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Posts Tagged ‘Michael Phelps’

Michael Phelps, three-way sex, chewing tobacco and you

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 12, 2009

Say what you will about the UK’s News Of The World but remember that they were the ones that first published the photo of Michael Phelps sucking on a long bong. Well they’re at it again with a shocking interview of a Baltimore “dancer” who claims to know Phelps better than most people. Since when did whores start talking to the media?  Society is going to hell in a hand basket. 

While some may say that this is sensational journalism she was interview while wearing a pink teddy so she has to be creditable. During the interview she “bares” all that she knows about Phelps. (Warning NSFW) Theresa White states she met Phelps at a club where she is employed as an exotic dancer and he invited her and some friends back to his house for drinks and online poker. She claims that eventually a three hour ménage a trios began. She never answered the question, “Who enjoyed the double penetration more?” 

According to Theresa, Phelps: 

  • Still is a dope head
  • Wants to be a professional poker player
  • Is an emotional mess and cries like a baby
  • Blows all his money on booze and doesn’t tip well
  • Is paranoid about cell phone cameras (Well duh!)
  • Big mommas boy
  • Chews tobacco on an consistent basis and keeps full spittoons around the house (And if anyone would be put off by the unprofessionalism of spitting, it’s her.) 

Regardless of all these less than endearing qualities, Theresa claims she wouldn’t mind remaining “friend with benefits” with Phelps. I’m sure this interview will help keep that dream alive. Who says this guy isn’t a good role model? This is exactly what I want my future son to be doing when he gets to be around Phelps’ age.

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Posted in Crazy Women, Cry Baby, Michael Phelps, Sex, Strippers | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Meet the Michael Phelps pot party participants

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 13, 2009

Yes now that Sheriff Lott is helping to save the word by rounding up party goers that were present during the infamous Michael Phelps bong hit that can mean one thing!

MUG SHOTS!!!

For the record smiling mug shots rule!

You would think that Sheriff Lott would have better thnigs to do. After all according to the Sheriff’s Department website there are 22 unsolved murders since 1996.

Maybe someday Phelps will appear on the Top 10 most wanted. 

As a residence of Richland County, I’m making it my mission to find the blond and nailing her.

sg1

Mug shot photographer to guy on right: Ummm, son, could you look at the cam...son, right he...no, don't wander away...and for the last time, I don't have any Funyans!! Ahhh, to hell with it...(click)...next!

sg2

This dude looks like the illegitimate child of Robert Smith, lead singer of the Cure.

sg3

The first one looks like a serial killer and the second one will never survive in the pen

 

 

 

Posted in bongs, Leon Lott, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Phelps, South Carolina Gamecocks | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Michael Phelps will help Leon Lott save America!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 11, 2009

In case you didn’t know or maybe you did and you forgot, I live in the same flipping county that Michael Phelps took the everlasting bong hit back in November. I have great respect for the sheriff of this county, a Mr. Leon Lott. I’ve met Lott on numerous occasions (without being arrested or in handcuffs ass-hats) and I find him to be approachable and genuinely concerned about crime in this state.  However that being said I have no damn clue as to why he’s gone all “Barney Fife” about this Phelps took a hit thing. 

Even this party was way back in November its aftereffects are still ringing loudly in Lott’s ears today. Last week he publicly stated that he wanted to arrest Phelps but since it’s doubtful that will ever happen, Lott has chosen to save this fair county by locking up one college stoner at a time including the eight that were arrested yesterday.

“We’ve now learned that since investigators began trying to build a case, they’ve made eight arrests: seven for drug possession and one for distribution. These are arrests that resulted as the sheriff’s department served search warrants.

We’ve also learned that the department has located and confiscated that bong. Sources say the owner of the bong was trying to sell it on eBay for as much as $100,000. The owner, who wasn’t even at the party, is one of the eight now charged.”

Hurray for upcoming spring elections. I love grandstanding by law enforcement officials. 

Ok the idiot that was attempting to sell the bong on E-bay probably deserves to be arrested for being a complete moron. 

Don’t get me wrong folks I take great delight at poking fun of people who use illegal drugs and are busted but this as really gone to far. Right now I would think Lott should be more concerned with the recent rash of ATM robberies that are sill unsolved and other crimes such as car-jackings, murder and rape which I believe carry more importance than an Olympian who took a bong hit. 

