Barkley to pitch a tent for Sheriff Joe Arpaio

If he continues to cover himself in vaseline, that should go over real well in the joint...

 

You know lately I haven’t written much of squat, I’ll admit that. Due to work and other factors I’m an unhappy non-writing camper at the moment. You know who else is not a happy camper right now? You guessed it, Charles Barkley.

Barkley pled guilty to DUI charges in Scottsdale and was sentenced to 10 days in the can, so that mean he should be eligible for parole around March 26. This means that he will only miss only one TNT doubleheader: Pistons at Bulls and Rockets at Jazz on Tuesday, March 24. Some judge in Arizona got kick back for this favorable scheduling there, I’m sure.

Sir Charles also has to pay more than two grand in fines he also has to install an ignition interlock device on all of the vehicles he owns and complete a court-ordered alcohol treatment program. However this worse end of the deal is the fact that the never shy from controversy Barkley will be wearing pink in the clink because he will be serving his time in Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s infamous Tent City Jail where some of the inmates have to wear pink boxers. If this doesn’t have cheap Fox reality TV show written on it then nothing does!

“I’m taking a lot of heat for putting convicted illegal immigrants in the tents. How am I going to discriminate and not put high-profile people in the tents?” Arpaio asked.”

However Sir Charles will be on a working release so he will actually leave the prison from 8 a.m. and return 8 p.m. that same day because the reality is the prison stint is just one of the qualifiers to being Alabama’s governor. Strangely enough, the ’round mound’ means something completely different in prison showers.

When this is over with I’m sure Barkley will be a better person, let’s just all hope he doesn’t come out and say “That prison rape was turrrurrible.”

For the record I’m sure Barkley saw enough pink underwear from his days of playing with Kevin Johnson.

Roger Goodell hates the snow and the fun you can have with it

I’ve concluded that Roger Goodell is just a grumpy old bastard In the video above you see the Jets’ Shaun Ellis “playfully” throwing a freaking block of ice snowball at fans, who by the way, started it by throwing snowballs at him and his teammates. In Philadelphia they would have thrown a sleigh right back in Ellis’ face.

Favre threw a snowball into the stands but it got picked off. Of course Goodell fines Ellis ten thousand dollars, apparently only NFL sanctioned snowballs can be used for post-game fan splattering. Plaxico would have found a way to drop that snowball on his leg.

I wonder what the fine will be for the Wes Welker snow angel incident.

Just wait until this weekend, when TO celebrates a touchdown by writing his name in the snow.

Glocks & Athletes Are Not A Good Combination

I was well prepared to talk about Tennessee hiring Lane Kiffin and what I thought of it. I along with millions of other Volunteer fans have my opinion, but I want to spend this time to talk about a troubling trend the past, oh, 14 years or so. I am about to do my best Jason Whitlock impersonation, except I am not as big, well-known, or paid.

I have known and/or met quite a few pro athletes in my day. By and large, the ones that I have met are down to earth guys, trying to improve themselves in the sport that they play. They are trying to improve themselves so they can improve their bank accounts. For the athletes that have come from little to nothing growing up, they try to help out family and friends along their journey to fame and fortune. This cycle can lead to problems.

To the athletes reading this blog, please do the following couple of things for me:

*Leave the guns at home…

I am watching the Redskins vs. Giants game. Ironic because on this day, where the Redskins are honoring fallen teammate Sean Taylor, who was murdered in his home a year ago, Plaxico Burress is facing weapons charges because he decided to go “Cheddar Bob” on his thigh while carrying a handgun illegally (or he wanted to be on the next diss record of Eminem, 50 Cent, and Busta Rhymes). If the club was such a bad place to be, then why go??? He’s married (to a lawyer) and has a young son. Why put yourself through now facing jail time over seeing some ass shaking at the club, and get teammate Antonio Pierce involved??? Stephen Jackson, Jamaal Tinsley, and Marvin Harrison would agree. If you are about to go somewhere and you think that you need a gun, then don’t go. If I need a gun to go to my local Quickie Mart for a chocolate squishy, then I won’t be seeing Apu that night. Which leads me to the next point…

*Do not own more than 3 guns…

A wise man once told me that if you are gonna own a gun for home protection, get 3. One should be a handgun that you can grab quickly (Glock), one should be a rifle or shotgun, and one should be a small pistol that your woman could shoot in a pinch (.22 or .38). Whether this is wise or not, I think this is sound advice. In other words, do not be Tank Johnson. And if you wanna be a rapper, PLEASE do not be T.I.

*Last, everyone is not out to get you…

Unless you allow yourself to be associated with bad people, not everyone is out to get you. Yes, crime is everywhere, and what happened to Sean Taylor was a tragedy not of his doing, but of 4 kids who wanted to take a short cut at getting ahead. At the same time, you athletes for the most part have more money than I will ever see. Use some of that to invest in a security company and let bodyguards carry the weapons. Because if you pull a Plax and not have that concealed handgun license, you could shoot yourself at 3 a.m., or face jail time. And please don’t rob any convenience stores…

Vicious hit of the week & I mean vicious

Vicious:

• (a.) Bitter; spiteful; malignant.
• (a.) Characterized by vice or defects; defective; faulty; imperfect.
• (a.) Not well tamed or broken; given to bad tricks; unruly; refractory; as, a vicious horse.
• (a.) Addicted to vice; corrupt in principles or conduct; depraved; wicked; as, vicious children; vicious examples; vicious conduct.

Eric Smith seemly demolished Anquan Boldin in Sunday’s Cardinals/Jets game to the point that Boldin had to be taken off the field on a stretcher. It was clearly a cheap & vicious helmet to helmet hit, watch the video below and you will see the hit if you wait for the replay to slow down.

The NFL has now taken swift, and somewhat appropriate, action against Smith, by suspending him for one game and fining him $50,000.

Specifically, on a pass play on Sunday, Smith engaged in helmet-to-helmet contact with Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Anquan Boldin, who was in a defenseless position at the time contact was made.

The suspension will sideline Smith for the Jets’ game against the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday, Oct. 12 following the Jets bye on Oct. 5. The $50,000 fine includes the game check Smith will forfeit for the week of his suspension.

While at the least it’s a punishment but is it enough? I wouldn’t mind seeing Roger “The Sheriff” Goodell suspend the violators of the helmet to helmet rule, for the length of the injury sustained by the victim and then a minimum of 3 games beyond that. Quite frankly I also wouldn’t mind see the fines raise to a minimum of $200,000 either. Let’s face it for some players a $50,000 fine simply means they will have to shorten a vacation by two days during the off season. These are just my opinions if you have any others please voice them.

Tony Navarro the Ass Kicking Caddy

Tony Navarro lives by a code.

• Check with player what level of “advice” they would like
• Clean club heads before the start of the round
• Kick the living shit out of hecklers

After hearing a fan use racial slurs to verbally abuse him and his golfer, Scott, caddie Tony Navarro charged the ropes that keep fans off the course, went under the ropes with his bag on his back and gave the younger Campbell an atomic caddy-vengeance head-butt.

Navarro and the younger Campbell then wrestled for several seconds, Campbell missing the caddie with a wild swing. Mickelson’s caddie, Jim Mackay, then arrived to try and stabilize the situation. And moments later the San Diego Po Po arrested Campbell and his father, who hurled himself into the fray to try and rescue his son, injuring two female officers in the process. Both were charged with public drunkenness and hauled away to the local jail where I’m sure they were called out by golf loving inmates.

I know spectators pay to be there, but they are still there as guest. You conduct yourselves properly or leave. I really don’t condone confrontation such as this. But if this what it took to get it stopped so be it. Fans defiantly are needed for the sport, but apparently there needs to be some sort of policing when it gets out of control.

I do think that everyone who yells “You da man” or “Get in the hole” should be tazered.

“Well, they were being a little loud and a little rude,” Woods said. “Stuey [Stuart Appleby] is over there on 18 trying to tee off, and Tony is trying to make sure that he doesn’t have these guys yelling on their swing. And they didn’t like that very much.”

To make matters worse. The younger Campbell’s 7-year-old son also was taken away and later picked up by a family member, according to Lt. Christman. He said the Campbell father and son duo would be charged with being drunk in public.

At the very least, dad and grandpa drunk in public with their 7-year old son/grandson. Nice. Add bad sportsmanship and it gets worse, never mind the altercation. Poor kid.

I realize that golf can be pretty boring, but please people, stay home and watch on TV if you have to be drunk to watch it.

Lt. Christman was one of the first on the scene. He said he saw Scott’s caddie, Navarro, go through the ropes with Scott’s golf bag on his back and confront the younger Campbell.

“My belief was they were heckling the caddie or one of the players,” Lt. Christman said. “The caddie, I don’t know why, the caddie left the playing field, went outside of the ropes, went nose to nose with the guy. Security then grabbed the person who was arrested with his son and the caddie was pulled back and went back into the field of play.”

“We were very, very close. We immediately grabbed him and then the father came over and stumbled into the arrest trying to pull his son free. Literally stumbled into the arrest. He wouldn’t let go of his son. They got their legs intertwined. The son was with security guards first and then the police finished the arrest. We had to untangle the father and son.”

Jim Schuch, a volunteer marshal who is at least 80 years old and is effected by osteoporosis or he would have liked to get his licks in as well, said he saw the incident unfold. He said the Campbells were taunting Navarro, with one of them yelling over to the caddie to come over to the ropes. So he did and delivered caddy justice.

“I don’t know if the guy was high or drunk, but he kept yelling and going at Scott’s caddie,” Schuch said. “The caddie went after him at the bottom there, and then the police came in and broke it up.”

Lt. Christman was asked that it could be argued that the caddie, Navarro, was at fault for leaving the field of play to confront a golf fan in the gallery.

“That’s a judgment call,” Lt. Christman said. “That’s a statement of commentary, but it’s not appropriate that I do it. Certainly we don’t want people to respond in any way to name-calling in a way that might heighten the confrontation.”

“The father and son go to jail tonight because they’re drunk,” Lt. Christman said. “The confrontation portion of it is probably going to be submitted and be reviewed by the district attorney’s office.”

Anyone heckling a caddy is a moron and deserves to be beat down. And to be doing so when you are over 60 years old? Pathetic.

I wonder if those two morons are anything like the morons below:

Well at Least Benson Didn’t Get Tasered.

When I first read about this I had my fingers crossed that he ran from police, so the hilarious jokes could ensue. Needless to say, I’m disappointed. However Cedric Benson still needs a hug.

Chicago Bears failure of a running back Cedric Benson was charged with boating while drunk like pirate after failing a sobriety test and resisting arrest that required officers to use pepper spray before dragging him ashore Saturday night.

The flip side though is Benson didn’t have to say “Don’t taser me bro.”

“I was not intoxicated,” Benson told the Chicago Sun-Times. “There was alcohol on the boat and others were enjoying themselves, but I wasn’t drunk.”

“They gave me a field sobriety test, told me to say my ABCs and told me to count from 1 to 4 up and down,” Benson told the Chicago Tribune. “I’m thinking, I passed all the tests, did everything right. Then the officer told me we needed to go to land to take more tests. I politely asked him why we needed to go to land to take more tests when I took every test. Then he sprayed me with mace, on his boat.”

“I’m not handcuffed. I’m not under arrest. I’m not threatening him. I’m not pushing him. I’m not touching him. And he sprays me right in my eye.”

Yeah….right….sure. Just because you think you passed the tests doesn’t mean you passed the tests. That’s like the drunk guy at the bar thinking he’s the best looking. Just because he thinks he is, isn’t what other people are seeing. And don’t hand out that BS about I asked him politely.

The water patrol can pull you over for any reason, usually for a safety check. When you have more than a dozen people on a boat, you can plan on them pulling you over to see if there are enough life preservers on board. That’s too many people on a 30′ anyway, but no one accused Cedric of actually having a brain anyway.

Dumping “evidence” Cedric?

Benson was operating the boat with 15 passengers aboard when he was stopped by a Lower Colorado River Authority officer for a random safety inspection. He failed a field sobriety test on the officer’s boat and was uncooperative when the officer tried to take him ashore, the authority said.

“When Benson did not pass the test, he presented himself as a threat to the officer and argued about whether or not he would be taken to land to have a follow-up field sobriety test performed on land and refused to put on a life jacket,” the authority said in a statement. The officer had to use pepper spray to subdue Benson, a move the running back was to drunk and stupid to understand.

When are police departments going to realize that pro football players are special citizens who, in pursuing their dreams, have a god-given right to alcohol and guns? The government needs to get back to the business of protecting the rich against the poor and leaving these guys alone.

“Even after they pepper-sprayed me, I have no idea why they did that. I was cooperative,” Benson told the Sun-Times. “I asked them several times why they did that and they didn’t give me an answer.”

Benson then refused to leave the officer’s boat and authorities had to drag him to a car to be taken to the Travis County jail, the authority said.

Of course Benson’s account differs. He told the Tribune that he was not near his family when the police restrained him.

“Nobody saw what he did to me,” Benson told the newspaper. “I started screaming for my mother to come. That’s when they put me under arrest. And the officer threw a life jacket over my head.

“Once we got to land, the Travis County police grabbed me and kicked my feet from under me. So I landed on my back while I was handcuffed. They held me down and held the water hose over my face. I couldn’t breathe, I’m choking, I’m begging the cops, ‘Please stop. Please stop.’ Then they picked me up and dragged me backward toward their car. And I’m still being polite, asking them, ‘Sir, could you please allow me to walk like a man to your cop car?’ They just kept dragging me on.”

Wow you admit to calling your mommy….

“Right now it’s one-sided, and I would like to know exactly what they’re basing their allegations on,” Benson’s lawyer, Brian Carney, told the Tribune. “It’s very, very early. And we still haven’t had a chance to evaluate what exactly they think that they have.

“Those allegations are untrue,” Carney added. “I think it’s a shame that they proceeded the way they did. I can tell you right now that we’re going to resolve this. We’re going to work through it. And we’re going to maintain our position that this was inappropriate and that he’s not guilty of any of these things. Cedric was extremely cooperative with these officers. He complied. He performed their tests that they asked him to do.”

Benson told the Tribune he is about 98 percent healed from the ankle injury that ended his season in 2007.

Good to see him focused on his rehab and the upcoming season. Nothing like getting beat down by the Po Po to help you train. I guess resisting the police helps him work on his cutting and shedding linemen. Problem is that if he can’t shed a couple of cops, he isn’t ready, or ever will be ready to shed DL’s, DB’s, etc.

“This is tough to deal with because you’re guilty until proven innocent,” Benson told the newspaper. “My name is blasted out there like I was fighting these police officers or something. That totally was not the deal. I’m not stupid.”

Oh yes you are! You have had legal problems before.

He was sentenced to eight days in jail in 2003 for a misdemeanor trespassing charge after forcing his way into an apartment to look for a reported stolen TV.

In 2002, a misdemeanor for drug and alcohol charges was brought against him.

Did he also get pepper sprayed before every game last year? That’d explain a lot.

Benson rushed for more than 5,500 yards and 64 touchdowns at the University of Texas, going for 1,000 yards in four straight seasons.

The 25-year-old has done little since the Bears took him with the fourth pick of the 2005 draft.

As a rookie he didn’t beat out Thomas Jones and rushed for 272 yards in nine games. He was more effective the next season while sharing time with Jones, going for six touchdowns and 647 yards.

Last year, Benson took over as the featured back after Jones was traded. He rushed for 674 yards, four touchdowns and 3.4 yards a carry before going on injured reserve in November.

In three years with the Bears, Benson has rushed for 1,593 yards and 10 touchdowns, averaging 3.8 yards a carry. He’s also missed 13 games.

The Bears draft strategy with Benson was:

“Hey Ricky Williams came out of Texas, let’s get this guy!!!”

Nobody wants a RB that doesn’t wear a life-vest when he is abusing alcohol.

Toughest 81 Year Old in History

81. That is a significant number. Yes it is the number of a once entertaining, loud mouthed, suicidal wide receiver with a bad case of the drops. It is also the age of the toughest 81 year old coach in college football history, Joe Paterno.

The stories of him are legend. He still runs everyday. He’s not afraid to get in the grill of one of his massive linemen. He still wanted to coach his team on the sidelines just a few days after breaking his leg. He once crushed a milk carton on his head and didn’t even look to see if he recognized the missing person on the other side. He has been an institution, both at Penn State and college football. He even has a class at the school where students get to examine his historical role with the media (in case underwater basketweaving is full). So why does he not have a contract after this upcoming year???

To the left is PSU President Graham Spanier, who to me looks remarkably like Pres. King from Doonesbury. Anyway, apparently Spanier has twice before gone to Paterno back in 2004 to try to convince the coach to quit. It didn’t work last time and for some reason, I don’t think it will happen this time. Besides, if they get rid of Paterno, a new coach won’t come nearly as cheap as the old coach. Young guys are easily commanding on average $2-3 million per year. They aren’t paying Paterno squat currently.

Spanier does not know who he is messing with. Even the name of Joe Paterno should send shivers down his spine. He does not know the power of Paterno. He certainly doesn’t want to challenge him MMA style. JoePa will break him off and have his beating heart on a platter next to the All-American Slam at Denny’s. And please don’t let the servers tell JoePa about the Senior’s menu. He hates that. Run him off, you administrators at Penn State if you dare. When you see him pick up a briefcase and his trusty Winchester named Bessie, that will be your ass that he will put on a platter at Golden Corral. Just remember: All God’s creatures have their place, right next to the mashed potatoes. And Paterno is hungry…

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Baylor Coach: Hey When You Gotta, Go You Gotta Go! Besides We Suck!

I remember when I was younger I would go out with the boys, get loaded and urinate right there at the bar or dance floor or on Allen’s head, just where ever nature called. Now that I’m older I don’t do such stupid things. I don’t drink, it’s been years since I’ve drank anything alcoholic. Nowadays I’m the DD, but I still have my fun. I’ll drink Pepsi or Coke while others get drunk, but I still have no problem with urinating right there at the bar or on dance floor or on that somewhat cute but skanky waitress that always winds up serving me at The Wild Hare Sport Cafe. So I’m shocked that an assistant football coach at Baylor is in so much trouble for marking his territory on a bar. I mean come on it’s Baylor. I didn’t even know anyone actually coached them until this story broke.

“A Baylor assistant football coach cited by police for urinating on the bar at a tavern was suspended indefinitely Tuesday.

Eric Schnupp, Baylor’s offensive line/tight ends coach, was not arrested but was issued a citation at 2:20 a.m. Sunday for disorderly conduct-reckless exposure at Scruffy Murphy’s, Waco police spokesman Steve Anderson said.

The citation is a Class C misdemeanor carrying a $258 fine, according to Waco Municipal Court.”

$258.00 for answering the call of nature? Would you rather have him wear Depends? I’m sure that would be a good impression on the players.

“Coach Guy Morriss said Tuesday during his weekly news conference that he suspended Schnupp indefinitely, but did not comment further.

Schnupp, 30, had traveled Saturday with the team to Lawrence, Kan., where the Bears lost to Kansas 58-10. The team was back in Waco by 9 p.m.

Bartender Danny Severe said in Tuesday’s editions of the Waco Tribune-Herald that the incident happened around closing time and that Schnupp apparently thought no one was watching him as employees were moving patrons out of the building.

Severe said an employee witnessed Schnupp urinating on the bar, and a manager told police officers who were there for an unrelated matter.

Severe said Schnupp had taken several shots of hard liquor, most bought for him by other people.”

I’m almost pissing myself laughing at the fact people bought him drinks after an ass whipping like that. I’m sure most people reading this have been to a few bars in their time. How many people reading this would actually trust using a filthy bar bathroom over using the actual bar that is constantly wiped down by the bartender? That’s what I thought, even drunk we’re all germaphobes. You know who’s really to blame? The Baylor fans that are idiotic enough to believe that an ass whipping of 58-10 warrants buying drinks for an assistant coach. Just be glad that he didn’t have to do a number two.

So I profess on this day 10/16/07.

TtT

An Update on Florida’s Newest Mafia Member Tony “Hotlips For Tebow” Joiner.

If you recall yesterday around lunchtime I posted a story about Tebows make-out buddy during the UT-Florida game and roommate Tony Joiner, who was arrested and charged with felony burglary Tuesday. Apparently the story is changing faster than Meyer can roll a Sweet Stinky Weed “cigarette” after a victory. I believe someone from the Florida Mafia is influencing some witnesses with bribes of full bongs and promises to have dinner at the Meyer house for a discounted rate of $500,000.

“Florida senior captain Tony Joiner was arrested early Tuesday for removing his girlfriend’s car from the property of Watson’s Towing in Gainesville. But the property owner is upset he was detained and says the whole thing was a misunderstanding more than a crime.

Stan Forron told Florida Today that if it was his decision, Joiner would just pay him the $76 he was owed for the towing and charges would be dropped. If State Attorney Bill Cervone agrees, that’s exactly what could happen.

“I don’t think (Gator athletes) should be treated any differently, better or worse,” Forron said. “The towing company just wants their money, not anything else. This kid should not have been arrested for what he did. To me, that’s just crazy.”

You’re right removing a car from impound isn’t a big deal when the tow bill is paid for, but this isn’t just any car, it’s his “girlfriend’s” car which means must be Tebows.

“Cervone has the discretion to drop the charges, if he doesn’t see reason to continue. The fact that Forron doesn’t want Joiner to be charged could increase the chance the Gator star’s legal issues will not end up in court.

“I will consider the victim’s wishes and make the decision as to what to do based on that and all other factors involved,” Cervone said told Florida Today.

Florida coach Urban Meyer said after practice Tuesday night he was “still evaluating” the situation and hadn’t made a decision on Joiner’s status for Saturday’s 8:28 p.m. game at top-ranked LSU on CBS, which could have major implications both in the SEC and nationally. Joiner will not practice with the team until a decision is made, however.

“I think in his head he wasn’t trying to do anything wrong,” said Gators quarterback Tim Tebow, who is also Joiner’s roommate. “Yes, I think he should (play).”

Well of course you think he should play, you’re his room mate and team mate. I’m pretty sure Meyer will let him play, we all know how he is the strict disciplinarian. Strict meaning suspended for 10 minutes one game.

“According to a Gainesville Police Department incident report, teammate and fellow senior safety Kyle Jackson drove Joiner to the towing company but never entered the gate.

Forron says that Joiner had actually talked to the dispatcher who was working early Tuesday morning and had made arrangements to pick up the car. The employee left to get some food and the gate to the company was left open. Joiner showed up to pay the towing bill, waited for some time and got impatient and decided to go ahead and take the car and worry about the bill later.

But another employee noticed the car being removed and called the police. Forron claims a worker at Watson’s Towing told the Gainesville Police not to charge Joiner, that the company just wanted the money Joiner was supposed to pay.”

Uh huh rrriiiggghhhtttt. Around 90% of the time, if that was true of course, that’s what would have happen. I have a feeling it didn’t exactly happen like that.

“Forron said he was preparing to go out of town so he was at the towing company early Tuesday morning and left the gate unlocked when he left. Around 4:30 a.m., Joiner was spotted removing the car and stopped by an employee.”

Wait, in one statement the owner said Joiner talked to the dispatcher who was working early Tuesday morning and another employee left the gate open while on a food errand, and now it was the owner who conveniently “left” the gate unlocked. Which is which? The Florida Mafia has this poor man so shaken up even he can’t get the story he was told to say straight.

“In the GPD arrest report obtained by Florida Today, Officer Robert Concannon wrote: “According to witnesses, the defendant did commit a burglary by forcibly (pushing an electric gate open) entering a fenced compound with the intent to commit an offense therein. The compound was not open to the public and the defendant was not licensed or invited to enter.”

Nah can’t be the gate was left “open” by the owner or someone…

The statement also reads that Joiner was attempting to pull the gate shut when he was stopped by a witness. Joiner then drove the car back inside the gate and waited for the police to arrive.”

The GPD arrest report also states that Joiner was talking on a cell phone when Concannon arrived and said, “I am probably about to go to jail ‘cuz I did push the gate open.”

Well, this is great now Joiner is contradicting what the owner claims happened. Meyer better get a handle on this, no Mafia of the Gators should look this dysfunctional.

Joiner also told Concannon on the way to jail that he intended to pay the bill but got impatient.

As far as Forron is concerned, he’s angry Joiner was arrested.

“What he did was wrong,” Forron said. “We’re not saying he’s an angel and shouldn’t pay. But why all of a sudden is he being arrested for something that happened numerous times throughout the years and nobody else has been arrested?”

So you mean to tell me that for numerous times over the years you’ve had people come and break in and take cars? Have you ever reported this to the Gunsville Gainesville police department? Or was this some scam concocted by a Florida booster to funnel money into the “Gator Football Herb Garden”?

“Joiner, from Haines City, was released on his own recognizance on Tuesday afternoon. Under the conditions he cannot have any contact with Watson’s Towing and he has a curfew from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m. except for school or work.”

I love this response by King Meyer, it’s bongoliciously great.

“I know college kids do stuff,” Meyer said. “I’d rather not (have them go out) after games but I’m not a police officer either. So I can’t lock them down completely, I just lecture and teach. There are a lot of people out at 2 a.m. I’d rather our guys not be out.”

Here’s an idea Meyer try FUCKING DISCIPLINING them!!!! For Spurrier’s God’s sake, you’re the coach, try putting the bong down and acting like one off the field for a change. No wonder the following incidences have happened under your regime:

• Offensive lineman Ronnie Wilson was charged with two felonies and a misdemeanor in April following a gun incident near campus. Wilson pleaded no contest to battery and discharging a firearm and was suspended indefinitely from the team.
• Linebacker Dustin Doe was charged in April with fighting in public after a brawl at a downtown parking garage. The misdemeanor charge was later dismissed.
• Safety Jamar Hornsby had a sworn complaint filed against him in April after he allegedly tossed a man onto the hood of a woman’s car in a parking lot.
• Safety Dorian Munroe was charged with felony theft in May when he removed a University Police boot from his car and put it in his trunk. The charge was later dropped.
• Safety John Curtis was arrested in May on a probation violation stemming from his failure to complete five days of community service for an alcohol possession charge.
• Cornerback Jacques Rickerson was charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession in May. His case was resolved without legal punishment. Running back Brandon James faced a similar charge in June. He was sentenced to six months’ probation and community service.
• Rickerson and James were suspended for Florida’s season opener.
• In February 2006, wide receiver Kenneth Tookes accidentally fired a gun into an occupied apartment, while receiver Andre Caldwell and cornerbacks Reggie Lewis and Dee Webb stood nearby. And defensive tackle Marcus Thomas was dismissed from the team last season after failing three drug tests.

Now maybe someone at Florida should teach Meyer that no matter how brilliant of a coach you are on the field, the players still need guidance off the field as well.

So I profess on this day 10/03/07.

TtT