A Blue Hen gets stabbed…by themselves….maybe…

The University of Delaware’s top wide receiver was arrested for a stabbing, except he might have been the one that was stabbed. Unless he wasn’t the stabber. It’s confusing. Let’s chase this vortex of confusion a little further. 

The Blue Hen’s best offensive player, Mark Duncan, might not be ready for the upcoming season due to getting stabbed and being charged with filing a false police report. Duncan was admitted to the hospital because of a stab wound on 05/30/09, and told the police he was attacked and victimized by some stranger while playing basketball. I’m sure things like this happen all the time in the state of Delaware so of course that version of the story is believable. 

Then something happened to his story and it changed. Duncan then said he knew his attacker however he refused to give him or her up to the local Po Po. I believe something was whispering in his mind’s eye: Stab wound? That’s nothing. Only bitches get stitches. 

A few days later the story changed again. In this version Duncan states he was out walking and four men jumped him. 

Newark (Del.) police issued a warrant this week “after determining that he’d switched his story too many times,” which goes to show that three times is the charm to go from hapless victim to lying football player with a hole in him. 

What still hasn’t been answered is: Who really stabbed Duncan? Did he stab himself as a way to get out of the state of Delaware a year early? Oh and he threw a ball at the cop in the National Championship game.

Inside the Michael Phelps party

One week later and the fallout from Michael Phelps and his bong hit continue to ring out. He has been suspended by USA swimming and he has also lost his Kellogs & Subway sponsorships. Don’t worry Subway fans Jared is still covered. As long as he still has the lucrative Rosetta Stone, he’ll be alright.

Now let’s go inside the infamous party that has seemly taken down the Water World Boy Wonder.

The State newspaper ran a story about the party that supposedly has quotes from the actual attendees and one thing is for sure…Phelps can’t play beer pong worth a shit.

“I saw Phelps pull out a roll, a bank-wrapped $2,000,” said Michael Whitworth, who had been invited to a house near Five Points after his band played a show at 5 Points Pub (now Sudworks Taphouse).

“He said, ‘I’ll match the $2,000,'” Whitworth continued, referring to Phelps. “Good ol’ Phelpsie lost it, too.”

The student that took the photo that ran world-wide of Phelps sucking on a bong, Carson Miller, claims he didn’t sell the photo but he “lost” his phone with the photo on it. RRRiiiiggghhhttttt……

Yes this is the house...everyone ooh and ahh....

The party apparently was at a house located at 2201 Blossom St. The house is described as having a wrap around porch that is full of discarded pizza boxes, pictures of nearly nude women taped to the door and two cameras over the porch that send a live stream to a flat-screen television located inside the house.

Sweet!!!

When Whitworth, a guitarist in Atlanta-based band Holiday Parade, arrived at the house shortly after midnight Nov. 4, two men asked him not to take pictures of Phelps.

“They were pretty strict about it at the door,” he said. “They were just asking people to be courteous.”

The front room was clogged with people – and marijuana smoke. A bong was being passed around the room, which held 15 to 20 people, Whitworth said.

“It was the aroma of the evening,” he said. “The scent of it filled the entire house.”

So there you have it. Phelps goes to a college party and does college student things. Let’s shoot him now. All he needs to do is call Amanda Beard his sloppy seconds. The sanctity of the sport of swimming will be irrevocably damaged forever.

Mark Spitz says he could probably smoke an even bigger bong and not get caught…

The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way Volume One: Spurrier Disciplinarian Aficionado

The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way is new section in which we try to delve into the mind of Steve God Spurrier to see what he is thinking, how to handle certain situations and the cause & effect of dumb ass mistakes.

On 8/25/08 God Spurrier shocked the Gamecock faithful by announcing that Taylor Rank will get the starting nod over senior Mike Davis at tailback in USC’s season-opener against North Carolina State.

Spurrier stated his reasoning for starting Rank over Davis was:

“Taylor’s had a little bit better preseason practice,” Spurrier said following Monday afternoon’s practice. “He had a good summer going to workouts and Mike did too. Mike will be in early though.”

The Head Ball (Sac) Coach went on to say that Rank is “ready to play, he’s performed well, taken care of the ball, knows what to do. He’s a good solid back, but Mike will be in there pretty early.”

Still this left many of the Gamecock perplexed and soon there was panic in the streets as the Rogue Cop of West Columbia and his SWAT team had to turn the water hose on Gamecock fans. Coupled with military grade tear gas and Milkor MGL-140 grenade launchers thankfully quelled that riot.

Milkor MGL-140 grenade launcher, with longer cylinder and Picatinny type accessory rails

Well thankfully to some crack digging and good sources we now know the reason why Spurrier chose Rank over Davis.

Sunday was a scorcher here and I’m sure Davis was hot from after doing whatever Gamecock football players do when they don’t have practice. (Think in the lines of committing felonies.)

Davis was dazed, confused and extremely thirsty. He shouts out “Anyone got 2 dollars so I can get me a Gatorade?” All he heard was silence…silence!!!

Davis decided to do what any self-respecting Gamecock would do and break into a fridge that was in the team’s weight room and steal get him some damn Gatorade! Go Cocks!!!

Davis using his manly man yet parched force, showed that refrigerator who the boss was! After the damage was discovered God Spurrier quickly thought of ways to punish the culprit. Surely when the star QB to be can key a professor’s car and rack up three arrests in a 15 month period and not get booted off the team then how could he justify booting this perp off?

Spurrier asked his team of malevolent angels who the hell did this…but all were silent just like the responses to Davis’s cries for 2 dollars were silent the day before.

You can see Davis in this picture he has that confused and dazed look about him

Spurrier is crafty though and he decided to check the camera footage and low and behold there was Mike Davis assaulting and possible molesting that poor innocent refrigerator door.

Quickly the ball coach had to think. So instead of following university protocol by reporting this act of vandalism to the USC Campus Po Po, he has another idea instead.

He will make Davis pay for the damages through money Davis may or may not (wink wink nudge nudge) receive from the Blake Mitchell Fan Club. To top it all off Davis will not get to start against NC State.

Meaning he will most likely sit out the first offensive play of the game, after all God Spurrier stressed yesterday that Davis “should be in the game pretty early (Thursday) night.”

That my friends is truly being a Disciplinarian Aficionado. Go Cocks!!

On the next OB(Sac)C Garnet Way learn why God Spurrier considers John Daly a “very close & special” friend.

The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way has been brought to you by Sho’nuff Bail Bonds the official bail bonding company of Gamecocks everywhere.

Jose Canseco Will Most Likely be on Judge Judy

Jose “Snitch Bitch” Canseco is not having a good year. His latest book is a flop. He lost his 7300-square foot home to foreclosure last month. Now his former attorney has filed a lawsuit against the retired baseball star for not paying him.

Attorney Robert Saunooke said the former slugger and current bum didn’t pay him for five years of work. He said Canseco owes him between $350,000 and $500,000 for representing him in civil and criminal matters, contract negotiations, plane trips and book deals. All this will make for riveting television for the likes of Judge Judy.

Canseco said he’s confident that he will win any challenge if it goes to court. He said his former attorney is only one of many people who have attacked him since he began revealing his use of steroids — and alleging that of other players — in baseball several years ago.

“I’m surrounded by liars and thieves,” says the man who allowed his home to be foreclosed on.

Canseco’s current attorney, Gregory Emerson, did not immediately return messages left at his office or his cell phone. He was probably trying to track Jose down to get that all important retainer that Canseco seems to keep “forgetting” to pay.

Saunooke said Canseco never paid the money he earned during the time that the 2005 book titled, “Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant ’Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big” was published, and when he demanded Canseco pay, the former major leaguer hired Emerson.

“I had thought he was a friend. That’s why I stayed with him as long as I did,” Saunooke said. “When you represent famous people, it’s not easy to run away from them. I’m not the kind of lawyer that would desert my client.”

Saunooke said he accompanied Canseco to Washington in 2005 for a congressional hearing on steroid use in Major League Baseball, among other legal issues while he has been his attorney.

“He doesn’t have any money problems,” Saunooke said. “He just doesn’t pay his bills.”

Jose is clearly a bum however Saunooke should know as an attorney and more importantly as a person, when you lay with dogs you’re bound to get dog shit on you.

Look Out it’s Pain Killer-Gate!!!

As much as the Patriots were eager to turn the page on Spygate at minicamp Friday, they’ve got another unwanted story on their hands, offensive lineman Nick Kaczur was arrested in April for illegal possession of the powerful painkiller Oxycontin and cooperated with federal agents in a sting of his alleged supplier.

(Cough NARC Cough)

According to Bernard Grossberg, the attorney for alleged scum bucket dealer Daniel Ekasala, Kaczur wore a wire to help agents build the case against Ekasala.

My only question is, did he use a federal supplied wire or the one he Bellichek made him wear in football games?

A Drug Enforcement Administration agent said in an affadavit that a cooperating witness — whose name was not revealed — wore a recording device during three drug buys in May in southeastern Massachusetts. In each of the deals, the witness bought 100 OxyContin pills from Ekasala for $3,900 in cash, the agent wrote in a six-page federal affidavit.

What is he doing buying hundreds of Oxycontin pills weekly? I would find it hard to believe that he was not supplying pills to his teammates; there is no way he was the only one taking them.

On Tuesday, Kaczur denied taking part in a federal investigation or buying drugs and said he was not familiar with Ekasala, the Boston Globe reported.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, bro,” Kaczur said “I don’t know where this is coming from. I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Grossberg and two other people briefed on the investigation, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said Kaczur was the cooperating witness in the case.

It just so happens that New York State Police charged Kaczur with criminal possession of a controlled substance following an April 27 traffic stop on the New York State Thruway.

Kaczur had been pulled over for speeding in Whitestown, N.Y., when police discovered the “controlled substance for which he did not have a prescription,” a substance identified as oxycodone, N.Y. State Police Sgt. Kern Swoboda said.

Getting “stomped out” and Spygate really has taken a toll on the Pats! Say no to drugs.

Patriots spokesman Stacey James declined to comment on Kaczur, according to the report. “We’re deferring all questions on this matter to the appropriate law enforcement officials,” he said and later added “Snitches get stitches!”

Kaczur’s agent, Vance Malinovic, said he was not prepared to comment on the case.

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello also declined to speak directly to the case, according to the report. “It’s a law enforcement matter, and any questions should be directed to the appropriate law enforcement agencies,” he said.

Maybe the Pats should have had Brady carry a case of Oxycontin during the Super Bowl, then maybe Kaczur would have protected him.

The NFL does not test for Oxycontin but does prohibit the misuse of prescription drugs. Not to test is stupid in my opinion.

Grossberg said Ekasala, an unemployed construction worker and father of 2-year-old twins, has also been asked by federal agents to cooperate, but has repeatedly refused. He said Ekasala was “an extremely reluctant participant and was somewhat enamored of being friendly with or having contact with a professional athlete,” according to the report.

In other words he’s not a rat-fink.

“My client was always sympathetic to Mr. Kaczur and suggested to him many times, as the text messages will show, that Kaczur ought not to be doing what he was doing,” Grossberg said, according to the newspaper. “Professional athletes in this country are treated like royalty, and royalty sometimes abuses the people they come in contact with, and I think that’s what happened to Ekasala.”

Painkillers are NO joke…extremely addictive and within the culture of the NFL, they are seen as frequently as advil or aleve around locker rooms. If he was taking Oxycontin, he is basically taking Heroin.

Aside from violating the law, Kaczur is in violation of two ethics clauses the NFL has in place. The first, and not as serious is the anti-drug policy the league has (which needs to be overhauled). The second, which is taken more seriously, is the clause in every pro sport contract that each player must conduct themselves in a fashion that upholds the moral standards of the league. One and off the field.

While I’m strongly opposed to illegal drug usage I hate snitches more. He copped out to save his own ass. The guy has no prior criminal record (that I’m aware of) and possession is a minor crime by most accounts. He would have gotten probation, would have had to sign some autographs for some Boston kids via community service, and had to sign up for a drug rehab program. That’s it. He wasn’t even looking at time, in all probability. But noooooo, this guy is such a pansy that he goes snitch just to get himself out of having to have the inconvenience of meeting a probation officer.

Maybe Kaczur and Jose Canseco can hangout together.