The governor of this state stated on the Fox News Channel that he doesn’t see what good arresting Phelps would do at this point. 

So far we know that Phelps has lost sponsorship deals from Kellogs and Sub Way. He has been suspended by USA Swimming and he actually lost two grand in a game of beer pong. If all that isn’t punishment enough what is?

However this isn’t the lamest party in South Carolina history.

Now, I once stood next to Steve Tanneyhill’s glorious mullet while he got pulled out of a house party by Cola PD. Now that was lame.

Posted in Beer Pong, bongs, Leon Lott, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Phelps | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Inside the Michael Phelps party

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 9, 2009

One week later and the fallout from Michael Phelps and his bong hit continue to ring out. He has been suspended by USA swimming and he has also lost his Kellogs & Subway sponsorships. Don’t worry Subway fans Jared is still covered. As long as he still has the lucrative Rosetta Stone, he’ll be alright.

Now let’s go inside the infamous party that has seemly taken down the Water World Boy Wonder.

The State newspaper ran a story about the party that supposedly has quotes from the actual attendees and one thing is for sure…Phelps can’t play beer pong worth a shit.

“I saw Phelps pull out a roll, a bank-wrapped $2,000,” said Michael Whitworth, who had been invited to a house near Five Points after his band played a show at 5 Points Pub (now Sudworks Taphouse).

“He said, ‘I’ll match the $2,000,'” Whitworth continued, referring to Phelps. “Good ol’ Phelpsie lost it, too.”

The student that took the photo that ran world-wide of Phelps sucking on a bong, Carson Miller, claims he didn’t sell the photo but he “lost” his phone with the photo on it. RRRiiiiggghhhttttt……

house

Yes this is the house...everyone ooh and ahh....

The party apparently was at a house located at 2201 Blossom St. The house is described as having a wrap around porch that is full of discarded pizza boxes, pictures of nearly nude women taped to the door and two cameras over the porch that send a live stream to a flat-screen television located inside the house.

Sweet!!!

When Whitworth, a guitarist in Atlanta-based band Holiday Parade, arrived at the house shortly after midnight Nov. 4, two men asked him not to take pictures of Phelps.

“They were pretty strict about it at the door,” he said. “They were just asking people to be courteous.”

The front room was clogged with people – and marijuana smoke. A bong was being passed around the room, which held 15 to 20 people, Whitworth said.

“It was the aroma of the evening,” he said. “The scent of it filled the entire house.”

So there you have it. Phelps goes to a college party and does college student things. Let’s shoot him now. All he needs to do is call Amanda Beard his sloppy seconds. The sanctity of the sport of swimming will be irrevocably damaged forever.

Mark Spitz says he could probably smoke an even bigger bong and not get caught…

Posted in Amanda Beard, dumbass, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Phelps, Snitches | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Fourteen gold medals, banging a USC coed and smoking pot, just one day in the life of Michael Phelps

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 2, 2009

My question is was he smoking Mellow Gold or Spanish Trampoline?

Usually when I write about the University of South Carolina and smoking pot in involves the school’s football players. I have more than once referred to USC as the University of Smoking Cannabis. This time is different. This time I’m not writing about some Shamecock football player, I’m writing about 14 gold medal Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps.

It seems this past November Phelps was in this fair town of Columbia where he attended a football game and apparently got high Even though I’m opposed to illegal drugs and take pleasure in making fun of those who use them this really isn’t as a big of a deal as the traditional media outlets are making it out to be. If you had gigantism of the ears and neck, you’d smoke too. However sometime ago The US Olympics Committee, who have pledged to clamp down on drug use, did announce some laws that could force Phelps to sit out the 2012 games in London because he took drugs.

News of the World, a British newspaper was the first to break this story.

One party-goer who witnessed the star’s behaviour told the News of the World: “He was out of control from the moment he got there.

“If he continues to party like that I’d be amazed if he ever won any more medals again.”

Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.

phelps-usc

Phelps apparently has been banging some USC chick named Jordan Matthews and decided to get wasted every night he was here in town. The source of the story states Phelps was rather obnoxious. With ears like his how can anyone be obnoxious?

“Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.”

Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.

Well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to smoke dope does it? The source also states Phelps spent a lot of time at Pavlov’s bar. In my humble opinion I think that place is a freaking dump. This isn’t the first time Phelps has been in trouble either. In 2004 he served an 18 month long probation for a DUI.

Since this story has broken Phelps has acknowledge that the photo is real and is sorry.

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said in the statement released by one of his agents. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Now we know how he consumed 12,000 calories a day. He’d eat cream and onion chips, with some dip, man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Some Hagen-Daz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and he would make some smores. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, two big pizzas, man, everything on ’em, water, a whole lotta water and…….Funyuns.

It’s always interesting how celebrities show remarkable self-awareness about their mistakes after they get caught … and usually when millions of dollars in endorsements are on the line.

The U.S. Olympic Committee said it was “disappointed in the behavior recently exhibited by Michael Phelps,” who was selected the group’s sportsman of the year. He also was honored as AP male athlete of the year, and his feat in Beijing — breaking Mark Spitz’s 36-year-old record for most gold medals in an Olympics — was chosen as the top story of 2008.

Posted in bongs, drugs, DUI, dumbass, mary jane, Michael Phelps, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Amanda Beard will not fight Lindsay Lohan to see who gets to unpack Michael Phelps’s swim trunks

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 21, 2008

Michael Phelps is walking on air right about now. As of right now and for many years to come he is undoubtedly the best Olympian ever.

While Billy Bush was interviewing Debbie Phelps, the mother of Michael, Bush received a text message which was from Lindsey Lohan herself. It was nice quaint message that I’m sure every mother would hope for from a coked out drunk redheaded tramp.

The message:

“Tell him he’s fucking amazing, and I want to meet him.”

Which everyone knows in Lohan’s world mean she wants lather his body up in Aunt Jemima syrup while performing some death defying moves one would see in either O by Cirque Du Soleil or really bad 70’s porn. All to prove too the world that yes she can act and she’s more than a Petri dish of venereal diseases.

I wonder if they could get the antibodies from her like they do with horses after they infect them with some toxin. She must have built the immunity to all of them by now.

From Yahoo Entertainment:

“Yeah, oh absolutely,” she told Billy. “You raise a young man or young woman with strong values, and a sense of being… I could not be more proud of Michael, of how he handled that situation. That was a very difficult thing for him — it was very difficult for the family.”

It made them all stronger — which came in handy when Billy showed Mama a text to her son from actress Lindsay Lohan. Billy handed his Blackberry to Mama for her to read Lindsay’s message to Michael, and her reaction was priceless.

“Pardon the language but…” Billy said as he showed her the text.

Mama Phelps’ usually jubilant face turned horrified. “OK, Lindsay!!! — Delete! Delete! Delete!”

In this picture, Amanda Beard rehearses a scene from George Romero's new movie '100 Meter Freestyle of the Dead'.

Lindsay’s crime? Telling her son he’s, ‘bleepin’ amazing’!

But not every skank woman that would be willing to pose for Playboy has interest in Phelps.

Sexpot swimmer Amanda Beard says Michael Phelps has absolutely no shot at doing the breaststroke with her.

“Eww, that’s nasty. I have never, ever hooked up with Michael Phelps,” Beard said via telephone from Beijing on the “Johnjay and Rich Show,” which is broadcast on Kiss FM 104.7 in Phoenix.

“Come on, I have really good taste,” the  swimmer said. “He’s really not my type.”

It’s surprising to think that she has standards. As a heterosexual male, I’m not sure I would want a girlfriend named “Beard.”

When “Extra” asked Phelps in an interview that aired last night if he was dating Beard, Phelps said, “No.”

“I’m not dating Amanda Beard. I’ll say that,” he told the TV show. “I think she has a boyfriend.”

Dated, no. Fucked in a Beijing bathroom? Yes.

Asked if he’s dating anyone, Phelps said:

“Part of my life is kept to myself. I’m able to relax and be with my friends. Those pretty much are the only people who really know the answer to that question.”

Psstt…I think that’s code for gay. Someone call those two Nebraska wrestlers and find out.

Any chance she’s bitter that on every dip and stroke Phelps beat her to the “finish line” and gave the famous Phelps O-face. Yeah, that would be pretty nasty. I think we’ve cleared up the confusion…let’s move on, shall we?

 

Posted in Amanda Beard, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Phelps, Sex, Skanks, The Olympics | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A closer look at Michael Phelps

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 18, 2008

Michael Phelps is the greatest Olympian ever. Let’s have a closer look at him.

Posted in Michael Phelps, Swimming, The Olympics | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »