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Writers Wanted
If you would like to be a writer for this blog, guest blogger or have an opposing view point in the form of a story to balance things out, e-mail it in. And yes you can make fun of Tennessee.
For the 2 regular readers of this blog (and the thousands of trolls), you may or may not know that West By God Virginia holds a special place in our hearts and minds. By no stretch are we Mountaineer fans. Our beloved orange warriors win championships (although none in football thanks to that fat, stubborn…sorry, wrong subject). All one has to do is type West Virginia in the search box to see plenty of Mountaineer fodder.
So whenever this fine institute of higher learning makes the news, we take special notice. I mean, why wouldn’t we??? The writers at The Young & The Restless couldn’t write more drama in the past year. Just Rich Rodriguez alone would be Victor Newman, and Michigan would be the new young and beautiful chick that stolls into Genoa City that he would bang instantly.
In Coach Bill Stewart’s contract, the signed deal includes 1 extra year that wasn’t on the original offer sheet. Also, if he is fired before January 3, 2009, the school must pay him $4.125 million. Former embattled school president Mike Garrison can’t be blamed for this one though, because he was gone by the time the contract was finalized and signed, which was on Sept. 10. The big deal was that a flat $1 million buyout clause was negotiated and agreed upon in the original offer sheet. In other words, now West Virginia can’t fire this guy until Jan. 4. By then, the Mountaineers could easily be 6-6. There is hope though, 6-6 could be good enough to win the Big East.
West Virginia is it’s own worst enemy. Shame too. The school could be great. Wait, let me re-phrase that. The school could be better than mediocre. Whenever the administration and athletics department decide to join 2008 and get out of 1972, please let me know. For all I know, they could still be playing John Denver in Mountaineer Field on an 8 track. Mountain momma, take me home…
On a serious note, those less fortunate along the Texas coast can use whatever help you can give. You can donate money to the Red Cross by clicking here. Large amounts of products, such as diapers, toothbrushes, water, etc. can be made by clicking here.
Anyway, it is time for the following coach to update his resume. No, not a certain coach in Knoxville. I am sure plenty of fellow Vols are busy writing his resume for him. I am talking about mi amigo, and possibly the absolute worst hire at a major D-1A program this side of Coach O…
MY good buddy, Bill Stewart. The man who is supposed the lead the Mountaineers to the promise land. The guy who was supposed to lead the Mountaineer program to a national title. The genius that would turn Pat White into the pocket passer that Rodriguez couldn’t develop. The master of all things West By God Virginia.
Hey Thomas, remember all of those many comments from the Mountaineer faithful that came to the site the days leading to the Fiesta Bowl, and when Team Turmoil beat Oklahoma??? Where the hell are they now??? I said back then that the school decided to go with the one night stand instead of the sure thing. And now they sit 1-2. Looking at the remainder of the schedule, I see losses to Auburn and South Florida. I can see a possible upset to Louisville and UConn (man I can’t believe I said that). Howdy Doody.
So, Coach Bill Stewart, you are a nice guy. You are in over your head, but a nice guy. Unfortunately, all of those lonely couches in Morgantown are missing the warm embrace of kerosene and matches. They cannot burn themselves, and with you at the helm, I am afraid that instead of the fall smell that normally encompasses the air in West Virginia won’t be the sweet mix of cotton/polyester blends and pressboard. Instead, it will be the usual scent of coal, sulphur, meth, and depression. And there is no one else to blame but the meddling governor, the outgoing school president, and the inept AD. Country roads…
While most West Virginia fans will not admit it, they are presently missing one man known as Mexico’s finest son. That man is Rich Rodriguez, or as I like to call him Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez.
I have nothing against Bill Stewart; in fact I think he’s one hell of a nice guy. Maybe that’s the problem. He beat Oklahoma using Rodriguez’s aggressive playbook. Now he has tamed it down some and even at one point in this very young season attempted to make Pat White into a passing QB.
I can’t say what is wrong with West Virginia Football at this point. However I think the attitude of the program relied heavily on the former coach.
Judging from the posters at the West Virginia Scout message board Stewart is destined to fail. And let’s not forget he just signed a new six year deal as well. Country Roads motherfuckers…
The Pittsburgh Pirates have been the scourge of MLB for a number of years now. To let you know how bad they’ve been, the last run at glory for the Pirates was when Barry Bonds played for them.
So given that info it surprises me that anyone would even bother going to their games much less go to their games, get into an altercation with security officers, pepper sprayed & then charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and underage drinking.
According to the Post-Gazette that’s exactly what two WVU basketball players did.
Joe Mazzulla and Cam Thoroughman were arrested after a scuffle at the security station where they had been detained by off-duty police officers working during the Pirates game against the ColoradoRockies.
The two are charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and underage drinking.
Police had to call for backup because Mr. Mazzulla and Mr. Thoroughman, both 20, were refusing to provide identification as they argued with the officers, according to a complaint.
Police said Mr. Thoroughman, a 6-foot, 7-inch forward on the Mountaineers team, reached across a counter toward an officer.
This led to at least two officers grabbing him as they demanded that he place his hands behind his back.
He continued to struggle with the officers after police used a burst of pepper spray to control him. Eventually officers dragged him to the floor, police said.
While Mr. Thoroughman was down, Mr. Mazzulla tried to intervene, pulling his teammate away from the officers, even throwing a punch at one of them before he, too, was subdued, according to officers.
Well that was an alcohol fueled Mensa moment of brilliance. But were any couches burned? At least they weren’t tasered. I think they were upset about losing their #1 party school ranking.
Bobby “Huggy Bear” Huggins is taking the traditional stance on this:
“We will let the judicial process take its course and the matter will be handled internally.”
Bob Huggins is appalled by the lack of severity in these charges. His recruiting has dropped off from the horse-punching days.
Instead of being hauled off to jail, the pair was required to watch a Pirates doubleheader.
Talk about cruel and unusual punishment!
We all know the SEC generally dominates the football polls this year; well they also dominate the Princeton Review list of top party schools in the country!!!
Let’s break it down peeps.
1. University of Florida. Guns, sweet sticky icky weed & Tebow.
2. University of Mississippi. The Grove, the cheerleaders & Jerrell Powe
Wow, one solid year of writing this crap for you peons sharing our thoughts on sports related subjects.
First & for most I would like to thank Joel and Ghetto Philosopher for being the men that they are first and contributing writers second. I would thank Billy Bob Bammer and Little Bear Cub but they’re Bama bastards.
I also thank the following blogs in no particular order for inspiration and for giving me laughs when I sometimes need it the most.
I also want to thank the following people/teams/morons & all around idiots for giving such great material.
Steve God Spurrier and the USC thugs
Florida Gaytors
Cheating Bammers
O.J. “Slasher” Simpson
Michael Vick
University of West Virginia
New York Yank’mees
Every athlete that has been arrested this past year
Roger Clemens
Mindy Mccready
Jerrell Powe
Danica Patrick
Adam Pacman Jones
But mostly I want to thank you the readers. Whether we have pissed you off or made you laugh thank you for stopping by. The writers and I look forward to another year of slamming your favorite team and/or sports personality.
What the hell happened??? A settlement??? Are you kidding me??? What were you thinking??? You were supposed to stick it to the man, and instead you said that you give up.
I know, I know, Michigan forced it. Sure, they are footing the bill (which you created). I know, your new job bailed your maize and blue bottom out of the sizzling flames. It must be nice for Michigan to pull $3 million out of it’s war chest to cover you. Ironic, the new athletic facilities you were bitching and moaning about because they were non-existent, are now about to go full steam ahead thanks to you bolting for Michigan.
So now what??? How could you honestly look a kid in the eye and expect them to keep running gassers when they have nothing left??? You gave up. Some may say good for you leaving West Virginia. That is a question for another time. The issue at hand is that you quit WVU, created nuclear winter on your way out, got your new employer to pay your old employer, and in a few years you will probably leave again for the B.C. Lions of the Canadian Football League.
Honestly, you are no better than Nick Saban, your favorite fellow West Virginian. And like St. Nick, you will be lucky to go to a bowl game this year. Hooray, Michigan fans, the Scratch n’ Sniff.Com Bowl in Butte, Montana await you. And all for the low, low price of $36 million over the next 4 years. On top of it all, you managed to make West Virginia University something that Kinko’s bought MBA degrees couldn’t do. You made them look smart.
Of course, if you had Paul Rhoades, former defensive coordinator of Pitt, as your lawyer, you could have easily stopped the Mountaineers (13-9)…
Chris Henry has made 2.5 million since 2005 as a member of the Cincinnati Thugs Bengalis yet the boy is so broke that Michael Vick looks like Bill Gates compared to him. Guess what fair citizens of Cincinnati it’s your problem because Henry wants taxpayers to pay for a trial record.
“He’s broke,” said Perry Ancona, the former player’s attorney. “He doesn’t have any money to pay for a transcript.”
And that comment cost the taxpayers of Cincinnati at least fifty big ones.
Ancona filed a motion asking for taxpayers, you know the people who actually work, to pay for a written transcript of Henry’s trial. Henry was arrested after a March 31 incident and charged with criminal damaging and assault.
A judge threw out the criminal damaging charge, saying Cincinnati prosecutors couldn’t prove the allegation. A mistrial was declared last week on the assault charge when jurors couldn’t come to a unanimous verdict. Jurors said they voted 6-2 to acquit Henry.
But prosecutors said Tuesday they would retry Henry on the misdemeanor assault charge.
Henry’s trial was set for Monday.
Henry, a wide receiver drafted in the third round out of WVU, signed a five-year contract for about $6 million. The contract included annual salaries plus playing-time and other incentives.
He received another $1 million to sign plus an average of just over $500,000 for the first three years. He was to be paid $520,000 this year by the team but the team released him after his arrest.
But Ancona claims Henry is as destitute as the Bengalis defense was last year.
“He has no funds whatsoever and can’t even meet his current obligations,” Ancona told the judge.
Don’t worry though, Jerry Jones will sign him. That way he can have the top 2 convicts in the league on each side of the ball. (Pacman Jones) Anyone notice both of them went to the same school?
Henry’s $360,000 Florence house – he bought it in 2005 during his rookie year – was auctioned in May when he failed to pay the mortgage. How the hell we missed that story here I’ll never know.
Henry’s SUV was repossessed last month while he was in court, which was a lot. Damn it Joel you let that one slip by me as well? Ugh!
Henry, who is suspended by the National Football League, was arrested after a March 31 incident in Clifton Heights in which he was accused of punching Gregory Meyer, 18, in the head.
Ancona said in court Tuesday that Meyer tried to “shake down” Henry by asking for $100,000 to make the charges go away.
The assault charge against Henry carries a maximum sentence of 180 days in jail.
Henry wants to continue a professional football career and needs to be acquitted to do that.
However I think he could work at the McDonalds or he could sell pot, seeing as he has a history around it.
Chris, your “friends” aren’t helping you out?
You know, all those people who helped drink your liquor?
Unemployment benefits?
Pretend to be a gas pump?
Pathetic.
Pacman is dead according to Adam Jones AKA the player formally known as Pacman.
The still suspended Dallas Cowboys cornerback would like to be called by his given name and make “Pacman” a thing of the past.
“There’s really just a lot of negativity behind it,” Jones said. “It’s just time for a change, man. I’m doing everything to make sure that I’m all right as a person, mentally and emotionally.”
This is a good start for Adam Jones but not the answer to fixing his problems.
After speaking to about 60 kids at a basketball camp hosted by Dallas Mavericks forward Brandon Bass on Saturday, Jones expressed his desire to drop his nickname.
The kids at the camp called out “Pacman Jones! Pacman Jones!” after he spoke to them. But he signed autographs with his given name, not the nickname given to him by his mother when he was an infant.
“My mom is going to call me ‘Pacman.’ That is what it is. I can’t change that,” Jones said. “I’m not saying that my teammates won’t call me ‘Pacman’ on the field. But for the most part, I want to be Adam or Mr. Jones.”
This is called spin and damage control. This is why the NFL wants Jones to wear a suit and tie on the Dallas sidelines if he isn’t participating in play.
I bet Jerry Jonesis thinking
“As long as he helps me win a Super Bowl, I couldn’t care less if he murdered half of South America and supplied cocaine to the rest of the country outside of Texas… but at least let’s spin it to seem like we give a damn to these idiot sports fans.”
Rosters handed out by the Cowboys during their mandatory minicamp last week listed No. 21 as “Pacman Jones,” because that’s what he told team officials to do. Go figure…
Also when Jones conducted an interview at the Cowboys’ facility on June 4 he didn’t bother mentioning that he planned to forsake his nickname.
I will no longer call him Adam “Pacman” Jones. The new name is Adam “Rainman” Jones. Rainman always makes sure that the dollars rain down on the ladies at the club, even if it causes shootings, assaults, and other incidents beyond his simple mind’s control.
At the same time Pacman’s oops…Rainmans’ name has recently appeared in the news. A woman involved in the Las Vegas brawl was found dead last week behind a building in the Bronx. Officers found her unresponsive with injuries consistent with a fall.
The woman, 26-year-old Sadia Morrison, had pleaded no contest to a felony battery charge last year in Las Vegas. Jones pleaded no contest to a disorderly conduct charge in Las Vegas after police said he incited the melee.
Back in Tennessee, a foreclosure sale was published involving Jones’ home and 30 acres in a Nashville suburb. The home and land are scheduled to be sold Friday on the courthouse steps. Tax records show Jones purchased the property in July 2006 for $1.5 million, but he defaulted on the terms and conditions of a mortgage.
I’ll give Adam “Rainman” Jones half a season until his entire name is permanently “a thing of the past”. . . . Except when people talk about how a 24 year old multi-millionaire got his home foreclosed on because he was taking his mortgage payments and making it rain.
Have any questions, hate mail, private comments, cease and desist letters, story ideas, death threats (that will be published) or tips? Then drop us a line at
ymswwc@gmail.com
Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain 