Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Posts Tagged ‘UFC’

Barry, Take A Deal

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 5, 2009

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Barry Lamar Bonds, baseball’s home run king*, is screwed. According to court documents, U.S. Attorneys have everything from positive tests for steroids to phone conversations by his equally genetically jacked up trainer Greg Anderson.

So the documents are available to the public, and as a warning, they are lengthy. Judge Susan Ilston is expected to rule on a defense motion to suppress evidence, such as the urine samples, or allow the evidence to stay when the case goes to trial next month. But in the court of public opinion, he is guilty.

But the rabbit hole goes deeper than just a few positive piss tests. Barroid also took clomid, which is a common masking agent for athletes using steroids. What is clomid you might ask??? Clomid is a female fertility drug, used to induce ovulation. Side effects (I love this part) include ovarian enlargement, breast discomfort, abnormal uterine bleeding, and multiple births. Translation: If you see this guy scratching his tit and his mid-section is bloody, we know why. I don’t even wanna know where those multiple births are gonna come out of.

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One of the steroids that he is accused of using is nandrolone, a common steroid. It is so common that some of the people who have failed steroid tests include C.J. Hunter (one of Marion Jones former lovers), Roger Clemens (another dumbass), UFC great Royce Gracie, Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman, and Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle, formerly of the WWE and now currently in TNA Wrestling.

Of course there is the expected testimony of former players that either played with Bonds or were also caught up in the whole BALCO scandal from the beginning. Also, there could also be the possible testimony of Kimberly Bell, former girlfriend (side action, one in the chamber, jump off, chick on the side, ace in the hole) of Bonds. She has said in the past that Bonds talked about his use of steroids, including seeing him inject himself. Oh, for you 3 pervs reading this, she posed for Playboy. You can see the censored pics here. In that Playboy article, she also talked about his inability to “get it up”. I guess Clomid & Cialis doesn’t mix well. Too bad, because I would like to see Barry throw a football through a tire like the commercial.

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I know that he is proud. It is that pride that got him in this mess. It is pure vanity that caused him to stick that syringe in his ass. He was a great player before all of this. Pride got the best of him. He better take a deal now, because he has been out of the hood too long. Once he gets behind bars, one drop of the soap and he will get his first prison style prostate exam…

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Posted in A&E's Intervention, Barry Bonds, baseball, Major League Baseball, Mitchell Report, MLB, MLBPA, MMA, UFC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

And You Thought the UFC was a Manly Sport

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 30, 2008

Ultimate Fighting Championship. Yep it sounds tough. It’s taking over where boxing has been floundering for the past several years.

A-List celebrities such as Shaquille O’Neal, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, David Spade, Donald Trump (and his hair), Michael Jordan and Jamie Pressly all have been seen at the live events.

Yes the UFC brings out some of the toughest men in this country.

There is a downfall though…it also brings out…Michael Jackson!

According to TMZ, that’s what Michael Jackson did last Saturday night:

MJ rolled up to the event in a wheelchair, just in time to watch Tito Ortiz get smacked around … that is, if he could see anything through those ridiculously blacked out shades.

Yep, that’s Jacko above. I hope he enjoyed the show. To bad he wasn’t used as a punching bag.

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

Posted in Michael Jackson, Trumps' Hair, UFC | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »