux pas sent a message to the world which was ESPN WILL NOT ALLOW HITLER REFERENCES.

For some odd reason they are taking a double standard stance when it comes to old men who spit while they talk. The suspension of Hill was aggressive and rather scolding.

This is how ESPN responded: “[S]he’s been relieved of her responsibilities for a period of time to reflect on the impact of her words….”

Yet we hear nothing of the sort concerning Holtz coming from the evil empire that is ESPN.

Maybe it’s because Holtz was born in West Virginia (where Rich Rod used to coach) and he is a legendary coach at Notre Dame which also hates Michigan that makes ESPN believe they can look the other way.

The double standard for Hitler references is most disturbing fact to come out of this. Granted Lisp Lou is senile. Compared to his analysis this is on the low end of gibberish to come out of his mouth. But still are we saying a white man can reference Hitler without being suspended and a black woman can’t?

Is that the message ESPN wants to send out?

Talk about an inconsistent application of the rules. Harold Reynolds is intrigued and would like to receive that newsletter.

Just chalk it up to his worsening dementia and move on. Until he accuses Mark May of being a parasitic space alien working for the CIA and blows him away with an elephant gun.

Either way ESPN is really going to have to bunker down and come up with a more consistent Hitler policy.

Posted in Coach Rich Rodriguez, College Gameday, ESPN, Evil Empire, Jemele Hill, Lou Holtz, Lou Lisp, Michigan Wolverines | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

College Football Week 7 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 12, 2008

Chaos in the polls and I love it!!!! Yesterday was definitely the best slate of games this whole season and of course the best slate to surprising upsets.

Who is #1? It’s question that will be answered later today in the coaches poll and will be argued by everyone in the country.

I wonder who is feeling the heat more Tommy Bowden or Phillip Fulmer. Of course Tennessee lost because they suck no matter how hard I cheer for them. The full write up on the game verses Georgia will be tomorrow after I painstakingly watch a tape of the game later today.

Toledo’s record against Michigan improved to 1-0 yesterday which was a shocker.

I’m sure Arkansas is tanking Auburn for firing their offensive coordinator. You can the “inside” story of the firing right here.

All eyes were definitely on Texas yesterday as they upended Oklahoma.

“I’m 40! I’m a man! & I just beat Missouri bitches!” says Mike Gundy AKA America’s coach.

Tim “TiVo the Teabag” Tebow can go back to circumcising kids now since Florida hands LSU an ugly loss. Hell Tennessee didn’t allow Florida to score that many points.

Penn St. makes an argument on why they should be considered #1. as they gave Wisconsin a second straight loss at Camp Randall.

The Texas Tech offense isn’t putting up the points it used to but manages to defeat Nebraska and avoid being upset.

USC rolled against a dead Arizona State team.

BYU won. Who cares?

What’s wrong with Ohio State’s offense? Sure they won but they only scored 16 at home.

I was one of the few people in my pick’em to pick Miss. State over Vandy. Bobby Johnson you just got Croomed!

Kansas proves that they are still a factor in the Big 12.

Everyone point and laugh at Notre Dame. OK that’s enough. I seriously wonder how much Charlie Weis weighs.

It took the G-Spot Stephen “I keyed a professor’s car” Garcia to allow South Carolina a victory or KY. Hey Brooks maybe they stole your plays as well…asshole.

Look out Virginia is 3-3.

Not only does Lou Holtz have a lisp, slobbers when he talks but he also looks like he has had a chemical peel that never healed.

Georgia Tech you barely defeated Gardner-Webb seriously WTF?

Show some love to Minnesota as they handed the Illinois Fighting Zookers a surprising loss at Illinois.

Wow Iowa actually won a game.

Dumb ass comment of the day goes to Lou Holtz when he mentioned comparing Colt McCoy’s stats to that of Vince Young’s the year Vince Young won the Heisman. The problem is Young never won the Heisman…what a dumb ass.

Posted in ACC Football, Arizona State Sundevils, Arkansas Razorbacks, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, BYU, Charlie Weis, Clemson Tigers, Corn Dogs, Croom, Florida Gators, gardner webb, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Illinois Fighting Illini, Iowa Hawkeyes, Joe Pa, Lou Holtz, Lou Lisp, Michigan Wolverines, Mike Gundy, Minnesota Gophers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Rich Brooks, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Texas Longhorns, upsets, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, War Eagle, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Notre Dame desperate for glory to unveil statue of Lispy Lou Holtz

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 11, 2008

Sad times have crept into the Notre Dame Football program as of late. After only winning three games last season and looking less than impressive in their season opener against San Diego State, school officials are hoping to remind everyone of the glory days by unveiling a statue of Lou Holtz this Saturday to celebrate their last championship season that was some 20 years ago.

Is there a statue honoring the NCAA probation caused by Holtz going up behind the statue of Holtz as well?

“I think it’s as high an honor as I could ever receive,” Holtz said. “But it’s a tribute to the players, the administration, the athletic directors. One person doesn’t do that. That takes so many people. I’m humbled by it. The one thing I did feel, though, was we were going to put a group of people onto that field who genuinely cared about each other and about Notre Dame and understood the obligation you have when you play at Notre Dame”.

Holtz should receive an award every college football weekend. That way we don’t have to watch him on college football game day, where let’s be honest, Holtz is very bad.

The team went 12-0, opening the season with a 19-17 victory over No. 9 Michigan, edging top-ranked Miami 31-30, beating No. 2 USC 27-10, then clinching the title with a 34-21 win over No. 3 West Virginia in the Fiesta Bowl.

ND still stinks and in the South, there’s a young coach name “Holtz” who will be a hot commodity after this season. Hmmm….

Charlie Weis said he plans to have Holtz speak to his team this week before the Irish face Michigan.

“If you don’t involve Lou, you’d be dumb,” he said.

“I can’t tell you how many times I talked to Ara and Lou about different subjects and get their opinion on how would you do this and what were you thoughts on that,” Weis said.

I can’t wait to see the Charlie Weiss statue. It will be huge, I mean monstrous. He’ll be holding a cheeseburger in one hand and a sub sandwich in the other. Then again if they build a statue of Weis it would scare kids into stop eating happy meals.

Holtz said he can’t believe he’s joining such legendary Notre Dame figures.

“There have been coaches that have done much better at Notre Dame but there’s never been anyone who loved coaching there more than I did or believed in Notre Dame more than I did,” he said.

I have to know if it will have a button to push so you can hear his lispy speech and tired clichés.

I’ll admit though that the game in the ’88 season against Miami was one of the greatest college football games I’ve ever seen and I’m not even a fan of either of those teams.

At this point and time, Notre Dame needs heroes and the most convenient is Lou Holtz….but a statue at Notre Dame? Did they already erect Dan Devine’s, Rudy’s or Regis Philbin’s?

In other related Holtz news I heard he was going to be the new voice over for Sylvester the cat. Suffering Succotash!

Posted in Lou Holtz, Lou Lisp, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Big Orange Roundtable Volume VIII

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 26, 2008

Sings “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” I hate that song but right now is the most wonderful time of the year because college football is about to kickoff. How fitting it is to have the craziest Big Orange Roundtablers, Losers with Socks, to be the host this week.

Now call your kids and/or significant other to the computer and STFU because we’re going to the Roundtable.

1. In a perfect world, what time would your UCLA Kick-off start?

For me the perfect time would be 7:00 PM EST. In my perfect world that would give me the time to get my exercise in by throwing unopened jars of baby food at the homeless AKA Bammers, leave plenty of time to blog about how much UCLA sucks ass & watch Judge Judy.

2. Sometimes doing the right thing is tough. Sometimes we have to choose between bad and worse.  I have known snipers that get bothered even though what they did was absolutely right. It seems being a coach would have some similar circumstances. Did you think that Coach Fulmer and staff ever lose any sleep over their choices?

I’m sure Coach Fulmer lost sleep over that embarrassing loss to Bama last year but not because of the choices he made but devising a way to enact full revenge for this years game.

I’m sure if we lose a game by three points the coaches will ponder about the choices they made during and before the game, but lose sleep completely….no.

Phil making it rain....

3. Nick Saban is going to start 10 freshmen against Clemson.  Why is he doing this and did he just buy another year of grace from the Red Elephant Club?

I’m going to allow Billy Bob Bammer to answer this question. After the 11 arrests unfortunate incidents this off-season, Lord Saban has no choice but to start the freshmen. I’m not sure that Saban will start 10 freshmen against Clemson. It is my belief that Saban is doing what he does best and that is lying through his teeth playing mind games.

If Lord Saban AKA the Behr Reincarnated doesn’t win against Tennessee, Auburn and gets Croomed again then I is sure the Red Elephant Club will be reluctant to give him a pass. Then again he is the most powerful man in football at least according to Forbes and A.I.L. magazine (Alabama Incest Love) so he might get a pass. I’m out of here I gots squirrels to hunt!

RTR Bitches!

4. Critique Lou Holtz as a ESPN “analyst”. Irish and Cock Homer or scripted live rassler?

I personally love Lou Holtz…when he’s not within earshot of me. Holtz is the evil moke announcer of ESPN. Someone says something intelligent Holtz is compelled to disagree. I would say that some of his spoken drivel is scripted but the “Lou Lisp” makes it impossible to tell.

The final analysis is he’s a criminally insane Irish Homer who loves the Cock. Funny thing is neither present day fan base can stand him now.

Oh yeah he sucks at everything he does.

Be sure to stop by all the Big Orange Roundtable members’ blogs for their answers.

Posted in Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Big Orange, Cocks, Fuck Bama, Fulmer, Go Vols, Holtz, Lord Saban, Lou Holtz, Lou Lisp, Nick Saban, Rocky Top, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

If only Jason Peter Could be in a Room with Lou Holtz for Five $@%#&^! Minutes!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 15, 2008

Lou Holtz was once considered a great coach by some until he left Notre Dame and hung around until landing the South Carolina job. Even though fans of South Carolina claim to hate Lou Holtz, his first three years were a greater success than God Spurrier’s.

From South Carolina he went to ESPN where his lisp as gotten more annoying, his homerism for South Carolina is so bad people believe dementia has set in and the paper towel bill for ESPN studios has increased greatly due to the flood of spit his lisp creates when he does those lame-ass pep talks. Not to mention the fact he as the audacity to sign his autograph as Granny from the “Beverley Hillbillies“.

On July 8th former Nebraska and NFL football star turned junkie turned author Jason Peter, saves some of the strongest profanity-laced and sweet as hell vitriol in his new book “Hero of the Underground,” for Holtz.

“I still wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to spit in Lou Holtz’s (bleeping) face,” Peter writes in the book. “Each Saturday in the fall when Holtz makes his jovial, dumb … remarks on ESPN, I hope he knows that there’s at least one family on the other side of the screen, the Peter family, that knows what a — — — he really is.

My fingers start to tense up and I get that feeling through my body, even after all these years have passed, when I see him on TV. When I hear people talking about him, something goes off in my head. I carry so much anger over that and I don’t know what it would take or if there’s anything that can be done to make it OK.”

I can agree with the jovial and dumb remarks Peter is talking about. But the Morse Code part of his comment is rather confusing. And such anger is shocking

Jason Peter is a former junkie that was addicted pain killers, cocaine, crack and heroin. So he is on the 11 step plan. Step 11 write a book and cash in on the fact you were junkie.

Holtz apparently has a lot of enemies after all every school he has ever coached at has been put on NCAA probation after he has left.

However Peter’s problem with Holtz is what he feels was the unfair treatment of his younger brother Damian, at one time a highly touted Notre Dame recruit.

Damian Peter, a 6-foot-7, 300-plus pound offensive lineman from Middletown, N.J., was a member of Notre Dame’s 1994 recruiting class. That summer, however, Peter was seriously injured in a swimming pool accident, breaking the C5 vertebrae in his neck. For several days, doctors feared he might never walk again.

According to Jason Peter, Holtz did not call Damian or establish contact during the course of that summer.

Holtz could not be reached for comment on Thursday. An administrative assistant in his Florida office said he was attending a golf event in Nevada for the rest of the week, but would be unlikely anyway to choose to respond to Peter’s comments about him. Probably out of fear and the fact hardly anyone can understand him when he speaks. Or is that speakths? (Just try and imagine the Lou Lisp)

Peter also writes that when his brother began school at Notre Dame in the fall, he was “frozen out, ignored, discarded” by Holtz, his staff and his would-be teammates.

Ironically, Jason Peter co-hosts a radio show on the Lincoln, Neb., ESPN affiliate. Holtz is a studio analyst for the network during college football season.

Well, seeing how he works that closely to Holtz, I retract my statement about being angry. I would probably be that angry working with Holtz as well.

Posted in Jason Peter, Lou Holtz, Lou Lisp, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, South Carolina Gamecocks | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Piling on Notre Dame

Posted by Joel Jackson on December 31, 2007

Ah yes, one of my favorite teams reside in South Bend, Indiana. God’s chosen team is the University of Notre Dame. How do I know this??? Because the school has a huge painting of Jesus on the library directly behind the football stadium, so that He may see his favorite team play. It warms the heart when the school’s band plays the fight song. The school’s list of famous alums spans the entire spectrum of life, from Regis Philbin to Condoleeza Rice…

Screw this: NOTRE DAME SUCKS!!! Now where do I begin??? Let’s start with the mascot. The “Fightin’ Irish”. To symbolize the “spirit” of the fight, the school adopted a leprechaun to represent it. So let me get this straight: A mythical creature which obviously does not represent any Christian values is the symbol of a Catholic school. Do I just look at things in a weird way, because while I am no biblical scholar, I don’t recall any leprechauns in the word of God. When Daniel was thrown into the lion’s den, there weren’t any “fighting leprechauns” fending off dangerous felines. Can we say hypocrisy???

Now let’s talk about the overrated football program. This football program has been living off of championships won years ago. Lou Holtz won a title, which must have been divine intervention, but what have they done since??? The fact remains that the school’s boosters is the only reason that the school is even relevant today. Every year, the school is preseason top 25, simply because it is Notre Dame. Guess where the school will be ranked pre-season next year??? I am willing to bet a #4 combo from McDonald’s that Notre Dame will be there, despite only winning 3 games this year.

Now, this I know will stir the pot of Irish fans, but screw it: The Ty Willingham thing was just wrong. Now, before I get a bunch of hate from “Irish fans”, which “scares” me, I am not talking from a racial perspective. But every coach that they have had was given 5 years. Willingham wasn’t. True, he won early, but to let him go after a “subpar” year for Notre Dame was wrong. Even Gerry Faust got 5 years, but because your big money boosters gave Kevin White some heat, he caved under the pressure. So you went out and got Fat Boy, Charlie Weis.

Oh, who can forget the “Great Architect” of the Patriots offense during the Super Bowl years. The only problem was that Belichick wasn’t coming with him. So you won early, getting 2 BCS Bowl bids that you did not deserve. Let’s revisit those 2 Bowl games:

*Fiesta Bowl-Ohio State blew you out, just like Brent Musburger gave “courageous” Brady Quinn and his sister Laura virtual blowjobs on the air…

*Sugar Bowl-LSU completely dominated you as soon as they stepped off of the bus. It wasn’t even close. Does this look familiar???

lsu2.jpg Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in BCS, Bill Belichick, boo birds, boosters, cat killer, Charlie Weis, classless, Holtz, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks | Tagged: | 10 Comments »